the monk(僧侣)-第10章

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passion：　　I　grew　melancholy　and　despondent；　I　fled　from　society；
and　my　health　declined　daily。　　At　length　no　longer　able　to　exist
in　this　state　of　torture；　I　resolved　to　assume　the　disguise　in
which　you　see　me。　　My　artifice　was　fortunate：　　I　was　received
into　the　Monastery；　and　succeeded　in　gaining　your　esteem。

'Now　then　I　should　have　felt　compleatly　happy；　had　not　my　quiet
been　disturbed　by　the　fear　of　detection。　　The　pleasure　which　I
received　from　your　society；　was　embittered　by　the　idea　that
perhaps　I　should　soon　be　deprived　of　it：　and　my　heart　throbbed　so
rapturously　at　obtaining　the　marks　of　your　friendship；　as　to
convince　me　that　I　never　should　survive　its　loss。　　I　resolved；
therefore；　not　to　leave　the　discovery　of　my　sex　to　chance；　to
confess　the　whole　to　you；　and　throw　myself　entirely　on　your　mercy
and　indulgence。　　Ah！　Ambrosio；　can　I　have　been　deceived？　　Can　you
be　less　generous　than　I　thought　you？　　I　will　not　suspect　it。　　You
will　not　drive　a　Wretch　to　despair；　I　shall　still　be　permitted　to
see　you；　to　converse　with　you；　to　adore　you！　　Your　virtues　shall
be　my　example　through　life；　and　when　we　expire；　our　bodies　shall
rest　in　the　same　Grave。'

She　ceased。　　While　She　spoke；　a　thousand　opposing　sentiments
combated　in　Ambrosio's　bosom。　　Surprise　at　the　singularity　of
this　adventure；　Confusion　at　her　abrupt　declaration；　Resentment
at　her　boldness　in　entering　the　Monastery；　and　Consciousness　of
the　austerity　with　which　it　behoved　him　to　reply；　such　were　the
sentiments　of　which　He　was　aware；　But　there　were　others　also
which　did　not　obtain　his　notice。　　He　perceived　not；　that　his
vanity　was　flattered　by　the　praises　bestowed　upon　his　eloquence
and　virtue；　that　He　felt　a　secret　pleasure　in　reflecting　that　a
young　and　seemingly　lovely　Woman　had　for　his　sake　abandoned　the
world；　and　sacrificed　every　other　passion　to　that　which　He　had
inspired：　　Still　less　did　He　perceive　that　his　heart　throbbed
with　desire；　while　his　hand　was　pressed　gently　by　Matilda's　ivory
fingers。

By　degrees　He　recovered　from　his　confusion。　　His　ideas　became
less　bewildered：　　He　was　immediately　sensible　of　the　extreme
impropriety；　should　Matilda　be　permitted　to　remain　in　the　Abbey
after　this　avowal　of　her　sex。　　He　assumed　an　air　of　severity；　and
drew　away　his　hand。

'How；　Lady！'　said　He；　'Can　you　really　hope　for　my　permission　to
remain　amongst　us？　　Even　were　I　to　grant　your　request；　what　good
could　you　derive　from　it？　　Think　you　that　I　ever　can　reply　to　an
affection；　which　。　。　。'。

'No；　Father；　No！　　I　expect　not　to　inspire　you　with　a　love　like
mine。　　I　only　wish　for　the　liberty　to　be　near　you；　to　pass　some
hours　of　the　day　in　your　society；　to　obtain　your　compassion；　your
friendship　and　esteem。　　Surely　my　request　is　not　unreasonable。'

'But　reflect；　Lady！　　Reflect　only　for　a　moment　on　the　impropriety
of　my　harbouring　a　Woman　in　the　Abbey；　and　that　too　a　Woman；　who
confesses　that　She　loves　me。　　It　must　not　be。　　The　risque　of　your
being　discovered　is　too　great；　and　I　will　not　expose　myself　to　so
dangerous　a　temptation。'

'Temptation；　say　you？　　Forget　that　I　am　a　Woman；　and　it　no
longer　exists：　　Consider　me　only　as　a　Friend；　as　an　Unfortunate；
whose　happiness；　whose　life　depends　upon　your　protection。　　Fear
not　lest　I　should　ever　call　to　your　remembrance　that　love　the
most　impetuous；　the　most　unbounded；　has　induced　me　to　disguise　my
sex；　or　that　instigated　by　desires；　offensive　to　YOUR　vows　and　my
own　honour；　I　should　endeavour　to　seduce　you　from　the　path　of
rectitude。　　No；　Ambrosio；　learn　to　know　me　better。　　I　love　you
for　your　virtues：　　Lose　them；　and　with　them　you　lose　my
affections。　　I　look　upon　you　as　a　Saint；　Prove　to　me　that　you　are
no　more　than　Man；　and　I　quit　you　with　disgust。　　Is　it　then　from
me　that　you　fear　temptation？　　From　me；　in　whom　the　world's
dazzling　pleasures　created　no　other　sentiment　than　contempt？　
From　me；　whose　attachment　is　grounded　on　your　exemption　from
human　frailty？　　Oh！　dismiss　such　injurious　apprehensions！　　Think
nobler　of　me；　think　nobler　of　yourself。　　I　am　incapable　of
seducing　you　to　error；　and　surely　your　Virtue　is　established　on　a
basis　too　firm　to　be　shaken　by　unwarranted　desires。　　Ambrosio；
dearest　Ambrosio！　drive　me　not　from　your　presence；　Remember　your
promise；　and　authorize　my　stay！'

'Impossible；　Matilda；　YOUR　interest　commands　me　to　refuse　your
prayer；　since　I　tremble　for　you；　not　for　myself。　　After
vanquishing　the　impetuous　ebullitions　of　Youth；　After　passing
thirty　years　in　mortification　and　penance；　I　might　safely　permit
your　stay；　nor　fear　your　inspiring　me　with　warmer　sentiments　than
pity。　　But　to　yourself；　remaining　in　the　Abbey　can　produce　none
but　fatal　consequences。　　You　will　misconstrue　my　every　word　and
action；　You　will　seize　every　circumstance　with　avidity；　which
encourages　you　to　hope　the　return　of　your　affection；　Insensibly
your　passions　will　gain　a　superiority　over　your　reason；　and　far
from　these　being　repressed　by　my　presence；　every　moment　which　we
pass　together；　will　only　serve　to　irritate　and　excite　them。　
Believe　me；　unhappy　Woman！　you　possess　my　sincere　compassion。　　I
am　convinced　that　you　have　hitherto　acted　upon　the　purest
motives；　But　though　you　are　blind　to　the　imprudence　of　your
conduct；　in　me　it　would　be　culpable　not　to　open　your　eyes。　　I
feel　that　Duty　obliges　my　treating　you　with　harshness：　　I　must
reject　your　prayer；　and　remove　every　shadow　of　hope　which　may
aid　to　nourish　sentiments　so　pernicious　to　your　repose。　　Matilda；
you　must　from　hence　tomorrow。'

'Tomorrow；　Ambrosio？　　Tomorrow？　　Oh！　surely　you　cannot　mean　it！

You　cannot　resolve　on　driving　me　to　despair！　　You　cannot　have　the
cruelty。　。　。　。'

'You　have　heard　my　decision；　and　it　must　be　obeyed。　The　Laws　of
our　Order　forbid　your　stay：　　It　would　be　perjury　to　conceal　that
a　Woman　is　within　these　Walls；　and　my　vows　will　oblige　me　to
declare　your　story　to　the　Community。　　You　must　from　hence！I
pity　you；　but　can　do　no　more！'

He　pronounced　these　words　in　a　faint　and　trembling　voice：　　Then
rising　from　his　seat；　He　would　have　hastened　towards　the
Monastery。　　Uttering　a　loud　shriek；　Matilda　followed；　and
detained　him。

'Stay　yet　one　moment；　Ambrosio！　　Hear　me　yet　speak　one　word！'

'I　dare　not　listen！　　Release　me！　　You　know　my　resolution！'

'But　one　word！　　But　one　last　word；　and　I　have　done！'

'Leave　me！　　Your　entreaties　are　in　vain！　　You　must　from　hence
tomorrow！'

'Go　then；　Barbarian！　　But　this　resource　is　still　left　me。'

As　She　said　this；　She　suddenly　drew　a　poignard：　　She　rent　open
her　garment；　and　placed　the　weapon's　point　against　her　bosom。

'Father；　I　will　never　quit　these　Walls　alive！'

'Hold！　　Hold；　Matilda！　　What　would　you　do？'

'You　are　determined；　so　am　I：　　The　Moment　that　you　leave　me；　I
plunge　this　Steel　in　my　heart。'

'Holy　St。　Francis！　　Matilda；　have　you　your　senses？　　Do　you　know
the　consequences　of　your　action？　　That　Suicide　is　the　greatest　of
crimes？　　That　you　destroy　your　Soul？　　That　you　lose　your　claim　to
salvation？　　That　you　prepare　for　yourself　everlasting　torments？'

'I　care　not！　I　care　not！'　She　replied　passionately；　'Either　your
hand　guides　me　to　Paradise；　or　my　own　dooms　me　to　perdition！　
Speak　to　me；　Ambrosio！　　Tell　me　that　you　will　conceal　my　story；
that　I　shall　remain　your　Friend　and　your　Companion；　or　this
poignard　drinks　my　blood！'

As　She　uttered　these　last　words；　She　lifted　her　arm；　and　made　a
motion　as　if　to　stab　herself。　　The　Friar's　eyes　followed　with
dread　the　course　of　the　dagger。　　She　had　torn　open　her　habit；　and
her　bosom　was　half　exposed。　The　weapon's　point　rested　upon　her
left　breast：　　And　Oh！　that　was　such　a　breast！　　The　Moonbeams
darting　full　upon　it　enabled　the　Monk　to　observe　its　dazzling
whiteness。　　His　eye　dwelt　with　insatiable　avidity　upon　the
beauteous　Orb。　　A　sensation　till　then　unknown　filled　his　heart
with　a　mixture　of　anxiety　and　delight：　　A　raging　fire　shot
through　every　limb；　The　blood　boiled　in　his　veins；　and　a　thousand
wild　wishes　bewildered　his　imagination。

'Hold！'　He　cried　in　an　hurried　faultering　voice；　'I　can　resist　no
longer！　　Stay；　then；　Enchantress；　Stay　for　my　destruction！'

He　said；　and　rushing　from　the　place；　hastened　towards　the
Monastery：　　He　regained　his　Cell　and　threw　himself　upon　his
Couch；　distracted　irresolute　and　confused。

He　found　it　impossible　for　some　time　to　arrange　his　ideas。　　The
scene　in　which　He　had　been　engaged　had　excited　such　a　variety　of
sentiments　in　his　bosom；　that　He　was　incapable　of　deciding　which
was　predominant。　He　was　irresolute　what　conduct　He　ought　to　hold
with　the　disturber　of　his　repose。　　He　was　conscious　that
prudence；
religion；　and　propriety　necessitated　his　obliging　her　to　quit　the
Abbey：　　But　on　the　other　hand　such　powerful　reasons　authorized
her　stay　that　He　was　but　too　much　inclined　to　consent　to　her
remaining。　　He　could　not　avoid　being　flattered　by　Matilda's
declaration；　and　at　reflecting　that　He　had　unconsciously
vanquished　an　heart　which　had　resisted　the　attacks　of　Spain's
noblest　Cavaliers：　　The　manner　in　which　He　had　gained　her
affections　was　also　the　most　satisfactory　to　his　vanity：　He
remembered　the　many　happy　hours　which　He　had　passed　in　Rosario's
society；　and　dreaded　that　void　in　his　heart　which　parting　with
him　would　occasion。　　Besides　all　this；　He　considered；　that　as
Matilda　was　wealthy；　her　favour　might　be　of　essential　benefit　to
the　Abbey。

'And　what　do　I　risque；'　said　He　to　himself；　'by　authorizing　her
stay？　　May　I　not　safely　credit　her　assertions？　　Will　it　not　be
easy　for　me　to　forget　her　sex；　and　still　consider　her　as　my
Friend　and　my　disciple？　　Surely　her　love　is　as　pure　as　She
describes。　　Had　it　been　the　offspring　of　mere　licentiousness；
would　She　so　long　have　concealed　it　in　her　own　bosom？　　Would　She
not　have　employed　some　means　to　procure　its　gratification？　　She
has　done　quite　the　contrary：　　She　strove　to　keep　me　in　ignorance
of　her　sex；　and　nothing　but　the　fear　of　detection；　and　my
instances；　would　have　compelled　her　to　reveal　the　secret。　　She
has　observed　the　duties　of　religion　not　less　strictly　than
myself。　　She　has　made　no　attempts　to　rouze　my　slumbering
passions；　nor　has　She　ever　conversed　with　me　till　this　night　on
the　subject　of　Love。　　Had　She　been　desirous　to　gain　my
affections；　not　my　esteem；　She　would　not　have　concealed　from　me
her　charms　so　carefully：　　At　this　very　moment　I　have　never　seen
her　face：　　Yet　certainly　that　face　must　be　lovely；　and　her　person
beautiful；　to　judge　by　her　。　。　。　by　what　I　have　seen。'

As　this　last　idea　passed　through　his　imagination；　a　blush　spread
itself　over　his　cheek。　　Alarmed　at　the　sentiments　which　He　was
indulging；　He　betook　himself　to　prayer；　He　started　from　his
Couch；　knelt　before　the　beautiful　Madona；　and　entreated　her
assistance　in　stifling　such　culpable　emotions。　　He　then　returned
to　his　Bed；　and　resigned　himself　to　slumber。

He　awoke；　heated　and　unrefreshed。　　During　his　sleep　his　inflamed
imagination　had　presented　him　with　none　but　the　most　voluptuous
objects。　　Matilda　stood　before　him　in　his　dreams；　and　his　eyes
again　dwelt　upon　her　naked　breast。　　She　repeated　her
protestations　of　eternal　love；　threw　her　arms　round　his　neck；　and
loaded　him　with　kisses：　　He　returned　them；　He　c