the monk(僧侣)-第43章

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He　strove　to　answer　Elvira　without　appearing　embarrassed：　　But　He
was　still　too　great　a　novice　in　dissimulation；　and　He　felt　that
He　must　look　confused　and　awkward。　　He　soon　broke　off　the
conversation；　and　rose　to　depart。　　What　was　his　vexation；　when　on
taking　leave；　Elvira　told　him　in　polite　terms；　that　being　now
perfectly　reestablished；　She　thought　it　an　injustice　to　deprive
Others　of　his　company；　who　might　be　more　in　need　of　it！　　She
assured　him　of　her　eternal　gratitude；　for　the　benefit　which
during　her　illness　She　had　derived　from　his　society　and
exhortations：　　And　She　lamented　that　her　domestic　affairs；　as
well　as　the　multitude　of　business　which　his　situation　must　of
necessity　impose　upon　him；　would　in　future　deprive　her　of　the
pleasure　of　his　visits。　　Though　delivered　in　the　mildest　language
this　hint　was　too　plain　to　be　mistaken。　　Still；　He　was　preparing
to　put　in　a　remonstrance　when　an　expressive　look　from　Elvira
stopped　him　short。　　He　dared　not　press　her　to　receive　him；　for
her　manner　convinced　him　that　He　was　discovered：　　He　submitted
without　reply；　took　an　hasty　leave；　and　retired　to　the　Abbey；　his
heart　filled　with　rage　and　shame；　with　bitterness　and
disappointment。

Antonia's　mind　felt　relieved　by　his　departure；　Yet　She　could　not
help　lamenting　that　She　was　never　to　see　him　more。　　Elvira　also
felt　a　secret　sorrow；　She　had　received　too　much　pleasure　from
thinking　him　her　Friend；　not　to　regret　the　necessity　of　changing
her　opinion：　　But　her　mind　was　too　much　accustomed　to　the　fallacy
of　worldly　friendships　to　permit　her　present　disappointment　to
weigh　upon　it　long。　　She　now　endeavoured　to　make　her　Daughter
aware　of　the　risque　which　She　had　ran：　　But　She　was　obliged　to
treat　the　subject　with　caution；　lest　in　removing　the　bandage　of
ignorance；　the　veil　of　innocence　should　be　rent　away。　　She
therefore　contented　herself　with　warning　Antonia　to　be　upon　her
guard；　and　ordering　her；　should　the　Abbot　persist　in　his　visits；
never　to　receive　them　but　in　company。　　With　this　injunction
Antonia　promised　to　comply。

Ambrosio　hastened　to　his　Cell。　　He　closed　the　door　after　him；　and
threw　himself　upon　the　bed　in　despair。　The　impulse　of　desire；　the
stings　of　disappointment；　the　shame　of　detection；　and　the　fear　of
being　publicly　unmasked；　rendered　his　bosom　a　scene　of　the　most
horrible　confusion。　　He　knew　not　what　course　to　pursue。　　Debarred
the　presence　of　Antonia；　He　had　no　hopes　of　satisfying　that
passion　which　was　now　become　a　part　of　his　existence。　　He
reflected　that　his　secret　was　in　a　Woman's　power：　　He　trembled
with　apprehension　when　He　beheld　the　precipice　before　him；　and
with　rage；　when　He　thought　that　had　it　not　been　for　Elvira；　He
should　now　have　possessed　the　object　of　his　desires。　　With　the
direct　imprecations　He　vowed　vengeance　against　her；　He　swore
that；　cost　what　it　would；　He　still　would　possess　Antonia。　
Starting　from　the　Bed；　He　paced　the　chamber　with　disordered
steps；　howled　with　impotent　fury；　dashed　himself　violently
against　the　walls；　and　indulged　all　the　transports　of　rage　and
madness。

He　was　still　under　the　influence　of　this　storm　of　passions　when
He　heard　a　gentle　knock　at　the　door　of　his　Cell。　　Conscious　that
his　voice　must　have　been　heard；　He　dared　not　refuse　admittance　to
the　Importuner：　　He　strove　to　compose　himself；　and　to　hide　his
agitation。　　Having　in　some　degree　succeeded；　He　drew　back　the
bolt：　　The　door　opened；　and　Matilda　appeared。

At　this　precise　moment　there　was　no　one　with　whose　presence　He
could　better　have　dispensed。　　He　had　not　sufficient　command　over
himself　to　conceal　his　vexation。　He　started　back；　and　frowned。

'I　am　busy；'　said　He　in　a　stern　and　hasty　tone；　'Leave　me！'

Matilda　heeded　him　not：　　She　again　fastened　the　door；　and　then
advanced　towards　him　with　an　air　gentle　and　supplicating。

'Forgive　me；　Ambrosio；'　said　She；　'For　your　own　sake　I　must　not
obey　you。　　Fear　no　complaints　from　me；　I　come　not　to　reproach　you
with　your　ingratitude。　　I　pardon　you　from　my　heart；　and　since
your　love　can　no　longer　be　mine；　I　request　the　next　best　gift；
your　confidence　and　friendship。　　We　cannot　force　our
inclinations；　The　little　beauty　which　you　once　saw　in　me　has
perished　with　its　novelty；　and　if　it　can　no　longer　excite　desire；
mine　is　the　fault；　not　yours。　　But　why　persist　in　shunning　me？
Why　such　anxiety　to　fly　my　presence？　　You　have　sorrows；　but　will
not　permit　me　to　share　them；　You　have　disappointments；　but　will
not　accept　my　comfort；　You　have　wishes；　but　forbid　my　aiding　your
pursuits。　　'Tis　of　this　which　I　complain；　not　of　your
indifference　to　my　person。　　I　have　given　up　the　claims　of　the
Mistress；　but　nothing　shall　prevail　on　me　to　give　up　those　of　the
Friend。'

Her　mildness　had　an　instantaneous　effect　upon　Ambrosio's
feelings。

'Generous　Matilda！'　He　replied；　taking　her　hand；　'How　far　do　you
rise　superior　to　the　foibles　of　your　sex！　　Yes；　I　accept　your
offer。　　I　have　need　of　an　adviser；　and　a　Confident：　　In　you　I
find　every　needful　quality　united。　　But　to　aid　my　pursuits　。　。　。
。　Ah！　Matilda；　it　lies　not　in　your　power！'

'It　lies　in　no　one's　power　but　mine。　　Ambrosio；　your　secret　is
none　to　me；　Your　every　step；　your　every　action　has　been　observed
by　my　attentive　eye。　　You　love。'

'Matilda！'

'Why　conceal　it　from　me？　　Fear　not　the　little　jealousy　which
taints　the　generality　of　Women：　　My　soul　disdains　so　despicable　a
passion。　　You　love；　Ambrosio；　Antonia　Dalfa　is　the　object　of　your
flame。　　I　know　every　circumstance　respecting　your　passion：　　Every
conversation　has　been　repeated　to　me。　　I　have　been　informed　of
your　attempt　to　enjoy　Antonia's　person；　your　disappointment；　and
dismission　from　Elvira's　House。　　You　now　despair　of　possessing
your　Mistress；　But　I　come　to　revive　your　hopes；　and　point　out　the
road　to　success。'

'To　success？　　Oh！　impossible！'

'To　them　who　dare　nothing　is　impossible。　　Rely　upon　me；　and　you
may　yet　be　happy。　　The　time　is　come；　Ambrosio；　when　regard　for
your　comfort　and　tranquillity　compels　me　to　reveal　a　part　of　my
History；　with　which　you　are　still　unacquainted。　　Listen；　and　do
not　interrupt　me：　　Should　my　confession　disgust　you；　remember
that　in　making　it　my　sole　aim　is　to　satisfy　your　wishes；　and
restore　that　peace　to　your　heart　which　at　present　has　abandoned
it。　　I　formerly　mentioned　that　my　Guardian　was　a　Man　of　uncommon
knowledge：　　He　took　pains　to　instil　that　knowledge　into　my　infant
mind。　　Among　the　various　sciences　which　curiosity　had　induced　him
to　explore；　He　neglected　not　that　which　by　most　is　esteemed
impious；　and　by　many　chimerical。　　I　speak　of　those　arts　which
relate　to　the　world　of　Spirits。　　His　deep　researches　into　causes
and　effects；　his　unwearied　application　to　the　study　of　natural
philosophy；　his　profound　and　unlimited　knowledge　of　the
properties　and　virtues　of　every　gem　which　enriches　the　deep；　of
every　herb　which　the　earth　produces；　at　length　procured　him　the
distinction　which　He　had　sought　so　long；　so　earnestly。　　His
curiosity　was　fully　slaked；　his　ambition　amply　gratified。　　He
gave　laws　to　the　elements；　He　could　reverse　the　order　of　nature；
His　eye　read　the　mandates　of　futurity；　and　the　infernal　Spirits
were　submissive　to　his　commands。　　Why　shrink　you　from　me？　　I
understand　that　enquiring　look。　　Your　suspicions　are　right；
though　your　terrors　are　unfounded。　　My　Guardian　concealed　not
from　me　his　most　precious　acquisition。　　Yet　had　I　never　seen　YOU；
I　should　never　have　exerted　my　power。　　Like　you　I　shuddered　at
the　thoughts　of　Magic：　　Like　you　I　had　formed　a　terrible　idea　of
the　consequences　of　raising　a　daemon。　　To　preserve　that　life
which　your　love　had　taught　me　to　prize；　I　had　recourse　to　means
which　I　trembled　at　employing。　　You　remember　that　night　which　I
past　in　St。　Clare's　Sepulchre？　　Then　was　it　that；　surrounded　by
mouldering　bodies；　I　dared　to　perform　those　mystic　rites　which
summoned　to　my　aid　a　fallen　Angel。　　Judge　what　must　have　been　my
joy　at　discovering　that　my　terrors　were　imaginary：　　I　saw　the
Daemon　obedient　to　my　orders；　I　saw　him　trembling　at　my　frown；
and　found　that；　instead　of　selling　my　soul　to　a　Master；　my
courage　had　purchased　for　myself　a　Slave。'

'Rash　Matilda！　　What　have　you　done？　　You　have　doomed　yourself　to
endless　perdition；　You　have　bartered　for　momentary　power　eternal
happiness！　　If　on　witchcraft　depends　the　fruition　of　my　desires；
I　renounce　your　aid　most　absolutely。　　The　consequences　are　too
horrible：　　I　doat　upon　Antonia；　but　am　not　so　blinded　by　lust　as
to　sacrifice　for　her　enjoyment　my　existence　both　in　this　world
and　the　next。'

'Ridiculous　prejudices！　　Oh！　blush；　Ambrosio；　blush　at　being
subjected　to　their　dominion。　　Where　is　the　risque　of　accepting　my
offers？　　What　should　induce　my　persuading　you　to　this　step；
except　the　wish　of　restoring　you　to　happiness　and　quiet。　　If
there　is　danger；　it　must　fall　upon　me：　　It　is　I　who　invoke　the
ministry　of　the　Spirits；　Mine　therefore　will　be　the　crime；　and
yours　the　profit。　　But　danger　there　is　none：　　The　Enemy　of
Mankind　is　my　Slave；　not　my　Sovereign。　　Is　there　no　difference
between　giving　and　receiving　laws；　between　serving　and
commanding？　　Awake　from　your　idle　dreams；　Ambrosio！　Throw　from
you　these　terrors　so　ill…suited　to　a　soul　like　yours；　Leave　them
for　common　Men；　and　dare　to　be　happy！　　Accompany　me　this　night　to
St。　Clare's　Sepulchre；　witness　my　incantations；　and　Antonia　is
your　own。'

'To　obtain　her　by　such　means　I　neither　can；　or　will。　　Cease　then
to　persuade　me；　for　I　dare　not　employ　Hell's　agency。

'You　DARE　not？　　How　have　you　deceived　me！　　That　mind　which　I
esteemed　so　great　and　valiant；　proves　to　be　feeble；　puerile；　and
grovelling；　a　slave　to　vulgar　errors；　and　weaker　than　a　Woman's。'

'What？　　Though　conscious　of　the　danger；　wilfully　shall　I　expose
myself　to　the　Seducer's　arts？　　Shall　I　renounce　for　ever　my　title
to　salvation？　　Shall　my　eyes　seek　a　sight　which　I　know　will
blast　them？　　No；　no；　Matilda；　I　will　not　ally　myself　with　God's
Enemy。'

'Are　you　then　God's　Friend　at　present？　　Have　you　not　broken　your
engagements　with　him；　renounced　his　service；　and　abandoned
yourself　to　the　impulse　of　your　passions？　　Are　you　not　planning
the　destruction　of　innocence；　the　ruin　of　a　Creature　whom　He
formed　in　the　mould　of　Angels？　　If　not　of　Daemons；　whose　aid
would　you　invoke　to　forward　this　laudable　design？　　Will　the
Seraphims　protect　it；　conduct　Antonia　to　your　arms；　and　sanction
with　their　ministry　your　illicit　pleasures？　　Absurd！　　But　I　am
not　deceived；　Ambrosio！　　It　is　not　virtue　which　makes　you　reject
my　offer：　　You　WOULD　accept　it；　but　you　dare　not。　　'Tis　not　the
crime　which　holds　your　hand；　but　the　punishment；　'Tis　not　respect
for　God　which　restrains　you；　but　the　terror　of　his　vengeance！　
Fain　would　you　offend　him　in　secret；　but　you　tremble　to　profess
yourself　his　Foe。　　Now　shame　on　the　coward　soul；　which　wants　the
courage　either　to　be　a　firm　Friend　or　open　Enemy！'

'To　look　upon　guilt　with　horror；　Matilda；　is　in　itself　a　merit：　
In　this　respect　I　glory　to　confess　myself　a　Coward。　　Though　my
passions　have　made　me　deviate　from　her　laws；　I　still　feel　in　my
heart　an　innate　love　of　virtue。　　But　it　ill　becomes　you　to　tax　me
with　my　perjury：　　You；　who　first　seduced　me　to　violate　my　vows