hard cash-第11章

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　undo　their　own　work；　not　disease's；　by　tonics　an'　turtle；　and　stimulants：　which　things　given　at　the　right　time　instead　of　the　wrong；　given　when　the　pashint　was　merely　weakened　by　his　disorder；　and　not　enfeebled　by　their　didly　rinmedies；　would　have　cut　th'　ailment　down　in　a　few　hours。〃

〃Dear　me；〃　said　Mrs。　Dodd；　〃and　now；　my　good　friend；　with　respect　to　_my　daughter_

〃N'　list　_me！_〃　clashed　Sampson；　〃ye're　goen　to　fathom　th'　antiphlogistics；　since　they　still　survive　an'　slay　in　holes　and　corners　like　Barkton　and　d'Itly；　I've　driven　the　vamperes　out　o'　the　cintres　o'　civilisation。　Begin　with　their　coolers！　Exhaustion　is　not　a　cooler；　it　is　a　feverer；　and　they　know　it；　the　way　parrots　know　sentences。　Why　are　we　all　more　or　less　feverish　at　night？　Because　we　are　weaker。　Starvation　is　no　cooler；　it　is　an　inflamer；　and　they　know　itas　parrots　know　truths；　but　can't　apply　them：　for　they　know　that　burning　fever　rages　in　ivery　town；　street；　camp；　where　Famine　is。　As　for　blood…letting；　their　prime　cooler；　it　is　inflammatory；　and　they　know　it　（parrot…wise）；　for　the　thumping　heart　and　bounding　pulse　of　pashints　blid　by　butchers　in　black；　and　bullocks　blid　by　butchers　in　blue；　prove　it；　and　they　have　recorded　this　in　all　their　books：　yet　stabbed；　and　bit；　and　starved；　and　mercuried；　and　murdered　on。　But　mind　ye；　all　their　sham　coolers　are　real　weakeners　（I　wonder　they　didn't　inventory　Satin　and　his　brimstin　lake　among　their　refrijrators）；　and　this　is　the　point　whence　t'　appreciate　their　imbecility；　and　the　sairvice　I　have　rendered　mankind　in　been　the　first　t'　attack　their　banded　school；　at　a　time　it　seemed　imprignable。〃

〃Ah！　this　promises　to　be　very　interesting；〃　sighed　Mrs。　Dodd；　〃and　before　you　enter　on　so　large　a　field；　perhaps　it　would　be　as　well　to　dispose　of　a　little　matter　which　lies　at　my　heart。　Here　is　_my　poor　daughter_〃

〃NLISSMEE！　A　human　Bean　is　in　a　constant　state　of　flux　and　reflux；　his　component　particles　move；　change；　disappear；　and　are　renewed；　his　life　is　a　round　of　exhaustion　and　repair。　Of　this　repair　the　brain　is　the　sovereign　ajint　by　night　and　day；　and　the　blood　the　great　living　material；　and　digestible　food　th'　indispensible　supply。　And　this　balance　of　exhaustion　and　repair　is　too　nice　to　tamper　with：　disn't　a　single　sleepless　night；　or　dinnerless　day；　write　some　pallor　on　the　face；　and　tell　against　the　buddy？　So　does　a　single　excessive　perspiration；　a　trifling　diary；　or　a　cut　finger；　though　it　takes　but　half　an　ounce　of　blood　out　of　the　system。　And　what　is　the　cause　of　that　rare　ivintwhich　occurs　only　to　pashmints　that　can't　afford　dockingDith　from　old　age？　Think　ye　the　man　really　succumms　under　years；　or　is　mowed　down　by　Time？　Nay；　yon's　just　Potry　an'　Bosh。　Nashins　have　been　thinned　by　the　lancet；　but　niver　by　the　scythe；　and　years　are　not　forces；　but　misures　of　events。　No；　Centenarius　decays　and　dies　bekase　his　bodil'　expindituire　goes　on；　and　his　bodil'　income　falls　off　by　failure　of　the　reparative　and　reproductive　forces。　And　now　suppose　bodil'　exhaustion　and　repair　were　a　mere　matter　of　pecuniary；　instead　of　vital；　economy：　what　would　you　say　to　the　steward　or　housekeeper；　who；　to　balance　your　accounts　and　keep　you　solvent；　should　open　every　known　channel　of　expinse　with　one　hand；　and　with　the　otherstop　the　supplies？　Yet　this　is　how　the　Dockers　for　thirty　cinturies　have　burned　th'　human　candle　at　both　ends；　yet　wondered　the　light　of　life　expired　under　their　hands。〃

〃It　seems　irrational。　Then　in　_my　daughter's_　case　you　would〃

〃Looksee！　A　pashint　falls　sick。　What　haps　directly？　Why　the　balance　is　troubled；　and　exhaustion　exceeds　repair。　For　proof　obsairve　the　buddy　when　Disease　is　fresh！

　　　　And　you　will　always　find　a　loss　of　flesh

to　put　it　economikly；　and　then　you　must　understand　it；　bein　a　housekeeper

　　　　Whativer　the　Disease；　its　form　or　essence；　　　　　Expinditure　goes　on；　and　income　lessens。

But　to　this　sick　and　therefore　weak　man；　comes　a　Docker　purblind　with　cinturies　of　Cant；　Pricidint；　Blood；　and　Goose　Greece；　imagines　him　a　fiery　pervalid；　though　the　common　sense　of　mankind　through　its　interpreter　common　language；　pronounces　him　an　'invalid；'　gashes　him　with　a　lancet；　spills　out　the　great　liquid　material　of　all　repair　by　the　gallon；　and　fells　this　weak　man；　wounded　now；　and　pale；　and　fainting；　with　Dith　stamped　on　his　face；　to　th'　earth；　like　a　bayoneted　soldier　or　a　slaughtered　ox。　If　the　weak　man；　wounded　thus；　and　weakened；　survives；　then　the　chartered　Thugs　who　have　drained　him　by　the　bung…hole；　turn　to　and　drain　him　by　the　spigot；　they　blister　him；　and　then　calomel　him：　and　lest　Nature　should　have　the　ghost　of　a　chance　to　conterbalance　these　frightful　outgoings；　they　keep　strong　meat　and　drink　out　of　his　system　emptied　by　their　stabs；　bites；　purges；　mercury；　and　blisters；　damdijjits！　And　that；　Asia　excipted；　was　profissional　Midicine　from　Hippocrates　to　Sampsin。　Antiphlogistic　is　but　a　modern　name　for　an　ass…ass…inating　rouutine　which　has　niver　varied　a　hair　since　scholastic　midicine；　the　silliest　and　didliest　of　all　the　hundred　forms　of　Quackery；　first　roseunlike　Seeince；　Art；　Religion；　and　all　true　Sunsin　the　West；　to　wound　the　sick；　to　weaken　the　weak；　and　mutilate　the　hurt；　and　thin　mankind。〃

The　voluble　impugner　of　his　own　profession　delivered　these　two　last　words　in　thunder　so　sudden　and　effective　as　to　strike　Julia's　work　out　of　her　hands。　But　here；　as　in　Nature；　a　moment's　pause　followed　the　thunderclap；　so　Mrs。　Dodd；　who　had　long　been　patiently　watching　her　opportunity；　smothered　a　shriek；　and　edged　in　a　word：　〃This　is　irresistible；　you　have　confuted　everybody；　to　their　heart's　content；　and　now　the　question　is；　what　course　shall　we　substitute？〃　She　meant；　〃in　the　great　case；　which　occupies　me。〃　But　Sampson　attached　a　nobler；　wider；　sense　to　her　query。　〃What　course？　Why　the　great　Chronothairmal　practice；　based　on　the　remittent　and　febrile　character　of　all　disease；　above　all；　on


　　　　　The　law　of　Perriodicity；　a　law　　　　　　Midicine　yet　has　wells　of　light　to　draw。

By　Remittency；　I　mean　th'　ebb　of　Disease；　by　Perriodicity；　th'　ebb　and　also　the　flow；　the　paroxysm　and　the　remission。　These　remit　and　recur；　and　keep　tune　like　the　tides；　not　in　ague　and　remittent　fever　only；　as　the　Profission　imagines　to　this　day；　but　in　all　diseases　from　a　Scirrhus　in　the　Pylorus　t'　a　toothache。　And　I　discovered　this；　and　the　new　path　to　cure　of　all　diseases　it　opens。　Alone　I　did　it；　and　what　my　reward？　Hooted；　insulted；　belied；　and　called　a　quack　by　the　banded　school　of　profissional　assassins；　who；　in　their　day　hooted　Harvey　and　Jinnerauthors　too　of　great　discoveries；　but　discoveries　narrow　in　their　consequences　compared　with　mine。　T'　appreciate　Chronothairmalism；　ye　must　begin　at　the　beginning；　so　just　answer　meWhat　is　man？〃

At　this　huge　inquiry　whirring　tip　all　in　a　moment；　like　a　cock…pheasant　in　a　wood；　Mrs。　Dodd　sank　back　in　her　chair　despondent。　Seeing　her　_hors　de　combat；_　Sampson　turned　to　Julia　and　demanded；　twice　as　loud；　〃WHAT　IS　MAN？〃　Julia　opened　two　violet　eyes　at　him；　and　then　looked　at　her　mother　for　a　hint　how　to　proceed。

〃How　can　that　child　answer　such　a　question？〃　sighed　Mrs。　Dodd。　〃Let　us　return　to　the　point。〃

〃I　have　never　strayed　an　inch　from　it。　It's　about　'Young　Physic。'〃

〃No；　excuse　me；　it　is　about　a　young　lady。　Universal　Medicine：　what　have　I　to　do　with　that？〃

〃Now　this　is　the　way　with　them　all；〃　cried　Sampson；　furious；　〃there　lowed　John　Bull。　The　men　and　women　of　this　benighted　nashin　have　an　ear　for　anything；　provided　it　matters　nothing：　talk　Jology；　Conchology；　Entomology；　Theology；　Meteorology；　Astronomy；　Deuteronomy；　Botheronomy；　or　Boshology；　and　one　is　listened　to　with　rivirence；　because　these　are　all　far…off　things　in　fogs；　but　at　a　word　about　the　great；　near；　useful　art　of　Healing；　y'all　stop　your　ears；　for　why？　your　life　and　dailianhourly　happiness　depend　on　it。　But　'no；'　sis　John　Bull；　the　knowledge　of　our　own　buddies；　and　how　to　save　our　own　BakinBeef　I　meanday　by　day；　from　disease　and　chartered　ass…ass…ins；　all　that　may　interest　the　thinkers　in　Saturn；　but　what　the　deevil　is　it　t'　_us？_　Talk　t'　_us_　of　the　hiv'nly　buddies；　not　of　our　own；　babble　o'　comets　an'　meteors　an'　Ethereal　nibulae　（never　mind　the　nibulae　in　our　own　skulls）。　Discourse　t'　us　of　Predistinashin；　Spitzbairgen　seaweed；　the　last　novel；　the　siventh　vile；　of　Chrisehinising　the　Patagonians　on　condition　they　are　not　to　come　here　and　Chrischinise　the　Whitechapelians；　of　the　letter　to　the　_Times_　from　the　tinker　wrecked　at　Timbuctoo；　and　the　dear　Professor's　lecture　on　the　probabeelity　of　snail…shells　in　the　backyard　of　the　moon：　but　don't　ask　us　to　know　ourselvesIjjits！！〃

The　eloquent　speaker；　depressed　by　the　perversity　of　Englishmen　in　giving　their　minds　to　every　part　of　creation　but　their　bodies；　suffered　a　momentary　loss　of　energy；　then　Mrs。　Dodd；　who　had　long　been　watching　lynx…like；　glided　in。　〃Let　us　compound。　You　are　for　curing　all　the　world；　beginning　with　Nobody。　My　ambition　is　to　cure　_my　girl；_　and　leave　mankind　in　peace。　Now；　if　you　will　begin　with　_my　Julia；_　I　will　submit　to　rectify　the　universe　in　its　proper　turn。　Any　time　will　do　to　set　the　human　race　right；　you　own　it　is　in　no　hurry：　but　_my　child's_　case　presses；　so　do　pray　cure　her　for　me。　Or　at　least　tell　me　what　her　Indisposition　is。〃

〃Oh！　What！　didn't　I　tell　you？　Well；　there's　nothing　the　matter　with　her。〃


At　receiving　this　cavalier　reply　for　the　reward　of　all　her　patience；　Mrs。　Dodd　was　so　hurt；　and　so　nearly　angry；　that　she　rose　with　dignity　from　her　seat；　her　cheek　actually　pink；　and　the　water　in　her　eyes。　Sampson　saw　she　was　ruffled；　and　appealed　to　Juliaof　all　people。　〃There　now；　Miss　Julia；〃　said　he；　ruefully；　〃she　is　in　a　rage　because　I　won't　humbug　her。　Poplus　voolt　decipee。　I　tell　you；　ma'am；　it　is　not　a　midical　case。　Give　me　disease　and　I'll　cure　't。　Stop；　I'll　tell　ye　what　do：　let　her　take　and　swallow　the　Barkton　Docks'　prescriptions；　and　Butcher　Best's；　and　canting　Kinyon's；　and　after　those　four　tinkers　there'll　be　plenty　holes　to　mend；　then　send　for　me！〃

Here　was　irony。　Mrs。　Dodd　retorted　by　_finesse。_　She　turned　on　him　with　a　treacherous　smile；　and　said：　〃Never　mind　doctors　and　patients；　it　is　so　long　since　we　met；　I　do　hope　you　will　waive　ceremony；　and　dine　with　me　_en　ami。_〃

He　accepted　with　pleasure；　but　must　return　to　his　inn　first　and　get　rid　of　his　dirty　boots　and　pashints。　And　with　this　he　whipped　out　his　watch；　and　saw　that；　dealing　with　universal　medicine；　he　had　disappointed　more　than　one　sick　individual；　so　shot　out　as　hard　as　he　had　shot　in；　and　left　the　ladies　looking　at　one　another　after　the　phenomenon。

〃Well？〃　said　Julia；　with　a　world　of　meaning。

〃Yes；　dear；〃　replied　Mrs。　Dodd；　〃he　_is_　a　little　eccentric。　I　think　I　will　request　them　to　make　some　addition　to　the　dinner。〃

〃No；　mamma；　if　you　please；　not　to　put　me　off　so　transparently。　If　I　had　interrupted；　and　shouted；　and　behaved　so；　you　would　have　packed　_me_　off　to　bed；　or　somewhere；　directly。〃

〃Don't　say　'packed；'　love。　Dismissed　me　to　bed。〃

〃Ah！〃　cried　Julia；　〃that　privileged　person　is　gone；　and　we　must　all　mind　our　P's　and　Q's　once　more。〃

Mrs。　Dodd；　with　an　air　of　nonchalance；　replied　to　the　effect　that　Dr。　Sampson　was　not　her　offspring；　and　so　she　was　not　bound　to　correct　his　eccentricities