hard cash-第114章

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〃I　weep　for　you；　darling；　not　for　her。〃

〃Ah；　that　is　how　they　talk　when　those　we　love　areOne　word！　I　shall　never　see　my　poor　little　Jenny　again；　shall　I？〃

〃Yes；　Alfred；　if　you　will　but　follow　her　steps　and　believe　in　Him；　who　soothed　her　last　hour；　and　made　her　face　shine　with　joy　like　an　angel's　while　we　all　wept　around。　Oh　dear；　oh　dear；　oh　dear；　he　said　he　had　but　one　true　friend　in　the　world。　Alas　it　is　so；　you　have　but　me　now；　who　pity　you　and　love　you　more　than　heart　can　utter；　my　own；　my　beloved；　my　bereaved。〃

What　could　soften　such　a　shock　as　this？　It　fell；　and　his　anguish　was　frightful；　all　the　more　so　that　he　ascribed　the　calamity　to　his　imprisonment；　and　mingled　curses　and　threats　of　vengeance　with　his　bursts　of　grief。　He　spurned　the　consolations　of　religion：　he　said　heaven　was　as　unjust　as　earth；　as　cruel　as　hell。

She　cried　out　and　stopped　his　mouth　with　her　hand；　she　almost　forced　him　to　kneel　beside　her；　and　prayed　aloud　for　him：　and　when　at　last　his　agony　found　vent　in　tears；　she　put　her　innocent　arms　round　his　neck　and　wept　with　him。

Every　now　and　then　the　poor　fellow　would　almost　shriek　with　remorse。　〃Oh；　if　I　had　only　been　kinder　to　her！　if　I　had　but　been　kinder　to　her！〃

〃You　were　kind　to　her；〃　said　Julia　softly；　but　firmly。　〃Oh；　no；　I　was　always　sneering　at　her。　And　why？　I　knew　her　religion　was　sincere：　but　my　little　mind　fixed　on　a　few　phrases　she　had　picked　up　from　others；　and　I〃　He　could　say　no　more；　but　groaned　with　anguish。　And　let　his　remorse　be　a　caution　to　us　all。　Bereaved　we　all　must　be；　who　live　on　and　on：　but　_this；_　bereavement's　bitterest　drop；　we　may　avoid。

〃Alfred；〃　said　Julia；　〃do　not　torment　yourself。　We　girls　care　little　about　a　few　sarcasms；　it　is　the　cold　heart　that　wounds　us。　You　loved　Jane；　and　she　knew　it　well；　and　joyed　in　it。　You　were　kinder　to　her　than　you　think；　and　so　her　dying　thoughts　were　for　you。　It　was　for　you　she　asked；　and　made　your　father　send　for　you；　and　poor　I　hoped　you　would　come。　And；　dearest；　her　last　act　was　to　write　a　few　words　to　you；　and　trust　them　to　her　who　she　knew　loved　you　better　than　heart　can　utter。　Since　it　was　her　wish；　let　us　try　and　read　them　together；　the　last　words　of　a　saint　（I　have　never　seen　them）；　and；　if　they　do　not　prove　words　of　love；　then　I　will　let　you　think　you　were　not　a　good　brother　to　her　you　and　I；　and　poor；　poor　Edward；　have　lost。〃

He　made　a　sad　sign　of　assent；　and　Julia　rose　and　got　the　enclosure。　But；　as　Jane's　last　written　words　reappeared　on　the　scene　in　a　somewhat　remarkable　way；　I　will　only　say　here；　that　both　these　poor　young　things　tried　in　vain　to　read　them；　and　both　in　turn　burst　out　sobbing；　so　that　they　could　not：　so　they　held　the　paper　and　tried　to　see　the　words　out　of　their　streaming　eyes。　And　these　two　mourners　had　the　room　to　themselves　till　midnight；　for　even　Mrs。　Dodd's　hostility　respected　Alfred　then；　and　as　for　Julia；　she　was　one　of　those　who　rise　with　the　occasion：　she　was　half　wife；　half　angel　from　Heaven　to　her　bereaved　lover　through　all　those　bitter　hours。



CHAPTER　XLVIII。

No　life　was　ever　yet　a　play：　I　mean；　an　unbroken　sequence　of　dramatic　incidents。　Calms　will　come；　unfortunately　for　the　readers；　happily　for　the　read。　And　I　remember　seeing　it　objected　to　novelists；　by　a　young　gentleman　just　putting　his　foot　for　the　first　time　into　〃Criticism；〃　that　the　writers　aforesaid　suppress　the　small　intermediate　matters　which　in　real　life　come　by　the　score　between　each　brilliant　event：　and　so　present　the　ordinary　and　the　extraordinary　parts　of　life　in　false　proportions。　Now；　if　this　remark　had　been　offered　by　way　of　contrast　between　events　themselves　and　all　mortal　attempts　to　reproduce　them　upon　paper　or　the　stage；　it　would　have　been　philosophical；　but　it　was　a　strange　error　to　denounce　the　practice　as　distinctive　of　fiction：　for　it　happens　to　be　the　one　trait　the　novelist　and　dramatist　have　in　common　with　the　evangelist。　The　Gospels　skip　fifteen　years　of　the　most　interesting　life　Creation　has　witnessed；　they　relate　Christ's　birth　in　full；　but　hurry　from　His　boyhood　to　the　more　stirring　events　of　His　thirtieth　and　subsequent　years。　And　all　the　inspired　histories　do　much　the　same　thing。　The　truth　is；　that　epics；　dramas；　novels；　histories；　chronicles；　reports　of　trials　at　law；　in　a　word；　all　narratives　true　or　fictitious；　except　those　which；　true　or　fictitious；　nobody　reads；　abridge　the　uninteresting　facts　as　Nature　never　did；　and　dwell　as　Nature　never　did　on　the　interesting　ones。

Can　nothing；　however；　be　done　to　restore；　in　the　reader's　judgment；　that　just　balance　of　〃the　sensational〃　and　the　〃soporific；〃　which　all　writers；　that　have　readers；　disturb？　Nothing；　I　think；　without　his　own　assistance。　But　surely　something　with　it。　And；　therefore；　I　throw　myself　on　the　intelligence　of　my　readers；　and　ask　them　to　realise；　that　henceforth　pages　are　no　strict　measure　of　time；　and　that　to　a　year　big　with　strange　events；　on　which　I　have　therefore　dilated　in　this　story；　succeeded　a　year　in　which　few　brilliant　things　happened　to　the　personages　of　this　tale：　in　short；　a　year　to　be　skimmed　by　chronicler　or　novelist；　and　yet　（mind　you）　a　year　of　three　hundred　and　sixty…five　days　six　hours；　or　thereabouts；　and　one　in　which　the　quiet；　unobtrusive　troubles　of　our　friends'　hearts；　especially　the　female　hearts；　their　doubts；　divisions；　distresses；　did　not　remitfar　from　it。　Now　this　year　I　propose　to　divide　into　topics；　and　go　by　logical；　rather　than　natural；　sequence　of　events。

　　　　　THE　LOVERS。

Alfred　came　every　day　to　see　Julia；　and　Mrs。　Dodd　invariably　left　the　room　at　his　knock。

At　last　Julia　proposed　to　Alfred　not　to　come　to　the　house　for　the　present；　but　to　accompany　her　on　her　rounds　as　district　visitor。　To　see　and　soothe　the　bitter　calamities　of　the　poor　had　done　her　own　heart　good　in　its　worst　distress；　and　she　desired　to　apply　the　same　medicine　to　her　beloved；　who　needed　it：　that　was　one　thing：　and　then　another　was；　that　she　found　her　own　anger　rising　when　her　mother　left　the　room　at　that　beloved　knock：　and　to　be　angry　with　her　poor　widowed；　mother　was　a　sin。　〃She　is　as　unfortunate　as　I　am　happy；〃　thought　Julia；　〃I　have　got　_mine_　back。〃

Alfred　assented　to　this　arrangement　with　rather　an　ill　grace。　He　misunderstood　Julia；　and　thought　she　was　sacrificing　him　to　what　he　called　her　mother's　injustice。　This　indeed　was　the　interpretation　any　male　would　have　been　pretty　sure　to　put　on　it。　His　soreness；　however；　did　not　go　very　far；　because　she　was　so　kind　and　good　to　him　when　they　were　together。　He　used　to　escort　her　back　to　the　door　of　66：　and　look　imploringly；　but　she　never　asked　him　in。　He　thought　her　hard　for　this。　He　did　not　see　the　tears　that　flowed　for　that　mute　look　of　his　the　moment　the　door　was　closed；　tears　she　innocently　restrained　for　fear　the　sight　of　them　should　make　him　as　unhappy　as　his　imploring　look　made　her。　_Mauvais　calcul！_　She　should　have　cried　right　out。　When　we　men　are　unhappy；　we　like　our　sweethearts　to　be　unhappierthat　consoles　_us。_

But　when　this　had　gone　on　nearly　a　month；　and　no　change；　Alfred　lost　patience：　so　he　lingered　one　day　at　the　door　to　make　a　request。　He　asked　Julia　to　marry　him：　and　so　put　an　end　to　this　state　of　things。

〃Marry　you；　child？〃　cried　Julia；　blushing　like　a　rose　with　surprise　and　pleasure。　〃Oh；　for　shame！〃

After　the　first　thrill；　she　appealed　to　his　candour　whether　that　would　not　be　miserably　selfish　of　her　to　leave　her　poor　mother　in　her　present　distressed　condition。　〃Ah；　Alfred；　_so_　pale；　_so_　spiritless；　and　inconsolable！　My　poor；　poor　mother！〃

〃You　will　have　to　decide　between　us　two　one　day。〃

〃Heaven　forbid！〃　said　Julia；　turning　pale　at　the　very　idea。　But　he　repeated　doggedly　that　it　must　come　to　that；　sooner　or　later。　Then　he　reminded　her　of　their　solemn　engagement；　and　put　it　to　her　whether　it　was　a　moral　proceeding　in　her　to　go　back　from　her　plighted　troth？　What　had　he　done　to　justify　her　in　drawing　back　from　her　word？　〃I　admit；〃　said　he；　〃that　I　have　_suffered_　plenty　of　wrong　for　your　sake：　but　what　have　I　done　wrong？〃

Undeterred　by　the　fear　of　immorality；　the　monotonous　girl　had　but　one　reply　to　his　multiform　reasons：　〃This　is　no　time　for　me　to　abandon　my　mother。〃

〃Ah；　it　is　her　you　love：　you　don't　care　for　me；〃　snapped　Alfred。

〃Don't　I；　dear　Alfred？〃　murmured　Julia。

〃Forgive　me！　I'm　a　ruffian；　a　wretch。〃

〃You　are　my　Alfred。　But　oh；　have　a　little　patience；　dear。〃

〃A　little　patience？　I　have　the　patience　of　Job。　But　even　his　went　at　last。〃

＇I　ought　to　have　said　they　were　in　the　passage　now。　The　encroaching　youth　had　gained　an　entrance　by　agitating　her　so　at　the　door　that　she　had　to　ask　him　in　to　hide　her　own　blushes　from　the　public。＇　She　now　gently　reminded　him　how　much　happier　they　were　than　they　had　been　for　months。　〃Dear　me；〃　said　she；　〃I　am　almost　happy：　happier　than　I　ought　to　be；　could　be　quite　so；　but　that　I　see　you　discontented。〃

〃Ah；　you　have　so　many　about　you　that　you　love：　I　have　only　you。〃

〃And　that　is　true；　my　poor　Alfred。〃

This　softened　him　a　little；　and　then　she　interwove　her　fingers　together；　and　so　put　both　palms　softly　on　his　shoulder　（you　never　saw　a　male　do　that；　and　never　will）；　and　implored　him　to　be　patient；　to　be　generous。　〃Oh；〃　said　she；　〃　if　you　knew　the　distress　it　gives　me　to　refuse　to　you　anything　on　earth；　you　would　be　generous；　and　not　press　me　when　my　heart　says　'Yes；'　but　my　lips　_must_　say　'No。'〃

This　melted　him　altogether；　and　he　said　he　would　not　torment　her　any　more。

But　he　went　away　discontented　with　himself　for　having　yielded：　my　lord　did　not　call　it　〃yielding；〃　but　〃being　defeated。〃　And　as　he　was　not　only　very　deep　in　love；　but　by　nature　combative；　he　took　a　lodging　nearly　opposite　No。　66；　and　made　hot　love　to　her；　as　hot　as　if　the　attachment　was　just　forming。　Her　mother　could　not　go　out　but　he　was　at　the　door　directly：　she　could　not　go　out　but　he　was　at　her　heels。　This　pleased　her　at　first　and　thrilled　her　with　the　sense　of　sweet　and　hot　pursuit：　but　by…and…by；　situated　as　she　was　between　him　and　her　mother；　it　worried　her　a　little　at　times；　and　made　her　nervous。　She　spoke　a　little　sharply　to　him　now　and　then。　And　that　was　new。　It　came　from　the　nerves；　not　the　heart。　At　last　she　advised　him　to　go　back　to　Oxford。　〃I　shall　be　the　ruin　of　your　mind　if　we　go　on　like　this；〃　said　she　sadly。

〃What；　leave　the　field　to　my　rivals？　No；　thank　you。〃

〃What　rivals；　sir？〃　asked　Julia；　drawing　up。

〃Your　mother；　your　brother；　your　curates　that　would　come　buzzing　the　moment　I　left；　your　sick　people；　who　bask　on　your　smiles　and　your　sweet　voice　till　I　envy　them：　Sarah；　whom　you　permit　to　brush　your　lovely　hair；　the　piano　you　play　on；　the　air　you　deign　to　breathe　and　brighten；　everybody　and　everything　that　is　near　you；　they　are　all　my　rivals；　and　shall　I　resign　you　to　them；　and　leave　myself　desolate？　I'm　not　such　a　fool。〃

She　smiled；　and　could　not　help　feeling　it　was　sweet　to　be　pestered。　So　she　said　with　matronly　dignity；　and　the　old　Julian　consistency；　〃You　are　a　foolish　impetuous　boy。　You　are　the　plague　of　my　life：　andthe　sun　of　my　existence。〃　That　passed　off　charmingly。　But　presently　his　evil　genius　prompted　Alfred　to　endeavour　to　soften　Mrs。　Dodd　by　letter；　and　induce　her　to　consent　to　his　marriage　with　her　daughter。　He　received　her　answer　at　breakfast…time。