hard cash-第63章

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ng；　'I　know　what　I　have　done；　I　have　signed　the　death　warrant　of　our　love；　dear　to　me　as　life。　But　I　can't　help　it。　Oh；　Julia；　Julia；　my　lost　love；　you　can　never　look　on　me　again；　you　must　not　love　a　man　you　cannot　marry。　Cheat　Hardie's　wretched　son。　But　what　could　I　do？　Fate　offers　me　but　the　miserable　choice　of　desolation　or　cowardly　rascality。　I　choose　desolation　and　I　mean　to　stand　by　my　choice　like　a　man。　So　good…bye；　ladies。'

〃The　poor　proud　creature　rose　from　his　seat；　and　bowed　stiffly　and　haughtily　to　us　both；　and　was　going　away　without　another　word；　and　I　do　believe　for　ever。　But　his　soul　had　been　too　great　for　his　body；　his　poor　lips　turned　pale　and　he　staggered；　and　would　have　fallen；　but　mamma　screamed　to　me；　and　she　he　loves　so　dearly；　and　abandons　so　cruelly；　woke　from　a　stupor　of　despair；　and　flew　and　caught　him　fainting　in　these　arms。〃



CHAPTER　XXVII

〃WE　laid　the　poor　proud　creature　on　the　sofa；　and　bathed　his　face　with　eau　de　Cologne。　He　spoke　directly；　and　said　that　was　nice；　and　'His　head！　his　head！'　And　I　don't　think　he　was　ever　quite　insensible；　but　he　did　not　know　what　was　going　on；　for　presently　he　opened　his　eyes　wide；　and　stared　at　us　so；　and　then　closed　them　with；　oh　such　a　sigh；　it　swelled　my　heart　almost　to　bursting。　And　to　think　I　could　say　nothing：　but　mamma　soothed　him　and　insisted　on　his　keeping　quiet；　for　he　wanted　to　run　away　from　us。　She　was　never　so　good　to　him　before：　she　said；　'My　dear　child；　you　have　my　pity　and　my　esteem；　alas！　that　at　your　age　you　should　be　tried　like　this。　How　few　in　this　sorry　world　would　have　acted　like　you：　I　should　have　sided　with　my　own　flesh　and　blood；　for　one。'

〃'What；　right　or　wrong？'　he　asked。

〃'Yes；'　said　she；　'right　or　wrong。'　Then　she　turned　to　me：　'Julia；　shall　all　the　generosity　be　on　his　side？'

〃I　kissed　her　and　clung　to　her；　but　dared　not　speak；　but　I　was　mad　enough　to　hope；　I　scarcely　know　what；　till　she　said　in　the　same　kind；　sorrowful　voice；　'I　agree　with　you；　you　can　never　be　my　son；　nor　Julia's　husband。　But　as　for　that　money；　it　revolts　me　to　proceed　to　extremes　against　one；　who　after　all　is　your　father；　my　poor；　poor；　chivalrous　boy。'　But　she　would　decide　nothing　without　Edward；　he　had　taken　his　father's　place　in　this　house。　So　then　I　gave　all　up；　for　Edward　is　made　of　iron。　Alfred　was　clearer　sighted　than　I；　and　never　had　a　hope：　he　put　his　arm　round　mamma　and　kissed　her；　and　she　kissed　him：　and　he　kissed　my　hand；　and　crept　away；　and　I　heard　his　step　on　the　stair；　and　on　the　road　ever　so　far；　and　life　seemed　ended　for　me　when　I　heard　it　no　more。


〃Edward　has　come　home。　Mamma　told　him　all：　he　listened　gravely：　I　hung　upon　his　hips；　and　at　last　the　oracle　spoke；　and　said　'This　is　a　nice　muddle。'

〃More　we　could　not　get　from　him；　he　must　sleep　on　it。　O　suspense！　you　torture！　He　had　seen　a　place　he　thinks　will　suit　us：　it　is　a　bad　omen　his　saying　that　so　soon　after。　As　I　went　to　bed　I　could　not　help　whispering；　'If　he　and　I　are　parted；　so　will　you　and　Jane。'　The　cruel　boy　answered　me　燺out　loud；_　'Thank　you；　little　girl：　that　is　a　temptation；　and　you　have　put　me　on　my　guard。'

〃Oh；　how　hard　it　is　to　understand　a　_man！_　they　_are_　so　impracticable　with　their　justice　and　things。　I　came　away　with　my　cheeks　burning；　and　my　heart　like　a　stone；　to　bed；　but　not　to　sleep。　My　poor；　poor　unhappy；　noble　Alfred！〃

_〃Dec。　27th。_Mamma　and　Edward　have　discussed　it：　they　say　nothing　to　me。　Can　they　have　written　to　him？　I　go　about　my　duties　like　a　ghost；　and　pray　for　submission　to　the　Divine　will。〃

_〃Dec。　28th_To…day　as　I　was　reading　by　main　force　to　Mrs。　Eagleton's　sick　girl；　came　Sarah　all　in　a　hurry　with；　I　was　wanted；　Miss。　But　I　_would_　finish　my　chapter；　and　O　how　hard　the　devil　tried　to　make　me　gabble　it；　so　I　clenched　my　teeth　at　him；　and　read　it　as　if　I　was　spelling　it；　and　then　_didn't_　I　fly？

_〃He_　was　there；　and　they　all　sat　waiting　for　me。　I　was　hot　and　cold　all　at　the　same　time；　and　he　rose　and　bowed　to　me；　and　I　curtseyed　to　him；　and　sat　down　and　took　my　work；　and　didn't　know　one　bit　what　I　was　doing。

〃And　our　new　oracle；　Edward；　laid　down　the　law　like　anything。　'Look　here；　Hardie；'　said　he；　'if　anybody　but　you　had　told　us　about　this　fourteen　thousand　pounds；　I　should　have　set　the　police　on　your　governor　before　now。　But　it　seems　to　me　a　shabby　thing　to　attack　a　father　on　the　son's　information；　especially　when　it's　out　of　love　for　one　of　us　he　has　denounced　his　own　flesh　and　blood。'

〃'No；　no；'　said　Alfred　eagerly；　'out　of　love　of　justice。'

〃'Ah；　you　think　so；　my　fine　fellow；　but　you　would　not　have　done　it　for　a　stranger；'　said　Edward。　Then　he　went　on：　'Of　all　blunders；　the　worst　is　to　fall　between　two　stools。　Look　here；　mamma：　we　decide；　for　the　son's　sake；　not　to　attack　the　father：　after　that　it　would　be　very　inconsistent　to　turn　the　cold　shoulder　to　the　son。　Another　thing；　who　suffers　most　by　this　fraud？　Why　the　man　that　marries　Julia。'　Alfred　burst　out　impetuously；　'Oh；　prove　that　to　me；　and　let　me　be　that　sufferer。'　Edward　turned　calmly　to　mamma：　'If　the　fourteen　thousand　pounds　was　in　our　hands；　what　should　you　do　with　it？'

〃The　dear　thing　said　she　should　settle　at　least　ten　thousand　of　it　on　Me；　and　marry　Me　to　this　poor　motherless　boy；　'whom　I　have　learned　to　love　myself；'　said　she。

〃'There；'　said　Edward；　'you　see　it　is　you　who　lose　by　your　governor'sI　won't　say　whatif　you　marry　my　sister。'

〃Alfred　took　his　hand；　and　said；　'God　bless　you　for　telling　me　this。'

〃Then　Edward　turned　to　mamma　and　me；　and　said；　'This　poor　fellow　has　left　his　father's　house　because　he　wronged　us：　then　this　house　ought　to　open　its　arms　to　him：　that　is　only　justice。　But　now　to　be　just　to　our　side；　I　have　been　to　Mr。　Crawford；　the　lawyer；　and　I　find　this　Hardie　junior　has　ten　thousand　pounds　of　his　own。　That　ought　to　be　settled　on　Julia；　to　make　up　for　what　she　loses　by　Hardie　senior'sI　won't　say　what。'

〃'If　anybody　settles　any　of　their　trash　on　_me；_　I'll　beat　them；　and　throw　it　in　the　fire；'　said　I；　'and　I　hated　money。'

〃The　oracle　asked　me　directly　did　I　hate　clothes　and　food；　and　charity　to　the　poor；　and　cleanliness；　and　decency？　Then　I　didn't　hate　money；　'for　none　of　these　things　can　exist　without　money；　you　little　romantic　humbug；　you　shut　up！'

〃Mamma　rebuked　him　for　his　expressions；　but　approved　his　sentiments。　But　I　did　not　care　for　his　sentiments：　for　_he_　smiled　on　me；　and　said；　'We　two　are　of　one　mind；　we　shall　transfer　our　fortune　to　Captain　Dodd；　whom　my　father　has　robbed。　Julia　will　consent　to　share　my　honest　poverty。'

〃'Well；　we　will　talk　about　that；'　said　Edward　pompously。

〃'Talk　about　it　without　me；　then；'　I　cried；　and　got　up；　and　marched　out　indignant：　only　it　was　partly　my　low　cunning　to　hide　my　face　that　I　could　not　keep　the　rapture　out　of。　And；　as　soon　as　I　had　retired　with　cold　dignity；　off　I　skipped　into　the　garden　to　let　my　face　loose；　and　I　think　they　sent　him　after　me；　for　I　heard　his　quick　step　behind　me；　so　I　ran　away　from　him　as　hard　as　I　could；　so　of　course　he　soon　caught　me；　in　the　shrubbery　where　he　first　asked　me　to　be　his；　and　he　kissed　both　my　hands　again　and　again　like　wildfire；　as　he　is；　and　he　said；　'You　are　right；　dearest；　let　them　talk　of　their　trash　while　I　tell　you　how　I　adore　you；　poverty　with　you　will　be　the　soul's　wealth；　even　misfortune；　by　your　side；　would　hardly　be　misfortune：　let　all　the　world　go；　and　let　you　and　I　be　one；　and　live　together；　and　die　together；　for　now　I　see　I　could　not　have　lived　without　you；　nor　without　your　love。'　And　I　whispered　something　on　his　shoulderno　matter　what；　what　signifies　the　cackle　of　a　goose？　And　we　mingled　our　happy　tears；　and　our　hearts；　and　our　souls。　Ah；　Love　is　a　sweet　a　dreadful　passion：　what　we　two　have　gone　through　for　one　another　in　a　few　months！　He　dined　with　us；　and　Edward　and　he　sat　a　long；　long　time　talking；　I　dare　say　it　was　only　about　their　odious　money；　still　I　envied　Edward　having　him　so　long。　But　at　last　he　came　up；　and　devoured　me　with　his　lovely　grey　eyes；　and　I　sang　him　Aileen　Aroon；　and　he　whispered　things　in　my　ear；　oh；　such　sweet　sweet；　idiotic；　darling　things；　I　will　not　part　with　even　the　shadow　of　one　of　them　by　putting　it　on　paper；　only　I　am　the　blessedest　creature　in　all　the　world；　and　I　only　hope　to　goodness　it　is　not　very　wicked　to　be　so　happy　as　I　am。〃

_〃Dec。　31st。_It　is　all　settled。　Alfred　returns　to　Oxford　to　make　up　for　lost　time；　the　time　spent　in　construing　me　instead　of　Greek：　and　at　the　end　of　term　he　is　to　come　of　age　and　marrysomebody。　Marriage！　what　a　word　to　put　down！　it　makes　me　tingle；　it　thrills　me；　it　frightens　me　deliciously：　no；　not　deliciously；　anything　but：　for　suppose；　being　both　of　us　fiery；　and　they　all　say　one　of　them　ought　to　be　cold　blooded　for　a　pair　to　be　happy；　I　should　make　him　a　downright　bad　wife。　Why　then　I　hope　I　shall　die　in　a　year　or　two　out　of　my　darling's　way；　and　let　him　have　a　good　one　instead。　I'd　come　back　from　the　grave　and　tear　her　to　pieces。

_〃Jan。　4th。_Found　a　saint　in　a　garret　over　a　stable。　Took　her　my　luncheon　clandestinely；　that　is　lady…like　for　'under　my　apron：'　and　was　detected　and　expostulated　by　Ned。　He　took　me　into　his　studioit　is　carpeted　with　shavingsand　showed　me　the　_'Tiser_　digest；　an　enormous　book　he　has　made　of　newspaper　cuttings　all　in　apple…pie　order；　and　out　of　this　authority　he　proved　vice　and　poverty　abound　most　wherever　there　are　most　charities。　Oh；　'and　the　poor'　a　set　of　intoxicated　sneaks；　and　me　a　Demoralising　Influence。　It　is　all　very　fine：　but　why　are　there　saints　in　garrets；　and　half…starved？　That　rouses　all　my　evil　passions；　and　I　cannot　bear　it；　it　_is_　no　use。

_〃Jan。　6th。_Once　a　gay　day；　but　now　a　sad　one。　Mamma　gone　to　see　poor　papa；　where　he　is。　Alfred　found　me　sorrowful；　and　rested　my　forehead　on　his　shoulder；　that　soothed　me；　while　it　lasted。　I　think　I　should　like　to　grow　there。　Mem！　to　burn　this　diary；　and　never　let　a　creature　see　a　syllable。

〃As　soon　as　he　was　gone；　prayed　earnestly　on　my　knees　not　to　make　an　idol　of　him。　For　it　is　our　poor　idols　that　are　destroyed　for　our　weakness。　Which　really　I　cannot　quite　see　the　justice　of。〃

_〃Jan。　8th。_Jane　does　not　approve　my　proposal　that　we　should　praise　now　and　then　at　the　same　hour　instead　of　always　praying。　The　dear　girl　sends　me　her　unconverted　diary　'to　show　me　she　is　〃a　brand。〃'　I　have　read　most　of　it。　But　really　it　seems　to　me　she　was　always　goodish：　only　she　went　to　parties；　and　read　novels；　and　enjoyed　society。

〃There；　I　have　finished　it。　Oh　dear；　how　like　her　_un_converted　diary　is　to　my　_con_verted　one！〃

_〃Jan。　14th。_A　sorrowful　day：　he　and　I　parted；　after　a　fortnight　of　the　tenderest　affection；　and　that　mutual　respect　without　which　neither　of　us；　I　think；　could　love　long。　I　had　resolved　to　be　very　brave；　but　we　were　alone；　and　his　bright　face　looked　so　sad；　the　change　in　it　took　me　by　surprise；　and　my　resolution　failed；　I　clung　to　him。　If　gentlemen　could　interpret；　as　we　can；　he　would　never　have　left　me。　It　is　better　as　it　is。　He　kissed　my　tears　away　as　fast　as　they　came：　it　was　the　first　time　he　had　ever　kissed　more　than　my　hand；　so　I　shall　have　that　to　think　of；　and　his　dear　promised　letters：　but　it　made　me　cry　more　at　the　time；　of　course。　Some　day；　when　we　have　been　married　years　and　years；　I　shall　tell　him　not　to　go　and　pay　a　lady　for　every　tear；