pzb.drawingblood-第46章

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directionless　black　void。　Then　gradually　the　dim　square　of　the　window　became　visible；　and　the　larger　rectangle　of　the　closet。　He　became　conscious　of　the　empty　space　on　the　other　side　of　the　mattress。　Zach　hadn't　e　back　yet。
　　If　it　was　nearly　full　dark；　the　time　must　be　well　after　seven。　Trevor　wondered　where　Zach　was；　what　he　was　doing　right　now。　Was　he　still　at　the　club；　enjoying　the　cheerful；　rowdy　pany　of　the　other　musicians　after　having　spent　so　many　intense　hours　with　Trevor？　Was　he　wishing　he　had　hooked　up　instead　with　exotic　Calvin；　who　played　the　guitar　and　wore　silver　charms　in　his　ears；　who　would　not　have　needed　showing　how　to　make　love？
　　What　if　he　has？　What　if　Calvin　offered　him　a　ride　home；　and　their　eyes　met　in　some　perfect　understanding　that　I　could　never　fathom；　and　halfway　here　they　pulled　off　the　road　and　Calvin　gave　him　a　blowjob　in　the　car？　What　if　it's　happening　right　now？　His　hands　twined　in　Calvin's　bleachy…fine　hair；　his　back　arching　just　like　it　did　for　me；　his　smooth　sweet　boner　fitting　as　perfectly　in　Calvin's　mouth　as　it　did　in　mine。　What　if　he　never　es　back？
　　Trevor　brought　his　left　hand　to　his　lips；　sank　his　teeth　into　the　fold　of　skin　at　the　wrist。　The　pain　cleared　his　mind　a　little；　made　the　paranoid　fantasies　stop　racing　faster　than　he　could　talk　himself　out　of　them。　He　knew　Zach　wasn't　with　Calvin。　But　he　also　knew　that；　under　other　circumstances；　Zach　might　have　been。　Irrational　as　it　was；　that　hurt　too。
　　Faintly　he　heard　a　car　pulling　up　outside；　a　single　door　slamming。　Then　Zach's　footsteps　were　crossing　the　porch；　Zach　was　feeling　his　way　across　the　dark　living　room。　Trevor　heard　him　bang　into　something；　curse；　and　stop。　〃Trev？〃　he　called　uncertainly。
　　You　don't　have　to　answer。　You　could　just　leave　him　standing　there；　alone　in　the　dark。
　　STOP　IT！　he　ordered　himself。　Where　in　hell　had　that　thought　e　from？　〃In　here；〃　he　called。
　　Light　flooded　the　hall；　sliced　across　the　bedroom。　Zach　came　in；　sat　on　the　bed　and　hugged　Trevor　through　the　blanket。　Trevor　rolled　over　and　hugged　back。　Zach's　hair　was　damp；　and　he　smelled　of　soap　and　shampoo　and　deliciously　clean　skin。
　　〃You　took　a　shower？〃
　　〃Yeah。　At　Terry's。　He's　got　a　cool　bathtub；　this　big　old…fashioned　deal　up　on　claw　feet。〃
　　Obscure　relief　flooded　through　Trevor　as　he　remembered　Terry's　claw…footed　tub。　Trust；　he　reminded　himself。　But　trust　had　not　been　a　part　of　his　life　for　twenty　years；　it　wasn't　going　to　e　unconditionally　in　a　couple　of　days。
　　Zach's　hands　strayed　beneath　the　blanket。　〃I　don't　have　to　be　back　at　the　club　for　a　couple　of　hours。〃
　　〃You　never　slow　down；　do　you？〃
　　〃No；〃　Zach　admitted；　〃not　if　I　have　a　choice。〃
　　〃Could　you　just　e　under　the　covers　here　and　hold　me？〃
　　〃No　problem。〃　Zach　kicked　off　his　sneakers；　slid　out　of　his　clothes；　and　snuggled　in　next　to　Trevor。　He　draped　an　arm　across　Trevor's　chest；　rested　his　head　on　Trevor's　shoulder。　His　body　was　relaxed　and　very　warm。
　　〃Ohhhh；〃　he　moaned。　〃You　feel　so　good。　Don't　let　me　fall　asleep。〃
　　〃You　can　if　you　want　to；〃　Trevor　told　him。　〃I　just　got　done　sleeping。　I'll　wake　you　up　in　an　hour。〃
　　〃Are　you　sure？〃
　　〃I've　never　had　trouble　keeping　awake。〃
　　〃Will　you　stay　here　and　hold　me？〃
　　〃Absolutely。〃
　　〃Mmmm。〃　Zach　heaved　a　deep；　contented　sigh。　〃I　love　you；　Trev　。　。　。　you're　the　best　thing　that's　ever　happened　to　me。〃　He　drifted　quickly　into　sleep；　and　Trevor　was　left　staring　into　the　dark；　facing　down　that　thought。
　　He　didn't　see　how　he　could　be　the　best　thing　that　had　ever　happened　to　anyone；　let　alone　someone　like　Zach。　His　life　had　been　starred　with　disaster。　He　was　probably　crazy。　He　couldn't　lean　on　anyone；　he　couldn't　be　strong　enough　for　anyone　to　lean　on。　Maybe　Trevor　McGee　could　have　been；　but　Trevor　Black　could　not。
　　Still；　Zach　had　said　it。　And　Trevor　didn't　think　Zach　had　been　telling　him　lies。
　　He　wondered　what　would　happen　if　Zach　had　to　leave。　Would　he　want　Trevor　to　go　with　him？　And　if　he　did；　could　Trevor　go？　Though　he　had　returned　to　the　house　thinking　he　might　die　here；　he　found　that　he　no　longer　wanted　to　die　at　all。　But　he　still　hadn't　found　what　he　had　e　looking　for。　Or　had　he？
　　You　came　back　looking　for　your　family。　Maybe　your　mistake　was　assuming　that　meant　Bobby；　Rosena；　and　Didi。　Kinsey　and　Terry　took　you　in；　showed　you　more　kindness　than　any　strangers　ever　have。　And　who　is　this　you　hold　in　your　arms　now；　if　not　family？
　　I　don't　want　him　to　go。　I　really　don't。
　　Then　Trevor　had　a　thought　that　made　his　heart　miss　a　beat；　made　the　spit　in　his　mouth　dry　up。　That　thought　was：　Maybe　Bobby　thought　Momma　was　getting　ready　to　leave　with　me　and　Didi。　And　maybe　he　didn't　want　us　to　go；　either。
　　Then　why　did　he　leave　me　alive？　Why　did　he　let　me　go？
　　Because　he　knew　you　were　an　artist。　That's　it；　somehow。　He　knew　you　would　e　back。　Artists　always　e　back　to　the　places　that　created　them　and　ruined　them。
　　Take　Charlie　Parker。　He　could　have　lived　out　his　middle　years　in　France；　where　American　jazz　musicians　were　treated　like　royalty；　where　racial　prejudice　was　almost　nonexistent；　where　the　heroin　was　strong　and　clean　and　there　were　no　hassles　from　the　law。　But　Bird　couldn't。　He　had　to　fly　back　to　the　tawdry　lights　of　Fifty…second　Street；　to　the　clubs　where　he　could　no　longer　play；　to　the　great　sprawling　hungry　land　that　had　made　his　name　a　legend；　but　would　kill　him　at　thirty…five。　He　had　to　e　back。　He　had　to　see　and　hear　everything。　He　was　an　artist。
　　Okay；　he　thought；　I'm　here。　But　I'll　draw　what　I　damn　well　want　to　draw。　And　I　won't　hurt　Zach；　not　ever　again。
　　As　if　in　response；　Zach　moaned　in　his　sleep　and　pushed　his　face　into　Trevor's　shoulder。　Trevor　stroked　his　hair　and　the　smooth　curve　of　his　back；　wondered　what　haunted　Zach's　bad　dreams。　Was　it　a　heavy　grip　falling　on　his　shoulder；　a　set　of　steel　bracelets　dragging　him　away　to　bloody　rape　and　death　in　prison？　Was　it　his　mother's　limpid　eyes　and　cruel　tongue；　or　his　father's　hands？　Or　was　it　something　less　concrete：　an　image　glimpsed　in　a　mirror；　a　shadow　flickering　on　a　wall？
　　The　night　was　very　quiet。　Trevor　heard　the　small　secret　sounds　of　the　house；　the　distant　thrum　of　traffic　on　the　highway；　the　insects　shrilling　and　sawing　in　the　long　grass　outside。　But　closer　than　any　of　that；　as　close　as　his　own；　he　heard　Zach's　breathing　and　Zach's　heartbeat。
　　He　held　Zach　tighter　and　thought　about　all　the　things　he　would　not　give　up。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　Nineteen
　　
　　The　Sacred　Yew　was　already　crowded　when　Trevor　and　Zach　arrived。　A　warm　rain　had　begun　misting　down；　but　kids　were　still　milling　about　on　the　sidewalk；　basking　in　the　humid　summer　night。　Zach　saw　lots　of　black　and　ragged　denim；　buzz　cuts　and　long　braids　and　hair　dyed　all　colors。　Most　of　the　faces　were　young；　pale；　and　rapt。　Sick　with　joy；　Zach　thought；　watching　their　lives　unfurl　before　them；　a　myriad　of　roads。
　　The　doorman　on　duty　was　a　slight；　reedy　teenage　boy　with　a　facial　bone　structure　as　sharp　and　delicate　as　a　bird's。　His　long　dyed…black　hair　straggled　into　his　face；　lightly　beaded　with　rain；　and　for　a　moment　Zach　wanted　to　swoop　the　poor　starved…looking　thing　into　his　arms　and　give　him　a　jolt　of　the　energy　and　love　crackling　through　his　body。　He　managed　to　restrain　himself。
　　The　boy　stopped　them　as　they　entered　the　club；　and　Zach　spoke　the　four　talismanic　words　as　easily　as　if　he　had　been　saying　them　all　his　life。
　　〃I'm　with　the　band。〃
　　〃What's　your　name？〃
　　〃Dario。〃
　　The　kid　found　the　name　on　his　list　and　scratched　it　off；　then　nodded　at　Trevor。　〃What　about　him？〃
　　〃He's　with　me。〃
　　〃　'Kay。〃　The　kid　picked　up　a　rubber　stamp　and　pressed　it　into　a　red　inkpad；　then　against　the　backs　of　their　left　hands。　The　design　was　a　scary…looking　tree　with　many　spreading　branches；　rather　like　the　mythic　Yggdrasil　with　its　roots　in　hell。
　　They　moved　from　the　warm　night　into　the　heat　and　half…suppressed　excitement　of　the　club。　〃Dario？〃　Trevor　inquired。
　　〃It's　my　stage　name。　After　Dario　Argento。〃
　　Then　they　were　in　the　thick　of　the　crowd　and　talk　became　impossible。　Zach　grabbed　Trevor's　hand　and　led　him　toward　the　tiny　graffiti…covered　room　at　the　back　of　the　stage。　Terry　and　R。J。　were　lounging　on　a　broken…down　sofa。　A　cooler　full　of　the　ubiquitous　Natty　Bohos　sat　atop　a　blown…out；　gutted　amp；　and　Zach　took　one。
　　〃So　Ghost　gets　on　the　phone；〃　Terry　was　telling　R。J。；　〃and　says　'What's　going　on？　Did　you　get　a　new　singer？'　〃
　　〃No　shit！〃
　　〃Yeah！　And　he　goes；　'Well；　watch　out。　Somebody's　after　him。'　And　then　Steve　gets　back　on；　and　he　says；　'Ghost　dreamed　the　FBI　or　something　was　looking　for　your　singer。'〃
　　〃Huh　。　。　。　Hey；　Zach。　Hey；　Trevor。〃
　　Terry　got　up　and　greeted　them　with　a　hug。　〃Zach；　our　psychic　friend　dreamed　the　FBI　was　after　you。　Say　it　ain't　so。〃
　　Zach　tried　to　laugh。　〃Not　unless　they　know　about　all　those　cattle　mutilations。〃　Trevor　squeezed　his　hand。
　　〃So；〃　Terry　said；　〃you　ready　to　go？〃
　　〃Hell；　yes！〃
　　〃I　thought　we'd　play　two　sets。　Everyone　will　buy　beer　during　the　break　and　Kinsey　will　make　more　money！〃
　　〃And　we　can　get　stoned　backstage；〃　said　Calvin；　ing　in。　Zach　wondered　if　he　had　been　listening　at　the　door。　Calvin　was　wearing　a　pair　of　black　cotton　leggings　and　a　skimpy　rag　that　might　once　have　been　a　T…shirt：　nearly　the　same　outfit　Zach　had　on；　but　tighter　and　rattier。　Zach　saw　that　one　of　his　nipples　was　pierced　with　a　silver　ring。　Calvin　beamed　at　Zach　and　offered　him　a　slender　black　object。　An　eyeliner　pencil。
　　〃Want　some？〃
　　Slinking　about　the　stage；　his　eyes　smeared　with　wanton　kohl　。　。　。　〃May　I？〃
　　Calvin　pressed　the　pencil　into　Zach's　hand　and　turned　away；　flexing　his　fingers。　He　seemed　to　have　toned　his　act　down　a　little。　In　fact　the　whole　atmosphere　backstage　had　suddenly　bee　brisk；　excited　but　efficient；　these　guys　were　ready　to　have　fun；　but　they　also　had　a　job　to　do。　Terry　and　R。J。　were　standing；　stretching。　Zach　felt　the　first　flicker　of　nervousness　like　a　wing　brushing　the　inside　of　his　stomach。　He　peered　into　the　tiny　lightless　mirror　Kinsey　had　thoughtfully　provided　and　began　outlining　his　eyes　in　black。
　　Trevor　watched　him　strangely。　〃What　are　you　doing？〃
　　〃Putting　on　makeup。〃　Zach　finished；　smudged　the　corners　a　bit；　then　looked　up　at　Trevor。　〃Do　you　like　it？〃
　　〃I　think　I　better　go　back　into　the　club。〃
　　〃Okay。　Why？〃
　　Trevor　leaned　in　close。　〃Because　if　I　stay　here；〃　he　whispered　in　Zach's　ear；　〃I'm　going　to　fuck　you　right　in　front　of　the　band。〃
　　Great：　now　he　was　going　on　stage　with　a　boner。　〃Wait　till　after　the　show；〃　he　whispered　back。　〃I'll　ruin　you　for　life。〃
　　〃Promise？〃
　　〃Mmmmm。〃　Trevor's　lips　covered　his；　Trevor's　arms　slid　around　him　and　hugged　him　tight。　Then　Trevor　looked　back　at　the　other　musicians。　〃I　hope　you　have　a　good　show；〃　he　said。　They　all　realized　they　had　been　staring；　smiled　a　little　too　widely　and　offered　a　ragged　chorus　of　thanks。
　　The　backstage　door　swung　shut　and　Trevor　was　gone　into　the　crowd。　Terry　glanced　at　the　others。　〃Ready？〃
　　A　round　of　nods。　A　moment　of　silence。　Then　Terry　spoke　three　more　of　rock　and　roll's　talismanic　words：
　　〃Let's　do　it。〃
　　
　　Trevor　was　standing　at　the　very　center　of　the　dance　floor　when　Gumbo　hit　the　stage。　He　f