pzb.drawingblood-第48章

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opening　a　thousand　doors。
　　And　that　meant　he　wasn't　getting　anything　here　that　he　couldn't　get　a　thousand　times　better　at　home。
　　Zach　felt　a　pang　of　regret　as　he　broke　the　kiss　and　pushed　Calvin　away。　Calvin　was　what　he　used　to　think　of　as　a　sweet　catch；　a　beautiful　bad　boy　with　a　guitar；　and　in　the　old　days　Zach　would　have　loved　to　take　an　all…night　tour　of　Calvin's　personal　heavens　and　hells。
　　But　whether　he　liked　it　or　not；　those　days　were　gone　for　him。　He　couldn't　do　this　to　Trevor。　Furthermore；　he　didn't　even　want　to。
　　〃Sorry；〃　he　said。　〃I　can't。〃
　　〃Sure　you　can。〃　Calvin　tried　to　push　back　against　him。　His　eyes　were　wild；　his　breath　ing　fast。　He　was　obviously　horny　to　the　point　of　pain；　and　Zach　felt　for　him。　But　there　were　plenty　of　adorable　boys　out　there；　fairly　stewing　in　their　own　juices。　A　handsome　blond　guitarist　could　take　his　pick。
　　〃No。　I　can't。　I'm　with　somebody；　and　you　knew　damn　well　I　was。〃
　　〃Hey…〃　Calvin　twitched　one　shoulder　in　the　most　insouciant　of　shrugs；　but　his　eyes　were　hurt。　〃Saw　you　lookin'；　was　all。　Just　tryin'　to　show　the　new　kid　a　little　hometown　hospitality。〃
　　〃I　know　I　was　looking。　'Course　I　was。　You're　gorgeous。〃　Calvin's　eyes　softened　a　little。　〃But　I'm　with　Trevor；　okay？　We're　solid。　I　love　him。〃
　　Calvin　sniffed。　〃You　fall　in　love　pretty　fast；　don't　you？〃
　　〃Not　really。　It　took　me　nineteen　years。〃
　　〃Aren't　you　scared　he'll　freak　out　and　murder　you　in　your　sleep？〃
　　Zach　laughed。　〃No。　If　Trevor　decides　to　kill　me；　he'll　make　sure　I'm　awake　for　it。〃
　　Calvin　considered　this　dubiously。　〃Whatever；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃You　wanna　kiss　me　one　more　time？〃
　　〃Yes；〃　Zach　told　him　honestly。　〃But　I'm　not　gonna。〃
　　He　ducked　under　Calvin's　arm　and　left　the　guitarist　staring　after　him。　As　he　fumbled　his　way　back　along　the　hall；　the　noise　and　the　energy　of　the　club　grew　stronger　with　every　step　he　took。　He　felt　the　invisible　thread　of　his　lover　pulling　him；　drawing　him。
　　Zach　had　done　plenty　of　things　he　was　proud　of：　survived　on　his　own　since　he　was　fourteen；　hacked　his　way　into　systems　that　no　one　else　could　crack；　bailed　his　friends　out　of　jail　and　wiped　their　records　clean。
　　All　of　that　was　fine。　But　he　couldn't　remember　the　last　time　a　decision　not　to　do　something　had　made　him　feel　so　good。
　　
　　〃I　sold　a　story　to　Taboo！〃　Trevor　shouted　over　the　din　of　the　bar。
　　Kinsey's　slightly　harassed　expression　became　an　enormous　grin。　〃That's　great！　Have　a　Coke！　Hell；　have　two　Cokes！〃　He　slapped　them　down　on　the　bar　in　front　of　Trevor；　then　held　up　an　apologetic　hand　and　hurried　away　to　serve　the　customers　lining　up　for　beer。　Trevor　pulled　a　five…dollar　bill　out　of　his　pocket　and　dropped　it　into　the　tip　jar　while　Kinsey's　back　was　turned。
　　Zach　had　given　him　a　wad　of　cash　this　morning。　Just　in　case　you　need　anything　in　town；　he'd　said；　pressing　it　into　Trevor's　hand。　When　Trevor　protested　the　amount…over　a　hundred　dollars…Zach　only　looked　disgusted。　Money　is　just　stuff　you　trade　for　things　that　you　want；　he　had　told　Trevor　with　the　air　of　a　person　explaining　that　two　plus　two　equals　four。　When　you　need　more；　you　get　it。　It　may　not　grow　on　trees；　but　accessing　a　bank　account　is　a　hell　of　a　lot　easier　than　climbing　a　tree。
　　Trevor　looked　around　the　crowded　bar；　but　saw　no　sign　of　Zach。　Probably　he　was　still　backstage　getting　stoned　with　the　band。　Trevor　didn't　think　Zach　would　mind　if　he　joined　them。　To　his　own　surprise；　he　was　actually　beginning　to　develop　a　taste　for　pot。　Possibly　because　it　was　such　a　vital　ponent　of　Zach's　body　chemistry。　But　maybe；　Trevor　thought；　he　was　also　ready　to　start　altering　his　consciousness　instead　of　just　exaggerating　it。
　　He　grabbed　his　two　Cokes　and　started　making　his　way　back　toward　the　stage。　Halfway　〃there；　he　passed　Calvin　going　the　other　way。　Trevor　just　nodded；　but　Calvin　reached　out　and　stopped　him；　put　his　hands　on　Trevor's　shoulders　and　leaned　in　to　speak　loudly　in　Trevor's　ear。　〃You've　got　a　real　sweet　boyfriend。　He　sure　does　love　you。　Better　hang　on　to　him。〃
　　Then　he　was　gone　into　the　crowd。　What　was　that　all　about？　Trevor　wondered。　But　Calvin　had　fucked　with　his　head　enough。　He　didn't　care　what　the　guitarist　thought　of　him。　Terry　and　R。J。　were　better　musicians　anyway。　Calvin's　playing　had　plenty　of　glitter　and　flash；　but　none　of　their　Southern　soul。
　　Trevor　let　himself　into　the　dressing　room　and　Zach　was　there；　bare…chested；　sleek　as　a　seal；　resplendent；　taking　a　long　toke　on　a　fat；　fragrant　joint。　The　room　was　already　crowded　with　friends　of　the　band；　but　Zach　saw　Trevor　right　away。　He　held　the　smoke　in　his　lungs　as　he　passed　the　joint；　crossed　the　room；　put　his　lips　against　Trevor's；　and　exhaled　a　long；　steady　stream　of　smoke　into　Trevor's　mouth。　A　shotgun。
　　Trevor　abandoned　his　Cokes　and　ran　his　hands　down　the　curve　of　Zach's　spine。　His　fingertips　came　away　slick　with　sweat。　He　touched　them　to　his　mouth；　tasted　salt。
　　〃Do　you　want　to　go　somewhere？〃　Zach　whispered　in　his　ear。　Trevor　nodded。　Zach　pulled　him　through　the　door；　along　a　dark　passageway；　into　a　tiny；　ill…lit　bathroom。　They　slammed　the　door　and　leaned　against　it；　groping　and　squeezing　and　clawing　at　each　other；　kissing　madly。　Then　Trevor　was　kneeling　on　the　hard　cement　floor；　licking　Zach's　stomach；　using　his　teeth　to　pull　down　the　leggings；　gripping　Zach's　hipbones　like　handles。
　　It　only　took　about　ninety　seconds。　〃Oh　Trev；〃　Zach　gasped　as　he　came；　〃oh　god　I　needed　that；　thank　you；　thank　you　。　。　。〃
　　〃Sure。〃　Trevor　wiped　his　mouth　on　the　back　of　his　hand。　〃Can't　be　a　real　rock　star　without　a　backstage　blowjob。〃
　　Someone　knocked。
　　Trevor　felt　Zach's　body　stiffen。　He　got　to　his　feet。　Zach　tugged　his　leggings　up　and　backed　away　from　the　door。　〃Who　is　it？〃
　　〃Us；〃　said　a　chorus　of　sheepish　voices。
　　Zach　opened　the　door。　Terry；　his　girlfriend　Victoria；　R。J。；　and　Calvin　were　standing　just　outside　looking　embarrassed。　〃Sorry；〃　said　Calvin；　〃but　the　break's　almost　over　and　we　thought　you　might　want　some　of　these。〃　He　held　out　a　plastic　bag　half　full　of　mushrooms。　They　were　pale　brown　streaked　with　iridescent　blue…the　psilocybin…and　gave　off　a　crumbling　earthy　smell。
　　Trevor　saw　Zach's　hand　start　to　reach　forward；　then　he　paused　and　looked　uncertainly　back　at　Trevor。　〃I　like　mushrooms　a　lot。　Have　you　ever　done　'em？〃
　　Trevor　shook　his　head。
　　〃Well　。　。　。　they'd　give　you　plenty　of　ideas；　that's　for　sure。〃　Zach　stared　at　Trevor；　then　back　at　the　bag。　〃Can　I　have　some　for　later？〃　he　asked。
　　Calvin　pulled　the　bag　back。　〃You　can　buy　some。　I'm　not　giving　them　away　if　you're　not　gonna　do　'em　with　us。〃
　　Zach's　eyes　met　Calvin's。　Though　these　two　probably　were　attracted　to　each　other；　Trevor　realized；　that　wasn't　exactly　what　was　going　on　between　them。　It　was　rather　that　they　understood　each　other　as　any　creatures　of　the　same　species　will；　especially　if　it　is　a　dangerous　species。
　　〃Okay。〃　Zach　pulled　out　a　handful　of　twenties。　〃How　much？〃
　　〃Well　。。。　oh；　fuck　it。〃　Terry；　R。J。；　and　Victoria　had　all　started　staring　at　Calvin　reproachfully　as　soon　as　he　mentioned　money。　〃I　don't　care。　Just　take　a　handful。〃
　　Zach　was　nearly　laughing　as　he　reached　into　the　bag。　〃Thanks；　Calvin。　That's　real　nice　of　you。〃　Their　eyes　were　shooting　silver　daggers　at　each　other；　but　on　another　level　they　seemed　to　be　positively　enjoying　the　exchange。　Trevor　had　spent　the　past　two　days　diving　into　Zach's　character　like　an　unfamiliar　river；　eager　to　let　it　flow　over　him；　to　let　its　current　carry　him　along。　Now　he　was　beginning　to　realize　that　it　had　secret　tributaries　and　strange　deep　pools　he　might　never　fathom。
　　Zach　wrapped　his　mushrooms　in　a　twist　of　toilet　paper　and　gave　them　to　Trevor　to　hold。　Trevor　stowed　the　little　bundle　deep　in　his　pocket；　then　wiped　his　fingers　on　his　shirt。　He　wasn't　at　all　sure　he　wanted　to　eat　those　nasty…looking　things。　Bobby　had　liked　his　hallucinogens；　Trevor　knew；　but　gave　them　up　soon　after　he　stopped　drawing。　And　Crumb　had　done　all　sorts　of　drugs；　though　he　claimed　in　a　recent　ics　Journal　interview　that　they　had　affected　his　draftsmanship。
　　But　what　had　Trevor　thought　earlier？　Hyping　his　consciousness　with　caffeine　had　helped　him　prowl　around　the　edges　of　his　past；　but　he　had　not　yet　penetrated　to　the　heart　of　it。　Maybe　it　was　time　to　start　altering　his　brain；　laying　open　his　very　cells。　Maybe　then　he　would　know　enough　so　that　he　could　leave　with　Zach；　if　Zach　had　to　go。
　　
　　Gumbo　kicked　off　the　second　set　with　a　thrash…tempo　version　of　the　old　Cajun　song　〃Paper　in　My　Shoe。〃　Zach　shouted　what　lyrics　he　knew　over　a　pileup　of　guitar　and　drum　noise　and　made　up　the　rest；　grinning　between　the　rapid…fire　lines。　He　had　never　been　able　to　stand　Cajun　music　when　he　lived　in　New　Orleans。　But　singing　this　song　here　in　this　club　was　like　going　home　again。
　　The　crowd　was　dancing　hard。　From　the　stage　they　looked　like　nothing　but　a　seething；　bobbing　mass　of　heads；　waving　hands；　blissed…out　faces。　Zach　noticed　that　the　beautiful　red…haired　boy　was　still　at　front　and　center；　but　he　had　switched　his　attention　to　Calvin。　The　guitarist　kept　making　eye　contact　with　the　boy；　playing　to　him。　The　boy　was　dancing　so　hard　that　his　white　shirt　had　gone　transparent　with　sweat。　Zach　could　see　the　pink　points　of　his　nipples　through　the　drenched　cotton。
　　See；　Zach　felt　like　telling　Calvin；　you're　a　knockout；　you　have　drugs；　you　play　guitar　in　a　hot　band。　You　couldn't　go　home　alone　tonight　if　you　wanted　to。
　　They　eased　into　another　jam；　this　one　slow；　dark；　and　nasty。　The　V…neck　of　the　boy's　shirt　had　slipped　down；　exposing　one　pale　shoulder。　Several　girls　in　front　were　wearing　skimpy　tank　tops；　and　as　they　danced　their　slender　arms　swayed　in　the　air　like　branches。　Zach　found　himself　thinking　about　skin。　It　could　be　a　fabulously　erotic　substance；　smooth　under　the　hands；　salty　against　the　tongue。　Its　color　could　inspire　hatred。　It　could　be　flayed　and　tanned。
　　He　gripped　the　microphone；　leaned　forward　until　his　lips　were　almost　touching　it。　〃Dressin'　up　at　night　in　his　suit　of　skin　。　。　。　Cured　her　ribs　in　the　barn　。　。　。　Fried　up　her　heart　in　a　skillet　。　。　。　Put　her　ole　hands　in　a　jar　。　。　。〃
　　He　caught　Trevor　laughing　in　the　audience；　eyes　squeezed　shut；　mouth　wide　open：　a　pletely　unself…conscious　moment。　Zach　let　his　lips　brush　the　mike。　〃Ooooh　Ed；〃　he　moaned；　〃what'd　you　do　with　her　head？〃
　　The　kids　loved　it。　Zach　hung　on　the　mike　stand；　threw　in　a　few　sultry　bars　of　〃Summertime。〃　Gonna　spread　your　wings；　take　to　the　sky　。　。　。
　　Too　soon　they　came　to　the　last　song。　Zach　threw　himself　into　it　hard；　ended　up　on　his　knees　clutching　the　mike；　howling　into　it；　forcing　every　bit　of　air　from　his　lungs；　reaching　deep　into　his　soul　for　those　blues。　Who　knew　when　he　would　sing　for　an　audience　again？　He　had　to　make　this　time　good　enough　to　last。
　　Then　it　was　over。　He　was　backstage；　listening　to　the　roar　of　the　crowd　through　the　thin　wall。　Terry；　R。J。；　and　Calvin　were　slapping　his　back；　congratulating　him；　assuring　him　of　a　gig　if　he　decided　to　stick　around　town。　After　they　got　high　again；　the　others　went　out　to　start　packing　up　their　equipment；　and　Zach　found　Trevor　standing　alone　at　the　edge　of　the　crowd。
　　They　lingered　in　the　bar　for　a　while。　Soon　the　other　band　members　drifted