dk.intensity-第36章

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nds。　Your　every　movement　should　have　been　a　different　texture　against　my　eyes。　And　when　I　walked　through　a　space　where　you'd　just　been；　I　should　have　sensed　the　displacement　of　air　caused　by　your　passage。〃
　He　was　stone　crazy。　So　cute　in　his　chambray　shirt；　with　his　beautiful　blue　eyes；　his　thick　dark　hair　bed　straight　back　from　his　forehead；　and　the　dimple　in　his　left　cheek…but　pustulant　and　cankerriddled　inside。　〃My　senses；　you　see；　are　unusually　acute。〃
　He　ran　the　water　in　the　sink。　Without　looking；　she　knew　that　he　was　rinsing　the　whisk。　He　wouldn't　put　it　aside　dirty。
　He　said；　〃My　senses　are　so　sharp　because　I've　given　myself　to　sensation。　Sensation　is　my　religion；　you　might　say。〃
　A　sizzling　arose；　much　louder　than　the　cooking　sound　of　onions；　and　a　new　aroma。
　〃But　you　were　invisible　to　me；〃　he　said。　〃Like　a　spirit。　What　makes　you　special？〃
　Bitter；　she　murmured　against　the　tabletop；　〃If　I　was　special；　would　I　be　here　in　chains？〃
　Although　Chyna　hadn't　actually　spoken　to　him　and　wouldn't　have　thought　that　he　could　hear　her　above　the　crisp　sputtering　of　eggs　and　onions；　Vess　said；　〃I　suppose　you're　right。〃
　Later；　when　he　put　the　plates　on　the　table；　she　raised　her　head　and　moved　her　hands。
　〃Rather　than　make　you　eat　with　your　hands；　I'm　going　to　give　you　a　fork；〃　he　said；　〃because　I　assume　you　see　the　pointlessness　of　throwing　it　and　trying　to　stick　me　in　the　eye。〃
　She　nodded。
　〃Good　girl。〃
　On　her　plate　was　a　plump　four…egg　omelet　oozing　cheddar　cheese　and　stippled　with　saut6ed　onions。　On　top　were　three　slices　of　a　firm　tomato　and　a　sprinkling　of　chopped　parsley。　Two　pieces　of　buttered　toast；　each　neatly　sliced　on　the　diagonal；　were　arranged　to　bracket　the　omelet。
　He　refilled　her　water　glass　and　added　two　more　cubes　of　ice。　Famished　only　a　short　while　ago；　Chyna　now　could　hardly　tolerate　the　sight　of　food。　She　knew　that　she　must　eat；　so　she　picked　at　the　eggs　and　nibbled　the　toast。　But　she　would　never　be　able　to　finish　all　that　he　had　given　her。
　Vess　ate　with　gusto　but　not　noisily　or　sloppily。　His　table　manners　were　beyond　reproach；　and　he　used　his　napkin　frequently　to　blot　his　lips。
　Chyna　was　deep　in　her　private　grayness；　and　the　more　Vess　appeared　to　enjoy　his　breakfast；　the　more　her　own　omelet　began　to　taste　like　ashes。
　〃You'd　be　quite　attractive　if　you　weren't　so　rumpled　and　sweaty；　your　face　smudged　with　dirt；　your　hair　straggly　from　the　rain。　Very　attractive；　I　think。　A　real　charmer　under　that　grime。　Maybe　later　I'll　bathe　YOU。〃
　Chyna　Shepberd；　untouched　and　alive。　Uncannily；　after　a　further　silence；　Edgler　Vess　said；　〃Untouched　and　alive。〃
　She　knew　that　she　had　not　spoken　the　prayer　aloud。
　〃Untouched　and　alive；〃　he　repeated。　〃Is　that　what　you　said　。。。　on　the　stairs　earlier；　on　your　way　down　to　Ariel？〃
　She　stared　at　him；　speechless。　〃Is　it？〃　Finally：　〃Yes。〃
　〃I've　been　wondering　about　it。　You　said　your　name　and　then　those　three　words；　though　none　of　it　made　sense　when　I　didn't　know　that　Chyna　Shepherd　was　your　name。〃
　She　looked　away　from　him；　at　the　window。　A　Doberman　roamed　the　backyard。
　〃Was　it　a　prayer？〃　he　asked。
　In　her　desolation；　Chyna　hadn't　thought　that　he　could　scare　her　any　more；　but　she　had　been　wrong。　His　intuitiveness　was　frightening　and　not　entirely　for　reasons　that　she　could　understand。
　She　looked　away　from　the　Doberman　and　met　Vess's　eyes。　For　one　brief　moment；　she　saw　the　dog　within；　a　dark　and　merciless　aspect。
　〃Was　it　a　prayer？〃　he　asked　again。　
　〃Yes。〃
　〃In　your　heart；　Chyna；　deep　in　your　heart；　do　you　truly　believe　that　God　really　exists？　Be　truthful　now；　not　just　with　me　but　with　yourself。〃
　At　one　time…not　long　ago…she　had　been　just　barely　sure　enough　of　what　she　believed　to　answer　Yes。　Now　she　was　silent。　
　〃Even　if　God　exists；〃　Vess　said；　〃does　he　know　what　you　do？〃
　She　took　another　bite　of　the　omelet。　It　seemed　greasier　than　before。　The　eggs　and　butter　and　cheese；　too　rich；　cloyed　in　her　mouth；　and　she　could　hardly　swallow。
　She　put　down　her　fork。　She　was　finished。　She'd　eaten　no　more　than　a　third　of　her　meal。
　Vess　finished　the　food　on　his　plate；　washing　it　down　with　coffee　that　he　didn't　offer　her…no　doubt　because　he　thought　that　she　would　try　to　throw　the　hot　brew　in　his　eyes。
　〃You　look　so　glum；〃　Vess　said。
　She　didn't　reply。
　〃You're　feeling　like　such　a　failure；　aren't　you？　You've　failed　poor　Ariel；　yourself；　and　God　too；　if　He　exists。〃
　〃What　do　you　want　with　me？〃　she　asked。　She　meant；　'you　put　me　through　this；　why　not　kill　me　and　get　it　over　with？'
　〃I　haven't　figured　that　out　yet；〃　Vess　said。　〃Whatever　I　do　with　you；　it's　got…to　be　special。　I　feel　you're　special；　whether　you　think　you　are　or　not；　and　whatever　we　do　together　should　be　。。。　intense。〃
　She　closed　her　eyes　and　wondered　if　she　could　find　Narnia　again　after　all　these　years。
　He　said；　〃I　can't　answer　your　question　as　to　what　I　want　with　youbut　I　have　no　doubts　about　what　I　want　with　Ariel。　Would　you　like　to　hear　what　I　intend　to　do　with　her？〃
　Most　likely；　she　was　too　old　to　believe　in　anything；　even　just　a　magic　wardrobe。
　Vess's　voice　came　out　of　her　internal　grayness；　as　if　he　lived　there　as　well　as　in　the　real　world：　〃I　asked　you　a　question；　Chyna。　Remember　our　bargain？　You　can　either　answer　it…or　I'll　slice　off　a　piece　of　your　face。　Would　you　like　to　hear　what　I　intend　to　do　with　Ariel？　〃
　〃I'm　sure　I　know。〃
　〃Yes；　some　of　it。　Sex；　that's　obvious。　She's　a　luscious　piece。　1　haven't　touched　her　yet；　but　I　will。　And　I　believe　she's　a　virgin。　At　least；　in　the　days　when　she　still　talked；　she　said　she　was；　and　she　didn't　seem　like　the　kind　of　girl　who　would　lie。〃
　Or　there　was　the　Wild　Wood　beyond　the　River；　Ratty　and　Mole　and　Mr。　Badger；　green　boughs　hanging　full　in　the　summer　sun　and　Pan　piping　in　the　cool　shadows　under　the　trees。
　〃And　I　want　to　hear　her　crying；　lost　and　crying。　I　want　to　smell　the　purity　of　her　tears。　I　want　to　feel　the　exquisite　texture　of　her　screams；　know　the　clean　smell　of　them；　and　the　taste　of　her　terror。　There's　always　that。　Always　that。〃
　Neither　the　languid　river　nor　the　Wild　Wood　materialized；　though　Chyna　strained　to　see　them。　Ratty；　Mole；　Mr。　Badger；　and　Mr。　Toad　were　gone　forever　into　the　hateful　death　that　claims　all　things。　And　the　sadness　of　this；　in　its　way；　was　as　great　as　the　sadness　of　what　had　happened　to　Laura　and　what　would　soon　happen　to　Chyna　herself。
　Vess　said；　〃Once　in　a　while；　I　bring　one　of　them　back　to　the　room　in　the　cellar…and　always　for　the　same　purpose。〃
　She　didn't　want　to　hear　this。　The　handcuffs　made　it　difficult　to　cover　her　ears。　And　if　she　had　tried；　he　would　have　shackled　her　wrists　to　her　ankles。　He　would　insist　that　she　listen。　〃The　most　intense　experiences　of　my　life　have　all　taken　place　in　that　room；　Chyna。　Not　the　sex。　Not　the　beating　or　the　cutting。　That　all　es　later；　and　it's　a　lagniappe。　First；　I　break　them　down；　and　that　is　when　it　gets　intense。〃
　Her　chest　was　tight。　She　could　breathe　only　shallowly。
　He　said；　〃The　first　day　or　two；　they　all　think　they'll　go　out　of　their　minds　with　fear；　but　they're　wrong。　It　takes　longer　than　a　day　or　two　to　drive　someone　insane；　truly　and　irrevocably　insane。　Ariel　is　my　seventh　captive；　and　the　others　all　held　on　to　their　sanity　for　weeks。　One　of　them　cracked　on　the　eighteenth　day；　but　three　of　them　lasted　a　full　two　months。〃
　Chyna　gave　up　on　the　elusive　Wild　Wood　and　met　his　gaze　across　the　table。
　…　L　@yk_11kJ1tJg1Ca1　Wl　LUI…C　is　so　iiiucn　more　interesting　ancient　climcult　to　undertake　than　the　physical　variety；　although　the　latter　can　be　undeniably　thrilling；〃　Vess　said。　〃The　mind　is　so　much　tougher　than　the　body；　a　greater　challenge　by　far。　And　when　the　mind　goes；　I　swear　that　I　can　hear　the　crack；　a　harder　sound　than　bone　splitting…and　oh；　how　it　reverberates。〃
　She　tried　to　see　the　animal　consciousness　in　his　eyes；　which　she　had　glimpsed　unexpectedly　before。　She　needed　to　see　it。　
　〃When　they　crack；　some　of　them　writhe　on　the　floor；　thrash；　rend　their　clothes。　They　tear　at　their　hair；　Chyna；　and　claw　their　faces；　and　some　of　them　bite　themselves　hard　enough　to　draw　blood。　They　maim　themselves　in　so　many　inventive　ways。　They　sob　and　sob；　can't　stop　for　hours；　sometimes　for　days；　sobbing　in　their　sleep。　They　bark　like　dogs；　Chyna；　and　screech　and　flail　their　arms　as　if　they're　convinced　that　they　can　fly。　They　hallucinate　and　see　things　more　frightening　than　I　am　to　them。　Some　speak　in　tongues。　It's　called　glossolalia。　Do　you　know　the　condition？　Quite　fascinating。　Convincingly　like　a　language　yet　meaningless；　a　ranting　or　pleading　babble。　Some　lose　control　of　their　bodily　functions　and　wallow　in　their　filth。　Messy　but　riveting　to　watch…the　true　base　condition　of　humanity；　to　which　most　people　can　only　admit　in　madness。〃
　As　hard　as　she　tried；　Chyna　could　see　no　beast　in　his　eyes；　only　a　placid　blueness　and　the　watchful　darkness　of　the　pupil；　and　she　was　no　longer　sure　that　she　had　ever　seen　it。　He　wasn't　half　man　and　half　wolf；　not　a　creature　that　fell　to　all　fours　in　the　light　of　the　full　moon。　Worse；　he　was　nothing　but　a　man…living　at　one　extreme　end　of　the　spectrum　of　human　cruelty；　but　nonetheless　only　a　man。
　〃Some　take　refuge　in　catatonic　silences；〃　Vess　continued；　〃as　Ariel　has　done。　But　I　always　break　them　out　of　that。　Ariel　is　by　far　the　most　stubborn；　but　that　only　makes　her　interesting。　I'll　break　her　too；　and　when　her　crack　es；　Chyna；　it'll　be　like　no　other。　Glorious。　Intense。〃
　〃The　most　intense　experience　of　all　is　showing　mercy；〃　Chyna　said；　and　had　no　idea　whatsoever　where　she　had　found　those　words。　They　sounded　like　a　plea；　and　she　didn't　want　him　to　think　that　she　was　begging　for　her　life。　Even　in　her　despair；　she　would　not　be　reduced　to　groveling。
　A　sudden　smile　made　Vess　look　almost　like　a　boy；　one　given　to　puns　and　pranks；　collector　of　baseball　cards；　rider　of　bikes；　builder　of　model　airplanes；　and　altar　boy　on　Sundays。　She　thought　that　he　was　smiling　at　what　she'd　said；　amused　by　her　naivet6；　but　this　was　not　the　case；　as　he　made　clear　with　his　next　words。　〃Maybe　。。。　what　I　want　from　you；〃　Vess　said；　〃is　to　be　with　me　when　I　finally　make　Ariel　snap。　Instead　of　killing　you　in　front　of　her　to　drive　her　over　the　edge；　I'll　drive　her　some　other　way。　And　you　can　watch。〃
　Oh；　God。　〃You're　a　psychology　student；　after　all；　almost　a　genuine　master　of　psychology。　Right？　Sitting　there　in　such　stern　judgment　of　me；　so　certain　that　my　mind　is　'aberrant'　and　that　you　know　exactly　how　I　think。　Well；　then；　how　interesting　it　would　be　to　see　if　any　of　the　modem　theories　of　the　working　of　the　mind　are　undone　by　this　little　experiment。　Don't　you　think　so？　After　I　break　Ariel；　you　could　write　a　paper　about　it；　Chyna；　for　my　eyes　only。　I'd　enjoy　reading　your　considered　observations。〃
　Dear　God；　it　would　never　e　to　that。　She'd　never　be　a　witness　to　such　a　thing。　Though　in　shackles；　she　would　find　a　way　to　mit　suicide　before　she　would　let　him　take　her　down　to　that　room　to　watch　that　lovely　girl　。。。　to　watch　her　dissolve。　Chyna　would　bite　open　her　own　wrists；　swallow　her　tongue；　contrive　to　fall　down　the　steps　and　break　her　neck；　something。　Something。
　Evidently　aware　that　he　had　jolted　her　out　of　gray　despair　into　stark　horror；　Vess　smiled　again…and　then　turned　his　attention　to　her　breakfast