dk.intensity-第51章

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　childhood。
　Now　her　throat　was　tight。　She　was　curiously　aware　of　the　weight　of　her　heart；　like　a　stone　in　her　chest；　heavy　with　the　past。
　Sick　with　shame　and　anger；　she　nevertheless　sensed　that　she　must　finish　telling　Ariel　what　had　happened　during　that　Florida　night　of　unextinguished　candles。　Revelation　might　be　a　door　out　of　darkness。
　〃Oh；　God；　how　I　hated　him；　the　greasy　bastard；　stinking　of　beer　and　sweat；　crashing　around　my　room；　drunk　and　screaming；　going　to　cut　me　up　for　bait；　Anne　laughing　out　in　the　living　room　and　then　at　the　doorway；　that　drunken　laugh　of　hers；　hooting　and　shrill；　thinking　he　was　so　funny；　Jesus；　and　all　the　time　it　was　my　birthday；　my　special　day；　my　binhday。〃　Tears　might　have　e　now　if　she　had　not　spent　a　lifetime　learning　to　repress　them。　〃And　the　palmetto　all　over　me；　frantic；　scurrying；　up　my　back　and　into　my　hair。　。　。〃
　In　the　sticky；　suffocating　Key　West　heat；　thunder　had　rattled　in　the　window　and　sung　in　the　bedsprings；　and　cold　blue　reflections　of　lightning　had　fluttered　like　a　dream　fire　across　the　painted　wood　floor。　Chyna　almost　screamed　when　the　tropical　cockroach；　as　big　as　her　little…girl　hand；　burrowed　through　her　long　hair；　but　fear　of　Woltz　kept　her　silent。　She　endured；　as　well；　when　the　beetle　scuttled　out　of　her　hair；　across　her　shoulder；　down　her　slender　arm；　to　the　floor；　hoping　that　it　would　flee　into　the　room；　not　daring　to　fling　it　away　for　fear　that　any　movement　she　made　would　be　heard　by　Woltz　in　spite　of　the　thunder；　in　spite　of　his　shouted　threats　and　curses；　even　over　her　mother's　laughter。　But　the　palmetto　scurried　along　her　side　to　one　of　her　bare　feet　and　began　to　explore　that　end　of　her　again；　foot　and　ankle；　calf　and　thigh。　Then　it　crawled　under　one　leg　of　her　shorts；　into　the　cleft　of　her　butt；　antennae　quivering。　She　had　lain　in　a　paralysis　of　terror；　wanting　only　for　the　torment　to　end；　for　lightning　to　strike　her；　for　God　to　take　her　away　to　somewhere　better　than　this　hateful　world。
　Laughing；　her　mother　had　entered　the　room：　〃Jimmy；　you　nut；　she's　not　here。　She's　gone　outside；　along　the　beach　somewhere；　like　always。〃
　And　Woltz　said；　〃Well；　if　she　es　back；　I'm　going　to　cut　her　up　for　chum；　I　swear　I　am。〃　
　Then　he　laughed　and　said；　〃Man；　did　you　see　her　eyes？　Christ！　She　was　scared　shitless。〃
　〃Yeah；〃　Anne　said；　〃she's　a　gutless　little　wuss。　She'll　be　hiding　out　there　for　hours。　I　don't　know　when　the　hell　she'll　ever　grow　up。〃　
　Woltz　said；　〃Sure　doesn't　take　after　her　mother。　You　were　born　grown　up；　weren't　you；　baby？　〃
　〃Listen；　ass…hole；〃　Anne　said；　〃you　pull　any　crap　like　that　with　me；　I'm　sure　not　going　to　run　like　she　did。　I'll　kick　your　balls　so　hard　you'll　have　to　change　your　name　to　Nancy。〃　
　Woltz　roared　with　laughter；　and　from　under　the　bed　Chyna　saw　her　mother's　bare　feet　approach　Woltzs　feet；　and　then　her　mother　was　giggling。
　Fat　and　obscene　and　agitated；　the　palmetto　had　crawled　out　from　under　the　waistband　of　Chyna's　shorts　and　into　the　small　of　her　back；　moving　toward　her　neck；　and　she　had　been　unable　to　bear　the　thought　of　it　in　her　hair　again。　Regardless　of　the　consequence；　she　reached　back　as　the　beetle　crossed　her　tube　top；　and　seized　it。　The　thing　twitched；　squirmed　in　her　hand；　but　she　tightened　her　fist。
　Head　turned　to　the　side；　peering　from　under　the　bed；　Chyna　had　still　been　gazing　at　her　mother's　bare　feet。　As　flashes　of　lightning　strobed　the　small　room；　a　cloth　swirled　to　the　floor；　a　soft　drift　of　yellow　linen　around　Anne's　slender　ankles。　Her　blouse。　She　giggled　drunkenly　as　her　shorts　slid　down　her　tanned　legs；　and　she　stepped　out　of　them。
　In　Chyna's　clenched　hand；　the　angry　beetle's　legs　had　churned。　Antennae　quivered；　ceaselessly　seeking。　Woltz　kicked　off　his　sandals；　and　one　of　them　clattered　to　the　edge　of　the　bed；　in　front　of　Chyna's　face；　and　she　heard　a　zipper。　Hard　and　cool　and　oily；　the　palmetto's　small　head　rolled　between　two　of　Chyna's　fingers。　Woltzs　tattered　jeans　fell　in　a　heap；　with　a　soft　clink　of　the　belt　buckle。
　He　and　Anne　had　dropped　onto　the　narrow　bed；　and　the　springs　had　twanged；　and　the　weight　had　made　the　frame　slats　sag　against　Chyna's　shoulders　and　back；　pinning　her　to　the　floor。　Sighs；　murmurs；　urgent　encouragements；　groans；　breathless　gasps；　and　coarse　animal　grunting…Chyna　had　heard　it　on　other　nights　in　Key　West　and　elsewhere　but　always　before　through　walls；　from　rooms　next　door。　She　didn't　really　know　what　it　meant；　and　she　didn't　want　to　know；　because　she　sensed　that　this　knowledge　would　bring　new　dangers；　with　which　she　wasn't　equipped　to　deal。　Whatever　her　mother　and　Woltz　were　doing　above　her　was　both　frightening　and　deeply　sad；　full　of　terrible　meaning；　no　less　strange　or　less　powerful　than　the　thunder　brea…；　up　the　sky　above　the　Gulf　and　the　lightning　thrown　out　of　Heaven　into　the　earth。
　Chyna　had　closed　her　eyes　against　the　lightning　and　the　sight　of　the　discarded　clothes。　She　strove　to　shut　out　the　smell　of　dust　and　mildew　and　beer　and　sweat　and　her　mother's　scented　bath　soap；　and　she　imagined　that　her　ears　were　packed　full　of　wax　that　muffled　the　thunder　and　the　drumming　of　the　rain　on　the　roof　and　the　sounds　of　Anne　with　Woltz。　As　fiercely　clenched　as　she　was；　she　ought　to　have　been　able　to　squeeze　herself　into　a　safe　state　of　insensate　patience　or　even　through　a　magical　portal　into　the　Wild　Wood。
　She　had　been　less　than　half　successful；　however；　because　Woltz　had　rocked　the　narrow　bed　so　forcefully　that　Chyna　consciously　had　to　time　her　breathing　to　the　rhythm　he　established。　When　the　frame　slats　swagged　down　with　the　full　thrust　of　his　weight；　they　pressed　Chyna　so　hard　against　the　bare　wood　floor　that　her　chest　ached　and　her　lungs　couldn't　expand。　She　could　inhale　only　when　he　lifted　up；　and　when　he　bore　down；　he　virtually　forced　her　to　exhale。　It　went　on　for　what　seemed　to　be　a　long　time；　and　when　at　last　it　was　over；　Chyna　lay　shivering　and　sweat…soaked；　numb　with　terror　and　desperate　to　forget　what　she　had　heard；　surprised　that　the　breath　hadn't　been　crushed　out　of　her　forever　and　that　her　heart　had　not　burst。　In　her　hand　was　what　remained　of　the　large　palmetto　beetle；　which　she　had　unwittingly　crushed；　ichor　oozed　between　her　fingers；　a　disgusting　slime　that　might　have　been　vaguely　warm　when　first　it　had　gushed　from　the　beetle　but　was　now　cool；　and　her　stomach　rolled　with　nausea　at　the　alien　texture　of　the　stuff。
　After　a　while；　following　a　spate　of　murmurs　and　soft　laughter；　Anne　had　gotten　off　the　bed；　snatched　up　her　clothes；　and　gone　down　the　hall　to　the　bathroom。　As　the　bathroom　door　closed；　Woltz　switched　on　a　small　nightstand　lamp；　shifted　his　weight　on　the　bed；　and　leaned　over　the　side。　His　face　appeared　upside　down　in　front　of　Chyna。　The　light　was　behind　him　and　his　face　was　shadowed　but　for　a　dark　glitter　in　his　eyes。
　He　smiled　at　her　and　said；　〃How's　the　birthday　girl？〃
　Chyna　was　unable　to　speak　or　move；　and　she　half　believed　that　the　wetness　in　her　hand　was　a　bloody　hunk　of　chum。　She　knew　that　Woltz　would　chop　her　up　for　having　heard　him　with　her　mother；　chop　her　to　pieces　and　put　her　in　bait　buckets　and　take　her　out　to　sea　for　the　sharks。　Instead；　he'd　gotten　out　of　bed　and…from　her　perspective　once　more　just　a　pair　of　feet…he　had　squirmed　into　his　jeans；　put　on　his　sandals；　and　left　the　room。
　
　In　Edgler　Vess's　cellar；　thousands　of　miles　and　eighteen　years　from　that　night　in　Key　West；　Chyna　saw　that　Ariel　at　last　seemed　to　be　staring　at　the　power　drill　rather　than　through　it。
　〃I　don't　know　how　long　I　stayed　under　the　bed；〃　she　continued。　〃Maybe　a　few　minutes；　maybe　an　hour。　I　heard　him　and　my　mother　in　the　kitchen　again；　getting　another　bottle　of　beer；　fixing　another　vodka　with　lemonade　for　her；　talking　and　laughing。　And　there　was　something　in　her　laugh…a　dirty　little　snicker　。。。　I'm　not　sure…but　something　that　made　me　think　she　knew　I'd　been　hiding　under　there；　knew　it　but　went　along　with　Woltz　when　he　unbuttoned　her　blouse。〃
　She　stared　at　her　cuffed　hands　on　the　workbench。　She　could　feel　the　beetle's　ichor　as　if　it　were　even　now　oozing　between　her　fingers。　When　she　had　crushed　the　insect；　she　had　also　crushed　what　remained　of　her　own　fragile　innocence　and　all　hope　Of　being　a　daughter　to　her　mother；　though　after　that　night；　she　had　still　needed　years　to　understand　as　much。
　〃I've　no　memory　at　all　of　how　I　left　the　cottage；　maybe　through　the　front　door；　maybe　through　a　window；　but　the　next　thing　I　knew；　I　was　on　the　beach　in　the　storm。　I　went　to　the　edge　of　the　water　and　washed　my　hands　in　the　surf。　The　breakers　weren't　huge。　They　seldom　are；　there；　except　in　a　hurricane；　and　this　was　only　a　tropical　storm；　almost　windless；　the　heavy　rain　ing　straight　down。　Still；　the　waves　were　bigger　than　usual；　and　I　thought　about　swimming　out　into　the　black　water　until　I　found　an　undertow。　I　tried　to　persuade　myself　that　it　would　be　all　right；　just　swimming　in　the　dark　until　I　got　tired；　told　myself　I　would　just　be　going　to　God。〃
　Ariel's　hands　appeared　to　tighten　on　the　drill。
　〃But　for　the　first　time　in　my　life；　I　was　afraid　of　the　sea…of　how　the　breaking　waves　sounded　like　a　giant　heart；　of　how　the　nearby　water　was　as　shiny　black　as　a　beetle's　shell　and　seemed　to　curve　up；　in　the　near　distance；　to　meet　a　black　sky　that　didn't　shine　at　all。　It　was　the　endlessness　and　seamlessness　of　the　dark　that　scared　me　continully…although　that　wasn't　a　word　I　knew　back　then。　So　I　stretched　out　on　the　beach；　flat　on　my　back　in　the　sand；　with　the　rain　beating　down　on　me　so　hard　that　I　couldn't　keep　my　eyes　open。　Even　behind　my　eyelids；　I　could　see　the　lightning；　a　bright　ghost　of　it；　and　because　I　was　too　scared　to　swim　out　to　God；　I　waited　for　God　to　e　to　me；　blazing　bright。　But　He　didn't　e；　didn't　e；　and　eventually　I　fell　asleep。　Shortly　after　dawn；　when　I　woke；　the　storm　had　passed。　The　sky　was　red　in　the　east；　sapphire　in　the　west；　the　ocean　flat　and　green。　I　went　inside；　and　Anne　and　Woltz　were　still　asleep　in　his　room。　My　birthday　cake　was　on　the　kitchen　table　where　it　had　been　the　night　before。　The　pink　and　white　icing　was　soft　and　beaded　with　yellowish　oil　in　the　heat；　and　the　eight　candles　were　all　cockeyed。　No　one　had　cut　a　slice　from　it；　and。　I　didn't　touch　it　either。。。　Two　days　later；　my　mother　pulled　up　stakes　and　carted　me　off　to　Tupelo；　Mississippi；　or　Santa　Fe；　or　maybe　Boston。　I　don't　remember　where；　exactly；　but　I　was　relieved　to　be　leaving…and　afraid　of　who　we　would　settle　in　with　next。　Happy　only　in　the　traveling；　gone　from　one　thing　but　not　yet　arrived　at　the　next；　the　peace　of　the　road　or　the　rails。　I　could　have　traveled　forever　without　a　destination。〃
　Above　them；　the　house　of　Edgler　Vess　remained　silent。　A　spiky　shadow　moved　across　the　cellar　floor。　Looking　up；　Chyna　saw　a　busy　spider　spinning　a　web　between　one　of　the　ceiling　joists　and　one　of　the　lighting　fixtures。
　Maybe　she'd　have　to　deal　with　the　Dobermans　while　handcuffed。　Time　was　running　out。
　Ariel　picked　up　the　power　drill。　Chyna　opened　her　mouth　to　speak　a　few　words　of　encouragement　but　then　was　afraid　that　she　might　say　the　wrong　thing　and　send　the　girl　deeper　into　her　trance。
　Instead；　she　spotted　the　safety　goggles　and；　making　no　ment；　got　up　and　put　them　on　the　girl。　Ariel　submitted　without　objection。
　Chyna　returned　to　the　stool　and　waited。　A　frown　su