cb.imajica1-第43章

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u　found。　I　didn't　want　to　know　where　he　got　them。〃
　〃You　never　asked　him？〃　she　said。
　〃I　did；　finally。　One　night　when　you　were　away　and　I　was　drunk；　he　came　round　with　that　book　you　found　in　the　safe；　and　I　asked　him　outright　where　he　got　this　smut　from。　I　wasn't　ready　to　believe　what　he　told　me。　You　know　what　made　me　ready？〃
　〃No。　What？〃
　〃The　body　on　the　heath。　I　told　you　about　it；　didn't　I？　I　watched　them　digging　around　in　the　muck　and　the　rain　for　two　days　and　I　kept　thinking；　What　a　fucking　life　this　is！　No　way　out　except　feet　first。　I　was　ready　to　slit　my　wrists；　and　I　probably　would　have　done　it　except　that　you　appeared；　and　I　remembered　the　way　I　felt　about　you　when　I　first　saw　you。　I　remembered　feeling　as　though　something　miraculous　was　happening；　as　though　I　was　reclaiming　something　I'd　lost。　And　I　thought；　If　I　believe　in　one　miracle　I　may　as　well　believe　in　them　all。　Even　Oscar's。　Even　his　talk　about　the　Imajica；　and　the　Dominions　in　the　Imajica；　and　the　people　there；　and　the　cities。　I　just　thought；　Why　not。　。　。　embrace　it　all　before　I　lose　the　chance？　Before　I'm　a　body　lying　out　in　the　rain。〃
　〃You　won't　die　in　the　rain。〃
　〃I　don't　care　where　I　die；　Jude；　I　care　where　1　live；　and　I　want　to　live　in　some　kind　of　hope。　I　want　to　live　with　you。〃
　〃Charlie；〃　she　chided　softly；　〃we　shouldn't　talk　about　that　now。〃
　〃Why　not？　What　better　time？　I　know　you　brought　me　here　because　you've　got　questions　of　your　own　you　want　answering；　and　I　don't　blame　you。　If　I'd　seen　that　damn　assassin　e　after　me；　I'd　be　asking　questions　too。　But　think　about　it；　Judy；　that's　all　I'm　asking。　Think　about　whether　the　new　Charlie's　worth　a　little　bit　of　your　time。　Will　you　do　that？〃
　〃I'll　do　that。〃
　〃Thank　you；〃　he　said；　and　taking　the　hand　she'd　tucked　through　his　arm；　he　kissed　her　fingers。
　〃You've　heard　most　of　Oscar's　secrets　now；〃　he　said。　〃You　may　as　well　know　them　all。　See　the　little　wood　way　over　towards　the　wall？　That's　his　little　railway　station；　where　he　takes　the　train　to　wherever　he　goes。〃
　〃I'd　like　to　see　it。〃
　〃Shall　we　stroll　over　there；　ma'am？〃　he　said。　〃Where　did　the　dog　go？〃　He　whistled；　and　Skin　came　pounding　in；　raising　golden　dust。　〃Perfect；　Let's　take　the　air。〃
　
　The　afternoon　was　so　bright　it　was　easy　to　imagine　what　bliss　this　place　would　be；　even　in　its　present　decay；　e　spring　or　high　summer；　with　dandelion　seeds　and　birdsong　in　the　air　and　the　evenings　long　and　balmy。　Though　she　was　eager　to　see　the　place　Estabrook　had　described　as　Oscar's　railway　station；　she　didn't　force　the　pace。　They　strolled；　just　as　Charlie　had　suggested；　taking　time　to　cast　an　appreciative　glance　back　towards　the　house。　It　looked　even　grander　from　this　aspect；　with　the　terraces　rising　to　the　row　of　ballroom　windows。　Though　the　wood　ahead　was　not　large；　the　undergrowth　and　the　sheer　density　of　trees　kept　their　destination　from　sight　until　they　were　under　the　canopy　and　treading　the　damp　rot　of　last　September's　fall。　Only　then　did　she　realize　what　building　this　was。　She'd　seen　it　countless　times　before；　drawn　in　elevation　and　hanging　in　front　of　the　safe。
　〃The　Retreat；〃　she　said。
　〃You　recognize　it？〃
　〃Of　course。〃
　Birds　sang　in　the　branches　overhead；　misled　by　the　warmth　and　tuning　up　for　courtship。　When　she　looked　up　it　seemed　to　her　the　branches　formed　a　fretted　vault　above　the　Retreat；　as　if　echoing　its　dome。　Between　the　two；　vault　and　song；　the　place　felt　almost　sacred。
　〃Oscar　calls　it　the　Black　Chapel；〃　Charlie　said。　〃Don't　ask　me　why。〃
　It　had　no　windows　and；　from　this　side；　no　door。　They　had　to　walk　around　it　a　few　yards　before　the　entrance　came　in　sight。　Skin　was　panting　at　the　step；　but　when　Charlie　opened　the　door　the　dog　declined　to　enter。
　〃Coward；〃　Charlie　said；　preceding　Jude　over　the　threshold。　〃It's　quite　safe。〃
　The　sense　of　the　numinous　she'd　felt　outside　was　stronger　still　inside；　but　despite　all　that　she'd　experienced　since　Pie　'oh'　pah　had　e　for　her　life；　she　was　still　ill　prepared　for　mystery。　Her　modernity　burdened　her。　She　〃wished　there　was　some　forgotten　self　she　could　dredge　from　her　crippled　history；　better　equipped　for　this。　Charlie　had　his　bloodline　even　if　he'd　denied　his　name。　The　thrushes　in　the　trees　outside　resembled　absolutely　the　thrushes　who'd　sung　here　since　these　boughs　had　been　strong　enough　to　bear　them。　But　she　w。as　adrift；　resembling　nobody；　not　even　the　woman　she'd　been　six　weeks　ago。
　〃Don't　be　nervous；〃　Charlie　said；　beckoning　her　in。
　He　spoke　too　loudly　for　the　place；　his　voice　carried　around　the　vast　bare　circle　and　came　back　to　meet　him　magnified。　He　seemed　not　to　notice。　Perhaps　it　was　simply　familiarity　that　bred　this　indifference；　but　she　thought　not。　For　all　his　talk　of　embracing　the　miraculous；　Charlie　was　still　a　pragmatist；　fixed　in　the　particular。　Whatever　forces　moved　here；　and　she　felt　them　strongly；　he　was　dead　to　their　presence。
　Approaching　the　Retreat　she'd　thought　the　place　win…dowless；　but　she'd　been　wrong。　At　the　intersection　of　wall　and　dome　ran　a　ring　of　windows；　like　a　halo　fitted　to　the　chapel's　skull。　Small　though　they　were；　they　let　in　sufficient　light　to　strike　the　floor　and　rise　up　into　the　middle　of　the　space；　where　the　luminescence　converged　above　the　mosaic。　If　this　was　indeed　a　place　of　departure；　that　rarefied　spot　was　the　platform。
　〃It's　nothing　special；　is　it？〃　Charlie　observed。
　She　was　about　to　disagree；　searching　for　a　way　to　express　what　she　was　feeling；　when　Skin　began　barking　outside。　This　wasn't　the　excited　yapping　with　which　he'd　announced　each　new　pissing　place　along　the　way；　but　a　sound　of　alarm。　She　started　towards　the　door；　but　the　hold　the　chapel　had　on　her　slowed　her　response；　and　Charlie　was　out　before　she'd　reached　the　step；　calling　to　the　dog　to　be　quiet。　He　stopped　barking　suddenly。
　〃Charlie？〃　she　said。
　There　was　no　reply。　With　the　dog　quieted　she　heard　a　greater　quiet。　The　birds　had　stopped　singing。
　Again　she　said；　〃Charlie？〃　and　as　she　did　so　somebody　stepped　into　the　doorway。　It　was　not　Charlie；　this　man；　bearded　and　heavy；　was　a　stranger。　But　her　system　responded　to　the　sight　of　him　with　a　shock　of　recognition；　as　though　he　was　some　long　lost　rade。　She　might　have　thought　herself　crazy；　except　that　what　she　felt　was　echoed　on　his　face。　He　looked　at　her　with　narrowed　eyes；　turning　his　head　a　little　to　the　side。
　〃You're　Judith？〃
　〃Yes。　Who　are　you？〃
　〃Oscar　Godolphin。〃
　She　let　her　shallow　breaths　go；　in　favor　of　a　deeper　draft。
　〃Oh　。　。　。　thank　God；'1　she　said。　〃You　startled　me。　I　thought　。　。　。　I　don't　know　what　I　thought。　Did　the　dog　try　and　attack　you？〃
　〃Forget　the　dog；〃　he　said；　stepping　into　the　chapel。　〃Have　we　met　before？〃
　〃I　don't　believe　so；〃　she　said。　〃Where's　Charlie？　Is　he　all　right？〃
　Godolphin　continued　to　approach　her；　his　step　steady。　〃This　confuses　things；〃　he　said。
　〃What　does？〃
　〃Me　。　。　。　knowing　you。　You　being　whoever　you　are。　It　confuses　things。〃
　〃I　don't　see　why；〃　she　said。　〃I'd　wanted　to　meet　you；　and　I　asked　Charlie　several　times　if　he'd　introduce　us；　but　he　always　seemed　reluctant。　。　。　。〃　She　kept　chattering；　as　much　to　defend　herself　from　his　appraisal　as　for　munication's　sake。　She　felt　if　she　fell　silent　she'd　forget　herself　utterly；　bee　his　object。　〃I'm　very　pleased　we　finally　get　to　talk。〃
　He　was　close　enough　to　touch　her　now。　She　put　out　her　hand　to　shake　his。
　〃It　really　is　a　pleasure；〃　she　said。
　Outside；　the　dog　began　barking　again；　and　this　time　its　din　was　followed　by　a　shout。
　〃Oh；　God；　he's　bitten　somebody；〃　Jude　said；　and　started　towards　the　door。
　Oscar　took　hold　of　her　arm；　and　the　contact；　light　but　proprietorial；　checked　her。　She　looked　back　towards　him；　and　all　the　laughable　cliches　of　romantic　fiction　were　suddenly　real　and　deadly　serious。　Her　heart　was　beating　in　her　throat；　her　cheeks　were　beacons；　the　ground　seemed　uncertain　beneath　her　feet。　There　was　no　pleasure　in　this；　only　a　sickening　powerlessness　she　could　do　nothing　to　defend　herself　against。　Her　only　fort…and　it　was　small…was　the　fact　that　her　partner　in　this　dance　of　desire　seemed　almost　as　distressed　by　their　mutual　fixation　as　she。
　The　dog's　din　was　abruptly　cut　short；　and　she　heard　Charlie　yell　her　name。　Oscar's　glance　went　to　the　door；　and　hers　went　with　it；　to　see　Estabrook；　armed　with　a　cudgel　of　wood；　gasping　at　the　threshold。　Behind　him；　an　abomination：　a　half…burned　creature；　its　face　caved　in　（Charlie's　doing；　she　saw；　there　were　scraps　of　its　blackened　flesh　on　the　cudgel）　reaching　blindly　for　him。
　She　cried　out　at　the　sight；　and　he　stepped　aside　as　it　lurched　forward。　It　lost　its　balance　on　the　step　and　fell。　One　hand；　fingers　burned　to　the　bone；　reached　for　the　door…jamb；　but　Charlie　brought　his　weapon　down　on　its　wounded　head。　Skull　shards　flew；　silvery　blood　preceded　its　head　to　the　step；　as　its　hand　missed　its　purchase　and　it　collapsed　on　the　threshold。
　She　heard　Oscar　quietly　moan。
　〃You　fuckhead！〃　Charlie　said。
　He　was　panting　and　sweaty；　but　there　was　a　gleam　of　purpose　in　his　eye　she'd　never　seen　the　like　of。
　〃Let　her　go；〃　he　said。
　She　felt　Oscar's　grip　go　from　her　arm　and　mourned　its　departure。　What　she'd　felt　for　Charlie　had　been　only　a　prophecy　of　what　she　felt　now；　as　if　she'd　loved　him　in　remembrance　of　a　man　she'd　never　met。　And　now　that　she　had；　now　that　she'd　heard　the　true　voice　and　not　its　echo；　Estabrook　seemed　like　a　poor　substitute；　for　all　his　tardy　heroism。
　Where　these　feelings　came　from　she　didn't　know；　but　they　had　the　force　of　instinct；　and　she　would　not　be　gainsaid。　She　stared　at　Oscar。　He　was　overweight；　overdressed；　and　doubtless　overbearing：　not　the　kind　of　individual　she'd　have　sought　out；　given　the　choice。　But　for　some　reason　she　didn't　yet　prehend；　she'd　had　that　choice　denied。　Some　urge　profounder　than　conscious　desire　had　claimed　her　will。　The　fears　she　had　for　Charlie's　safety；　and　indeed　for　her　own；　were　suddenly　remote：　almost　abstractions。
　〃Take　no　notice　of　him；〃　Charlie　said。　〃He's　not　going　to　hurt　you。〃
　She　glanced　his　way。　He　looked　like　a　husk　beside　his　brother；　beset　by　tics　and　tremors。　How　had　she　ever　loved　him？
　〃e　here；〃　he　said；　beckoning　to　her。
　She　didn't　move；　until　Oscar　said；　〃Go　on。〃
　More　out　of　obedience　to　his　instruction　than　any　wish　to　go；　she　started　to　walk　towards　Charlie。
　As　she　did　so　another　shadow　fell　across　the　threshold。　A　severely　dressed　young　man　with　dyed　blond　hair　appeared　at　the　door；　the　lines　of　his　face　perfect　to　the　point　of　banality。
　〃Stay　away；　Dowd；〃　Oscar　said。　〃This　is　just　Charlie　and　me。〃
　Dowd　looked　down　at　the　body　on　the　step；　then　back　at　Oscar；　offering　two　words　of　warning：　〃He's　dangerous。〃
　〃I　know　what　he　is；〃　Oscar　said。　〃Judith；　why　don't　you　step　outside　with　Dowd？〃
　〃Don't　go　near　that　little　fucker；〃　Charlie　told　her。　〃He　killed　Skin。　And　there's　another　of　those　things　out　there。〃
　〃They're　called　voiders；　Charles；〃　Oscar　said。　〃And　they're　not　going　to　harm　a　hair　on　her　beautiful　head。　Judith。　Look　at　me。〃　She　looked　around　at　him。　〃You're　not　in　danger。　You　understand？　Nobody's　going　to　hurt　you。〃
　She　understood　and　believed　him。　Without　looking　back　at　Charlie；　she　went　to　the　door。　The　dog　killer　moved　aside；　offering　her　a　hand　to　help　her　over　the　voider's　corpse；　but　she　ign