rh.royalassassin-第15章

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　　　　　　　〃Remember；　too；　FitzChivalry；　that　you　have　already　sworn　an　oath　to　another。　Your　life　belongs　to　your　king　already。　What　would　you　offer　Molly　if　you　wed　her？　His　leavings？　The　bits　of　time　that　he　did　not　demand？　A　man　whose　duty　is　sworn　to　a　King　has　little　time　for　anyone　else　in　his　life。〃　Tears　stood　suddenly　in　her　eyes。　〃Some　women　are　willing　to　take　what　such　a　man　can　honestly　offer；　and　content　themselves　with　it。　For　others；　it　is　not　enough。　Could　never　be　enough。　You　must　。。。〃　She　hesitated；　and　it　seemed　as　if　the　words　were　wrung　from　her。　〃You　must　consider　that。　One　horse　cannot　bear　two　saddles。　However　much　he　may　wish　to　。。。〃　Her　voice　dwindled　off　on　the　last　words。　She　closed　her　eyes　as　if　something　hurt　her。　Then　she　took　a　breath　and　went　on　briskly；　as　if　she　had　never　paused；　〃Another　consideration；　FitzChivalry。　Molly　is；　or　was；　a　woman　of　prospects。
　　　　　　　She　has　a　trade；　and　knows　it　well。　I　expect　she　will　be　able　to　reestablish　herself；　after　a　time　of　hiring　out。　But　what　about　you？　What　do　you　bring　to　her？　You　write　a　fair　hand；　but　you　cannot　claim　a　full　scriber's　skills。　You　are　a　good　stable　hand；　yes；　but　that　is　not　how　you　earn　your　bread。　You　are　a　Prince's　bastard。　You　live　in　the　Keep；　you　are　fed；　you　are　clothed。　But　you　have　no　fixed　allowance。　This　could　be　a　fortable　chamber；　for　one　person。　But　did　you　expect　to　bring　Molly　here　to　live　with　you？　Or　did　you　seriously　believe　the　King　would　grant　you　permission　to　leave　Buckkeep？　And　if　he　did；　then　what？　Will　you　live　with　your　wife　and　eat　the　bread　she　earns　with　the　work　of　her　hands；　and　do　naught？　Or　would　you　be　content　to　learn　her　trade；　and　be　a　help　to　her？〃
　　　　　　　She　finally　paused。　She　did　not　expect　me　to　answer　any　of　her　questions。　I　did　not　try。　She　took　a　breath　and　resumed。　〃You　have　behaved　as　a　thoughtless　boy。　I　know　you　meant　no　harm；　and　we　must　see　that　no　harm　es　of　it。　To　anyone。　But　most　especially　to　Molly。　You　have　grown　up　amidst　the　gossip　and　intrigues　of　the　royal　court。　She　has　not。　Will　you　let　it　be　said　she　is　your　concubine；　or　worse；　a　Keep　whore？　For　long　years　now；　Buckkeep　has　been　a　man's　court。　Queen　Desire　was　。。。　the　Queen；　but　she　did　not　hold　court　as　Queen　Constance　did。　We　have　a　Queen　at　Buckkeep　again。　Already；　things　are　different　here；　as　you　will　discover。　If　you　truly　hope　to　make　Molly　your　wife；　she　must　be　brought　into　this　court　a　step　at　a　time。　Or　she　will　find　herself　an　outcast　among　politely　nodding　people。　I　am　speaking　plainly　to　you；　FitzChivalry。　Not　to　be　cruel　to　you。　But　far　better　I　am　cruel　to　you　now　than　that　Molly　live　a　lifetime　of　casual　cruelty。〃　She　spoke　so　calmly；　her　eyes　never　leaving　my　face。
　　　　　　　She　waited　until　I　asked　hopelessly；　〃What　must　I　do？〃
　　　　　　　For　a　moment　she　looked　down　at　her　hands。　Then　she　met　my　eyes　again。　〃For　now；　nothing。　I　mean　exactly　that。　I　have　made　Molly　one　of　my　serving　women。　I　am　teaching　her；　as　best　I　can；　the　ways　of　the　court。　She　is　proving　an　apt　student；　as　well　as　a　most　pleasant　teacher　for　me　in　the　matters　of　herbs　and　scent　making。　I　am　having　Fedwren　teach　her　letters；　something　she　is　most　eager　to　learn。　But　for　now；　that　is　all　that　must　be　happening。　She　must　be　accepted　by　the　women　of　the　court　as　one　of　my　ladies　…　not　the　Bastard's　woman。　After　a　time　you　may　begin　to　call　upon　her。　But　for　now　it　would　be　unseemly　for　you　to　see　her　alone；　or　even　seek　to　see　her　at　all。〃
　　　　　　　〃But　I　need　to　speak　to　her　alone。　Just　once；　just　briefly；　then　I　promise　I'll　abide　by　your　rules。　She　thinks　I　deliberately　deceived　her；　Patience。　She　thinks　I　was　drunk　last　night。　I　have　to　explain　。。。。〃
　　　　　　　But　Patience　was　shaking　her　head　before　the　first　sentence　was　out　of　my　mouth；　and　continued　until　I　faltered　to　a　halt。　〃We　have　already　had　a　sprinkling　of　rumors；　because　she　came　here　seeking　you。　Or　so　the　gossip　was。　I　have　crushed　it；　assuring　everyone　that　Molly　came　to　me　because　she　was　facing　difficulties　and　her　mother　had　been　a　tiring　woman　to　Lady　Heather　during　the　time　of　Queen　Constance's　court。　Which　is　true；　and　hence　she　does　have　the　right　to　seek　me　out；　for　was　not　Lady　Heather　a　friend　to　me　when　first　I　came　to　Buckkeep？〃
　　　　　　　〃Did　you　know　Molly's　mother？〃　I　asked　curiously。
　　　　　　　〃Not　really。　She　had　left；　to　marry　a　chandler；　before　I　came　to　Buckkeep。　But　I　did　know　Lady　Heather；　and　she　was　kind　to　me。〃　She　dismissed　my　question。
　　　　　　　〃But　couldn't　I　e　to　your　chambers；　and　speak　to　her　there；　privately；　and…〃
　　　　　　　〃I　will　not　have　a　scandal！〃　she　declared　firmly。　〃I　will　not　tempt　a　scandal。　Fitz；　you　have　enemies　at　court。　I　will　not　let　Molly　bee　their　victim　for　their　aims　of　hurting　you。　There。　Have　I　spoken　plainly　enough　at　last？〃
　　　　　　　She　had　spoken　plainly；　and　of　things　I　had　believed　her　ignorant。　How　much　did　she　know　of　my　enemies？　Did　she　think　it　merely　social？　Though　that　would　be　enough　at　court。　I　thought　of　Regal；　and　his　sly　witticisms；　and　how　he　could　turn　and　speak　softly　to　his　hangers…on　at　a　feast　and　all　would　smirk　to　one　another　and　add　soft…voiced　ments　to　the　Prince's　criticism。　I　thought　how　I　would　have　to　kill　him。
　　　　　　　〃By　the　set　of　your　jaw；　I　see　you　understand。〃　Patience　arose；　setting　her　teacup　on　the　table。　〃Lacey。　I　believe　we　should　leave　FitzChivalry　to　rest　now。〃
　　　　　　　〃Please；　at　least　tell　her　not　to　be　angry　with　me；〃　I　begged。　〃Tell　her　I　wasn't　drunk　last　night。　Tell　her　I　never　meant　to　deceive　her；　or　to　cause　her　any　harm。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　will　carry　no　such　message！　Nor　shall　you；　Lacey！　Don't　think　I　didn't　see　that　wink。　Both　of　you；　I　insist　that　you　will　be　decorous。　Remember　this；　FitzChivalry。　You　do　not　know　Molly。　Mistress　Chandler。　She　does　not　know　you。　It　is　how　it　must　be。　Now　e；　Lacey。　FitzChivalry；　I　expect　you　to　get　some　rest　tonight。〃
　　　　　　　They　left　me。　Although　I　tried　to　catch　Lacey's　eyes　and　win　her　alliance；　she　refused　to　glance　at　me。　The　door　closed　behind　them　and　I　leaned　back　on　my　pillows。　I　tried　not　to　let　my　mind　rattle　against　the　restrictions　Patience　had　set　upon　me。　Annoying　as　it　was；　she　was　right。　I　could　only　hope　that　Molly　would　see　my　behavior　as　thoughtless　rather　than　deceitful　or　conniving。
　　　　　　　I　arose　from　my　bed　and　went　to　poke　at　the　fire。　Then　I　sat　on　the　hearth　and　looked　about　my　chamber。　After　my　months　in　the　Mountain　Kingdom；　it　seemed　a　bleak　place　indeed。　The　closest　my　chamber　came　to　decoration　was　a　rather　dusty　tapestry　of　King　Wisdom　befriending　the　Elderlings。　It　had　e　with　the　chamber；　as　had　the　cedar　chest　at　the　foot　of　my　bed。　I　stared　up　at　the　tapestry　critically。　It　was　old　and　moth…eaten；　I　could　see　why　it　had　been　banished　to　here。　When　I　had　been　younger；　it　had　given　me　nightmares。　Woven　in　an　old　style；　King　Wisdom　appeared　strangely　elongated；　while　the　Elderlings　bore　no　resemblance　to　any　creatures　I　had　ever　seen。　There　was　a　suggestion　of　wings　on　their　bulging　shoulders。　Or　perhaps　that　was　meant　to　be　a　halo　of　light　surrounding　them。　I　leaned　back　on　the　hearth　to　consider　them。
　　　　　　　I　dozed。　I　awakened　to　a　draft　on　my　shoulder。　The　secret　door　beside　the　hearth　that　led　up　to　Chade's　domain　was　wide…open　and　beckoning。　I　arose　stiffly；　stretched；　and　went　up　the　stone　stairs。　Thus　had　I　first　gone；　so　long　ago；　clad　then　as　I　was　now　in　just　my　nightshirt。　I　had　followed　a　frightening　old　man　with　a　pocked　visage　and　eyes　sharp　and　bright　as　a　raven's。　He　had　offered　to　teach　me　to　kill　people。　He　had　also　offered；　wordlessly；　to　be　my　friend。　I　had　accepted　both　offers。
　　　　　　　The　stone　steps　were　cold。　Here　there　were　still　cobwebs　and　dust　and　soot　above　the　sconces　on　the　walls。　So　the　housecleaning　hadn't　extended　to　this　staircase。　Nor　to　Chade's　quarters。　They　were　as　chaotic；　disreputable；　and　fortable　as　ever。　At　one　end　of　his　chamber　was　his　working　hearth；　bare　stone　floors　and　an　immense　table。　The　usual　clutter　overflowed　it：　mortars　and　pestles；　sticky　dishes　of　meat　scraps　for　Slink　the　weasel；　pots　of　dried　herbs；　tablets　and　scrolls；　spoons　and　tongs；　and　a　blackened　kettle；　still　sending　a　reeking　smoke　curling　into　the　chamber。
　　　　　　　But　Chade　was　not　there。　No；　he　was　at　the　other　end　of　the　chamber；　where　a　fatly　cushioned　chair　faced　a　hearth　with　a　dancing　fire。　Carpets　overlay　one　another　over　the　floor　there；　and　an　elegantly　carved　table　held　a　glass　bowl　of　fall　apples　and　a　decanter　of　summer　wine。　Chade　was　ensconced　in　the　chair；　a　partially　unrolled　scroll　held　to　the　light　as　he　read　it。　Did　he　hold　it　farther　from　his　nose　than　once　he　had；　and　were　his　spare　arms　more　desiccated？　I　wondered　if　he　had　aged　in　the　months　I　had　been　away；　or　if　I　had　simply　not　noticed　before。　His　gray　woolen　robe　looked　as　well…worn　as　ever；　and　his　long　gray　hair　overlay　its　shoulders　and　seemed　the　same　color。　As　always；　I　stood　silent　until　he　deigned　to　look　up　and　recognize　my　presence。　Some　things　changed；　but　some　things　did　not。
　　　　　　　He　finally　lowered　the　scroll　and　looked　my　way。　He　had　green　eyes；　and　their　lightness　was　always　surprising　in　his　Farseer　face。　Despite　the　poxlike　scars　that　stippled　his　face　and　arms；　his　bastard　bloodlines　were　almost　as　plain…marked　as　mine。　I　suppose　I　could　have　claimed　his　as　a　great…uncle；　but　our　apprentice…to…master　relationship　was　closer　than　a　blood　tie。　He　looked　me　over　and　I　self…consciously　stood　straighter　under　his　scrutiny。　His　voice　was　grave　as　he　manded；　〃Boy；　e　into　the　light。〃
　　　　　　　I　advanced　a　dozen　steps　and　stood　apprehensively。　He　studied　me　as　intently　as　he　had　studied　the　scroll。　〃Were　we　ambitious　traitors；　you　and　I；　we　would　make　sure　folk　marked　your　resemblance　to　Chivalry。　I　could　teach　you　to　stand　as　he　stood；　you　already　walk　as　he　did。　I　could　show　you　how　to　add　lines　to　your　face　to　make　you　appear　older。　You　have　most　of　his　height。　You　could　learn　his　catchphrases；　and　the　way　he　laughed。　Slowly；　we　could　gather　power；　in　quiet　ways；　with　none　even　recognizing　what　they　were　conceding。　And　one　day；　we　could　step　up　and　take　power。〃
　　　　　　　He　paused。　。
　　　　　　　Slowly　I　shook　my　head。　Then　we　both　smiled；　and　I　came　to　sit　on　the　hearthstones　by　his　feet。　The　warmth　of　the　fire　on　my　back　felt　good。
　　　　　　　〃It's　my　trade；　I　suppose。〃　He　sighed　and　took　a　sip　of　his　wine。　〃I　have　to　think　of　these　things；　for　I　know　that　others　will。　One　day；　sooner　or　later；　some　petty　noble　will　believe　it　an　original　idea　and　approach　you　with　it。　Wait　and　see　if　I　am　not　right。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　pray　you　are　wrong。　I　have　had　enough　of　intrigues；　Chade；　and　not　fared　as　well　at　that　game　as　I　had　expected　to。
　　　　　　　〃You　did　not　do　badly；　with　the　hand　you　were　dealt。　You　survived。〃　He　looked　past　me　into　the　fire。　A　question　hung　between　us；　almost　palpably。　Why　had　King　Shrewd　revealed　to　Prince　Regal　that　I　was　his　trained　assassin？　Why　had　he　put　me　in　the　position　of　reporting　to　and　taking　orders　from　a　man　who　wished　me　dead？　Had　he　traded　me　away　to　Regal；　to　distract　him　from　his　other　discontents？　And　if　I　had　been　a　sacrificial　pawn；　was　I　still　being　dangled　as　bait　and　a　distraction　to　the　younger　Prince？　I　think　not　even　Chade　could　have　answered　all　my　questions；　and　to　ask　any　of　them　would　h