ggk.asongforarbonne-第38章

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d　the　same　sort　of　stories　about　Thierry　de　Carenzu；　but　then　he　hadn't　asked；　or　been　much　interested。
　　〃I　see；〃　he　said　heavily。
　　〃No　you　don't；〃　said　Ariane　de　Carenzu　sharply；　irony　and　amusement　gone　from　her　voice。　〃I　don't　think　you　see　at　all。　You　will　have　just　now　concluded　that　I　am　wandering　in　the　night　because　my　husband's　preference　in　bed　partners　is　for　boys。　You　will　be　deciding　that　I　am　to　be　understood　in　the　light　of　that　fact。　Hear　me　then：　I　am　here　of　my　own　choice；　and　no　taste　or　orientation　of　the　man　my　father　married　me　to　would　affect　that　decision；　short　of　physical　restraint。〃
　　〃So　pleasure　is　all？　What　of　loyalty？〃
　　She　shook　her　head　impatiently。　〃When　the　day　es　that　a　man　and　woman　of　our　society　may　wed　because　they　choose　each　other　freely；　then　talk　to　me　of　loyalty。　But　so　long　as　women　are　coinage　in　a　game　of　castles　and　nations；　even　in　Arbonne；　then　I　will　admit　no　such　duty　and　will　dedicate　my　life　to　changing　the　way　of　things。　And　this　has　nothing；　nothing　at　all　to　do　with　Thierry's　habits　or　preferences。〃　She　stood　up；　moving　between　him　and　the　candle；　her　vivid　face　suddenly　in　shadow。　〃On　the　other　hand；　I　know　nothing　of　your　own　habits　or　tastes。　Would　you　prefer　me　to　leave？　I　can　be　gone　quietly　the　same　way　I　came　in。〃
　　〃Why　should　it　matter　if　you　are　quiet　or　not？〃　he　said；　stubbornly　holding　to　his　anger。　〃We're　in　Arbonne　aren't　we？　In　Tavernel　at　Midsummer。〃
　　He　couldn't　read　her　eyes；　with　the　one　flickering　candle　behind　her；　but　he　saw　again　the　impatient　motions　of　her　head。　〃e；　Blaise；　you　are　cleverer　than　that。　Discretion　is　at　the　heart　of　all　of　this。　I　am　not　here　to　bring　shame　to　anyone；　least　of　all　myself。　There　is　no　public　duty　I　owe　my　lord　or　my　people　in　which　I　have　been　found　wanting。　I　dare　say　that；　and　I　know　it　to　be　true。　Thierry　has　my　respect　and　I　am　quite　certain　I　have　his。　The　duties　I　owe　myself　are　different。　What　happens　alone　at　night　between　two　people　who　are　adults　about　it　need　not　impact　upon　the　world　in　any　way　that　matters。〃
　　〃Then　why　bother？　Why　bother　to　be　together？　Has　your　Court　of　Love　ruled　on　that？〃　He　meant　to　sound　sardonic；　but　it　didn't　e　out　that　way。
　　〃Of　course　it　has；〃　she　said。　〃We　e　together　to　glory　in　the　gift　of　life　the　goddess　gave　us　。。。　or　the　god；　if　you　prefer。　Sometimes　the　best　things　in　our　lives　e　to　us　of　a　night　and　are　gone　in　the　morning。　Have　you　never　found　that？〃
　　He　had　found　something　very　near　to　that；　but　the　morning's　ultimate　legacy　had　been　lasting　pain。　He　almost　said　as　much。　There　was　a　silence。　In　the　shadows；　her　silhouetted　form　might　almost　have　been　Lucianna's。　He　could　imagine　the　same　feel　to　her　black　hair　and　remember　the　light　touch　that　traced　a　path　along　。。。　
　　But　no。　Remembering　the　past　was　where　his　anger　lay。　This　woman　had　done　him　no　wrong　that　he　knew　of；　and　was；　by　her　own　lights；　honouring　him　with　her　presence　here。　He　swallowed。
　　She　said；　〃It　is　all　right。　You　are　tired。　I　did　not　mean　to　offend　you。　I　will　leave。〃
　　Blaise　could　not　afterwards　have　said　what　sequence　of　movements　brought　them　together。　As　he　gathered　her　in　his　arms　he　was　aware　that　he　was　trembling；　he　had　not　touched　a　woman　since　Rosala；　and　that　night；　too；　carried　its　heavy　burden　of　anger　and　self…reproach；　both　during　and　afterwards。　Even　as　he　lowered　his　mouth　to　Ariane's；　breathing　deeply　of　the　scent　that　clung　to　her；　Blaise　was　bracing　himself　to　resist　the　alluring　ways　of　yet　another　sophisticated　woman　of　the　south。　Lucianna　had　surely　taught　him　that　much；　if　he　had　learned　nothing　from　a　spring　and　summer　in　Portezza　he　would　be　a　man　living　an　utterly　wasted　life。　Blaise　was　prepared；　defended。
　　He　was　not。　For　where　Lucianna　Delonghi　had　used　love　and　lovemaking　as　instruments；　weapons　in　subtle；　intricately　devised　campaigns；　a　pursuit　of　pleasure　and　power　through　binding　men's　spirits　helplessly　to　her；　Blaise　was　given　a　gift　that　night　in　Tavernel　of　a　strong　soul's　love…making；　without　eluding；　fierce　as　wind；　with　grace　yet　at　the　heart　of　it　and　needs　of　her　own；　offered　honestly　and　without　holding　back。
　　And　in　the　turning；　interwoven　movements　of　that　night　upon　his　bed　in　the　city　palace　of　Bertran　de　Talair；　Blaise　found；　for　a　short　while　in　the　darkness　after　the　one　candle　burned　out；　an　easing　of　his　own　twin　pains；　the　old　one　and　the　new；　and　an　access　to　sharing　hitherto　denied　him。　He　offered　her　what　he　had　to　give；　and　even；　towards　the　end；　with　irony　pushed　back　far　away；　some　of　the　things　he'd　learned　in　Portezza；　the　skills　and　patterns　of　what　men　and　women　could　do　lying　with　each　other　when　trust　and　desire　came　together。　Accepting　what　he　offered；　laughing　once；　breathlessly　as　if　in　genuine　surprise；　Ariane　de　Carenzu　bestowed　upon　him　in　turn　something　rich　and　rare；　as　a　tree　that　flowers　at　night　without　a　leaf；　and　Blaise　was；　for　all　the　bitterness　that　lay　within　him；　yet　wise　enough　and　deep　enough　to　accept　it　as　such　and　let　her　sense　his　gratitude。
　　In　the　end　he　slept；　holding　her　in　his　arms；　breathing　the　scent　of　her；　slaked　of　hunger　and　need；　returned　to　his　weariness　as　to　a　garden；　through　the　thickets　and　brambles　of　his　history。
　　He　woke　some　time　later；　disturbed　by　a　sound　outside　in　the　street。　She　was　still　with　him；　head　on　his　chest；　her　dark　hair　spread　like　a　curtain　to　cover　them　both。　He　moved　one　hand　and　stroked　it；　marvelling。
　　〃Well；〃　said　Ariane。　〃Well；　well；　well　。。。　〃
　　He　laughed　quietly。　She　had　meant　him　to　laugh。　He　shook　his　head。　〃This　has　been　the　longest　night　I　can　remember。〃　It　was　hard　to　believe　how　much　had　happened；　in　so　many　different　ways；　since　they　had　arrived　in　Tavernel　in　the　afternoon　and　walked　through　the　thronged　streets　to　The　Liensenne。
　　〃Is　it　over？〃　Ariane　de　Carenzu　asked　in　a　whisper。　Her　hand　began　moving　slowly；　fingernails　barely　brushing　his　skin。　〃If　the　songs　tell　true　we　have　until　the　lark　sings　at　dawn。〃
　　He　felt　desire　returning；　inexorable　as　the　first　beginning　of　a　wave　far　out　at　sea。　〃Wait；〃　he　said　awkwardly。　〃I　have　a　question。〃
　　〃Oh　dear。〃
　　〃No；　nothing　terrible　or　very　difficult。　Just　something　about　Arbonne；　about　people　we　know。　Something　I　should　have　asked　about　a　long　time　ago。〃
　　Her　hand　was　still；　resting　on　his　thigh。　〃Yes？〃
　　〃What　is　it　between　Talair　and　Miraval？　The　hatred　there？〃
　　It　was　true；　what　he'd　said；　what　he'd　e　to　realize　earlier　tonight：　there　was　something　unnatural　about　the　refusal　to　learn　that　had　carried　him　through　his　months　here　in　Arbonne。
　　Ariane　was　silent　for　a　moment；　then　she　sighed。　〃That　is　a　terrible　question；　actually；　and　a　difficult　one。　You'll　have　me　chasing　my　own　memories。〃
　　〃Forgive　me；　I…〃
　　〃No；　it　is　all　right。　I　have　been　thinking　about　them　all　in　any　case。　The　memories　are　never　far　away。　They　have　shaped　so　much　of　what　we　are。〃　She　hesitated。　〃Have　you　at　least　heard　of　Aelis　de　Barbentain；　who　became　Aelis　de　Miraval？〃
　　He　shook　his　head。　〃I'm　sorry。　No。〃
　　〃The　youngest　child　of　Signe　and　Guibor。　Heir　to　Arbonne　because　her　sister　Beatritz　went　to　the　goddess　and　the　two　brothers　died　of　plague　quite　young。　Wedded　to　En　Urté　de　Miraval　when　she　was　seventeen　years　old。　My　cousin。〃　She　hesitated；　but　only　briefly。　〃Bertran's　lover；　and　I　think　the　only　real　love　of　his　life。〃
　　There　was　a　silence　again。　In　it；　Blaise　heard　once　more；　as　if　the　speaker　was　actually　in　the　room　with　them；　Bertran's　words　on　a　dark　stairway　in　the　depths　of　another　night：　The　god　knows；　and　sweet　Rian　knows　I've　tried；　but　in　twenty…three　years　I've　never　yet　found　a　woman　to　equal　her。
　　Blaise　cleared　his　throat。　〃I　think；　actually；　that　last　will　be　true。　He　said　something　to　me　in　Baude　Castle　that　would　fit　。。。　what　you　just　said。〃
　　Ariane　lifted　her　head　to　look　at　him。　〃He　must　have　been　in　a　strange　mood　to　say　anything　about　it　at　all。〃
　　Blaise　nodded　his　head。　〃He　was。〃
　　〃He　must　have　trusted　you；　too；　oddly　enough。〃
　　〃Or　known　the　words　would　mean　nothing　to　me。〃
　　〃Perhaps。〃
　　〃Will　you　tell　me　the　story？　It's　time　I　began　to　learn。〃
　　Ariane　sighed　again；　feeling　ambushed　almost　by　this　entirely　unexpected　question。　She　had　been　thirteen　that　year；　a　bright；　quick；　laughing　spirit；　still　a　child。　It　had　taken　her　a　long　time　to　recapture　laughter　afterwards；　and　the　child　in　her　had　been　lost　forever　the　night　Aelis　died。
　　She　was　a　grown　woman　now；　with　plex　roles　on　the　world　stage　and　the　burdens　that　came　with　those：　queen　of　the　Court　of　Love；　daughter　of　one　noble　house；　wedded　into　another。　She　was　not　a　risk…taker　by　nature；　not　like　Beatritz　or　Bertran；　she　thought　things　through　more　slowly　before　she　moved。　She　would　not　have　devised　the　scheme　they　had　for　this　son　of　Galbert　de　Garsenc；　nor　had　she　approved　when　she　was　told　of　it。　But　by　now　she　had　made　her　own　decisions　about　this　man　whose　hard　shell　of　bitterness　so　clearly　served；　like　armour　on　a　battlefield；　to　defend　something　wounded　underneath。
　　So　she　told　him　the　story；　lying　beside　him　after　love　on　a　bed　in　Bertran's　palace；　travelling　back　to　the　rhythm　and　cadence　of　her　own　words　into　the　past　as　darkness　outside　slowly　gave　way　to　grey　dawn。　She　told　him　all　of　it…quietly　spinning　the　tale　of　sorrow　from　that　long…ago　year…save　for　one　strand　of　the　old　weaving；　the　one　thing　she　never　told。　It　was　not　truly　hers；　that　last　secret；　not　hers　to　offer　anyone；　even　in　trust　or　by　way　of　binding　or　in　great　need。
　　In　the　end；　when　she　was　done　and　fell　silent；　they　did　not　make　love　again。　It　was　difficult；　Ariane　had　always　found；　to　sustain　any　desires　of　her　own　in　the　present　day　when　Aelis　was　remembered。
　　
　　Elisse　of　Cauvas　was　vain；　with；　perhaps；　some　reason　to　be。　She'd　a　ripe　figure　and　a　pleasing　voice　to　go　with　the　long…lashed；　laughing　eyes　that　made　men　feel　wittier　and　more　clever　in　her　pany　than　they　normally　did。　ing　from　the　town　that　prided　itself　on　being　the　birthplace　of　the　first　of　the　troubadours；　Anselme　himself；　she　often　felt　that　she'd　been　destined　to　be　a　joglar　and　follow　the　life　of　the　road；　castle　to　castle；　town　to　town。　She　considered　herself　miraculously　released…and　counted　her　blessings　almost　every　morning　when　she　awoke…from　the　tedium　and　premature　ageing　she　associated　with　the　life　she　might　have　expected　as　an　artisan's　daughter。　Marry　the　apprentice；　survive…if　you　were　fortunate…too　many　childbirths　in　too　few　years；　struggle　to　feed　a　family　and　keep　a　leaking　roof　intact　and　the　cold　lash　of　the　winter　wind　from　ing　in　through　chinks　in　the　walls。
　　Not　for　her；　that　life。　Not　now。　With　perhaps　a　single　irritating　exception　she　was　almost　certainly　the　best…known　of　the　women　joglars　following　the　musicians'　circuit　about　Arbonne。　As　for　that　single　exception；　until　very　recently　the　only　recognition　Lisseut　of　Vezét　ever　received　seemed　to　occur　because　her　name　was　similar　to　Elisse's！　Jourdain　had　told　an　amusing　story　about　that　a　year　ago；　and　they'd　laughed　together　over　it。
　　The　latest　touring　season　had　changed　things；　though；　or　started　to　change　them。　In　two　or　three　towns　and　a　highland　castle　in