gs.earthabides-第65章

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　　Chapter　3
　　In　the　dawn；　when　he　awoke　finally；　he　was　weak　but　clear…headed。　
　　〃This　is　very　strange；〃　he　thought；　〃because　in　the　last　few　years　I　know　that　frequently　I　have　not　been　wholly　conscious　of　what　was　happening；　and　that　is　the　way　a　very　old　man　often　is。　But　now；　as　it　was　yesterday；　I　see　everything　very　clearly。　I　wonder　what　this　can　mean？〃　
　　He　watched　the　young　men　making　breakfast　ready。　That　same　one　was　whistling　gaily　at　the　same　tune；　and　again　it　brought　to　Ish　the　thought　of　little　bells　and　happiness；　although　he　could　not　remember　its　name。　But　still　his　mind　was　clear…〃clear　as　a　bell；〃　the　old　words　came　to　him；　since　the　idea　of　bells　was　already　with　him。　
　　〃I　have　heard；〃　he　thought；　putting　the　thoughts　into　silent　sentences；　as　he　had　always　had　a　habit　of　doing；　and　now　as　an　old　man　was　more　prone　than　ever　to　do。　〃Yes；　I　have　heard；　or　more　likely　I　have　read　it　in　one　of　all　those　books…at　least；　from　somewhere　I　have　got　the　idea　that　a　man's　mind　bees　clear　just　before　he　is　to　die。　Well；　I　am　very　old；　and　it　is　likely　enough；　and　nothing　certainly　to　be　unhappy　about。　If　I　were　a　Catholic　now　and　if　things　were　different；　I　should　wish　to　confess。〃　
　　Then　by　the　little　stream；　with　the　smell　of　smoke　still　in　his　nostrils　and　with　the　old　University　buildings　looming　up　around　him；　he　thought　for　a　moment　of　his　life；　and　considered　what　he　had　piled　up　of　sins　and　of　virtues。　For　he　realized　that　a　man　should　make　peace　with　himself；　even　though　all　conditions　changed；　and　that　a　man　should　face　the　question　of　whether　in　his　life　he　had　satisfied　the　ideas　which　he　had　built　up　within　himself　as　to　what　he　should　be；　and　that　all　this　was　not　a　matter　of　priests　and　religion　but　of　a　man　himself。　
　　After　he　had　considered　his　life；　he　did　not　feel　perturbed。　He　had　made　mistakes；　but　also　he　had　sometimes　done　the　right　thing；　as　always…or　at　least　in　general…he　had　tried　to　do。　The　Great　Disaster　had　placed　him　in　a　position　for　which　he　had　no　training；　still　he　had　acplished　certain　things；　and　had　lived；　he　trusted；　not　altogether　ignobly。　
　　Just　then　one　of　them　brought　him　a　morsel　of　something　that　had　been　roasted　on　a　stick　before　the　fire。　
　　〃This　is　for　you；〃　said　the　young　man。　〃It　is　the　breast　of　a　quail　as　you　yourself；　Ish；　well　know。〃　
　　Ish　thanked　him　politely；　and　chewed　at　the　meat；　being　glad　that　he　had　teeth　left。　The　smoky　tang　of　the　open　fire　was　in　the　meat；　and　the　taste　was　delicious。　
　　〃Why　should　I　consider　dying？〃　he　thought。　〃Life　is　still　good；　and　I　am　the　last　American。〃　
　　But　he　did　not　bother　to　ment　on　anything　that　was　happening　or　to　ask　questions　as　to　what　they　would　do　that　day。　He　felt　in　some　strange　way　drawn　from　the　world；　although　he　was　still　so　fully　conscious　of　it。　
　　After　breakfast　there　came　a　shouting　from　farther　down　the　stream；　and　soon　a　newer　arrived。　There　was　a　long　talk　then；　but　Ish　did　not　pay　much　attention。　He　gathered；　in　general；　that　the　whole　tribe　was　moving　toward　a　place　where　there　were　some　lakes　and　where　the　fire　had　not　swept。　It　was　very　good　country；　according　to　what　the　newer　said。　The　three　young　men　who　had　been　with　Ish　were　at　first　inclined　to　argue　about　this；　because　they　had　not　been　consulted　in　the　decision。　But　the　other　explained　that　the　whole　question　had　been　put　up　before　the　assembly　of　The　Tribe；　and　so　decided。　The　three　then　yielded；　granting　that　what　The　Tribe　had　decided　was　binding　upon　them　also。　
　　Though　this　was　doubtless　a　very　small　incident；　Ish　found　it　particularly　gratifying。　That　was　something　which　he　had　taught　them　long　ago。　But　the　thought；　though　it　was　pleasant；　also　brought　him　sorrow　and　even　embarrassment　when　he　remembered　Charlie。　
　　Soon　they　made　preparations　to　begin　the　march；　but　Ish　was　so　weak　that　he　could　hardly　walk　at　all。　The　young　men　then　decided　that　they　would　carry　him　pickaback　by　turns；　and　so　they　started。　Carrying　him；　they　managed　to　move　more　rapidly　than　they　had　moved　on　the　preceding　day　when　he　had　walked。　They　made　jokes；　one　with　another；　about　how　light　an　old　man　grew　to　be…happy　jokes　with　a　lusty　vein　running　through　them；　as　to　why　an　old　man　was　so　light。　But　Ish　at　least　was　glad　that　he　was　no　great　burden　upon　them；　in　fact；　one　of　them　said　that　to　carry　the　hammer　was　as　heavy　a　load　as　to　carry　Ish　himself。　
　　Once　they　were　moving　in　this　fashion；　perhaps　the　joggling　of　being　carried　pickaback　affected　Ish；　and　he　found　the　fog　again　creeping　in　upon　his　brain。　He　did　not　even　know　just　where　they　were　going　or　in　what　direction　they　were　moving。　Only；　now　and　then；　some　incident　stood　out　clearly　before　him。　
　　After　a　while　they　passed　out　of　the　burned　area；　and　came　to　a　part　of　the　city　past　which　the　fire　had　swept；　leaving　it　uninjured。　From　the　dampness　in　the　air　which　made　him　shiver　a　little　Ish　realized　that　the　wind　had　changed　and　that　this　area　must　be　close　to　the　Bay。　There　were　ruins　of　factory　buildings　in　this　section。　Once　he　noticed　the　paralleled　rust　lines　of　a　railroad　track。　Everything　was　much　grown　up　with　bushes　and　some　tall　trees；　but　the　long　dry　summers　had　prevented　the　country　from　returning　to　forest；　and　so　there　was　always　a　good　deal　of　grassy　expanse　through　which　the　young　men　had　no　difficulty　in　finding　a　way。　Often；　moreover；　they　Ilowed　the　actual　lines　of　streets　where　the　asphalt　still　showed　in　places；　in　spite　of　the　weeds　growing　up　through　its　cracks　and　the　grass　encroaching　upon　its　sides　where　the　blown　dust　of　all　these　years　had　supplied　a　skin　of　soil　to　the　surface。　But　generally　the　young　men　seemed　to　steer　more　by　the　position　of　the　sun　or　by　some　distant　landmark　than　to　make　their　way　along　the　lines　of　streets。　
　　As　they　were　passing　a　thicket；　something　caught　Ish's　eye；　and　he　reached　out　his　hand　and　cried　for　it；　suddenly；　as　a　child　might。　The　young　men　saw　what　he　was　doing。　They　stopped；　laughing　merrily；　to　humor　him。　One　of　them　went　to　get　the　thing　for　which　he　had　cried　out。　When　they　brought　it；　Ish　was　delighted；　and　now　they　laughed　at　him　as　if　he　really　were　a　child；　good…naturedly。　
　　Ish　did　not　mind。　He　had　what　he　wanted。　It　was　a　scarlet　flower…a　geranium；　which　had　adapted　itself　to　the　new　life　and　lived　through　these　years。　It　was　not　the　flower　but　the　color；　Ish　realized；　that　had　given　him　that　sudden　pang　and　made　him　cry　out。　There　was　not　enough　red　in　the　world　anymore。　Being　old；　he　could　remember　a　world　in　which　dyes　and　lights　flamed　with　scarlet　and　vermilion。　But　now　the　world　had　sunk　back　into　a　quiet　harmony　of　blues　and　greens　and　browns…and　reds　no　longer　blazed　everywhere。　
　　But　as　he　jogged　along　pickaback；　he　lost　the　sense　of　what　was　happening；　and　when　he　came　to　himself　again；　they　were　all　seated　on　the　ground　taking　a　rest；　and　somewhere　he　had　dropped　the　flower。　Now；　as　he　looked　up；　his　eyes　saw　something　a　little　distance　away；　and　when　he　focused；　he　saw　that　it　was　a　road…marker。　It　was　shield…shaped；　and　he　read　U。S。　and　CALIFORNIA；　and　in　large　numerals；　4　and　0。　He　was　so　unused　to　seeing　numerals　that　it　was　a　moment　before　he　could　put　the　two　together　and　form　on　his　tongue　the　word　〃Forty。〃　
　　〃This；　then；〃　he　thought；　〃this　road　which　I　can　barely　make　out　because　of　all　the　things　growing　on　it；　this　is　old　U。S。　40…the　East　Shore　Highway。　It　used　to　be　six　lanes　wide。　We　must　be　heading　toward　the　Bay　Bridge。〃　And　then　again　he　did　not　remember　clearly　anything　more。　
　　There　was　still　another　incident　of　that　morning's　march　which　came　to　him　clearly　out　of　the　dimness　of　the　fog　pressing　in　around　him。　Again　they　had　halted；　but　this　time　they　were　not　sitting。　The　young　man　called　Jack　was　carrying　him　at　this　moment；　and　as　Ish　looked　out　over　Jack's　left　shoulder；　he　saw　the　one　with　the　spear　right　in　front　of　them；　one　on　each　side；　stood　the　two　other　young　men；　each　with　his　bow　half…drawn　and　an　arrow　nocked　ready　on　the　string。　The　two　dogs　crouched　at　heel；　and　they　were　growling　deeply。　Then；　looking　farther　on；　Ish　saw　a　huge　mountain…lion　in　the　path。　
　　The　lion　crouched；　threatening；　on　one　side。　And　on　the　other　side；　the　men　and　dogs　stood　their　ground。　Thus　they　remained　for　perhaps　a　dozen　breaths。　
　　Then　the　one　with　the　spear　said；　〃He　is　not　going　to　spring。〃　He　spoke　quietly　and　in　a　matter…of…fact　voice。　
　　〃Shall　I　shoot？〃　said　one　of　the　others。　
　　〃Don't　be　a　fool！〃　said　the　one　with　the　spear；　calmly。　
　　They　all　went　back　a　little　way；　and　made　a　detour　off　to　the　right；　making　the　dogs　keep　close　at　heel；　so　that　they　would　not　rush　off　and　alarm　or　disturb　the　lion。　In　this　way　they　went　around　the　lion；　leaving　him　possession　of　the　direct　way；　but　avoiding　trouble。　Ish　wondered　greatly　about　all　this。　As　far　as　he　could　see　the　men　were　not　afraid　of　the　beast　but　were　merely　avoiding　trouble；　and　on　the　other　hand　the　beast　did　not　seem　to　be　afraid　of　the　men。　Perhaps　it　was　because　there　were　no　more　rifles　being　used；　or　perhaps　it　was　because　there　were　so　few　men　that　a　lion　rarely　saw　one　and　could　not　realize　how　dangerous　these　not　very　dangerous…looking　creatures　could　be。　Or　perhaps；　if　the　young　men　had　not　been　encumbered　with　a　helpless　old　one；　they　might　have　attacked。　
　　Yet　certainly　he　could　not　help　thinking　that　the　men　had　lost　that　old　dominance　and　the　arrogance　with　which　they　had　once　viewed　the　animals；　and　were　now　acting　more　or　less　as　equals　with　them。　He　felt　that　this　was　too　bad；　and　yet　the　young　men　were　going　along　just　as　unconcerned　as　ever；　cracking　their　little　jokes　and　not　feeling　that　they　had　been　at　all　humiliated　by　having　to　detour　the　lion；　any　more　than　if　they　had　had　to　detour　around　a　fallen　tree…trunk　or　a　ruined　building。　
　　When　he　next　began　to　pay　attention；　they　were　approaching　the　bridge。　Ish　became　interested；　and　again　he　wished　that　he　could　tell　the　young　men　something　of　the　Old　Times；　of　what　the　bridge　used　to　be　like　when　traffic　was　pouring　across　it　in　both　directions　and　all　six　lanes　were　so　full　of　whizzing　cars　that　you　could　not　have　run　from　one　side　to　the　other　and　remained　alive。　
　　Now；　however；　as　they　slowly　walked　up　the　long　approach　and　came　to　the　first　span　on　the　East　Bay　side；　Ish　could　see　that　the　bridge　as　a　whole；　though　rust…covered；　was　still　intact。　The　pavement；　however；　was　badly　gone　to　pieces；　and　whole　sections　of　the　highway　sagged　a　little；　and　some　of　the　towers　were　noticeably　out　of　line。　
　　At　one　place　they　had　to　walk　for　a　few　feet　across　a　single　girder　which　offered　the　only　passageway。　Looking　down　from　the　young　man's　back；　Ish　could　see　clear　down　to　where　the　waves　were　slushing　back　and　forth；　and　he　noticed　that　the　metal　of　the　bridge；　where　salt　water　had　splashed　on　it　for　all　these　years；　was　deeply　corroded；　and　sagging　and　breaking。　
　　This　is　the　road　that　no　man　finishes　traveling。　This　is　the　river　so　long　that　no　vovager　finds　the　sea。　This　is　the　path　winding　among　the　hills；　and　still　winding。　This　is　the　bridge　that　no　man　crosses　wholly…lucky　is　he　who　through　the　mists　and　rain　clouds　sees；　or　even　believes　he　dimly　see