ericlustbader.the ninja-第55章

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There　seemed　to　be　no　bottom。
　'All　this　time　the　pain　was　ebbing　and；　as　it　did；　I　felt　myself　wanting　to　trust　him　more。　He　was　my　friend　and　I　became　guilty　at　holding　out　my　secrets。　How　selfish　I　was　I　How　unworthy　of　his　friendship。
　'It　was　not　numbness　which　overtook　me　now　…　I　told　you　he　would　not　allow　that。　It　was　another　sensation。　Pleasure。　It　crept　up　on　me　while　I　was　concentrating　on　not　answering　his　repeated　questions。　This　was　taking　more　and　more　energy　and　once　or　twice　I　had　to　bite　my　tongue　in　order　to　stop　myself　from　telling　him　everything　he　wanted　to　know。
　'I　felt；　at　that　moment；　my　self　slipping　away　from　me；　revealing；　underneath；　another　person　I　knew　not　at　all。　It　seemed　to　me；　then；　that　this　man　knew　more　about　me　than　I　did　and　this　terrified　me。
　'Now　I　found　myself　wanting　to　tell　him　more　than　ever。　Once　I　did；　I　was　convinced　he　would　hold　and　fort　me。　The　pleasure　grew。　I　began　to　rejoice　in　the　pain；　to　want　it；　for　it　was　my　link　with　him　and　I　began　to　feel　that　I　would　be　lost　without　it；　that　once　it　ceased　I　would　have　nothing　and；　therefore；　be　reduced　to　nothing。　Time　ceased　to　have　any　meaning。　There　was　no　past；　no　future；　just　an　endless　now　with　its　bright　connection。　My　mouth　was　hot　with　my　own　blood　as　I　fought　to　hold　back　telling　him　everything。
　'Abruptly；　it　was　gone。　The　pleasure…pain。　Everything。　I　was　lost。　Alone　in　the　tent；　I　began　to　cry；　great　dry　racking　sobs　…my　body　had　been　so　depleted　of　moisture　during　the　night　that　even　tears　would　not　e。　I　was　terrified　of　being　alone；　like　a　child　cruelly　left　by　its　mother。　I　had　been　reduced　to　a　kind　of　psychological　infancy　in　which　I　now　depended　on　my　inquisitor　as　a　baby　does　on　its　mother。　I　had　been　left　alone　so　that　it　would　be　hammered　home。　I　knew　then　that　the　moment　he　returned　and　started　on　me　again；　I　would　talk　and　talk　and　talk。　Nothing　would　stop　me。
　'I　became　abruptly　aware　of　a　sound　in　the　tent。　It　came　from　behind　my　head。　I　thought　he　had　returned　and　I　wept　for　joy。　There　came　some　scraping　sounds。　I　tried　to　twist　my　head　but　I　could　see　nothing　except　the　heavily　fluttering　tent　top。
　'Get　up！'　It　was　a　harsh　whisper　in　my　ear。
　'　〃What？〃　It　sounded　moronic。　A　bination　of　the　dehydration　and　my　swollen　tongue　made　me　sound　like　a　cross　between　a　heavy　drunk　and　a　lobotomy　case。
　'　〃Get　up！　Get　up！　Get　up！〃　the　voice　hissed。
　'I　felt　hands　under　my　back；　forcing　me　to　sit　up。　It　seemed　a　novel　experience。　For　a　moment　I　stared　stupidly　down　at　my　body；　perhaps　expecting　to　find　the　flesh　shredded　into　ribbons　or　blackened　bamboo　shoots　under　my　nails。　There　was　no　mark　on　me。　I　shuddered　as　I　forced　myself　to　remember　the　pain。
　'〃This　way！〃　the　voice　said；　urgently。　〃e　on！　Move　yourself！　There's　no　time　to　sit　around！〃
　'Gingerly；　I　swung　off　the　wooden　trestle　table　and　turned。　It　was　my　friend；　the　crippled　Japanese。　His　face　was　drawn　with　worry。　His　extended　arm　held　open　a　flap　of　the　tent　on　the　far　side。　Through　it　I　could　see　the　bright　green　of　the　jungle。　The　daylight　hurt　my　eyes　and　for　a　moment　I　felt　a　sense　of　intense　vertigo。
　'I　stumbled　across　the　room　and　he　had　to　reach　out　to　stop　me　from　falling　over。　〃I'll　never　make　it；〃　I　said。
　'　〃Yes；〃　he　whispered；　〃you　will。　They　won't　follow　you　in　the　daytime。〃　He　gave　me　some　water　then　looked　away　from　me　as　I　gulped　it　greedily　down。　〃We've　all　had　enough　of　this；〃　he　said　softly。　〃It's　so　useless；　so　pitiable。〃　He　moved　on　his　crutches。　〃e　on。　There's　no　time　to　lose。　We　can't　let　them　find　you　like　this；　can　we？〃
　'I　went　to　the　open　tent　flap。　My　chest　seemed　to　be　pounding　so　hard　that　I　thought　I　might　drop　dead　of　a　heart　attack　before　I　had　taken　ten　paces。
　'　〃I　don't　know　how　to　thank　you；〃　I　said　as　I　passed　him。
　'　〃Don't；〃　he　said。　〃We're　from　totally　different　worlds。　We　could　never　understand　each　other。〃
　'〃Oh　no？〃　I　stuck　out　my　hand。　He　touched　it　for　a　moment；　then　released　it　quickly　as　if　he　was　embarrassed　again。　〃One　last　thing；〃　I　said。　〃Who　are　they？〃　He　knew　who　I　meant。
　'　〃You　don't　want　to　know。〃　He　began　to　turn　away。　The　tent　flap　was　ing　down　like　the　curtain　between　our　two　worlds。
　'〃Yes　I　do。　Very　much。〃
　'His　back　was　already　to　me。　〃Ninja〃　I　heard　his　voice　float　back　to　me　as　if　from　a　great　distance。
　'I　wished　him　luck；'　Doc　Deerforth　concluded；　'but　I　don't　think　he　heard。　I　turned　and　ran　into　the　jungle；　away　from　the　camp；　away　from　the　ninja。'
　He　sat　staring　down　into　the　remains　of　his　eggs　as　if　they　were　a　doorway　into　the　past。　The　skin　of　his　high　forehead；　where　the　white　hair　had　receded　over　the　years；　was　shiny　with　sweat。　For　the　first　time　in　which　seemed　like　hours；　Nicholas　heard　the　stertorous　ticking　of　the　clock　on　the　wall。
　After　a　while；　Doc　Deerforth　lifted　his　head。　His　eyes　seemed　weary　as　they　looked　into　Nicholas's。　'I've　never　told　anyone　what　happened；'　he　said　softly。　'Not　the　men　in　my　unit；　not　my　C。O。；　not　even　my　wife。　I　told　you；　Nicholas；　because　I　was　certain　you'd　understand。'　His　gaze　was　steady　now；　the　eyes　seeming　to　bore　holes　right　through　Nicholas's　skull；　X…raying　his　brain。
　'You　know；　then。'
　Doc　Deerforth　didn't　need　to　nod；　his　eyes　told　Nicholas　what　he　wanted　to　know。
　'What　are　you　going　to　do？'
　'Do？'　Doc　Deerforth　seemed　genuinely　surprised。　'Why；　nothing。　What　should　I　do？'
　'I　know　how　you　feel；'　Nicholas　said；　'about　them。'
　'About　dial　one；'　Doc　Deerforth　corrected　him。
　'They're　like　that；　most　of　them。'
　'Are　they？'
　'It's　the　way　they're　trained。　Their　training　is　even　more　rigorous　than　a　samurai's　because　its　tradition　is　bound　in　such　secrecy。'
　'Tradition。　Odd；　isn't　it；　that　such　stringent　traditionalists　should　be　the　perpetrators　of　such　violent　anarchy。'
　'I　never　thought　of　it　dial　way　but；　yes；　you're　quite　right。'
　'I　want　you　to　get　this　one；　Nicholas。'　Doc　Deerforth　pushed　his　cold　plate　away　from　him。　'I　know　you're　the　only　one　who　can。　The　police　don't　know　…'
　'No；　they　don't。'
　'…　anything　at　all　about　this。　It's　very　fortunate　that　you've　bee　involved。　Have　you　thought　about　dial？〃
　The　day　was　bright；　not　a　cloud　in　the　sky。　The　dazzle　of　the　car's　chrome　was　so　intense　that　he　put　on　his　sunglasses。
　Nicholas　left　the　town　behind　as　he　drove　back　out　to　Dune　Road。　He　slid　into　the　driveway　at　the　side　of　his　house；　picked　up　the　Times　lying　outside　his　door。　He　glanced　uninterestedly　at　the　headlines；　went　down　the　steps　onto　the　beach。
　He　came　up　on　Justine's　house　from　the　right；　so　he　could　not　tell　if　her　car　was　there。　Both　the　screen　door　and　the　outer　door　were　closed　but　the　Times　had　been　taken　in。　He　went　up　the　sandy　steps。
　'She's　not　in。'
　Nicholas　turned。　Croaker　was　just　ing　round　from　the　left　side　of　the　house。　He　was　dressed　in　a　rumpled　brown　suit。　His　tie　was　pulled　half　off。　He　looked　as　if　he　hadn't　slept　for　two　or　three　nights。
　'Car's　gone。'
　'What　are　you　doing　here；　Croaker？'
　'Let's　take　a　walk。'
　He　led　Nicholas　down　to　the　beach。
　'You're　not　exactly　dressed　for　it；'　Nicholas　observed。
　'That's　all　right。　I　like　sand　in　my　shoes。　Reminds　me　of　when　I　was　a　kid。　We　used　to　stay　in　the　city　during　the　summer。　Never　had　any　money　to　go　anywhere。　We　used　the　hydrants。　Turned　them　on　and　cooled　off。'　The　water　crashed　and　creamed　past　them　on　the　right。　Far　down　the　beach；　blankets　were　being　set　up。　A　portable　radio　blatted　out　disco；　all　booming　bass　and　tattoo　percussion。　'There　were　seven　of　us。　I　don't　know　how　my　old　man　made　ends　meet。　But　you　know；　once　a　month　during　the　summer；　as　regular　as　clockwork；　he'd　call　me　over　just　before　he　went　to　work。　〃Lewis；〃　he'd　say；　〃c'mere。　I　have　something　for　you。〃　He'd　give　me　enough　money　for　a　car　fare　out　to　Coney　Island　and　an　ice　cream。　He　knew　I　loved　the　beach。　〃Promise　me　one　thing；〃　he'd　say　every　time。　〃Take　a　towel。　I〃　don't　want　your　mother　to　worry。　Okay〃？'
　Someone　went　running　out　into　the　surf；　laughing。　One　could　see　heads　bobbing　in　the　water　past　the　surf　line。　A　woman　in　a　one…piece　swimsuit　walked　towards　them；　a　bright　beach　towel　slung　nonchalantly　over　one　shoulder。　Nicholas　thought　of　Justine；　wondered　where　she'd　gone。
　'Yeah；　we're　old　friends；　the　sand　and　I。'
　The　woman　was　close　enough　for　them　to　see　how　beautiful　she　was。　Her　long　hair　had　been　streaked　by　the　sun。　She　ran　past　them　to　meet　her　lover。
　Croaker　squinted　up　at　the　sun　for　a　moment。　'I　threw　Alison　out　of　the　house　last　night。'
　Nicholas　looked　at　him　silently。
　Croaker　gave　him　a　quick　smile　that　didn't　quite　reach　his　eyes。　'Well；　it　wasn't　really　like　that。　I　think　she　wanted　to　go；　too。　Getting　restless。　Yeah。　We　both　were。'　He　stuffed　his　big　hands　in　his　trouser　pockets。　'It　was　bloodless。　Relatively。　She'll　get　over　it。　These　things'　…　his　shoulders　lifted　and　fell　…　'you　know；　they　pass　and　…'
　They　both　stopped　at　once　as　if　on　cue。　The　sea　rolled　up　near　them。　Over　the　slight　hump　of　sand　lay　a　dark　straggle　of　sea　grape。
　Croaker　looked　down　at　his　shoes；　half　sunk　in　the　sand。　When　he　looked　up；　he　said；　'Nick；　Vincent's　dead。　They　found　him　last　night。'　He　didn't　say　where。　'His　neck　had　been　broken。〃
　Nicholas　took　a　deep　breath　and　sat　down　in　the　sand。　He　wrapped　his　arms　round　his　legs；　stared　out　to　sea。
　'Nick。。。'
　He　felt　numb；　as　if　his　brain　had　been　anaesthetized。　He　recalled　Doc　Deerforth　talking　about　pain。　This　seemed　more　than　enough。　This　was　the　day　of　Terry's　and　Ei's　funeral。
　'Jesus；'　he　said。　'Jesus。'
　Croaker　crouched　down　next　to　him。　'Nick；'　he　said　gently；　'there　was　no　other　way　to　tell　you。　There　was　the　phone　but　I　couldn't　do　that。'
　Nicholas　nodded。　Through　the　numbness；　he　understood。　Croaker　had　recognized　the　debt　he　owed　him。　He　appreciated　the　fact　that　the　Lieutenant　had　e　all　the　way　out　here　when　he　only　had　to　have　someone　pick　up　a　phone　and　dial。　He　remembered　that　the　two　had　had　dinner　last　night　and　wondered　if　this　was；　in　part；　Vincent's　legacy。　If　so；　it　was　a　fitting　one。
　'Nick；'　Croaker　said。　He　hesitated。
　Nicholas's　gaze　swung　round。　'What's　going　on？　You　have　to　tell　me。'　'I　don't　know。　What　do　you　mean？　I　…　look；　Tomkin's　involved。　Up　to　his　armpits。　He　received　a　ninja　warning　about　a　week　ago。　It　fits　in。　I've　seen　it。　It's　authentic。　He　has　a　lot　of　business　deals　with　a　number　of　high…powered　Japanese　firms。　No　one's　very　buddy…buddy　in　business；　least　of　all　them。　He　crossed　them　in　some　way。　Anyhow；　it's　a　mortal　offence　he's　mitted。　There's　no　doubt　they've　sent　one　over　to　kill　him。'
　'It's　been　tried　before。　Tomkin's　a　grown…up　bastard　…now。　He　doesn't　need　your　help。'
　Nicholas　shook　his　head。　　'That's　where　you're　wrong。　Without　me；　he's　a　dead　man。'
　'But　it　makes　no　sense；　don't　you　see？　The　two　deaths　out　here；　the　three　in　the　city。　None　have　any　link　with　Tomkin。'
　'They　must　have；'　Nicholas　said；　stubbornly。　'Look；　he's　even　made　an　attempt　to　frighten　Justine。'　He　told　Croaker　about　the　furred　thing　thrown　through　the　kitchen　window。
　Croaker　looked　at　him　for　a　moment。　Beyond；　he　could　hear　the　surf　hissing　as　it　sucked　at　the　beachfront。　The　sounds　of　laughter　were　bright　and　brittle　as　if　they　were　made　to　be　broken。
　'Wha