pgw.psmith,journalist-第7章

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pon　your　interests。　When　your　thoughts　tend　to　take　a　gloomy　turn；　say　to　yourselves；　'All　is　well。　Psmith　is　keeping　a　watchful　eye　upon　our　interests。'〃
　〃All　the　same；　I　should　like　to　see　this　W。　Windsor；〃　said　Mr。　Asher。
　Psmith　shook　his　head。
　〃I　shouldn't；〃　he　said。　〃I　speak　in　your　best　interests。　rade　Windsor　is　a　man　of　the　fiercest　passions。　He　cannot　brook　interference。　Were　you　to　question　the　wisdom　of　his　plans；　there　is　no　knowing　what　might　not　happen。　He　would　be　the　first　to　regret　any　violent　action；　when　once　he　had　cooled　off；　but　would　that　be　any　consolation　to　his　victim？　I　think　not。　Of　course；　if　you　wish　it；　I　could　arrange　a　meeting〃
　Mr。　Asher　said　no；　he　thought　it　didn't　matter。
　〃I　guess　I　can　wait；〃　he　said。
　〃That；〃　said　Psmith　approvingly；　〃is　the　right　spirit。　Wait。　That　is　the　watch…word。　And　now；〃　he　added；　rising；　〃I　wonder　if　a　bit　of　lunch　somewhere　might　not　be　a　good　thing？　We　have　had　an　interesting　but　fatiguing　little　chat。　Our　tissues　require　restoring。　If　you　gentlemen　would　care　to　join　me〃
　Ten　minutes　later　the　pany　was　seated　in　plete　harmony　round　a　table　at　the　Knickerbocker。　Psmith；　with　the　dignified　bonhomie　of　a　seigneur　of　the　old　school；　was　ordering　the　wine；　while　B。　Henderson　Asher；　brimming　over　with　good…humour；　was　relating　to　an　attentive　circle　an　anecdote　which　should　have　appeared　in　his　next　instalment　of　〃Moments　of　Mirth。〃
　
　CHAPTER　IX
　FULL　STEAM　AHEAD
　
　WHEN　Psmith　returned　to　the　office；　he　found　Billy　Windsor　in　the　doorway；　just　parting　from　a　thick…set　young　man；　who　seemed　to　be　expressing　his　gratitude　to　the　editor　for　some　good　turn。　He　was　shaking　him　warmly　by　the　hand。
　Psmith　stood　aside　to　let　him　pass。
　〃An　old　college　chum；　rade　Windsor？〃　he　asked。
　〃That　was　Kid　Brady。〃
　〃The　name　is　unfamiliar　to　me。　Another　contributor？〃
　〃He's　from　my　part　of　the　countryWyoming。　He　wants　to　fight　any　one　in　the　world　at　a　hundred　and　thirty…three　pounds。〃
　〃We　all　have　our　hobbies。　rade　Brady　appears　to　have　selected　a　somewhat　exciting　one。　He　would　find　stamp…collecting　less　exacting。〃
　〃It　hasn't　given　him　much　excitement　so　far；　poor　chap；〃　said　Billy　Windsor。　〃He's　in　the　championship　class；　and　here　he　has　been　pottering　about　New　York　for　a　month　without　being　able　to　get　a　fight。　It's　always　the　way　in　this　rotten　East；〃　continued　Billy；　warming　up　as　was　his　custom　when　discussing　a　case　of　oppression　and　injustice。　〃It's　all　graft　here。　You've　got　to　let　half　a　dozen　brutes　dip　into　every　dollar　you　earn；　or　you　don't　get　a　chance。　If　the　kid　had　a　manager；　he'd　get　all　the　fights　he　wanted。　And　the　manager　would　get　nearly　all　the　money。　I've　told　him　that　we　will　back　him　up。〃
　〃You　have　hit　it；　rade　Windsor；〃　said　Psmith　with　enthusiasm。　〃Cosy　Moments　shall　be　rade　Brady's　manager。　We　will　give　him　a　much…needed　boost　up　in　our　columns。　A　sporting　section　is　what　the　paper　requires　more　than　anything。〃
　〃If　things　go　on　as　they've　started；　what　it　will　require　still　more　will　be　a　fighting…editor。　Pugsy　tells　me　you　had　visitors　while　I　was　out。〃
　〃A　few；〃　said　Psmith。　〃One　or　two　very　entertaining　fellows。　rades　Asher；　Philpotts；　and　others。　I　have　just　been　giving　them　a　bite　of　lunch　at　the　Knickerbocker。〃
　〃Lunch！〃
　〃A　most　pleasant　little　lunch。　We　are　now　as　brothers。　I　fear　I　have　made　you　perhaps　a　shade　unpopular　with　our　late　contributors；　but　these　things　must　be。　We　must　clench　our　teeth　and　face　them　manfully。　If　I　were　you；　I　think　I　should　not　drop　in　at　the　house　of　rade　Asher　and　the　rest　to　take　pot…luck　for　some　little　time　to　e。　In　order　to　soothe　the　squad　I　was　pelled　to　curse　you　to　some　extent。〃
　〃Don't　mind　me。〃
　〃I　think　I　may　say　I　didn't。〃
　〃Say；　look　here；　you　must　charge　up　the　price　of　that　lunch　to　the　office。　Necessary　expenses；　you　know。〃
　〃I　could　not　dream　of　doing　such　a　thing；　rade　Windsor。　The　whole　affair　was　a　great　treat　to　me。　I　have　few　pleasures。　rade　Asher　alone　was　worth　the　money。　I　found　his　society　intensely　interesting。　I　have　always　believed　in　the　Darwinian　theory。　rade　Asher　confirmed　my　views。〃
　They　went　into　the　inner　office。　Psmith　removed　his　hat　and　coat。
　〃And　now　once　more　to　work；〃　he　said。　〃Psmith　the　flaneur　of　Fifth　Avenue　ceases　to　exist。　In　his　place　we　find　Psmith　the　hard…headed　sub…editor。　Be　so　good　as　to　indicate　a　job　of　work　for　me；　rade　Windsor。　I　am　champing　at　my　bit。〃
　Billy　Windsor　sat　down；　and　lit　his　pipe。
　〃What　we　want　most；〃　he　said　thoughtfully；　〃is　some　big　topic。　That's　the　only　way　to　get　a　paper　going。　Look　at　Everybody's　Magazine。　They　didn't　amount　to　a　row　of　beans　till　Lawson　started　his　'Frenzied　Finance'　articles。　Directly　they　began；　the　whole　country　was　squealing　for　copies。　Everybody's　put　up　their　price　from　ten　to　fifteen　cents；　and　now　they　lead　the　field。〃
　〃The　country　must　squeal　for　Cosy　Moments；〃　said　Psmith　firmly。　〃I　fancy　I　have　a　scheme　which　may　not　prove　wholly　scaly。　Wandering　yesterday　with　rade　Jackson　in　a　search　for　Fourth　Avenue；　I　happened　upon　a　spot　called　Pleasant　Street。　Do　you　know　it？〃
　Billy　Windsor　nodded。
　〃I　went　down　there　once　or　twice　when　I　was　a　reporter。　It's　a　beastly　place。〃
　〃It　is　a　singularly　beastly　place。　We　went　into　one　of　the　houses。〃
　〃They're　pretty　bad。〃
　〃Who　owns　them？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　Probably　some　millionaire。　Those　tenement　houses　are　about　as　paying　an　investment　as　you　can　have。〃
　〃Hasn't　anybody　ever　tried　to　do　anything　about　them？〃
　〃Not　so　far　as　I　know。　It's　pretty　difficult　to　get　at　these　fellows；　you　see。　But　they're　fierce；　aren't　they；　those　houses！〃
　〃What；〃　asked　Psmith；　〃is　the　precise　difficulty　of　getting　at　these　merchants？〃　　〃Well；　it's　this　way。　There　are　all　sorts　of　laws　about　the　places；　but　any　one　who　wants　can　get　round　them　as　easy　as　falling　off　a　log。　The　law　says　a　tenement　house　is　a　building　occupied　by　more　than　two　families。　Well；　when　there's　a　fuss；　all　the　man　has　to　do　is　to　clear　out　all　the　families　but　two。　Then；　when　the　inspector　fellow　es　along；　and　says；　let's　say；　'Where's　your　running　water　on　each　floor？　That's　what　the　law　says　you've　got　to　have；　and　here　are　these　people　having　to　go　downstairs　and　out　of　doors　to　fetch　their　water　supplies；'　the　landlord　simply　replies；　'Nothing　doing。　This　isn't　a　tenement　house　at　all。　There　are　only　two　families　here。'　And　when　the　fuss　has　blown　over；　back　e　the　rest　of　the　crowd；　and　things　go　on　the　same　as　before。〃
　〃I　see；〃　said　Psmith。　〃A　very　cheery　scheme。〃
　〃Then　there's　another　thing。　You　can't　get　hold　of　the　man　who's　really　responsible；　unless　you're　prepared　to　spend　thousands　ferreting　out　evidence。　The　land　belongs　in　the　first　place　to　some　corporation　or　other。　They　lease　it　to　a　lessee。　When　there's　a　fuss；　they　say　they　aren't　responsible；　it's　up　to　the　lessee。　And　he　lies　so　low　that　you　can't　find　out　who　he　is。　It's　all　just　like　the　East。　Everything　in　the　East　is　as　crooked　as　Pearl　Street。　If　you　want　a　square　deal；　you've　got　to　e　out　Wyoming　way。〃
　〃The　main　problem；　then；〃　said　Psmith；　〃appears　to　be　the　discovery　of　the　lessee；　lad？　Surely　a　powerful　organ　like　Cosy　Moments；　with　its　vast　ramifications；　could　bring　off　a　thing　like　that？〃
　〃I　doubt　it。　We'll　try；　anyway。　There's　no　knowing　but　what　we　may　have　luck。〃
　〃Precisely；〃　said　Psmith。　〃Full　steam　ahead；　and　trust　to　luck。　The　chances　are　that；　if　we　go　on　long　enough；　we　shall　eventually　arrive　somewhere。　After　all；　Columbus　didn't　know　that　America　existed　when　he　set　out。　All　he　knew　was　some　highly　interesting　fact　about　an　egg。　What　that　was；　I　do　not　at　the　moment　recall；　but　it　bucked　Columbus　up　like　a　tonic。　It　made　him　fizz　ahead　like　a　two…year…old。　The　facts　which　will　nerve　us　to　effort　are　two。　In　the　first　place；　we　know　that　there　must　be　some　one　at　the　bottom　of　the　business。　Secondly；　as　there　appears　to　be　no　law　of　libel　whatsoever　in　this　great　and　free　country；　we　shall　be　enabled　to　haul　up　our　slacks　with　a　considerable　absence　of　restraint。〃
　〃Sure；〃　said　Billy　Windsor。　〃Which　of　us　is　going　to　write　the　first　article？
　〃You　may　leave　it　to　me；　rade　Windsor。　I　am　no　hardened　old　journalist；　I　fear；　but　I　have　certain　qualifications　for　the　post。　A　young　man　once　called　at　the　office　of　a　certain　newspaper；　and　asked　for　a　job。　'Have　you　any　special　line？'　asked　the　editor。　'Yes；'　said　the　bright　lad；　'I　am　rather　good　at　invective。'　'Any　special　kind　of　invective？'　queried　the　man　up　top。　'No；'　replied　our　hero；　'just　general　invective。'　Such　is　my　own　case；　rade　Windsor。　I　am　a　very　fair　purveyor　of　good；　general　invective。　And　as　my　visit　to　Pleasant　Street　is　of　such　recent　date；　I　am　tolerably　full　of　my　subject。　Taking　full　advantage　of　the　benevolent　laws　of　this　country　governing　libel；　I　fancy　I　will　produce　a　screed　which　will　make　this　anonymous　lessee　feel　as　if　he　had　inadvertently　seated　himself　upon　a　tin…tack。　Give　me　pen　and　paper；　rade　Windsor；　instruct　rade　Maloney　to　suspend　his　whistling　till　such　time　as　I　am　better　able　to　listen　to　it；　and　I　think　we　have　got　a　success。〃
　
　CHAPTER　X
　GOING　SOME
　
　THERE　was　once　an　editor　of　a　paper　in　the　Far　West　who　was　sitting　at　his　desk；　musing　pleasantly　of　life；　when　a　bullet　crashed　through　the　window　and　embedded　itself　in　the　wall　at　the　back　of　his　head。　A　happy　smile　lit　up　the　editor's　face。　〃Ah；〃　he　said　placently；　〃I　knew　that　Personal　column　of　ours　was　going　to　be　a　success！〃
　What　the　bullet　was　to　the　Far　West　editor；　the　visit　of　Mr。　Francis　Parker　to　the　offices　of　Cosy　Moments　was　to　Billy　Windsor。
　It　occurred　in　the　third　week　of　the　new　regime　of　the　paper。　Cosy　Moments；　under　its　new　management；　had　bounded　ahead　like　a　motor…car　when　the　throttle　is　opened。　Incessant　work　had　been　the　order　of　the　day。　Billy　Windsor's　hair　had　bee　more　dishevelled　than　ever；　and　even　Psmith　had　at　moments　lost　a　certain　amount　of　his　dignified　calm。　Sandwiched　in　between　the　painful　case　of　Kid　Brady　and　the　matter　of　the　tenements；　which　formed　the　star　items　of　the　paper's　contents；　was　a　mass　of　bright　reading　dealing　with　the　events　of　the　day。　Billy　Windsor's　newspaper　friends　had　turned　in　some　fine；　snappy　stuff　in　their　best　Yellow　Journal　manner；　relating　to　the　more　stirring　happenings　in　the　city。　Psmith；　who　had　constituted　himself　guardian　of　the　literary　and　dramatic　interests　of　the　paper；　had　employed　his　gift　of　general　invective　to　considerable　effect；　as　was　shown　by　a　conversation　between　Master　Maloney　and　a　visitor　one　morning；　heard　through　the　open　door。
　〃I　wish　to　see　the　editor　of　this　paper；〃　said　the　visitor。
　〃Editor　not　in；〃　said　Master　Maloney；　untruthfully。
　〃Ha！　Then　when　he　returns　I　wish　you　to　give　him　a　message。〃
　〃Sure。〃
　〃I　am　Aubrey　Bodkin；　of　the　National　Theatre。　Give　him　my　pliments；　and　tell　him　that　Mr。　Bodkin　does　not　lightly　forget。〃
　An　unsolicited　testimonial　which　caused　Psmith　the　keenest　satisfaction。
　The　section　of　the　paper　devoted　to　Kid　Brady　was　attractive　to　all　those　with　sporting　blood　in　them。　Each　week　there　appeared　in　the　same　place　on　the　same　page　a　portrait　of　the　Kid；　looking　moody　and　important；　in　an　attitude　of　self…defence；　and　under　th