hr.thecarpetbaggers-第66章

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p　at　the　operating　room。〃
　A　hospital　was　a　hospital　no　matter　how　hard　you　tried　to　make　it　look　like　a　hotel。　I　looked　around　the　lobby　until　I　located　what　I　was　looking　for。　It　was　a　door　marked　discreetly　GENTLEMEN。
　
　I　pulled　a　cigarette　from　my　pocket　as　the　elevator　doors　closed　behind　us。　Inside；　it　smelled　like　every　other　hospital。　Alcohol；　disinfectant；　formaldehyde。　Sickness　and　death。　I　struck　a　match　and　held　it　to　my　cigarette；　hoping　the　nurse　wouldn't　notice　my　suddenly　trembling　fingers。
　The　elevator　stopped　and　the　door　rolled　open。　We　stepped　out　into　a　clean　hospital　corridor。　I　dragged　deeply　on　the　cigarette　as　I　followed　the　nurse。　She　stopped　in　front　of　a　door。　〃I'm　afraid　you'll　have　to　put　out　that　cigarette；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　I　looked　up　at　a　small　orange　sign：
　NO　SMOKING　ALLOWED
　OXYGEN　IN　USE　INSIDE！
　I　took　another　drag　and　put　it　out　in　a　receptacle　next　to　the　door。　I　stood　there；　suddenly　afraid　to　go　inside。　The　nurse　reached　around　me　and　opened　the　door。　〃You　may　go　in　now；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　The　door　swung　open；　revealing　a　small　anteroom。　Another　nurse　was　seated　in　an　armchair；　reading　a　magazine。　She　looked　up　at　me。　〃e　in；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　said　in　a　falsely　cheerful　tone。　〃We've　been　expecting　you。〃
　I　crossed　the　threshold　slowly。　I　heard　the　door　close　behind　me　and　the　footsteps　of　my　escort　disappearing。　There　was　another　door　opposite　the　entrance。　The　nurse　crossed　to　it。　〃Miss　Marlowe's　in　here；〃　she　said。
　I　stood　in　the　doorway。　At　first；　I　couldn't　see　her。　Ilene　Gaillard；　a　doctor　and　another　nurse　were　standing　next　to　the　bed；　their　backs　toward　me。　Then；　as　if　activated　by　some　signal；　they　all　turned　at　once。　I　walked　toward　the　bed。　The　nurse　moved　away　and　Ilene　and　the　doctor　separated　slightly　to　make　room　for　me。　Then　I　saw　her。
　A　clear　plastic　tent　was　suspended　over　her　head　and　shoulders　and　she　seemed　to　be　sleeping。　All　but　her　face　was　pletely　covered　with　a　heavy　white　bandage；　which　hid　all　her　shining　white…blond　hair。　Her　eyes　were　closed　and　I　could　see　a　faint　blue　tinge　under　the　flesh　of　the　lids。　The　skin　was　drawn　tightly　across　her　high　cheekbones；　leaving　a　hollow　around　her　sunken　cheeks；　so　that　you　had　the　feeling　that　the　flesh　beneath　had　disappeared。　Her　wide　mouth；　usually　so　warm　and　vivid；　was　pale　and　drawn　back　slightly　from　her　even　white　teeth。
　I　stood　there　silently　for　a　moment。　I　couldn't　see　her　breathe。　I　looked　at　the　doctor。　He　shook　his　head。　〃She's　alive；　Mr。　Cord；〃　he　whispered；　〃but　just　barely。〃
　〃May　I　speak　to　her？〃
　〃You　can　try；　Mr。　Cord。　But　don't　be　disappointed　if　she　doesn't　answer。　She's　been　like　this　for　the　last　ten　hours。　And　if　she　should　answer；　Mr。　Cord；　she　may　not　recognize　you。〃
　I　turned　back　to　her。　〃Rina；〃　I　said　quietly。　〃It's　me；　Jonas。〃
　She　lay　there　quietly；　not　moving。　I　put　my　hand　under　the　plastic　tent　and　found　hers。　I　pressed　it。　It　felt　cool　and　soft。　Suddenly　everything　came　to　a　wild　stop　inside　me。　Her　hand　was　cool。　She　was　already　dead。　She　was　dead。
　I　sank　to　my　knees　beside　the　bed。　I　pushed　the　plastic　aside　and　leaned　over　her。　〃Please；　Rina！〃　I　begged　wildly。　〃It's　me；　Jonas。　Please；　don't　die！〃
　I　felt　a　slight　pressure　from　her　hand。　I　looked　down　at　her；　the　tears　streaming　down　my　cheeks。　The　movement　of　her　hand　grew　a　little　stronger。　Then　her　eyes　opened　slowly　and　she　was　looking　up　into　my　face。
　At　first；　her　eyes　were　vague　and　far　away。　Then　they　cleared　and　her　lips　curved　into　a　semblance　of　a　smile。　〃Jonas；〃　she　whispered。　〃I　knew　you'd　e。〃
　〃All　you　ever　had　to　do　was　whistle。〃
　Her　lips　pursed　but　no　sound　came　out。　〃I　never　could　learn　to　whistle；〃　she　whispered。
　The　doctor's　voice　came　from　behind　me。　〃You'd　better　get　some　rest　now；　Miss　Marlowe。〃
　Rina's　eyes　went　past　my　shoulder　to　him。　〃No；〃　she　whispered。　〃Please。　I　haven't　much　time　left。　Let　me　speak　to　Jonas。〃
　I　turned　to　look　at　the　doctor。　〃All　right；〃　he　said。　〃But　just　for　a　moment。〃
　I　heard　the　door　click　behind　me；　then　I　looked　down　at　Rina。　Her　hand　lifted　slightly　and　stroked　my　cheek。　I　caught　her　fingers　and　pressed　them　to　my　lips。
　〃I　had　to　see　you；　Jonas。〃
　〃Why　did　you　wait　so　long；　Rina？〃
　〃That's　why　I　had　to　see　you；〃　she　whispered。　〃To　explain。〃
　〃What　good　are　explanations　now？〃
　〃Please　try　to　understand；　Jonas。　I　loved　you　from　the　moment　I　first　saw　you。　But　I　was　afraid。　I've　been　a　jinx　to　everyone　who　ever　loved　me。　My　mother　and　my　brother　died　because　they　loved　me。　My　father　died　of　a　broken　heart　in　prison。〃
　〃That　wasn't　your　fault。〃
　〃I　pushed　Margaret　down　the　stairs　and　killed　her。　I　killed　my　baby　even　before　it　was　born；　stole　Nevada's　career　from　him；　and　Claude　mitted　suicide　because　of　what　I　was　doing　to　him。〃
　〃Those　things　just　happened。　You　weren't　to　blame。〃
　〃I　was！〃　she　insisted　hoarsely。　〃Look　what　I　did　to　you；　to　your　marriage。　I　should　never　have　e　to　your　hotel　that　night。〃
　〃That　was　my　fault。　I　made　you。〃
　〃Nobody　made　me；〃　she　whispered。　〃I　came　because　I　wanted　to。　When　she　came；　I　knew　how　wrong　I　was。〃
　〃Why？〃　I　asked　bitterly。　〃Just　because　she　had　a　belly　way　out　to　here？　It　wasn't　even　my　child。〃
　〃What　difference　does　that　make？　What　if　she　did　sleep　with　someone　else　before　she　met　you？　You　must　have　known　it　when　you　married　her。　If　it　didn't　matter　then；　why　should　it　have　mattered　just　because　she　was　going　to　have　his　child？〃
　〃It　did　matter；〃　I　insisted。　〃All　she　was　interested　in　was　my　money。　What　about　the　half…million…dollar　settlement　she　got　when　the　marriage　was　annulled？〃
　〃That's　not　true；〃　she　whispered。　〃She　loved　you。　I　could　tell　from　the　hurt　I　saw　in　her　eyes。　And　if　the　money　was　so　important　to　her；　why　did　she　give　it　all　to　her　father？〃
　〃I　didn't　know　that。〃
　〃There's　a　lot　you　don't　know；〃　Rina　whispered。　〃But　I　haven't　time　to　tell　you。　Only　this。　I　ruined　your　marriage。　It's　my　fault　that　poor　child　is　growing　up　without　your　name。　And　I　want　to　make　it　up　to　her　somehow。〃
　She　closed　her　eyes　for　a　moment。　〃There　may　not　be　much　left　in　my　estate；〃　she　whispered。　〃I've　never　been　much　good　with　money；　but　I've　left　it　all　to　her　and　appointed　you　my　executor。　Promise　me　you'll　see　that　she　gets　it。〃
　I　looked　down　at　her。　〃I　promise。〃
　She　smiled　slowly。　〃Thank　you；　Jonas。　I　always　could　count　on　you。〃
　〃Now　try　to　rest　a　little。〃
　〃What　for？〃　she　whispered。　〃So　I　can　live　another　few　days　in　the　mad；　crazy　world　that's　running　around　in　my　head？　No；　Jonas。　It　hurts　too　much。　I　want　to　die。　But　don't　let　me　die　here；　locked　up　in　this　plastic　tent。　Take　me　out　on　the　terrace。　Let　me　look　at　the　sky　once　more。〃
　I　stared　at　her。　The　doctor…　〃
　〃Please；　Jonas。〃
　I　looked　down　at　her　and　she　smiled。　I　smiled　back　and　pushed　the　oxygen　tent　aside。　I　scooped　her　up　in　my　arms　and　she　was　as　light　as　a　feather。
　〃It　feels　good　to　be　in　your　arms　again；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered。
　I　kissed　her　on　the　forehead　and　stepped　out　into　the　sunlight。　〃I'd　almost　forgotten　how　green　a　tree　can　be；〃　she　whispered。　〃Back　in　Boston；　there's　the　greenest　oak　tree　you　ever　saw　in　your　life。　Please　take　me　back　there；　Jonas。〃
　〃I　will。〃
　〃And　don't　let　them　make　a　circus　out　of　it；〃　she　whispered。　〃They　can　do　that　in　this　business。〃
　〃I　know；〃　I　said。
　〃There's　room　for　me；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered。　〃Next　to　my　father。〃
　Her　hand　fell　from　my　chest　and　a　new　kind　of　weight　came　into　her　body。　I　looked　down　at　her。　Her　face　was　hidden　against　my　shoulder。　I　turned　and　looked　out　at　the　tree　that　had　reminded　her　of　home。　But　I　couldn't　see　it　for　my　tears。
　When　I　turned　around；　Ilene　and　the　doctor　were　in　the　room。　Silently　I　carried　Rina　back　to　the　bed　and　gently　laid　her　down　on　it。　I　straightened　up　and　looked　at　them。
　I　tried　to　speak　but　for　a　moment；　I　couldn't。　And　when　I　could；　my　voice　was　hoarse　with　my　grief。　〃She　wanted　to　die　in　the　sunlight；〃　I　said。
　
　7
　
　I　LOOKED　AT　THE　MINISTER；　WHOSE　LIPS　WERE　MOVING　SILENTLY　as　he　read　from　the　tiny　black…bound　Bible　in　his　hands。　He　looked　up　for　a　moment；　then　closed　the　Bible　and　started　slowly　down　the　walk。　A　moment　later；　the　others　began　to　follow　him　and　soon　Ilene　and　I　were　the　only　ones　left　at　the　grave。
　She　stood　there　opposite　me；　skinny　and　silent；　in　her　black　dress　and　hat；　the　tiny　veil　hiding　her　eyes。　〃It's　over；〃　she　said　in　a　tired　voice。
　I　nodded　and　looked　down　at　the　grave　marker。　Rina　Marlowe。　Now　it　was　nothing　but　a　name。　〃I　hope　everything　was　the　way　she　wanted　it。〃
　〃I'm　sure　it　was。〃
　We　fell　silent　then　with　the　awkwardness　of　two　people　at　a　cemetery　whose　only　link　now　lay　in　a　grave。　I　took　a　deep　breath。　It　was　time　to　go。　〃Can　I　give　you　a　lift　back　to　the　hotel？〃
　She　shook　her　head。　〃I'd　like　to　stay　here　a　little　while　longer；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　〃Will　you　be　all　right？〃
　I　caught　a　glimpse　of　her　eyes　beneath　the　veil。　〃I'll　be　all　right；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　said。　〃Nothing　more　can　happen　to　me。〃
　〃I'll　see　that　a　car　waits　for　you。　Good…by；　Miss　Gaillard。〃
　〃Good…by；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　answered　formally。　〃And　…　and　thank　you。〃
　I　turned　and　walked　down　the　path　to　the　cemetery　road。　The　morbid　and　curious　were　still　there　behind　the　police　lines；　on　the　far　side　of　the　street。　A　faint　sound　rose　up　from　them　as　I　came　out　the　cemetery　gate。　I'd　done　the　best　I　could　but　somehow　there　are　always　crowds　of　people。
　The　chauffeur　opened　the　door　of　the　limousine　and　I　got　in。　He　closed　it　and　ran　around　to　the　driver's　seat。　The　car　began　to　move。　〃Where　to；　Mr。　Cord？〃　he　asked　cheerfully。　〃Back　to　the　hotel？〃
　I　turned　and　looked　out　the　rear　window。　We　were　atop　a　small　rise　and　I　could　see　Ilene　inside　the　cemetery。　She　sat　beside　the　grave；　a　pitiful；　shrunken　figure　in　black；　with　her　face　hidden　by　her　two　hands。　Then　we　went　around　a　bend　and　she　was　gone　from　my　sight。
　〃Back　to　the　hotel；　Mr。　Cord？〃　the　chauffeur　repeated。
　I　straightened　up　and　reached　for　a　cigarette。　〃No；〃　I　said；　lighting　it。　〃To　the　airport。〃
　I　drew　the　smoke　deep　inside　my　lungs　and　let　it　burn　there。　Suddenly；　all　I　wanted　to　do　was　get　away。　Boston　and　death；　Rina　and　dreams。　I　had　too　many　memories　as　it　was。
　
　The　roaring　filled　my　ears　and　I　began　to　climb　up　the　long　black　ladder　out　of　the　darkness　over　my　head。　The　higher　I　climbed；　the　louder　the　noise　got。　I　opened　my　eyes。
　Outside　the　window；　the　Third　Avenue　El　rattled　by。　I　could　see　the　people　pressed　together　inside　and　on　the　narrow　open　platforms。　Then　the　train　had　passed　and　a　strange　silence　came　into　the　room。　I　let　my　eyes　wander。
　It　was　a　small；　dark　room；　its　white　paper　already　beginning　to　turn　brown　on　its　walls。　Near　the　window　was　a　small　table；　on　the　wall　over　it　a　crucifix。　I　was　in　an　old　brass　bed。　Slowly　I　swung　my　feet　to　the　floor　and　sat　up。　My　head　felt　as　if　it　were　going　to　fall　off。
　〃So；　you're　awake　now；　are　you？〃
　I　started　to　turn　my　head　but　the　woman　came　around　in　front　of　me。　There　was　something　vaguely　familiar　about　her　face　but　I　couldn't　remember　where　I'd　seen　her　before。　I　put　my　hand　up　and　rubbed　my　cheek。　My　beard　was　as　rough　as　sandpaper。
　〃How　long　have　I　been　here？〃　I　asked。
　She　laughed　shortly。　〃Almost　a　week；〃