tg.stone of tears-第189章

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　Even　her　pride　in　them　failed　to　rally　her　spirits；　though　she　refused　to　betray　that　to　those　men。
　
　After　she　wrung　out　a　cloth　in　the　basin；　Kahlan　sat　on　the　edge　of　her　half　sister's　bed。　Cyrilla　was　aware；　as　she　was　from　time　to　time；　though　she　always　slipped　back　into　the　dazed　stupor　before　long。　When　she　was　in　that　state；　she　saw　nothing；　heard　nothing；　and　said　nothing。　She　simply　stared。
　
　Kahlan　was　heartened　to　see　her　tears　now；　as　it　meant　she　was　awake。　When　she　was　alert；　only　Kahlan　could　talk　to　her。　The　sight　of　men　sent　her　either　into　a　screaming　fit　or　back　into　a　stupor。
　
　Cyrilla　clutched　Kahlan's　arm　as　Kahlan　wiped　the　cool　cloth　over　her　brow。　'Kahlan；　have　you　thought　about　what　I　said？'
　
　Kahlan　pulled　the　cloth　back。　'I　don't　want　to　be　the　queen　of　Galea。　You　are　the　queen；　my　sister。'
　
　'Please；　Kahlan；　our　people　need　a　leader。　I　am　not　fit　to　do　it　now。'　She　clutched　her　hand　tighter　to　Kahlan's　arm。　Tears　poured　forth。　'Kahlan；　you　must　do　this　for　me；　for　them。'
　
　Kahlan　wiped　the　tears　with　the　cloth。　'Cyrilla；　things　will　turn　out　well；　you　will　see。'
　
　She　clutched　a　fist　over　her　belly。　'I　cannot　lead；　now。'
　
　'Cyrilla；　I　understand。　I　do。　Though　they　did　not　do　to　me　what　they　did　to　you；　I　was　in　that　pit。　I　understand。　But　you　will　recover　yourself。　You　will；　I　promise。'
　
　'And　you　will　be　the　queen？　For　our　people？'
　
　'If　I　agree；　it　would　only　be　temporary。　Only　until　you　have　regained　your　strength。'
　
　'No　。。。'　she　moaned。　She　sobbed；　hiding　her　face　against　the　pillow。　'Don't　。。。　Please。　Dear　spirits；　help　me。　No　。。。'
　
　And　then　she　was　gone　again。　Gone　into　the　visions。　She　went　limp；　still　as　death；　staring　up　at　the　ceiling。　Kahlan　kissed　her　cheek。
　
　Prince　Harold　waited　in　the　darkness　outside　the　door。　'How　is　my　sister？'
　
　'The　same；　I'm　afraid。　But　have　faith。　She　will　recover。'
　
　'Kahlan；　you　must　do　as　she　asks。　She　is　the　queen。'
　
　'Why　can't　you　be　king？　That　would　make　more　sense。'
　
　'I　must　fight　on　for　our　people；　for　all　the　Midlands。　I　cannot　devote　myself　to　the　struggle　if　I'm　burdened　with　concern　over　being　king；　too。　I'm　a　soldier；　and　I　wish　to　serve　in　the　way　I　know。　It　is　what　I　was　meant　to　do。　You　are　an　Amnell；　daughter　to　King　Wyborn；　you　must　be　the　queen　of　Galea。'
　
　Kahlan　started　to　flip　her　long　hair　back　over　her　shoulder；　but　it　wasn't　there。　It　was　hard　to　forget　the　habits　of　a　lifetime；　to　remember　that　her　hair　was　chopped　short。
　
　'I　will　think　on　it；'　she　said；　as　she　started　off。
　
　She　stood　once　more　before　the　fireplace；　the　only　source　of　light　in　the　dining　hall；　staring　into　the　flames；　watching　the　once　living　things　turn　to　ash。　Everyone　avoided　her；　and　left　her　to　herself。
　
　After　a　time；　she　realized　Zedd　was　standing　beside　her。　She　was　only　now　beginning　to　get　used　to　him　in　those　fancy　robes。
　
　He　held　his　cup　out。　'Why　don't　you　have　a　sip　of　spiced　tea。'
　
　She　didn't　look　up　from　the　flames。　'No；　thank　you。'
　
　He　rolled　the　cup　in　his　palms。　'Kahlan；　you　can't　go　on　blaming　yourself。　It　is　not　your　fault。'
　
　'You　wear　lies　poorly；　wizard。　I　saw　the　look　in　your　eyes　when　I　told　you　what　I　had　done。　Remember？'
　
　'I've　explained　that　to　you。　You　know　I　was　under　the　spell　cast　by　the　three　sorceresses；　and　only　great　emotional　shock　could　break　it。　Anger　could　do　the　task；　but　once　anger　is　brought　on；　it　must　be　allowed　to　rage　uncontrolled　if　it　is　to　break　the　spell。　I　have　told　you　how　sorry　I　am　for　what　I　did　to　you。'
　
　'I　saw　the　look　in　your　eyes。　You　wanted　to　kill　me。'
　
　He　watched　from　under　his　eyebrows。　'I　had　to　do　that；　Mother　Confessor。　。。。'
　
　'Kahlan。　I　told　you；　I　am　no　longer　the　Mother　Confessor。'
　
　'Call　yourself　what　you　will；　but　you　are　who　you　are。　Denying　the　name　does　not　make　it　so。　And　as　I　told　you；　I　had　to　do　that；　too。　To　bring　on　a　death　spell；　the　person　to　be　spelled　has　to　be　convinced　they　are　to　die；　or　it　will　not　work。
　
　'Once　the　anger　brought　back　my　memory；　I　knew　I　had　to　use　a　death　spell；　so　I　simply　used　what　was　happening　to　do　what　had　to　be　done。　It　was　an　act　of　desperation。　Had　I　not　done　it　in　that　way；　people　would　not　have　believed　they　saw　you　beheaded。'
　
　Kahlan　shuddered　at　the　memory　of　that　magic。　As　long　as　she　lived；　she　would　never　forget　the　chill　touch　of　the　death　spell。
　
　'You　should　have　used　magic　to　destroy　that　council　of　evil；　instead。　You　should　have　saved　me　by　killing　those　men。'
　
　'And　then　everyone　would　have　known　you　were　still　alive。　Everyone　there　was　under　the　madness　of　hate。　Had　I　done　that；　then　we　would　have　had　the　entire　army；　and　tens　of　thousands　of　people；　chasing　after　us。　This　way；　no　one　chases　us。　We　can　now　proceed　with　what　must　be　done。'
　
　'You　can　proceed。　I　have　quit　the　cause　of　the　good　spirits。'
　
　'Kahlan；　you　know　what　would　happen　if　we　were　to　give　up。　It　was　you　yourself；　last　autumn；　who　came　to　Westland　to　find　me　and　tell　me　that　very　thing。　You　helped　convince　me　that　if　we　abandon　the　side　of　magic；　of　right；　of　helping　those　who　are　powerless；　then　the　enemy　is　handed　an　uncon…tested　victory。'
　
　The　spirits　saw　fit　to　leave　me　without　help。　They　stood　by　as　I　delivered　Richard　into　the　hands　of　the　Sisters　of　the　Light；　they　let　me　hurt　him；　let　him　be　taken　from　me　forever。　The　good　spirits　have　chosen　their　side；　and　it　is　not　with　me。'
　
　'It　is　not　the　good　spirits'　job　to　govern　the　world　of　the　living。　It　is　our　job；　the　job　of　the　living；　to　tend　our　own　world。'
　
　'Tell　it　to　someone　who　cares。'
　
　'You　care。　You　just　don't　realize　it　at　the　moment。　I've　lost　Richard；　too；　but　I　know　that　I　cannot　allow　that　to　deter　me　from　right。　Do　you　think　Richard　would　love　you　if　you　were　really　the　kind　of　person　who　could　abandon　those　who　needed　your　help？'
　
　She　said　nothing；　so　he　pressed　the　attack。
　
　'Richard　loves　you　partly　because　of　your　passion　for　life。　He　loves　you　because　you　fight　for　it　with　everything　you　have；　with　the　same　ardor　as　his。　You　have　already　proven　that。'
　
　'He　was　the　only　thing　I　ever　wanted　out　of　life；　the　only　thing　I　asked　the　good　spirits　for。　And　look　what　I　have　done　to　him。　He　thinks　I　betrayed　him。　I　made　him　put　a　collar　around　his　neck；　the　thing　he　feared　more　than　death。　I　am　not　fit　to　help　anyone。　I　only　bring　harm。'
　
　'Kahlan；　you　have　magic。　I　have　told　you；　magic　must　not　be　allowed　to　die。　The　world　of　life　needs　magic。　If　magic　is　extinguished；　all　life　will　be　impoverished；　and　could　even　be　destroyed。
　
　'No　one　knows　about　the　forces　we　have。　We　will　go　to　Ebinissia；　no　one　will　expect　that；　and　pull　the　Midlands　forces　together　from　there　to　strike　back　against　them。　No　one　will　know　we　have　brought　Ebinissia　back　from　the　ashes　of　death。'
　
　'All　right！　If　it　will　still　your　tongue；　I　will　be　the　queen。　But　only　until　Cyrilla　is　better。'
　
　The　fire　crackled　and　popped。　Zedd　spoke　in　quiet　admonition。　'You　know　that　is　not　what　I　mean；　Mother　Confessor。'
　
　Kahlan　said　nothing。　She　bit　the　inside　of　her　cheek　to　keep　from　crying。　She　would　not　let　him　see　her　cry。
　
　The　wizards　of　old　created　the　Confessors。　You　have　unique　magic。　It　has　elements　to　it　that　no　other　magic　has；　not　even　mine。　Kahlan；　you　are　the　last　Confessor。　Your　magic　must　not　be　allowed　to　die　with　you。　Richard　is　lost　to　us。　That's　the　way　it　is。　We　must　go　on。　Life；　and　magic；　must　go　on。
　
　'You　must　take　a　mate　and　give　the　world　that　magic　into　the　future。'
　
　Still；　she　stared　into　the　flames。
　
　'Kahlan；'　he　whispered；　'you　must　do　it　to　prove　Richard's　love　and　faith　in　you。'
　
　Slowly；　she　turned　to　the　room　behind。　Orsk　sat　cross…legged　on　the　floor；　beside　Chandalen。　Only　he　looked　at　her；　with　his　one　eye；　the　scar　across　the　other　looking　white　and　angry　in　the　firelight。　He　watched　every　move　she　made。　Everyone　else　in　the　room　tried　to　appear　furiously　engaged　in　their　own　business。
　
　'Orsk；'　she　called。
　
　The　huge　man　sprang　to　his　feet　and　crossed　the　room。　He　stood　hunched　before　her；　waiting　word　whether　he　was　to　fetch　her　a　cup　of　tea；　or　kill　someone。
　
　'Orsk；　go　up　to　my　room　and　wait　for　me。'
　
　'Yes；　Mistress。'
　
　After　he　had　bounded　up　the　stairs；　she　slowly　crossed　the　room。　She　could　hear　the　bed　creak　when　he　sat　on　it；　to　wait。
　
　As　she　put　her　hand　to　the　newel　post；　Zedd　put　his　over　it；　stopping　her。　'Mother　Confessor；　it　does　not　have　to　be　him。　You　can　surely　find　one　more　suited　to　your　likes。'
　
　'It　makes　no　difference。　I　have　already　touched　him　with　my　power。　Why　harm　another；　for　no　more　than　this？'
　
　'Kahlan；　I'm　not　saying　it　has　to　be　now。　Not　this　soon。　I　am　saying　only　that　you　must　e　to　accept　it；　and　at　some　point　it　must　be。'
　
　'Today；　tomorrow；　next　year。　What　does　it　matter？　It　will　be　the　same　in　ten　years　as　it　is　today。　Wizards　have　been　using　the　Confessors　for　thousands　of　years。　Why　should　I　be　any　different？　I　may　as　well　get　it　over　so　you　will　be　content。'
　
　His　watery　gaze　stayed　on　hers。　'Kahlan；　it's　not　like　that。　This　is　the　hope　of　life。'
　
　She　felt　a　tear　roll　down　her　cheek。　She　could　see　the　pain　in　his　eyes；　but　she　showed　him　no　mercy　for　it。
　
　'Call　it　what　you　will。　That　does　not　change　what　it　is。　It　is　rape。　My　enemies　could　not　acplish　it；　it　took　my　friends　to　rape　me。'
　
　'I　know；　dear　one。　How　well　I　know。'
　
　She　started　up　the　stairs　again；　but　his　hand　on　her　arm　stopped　her。
　
　'Kahlan；　please；　do　just　one　thing　for　me　first？　Go　for　a　little　walk　to　think　things　over；　and　ask　the　spirits　for　guidance。　Pray　to　the　good　spirits；　seek　their　direction。'
　
　'I　have　nothing　to　say　to　the　good　spirits。　It　is　they　who　wish　this；　they　have　sent　you；　to　give　me　'guidance。''
　
　His　thin　hand　stroked　her　short…cropped　hair。　Then　do　it　for　Richard。'
　
　She　stood　staring　at　him。　Finally；　she　glanced　out　the　back　door；　to　the　small；　frozen　garden　at　the　back　of　the　inn。　It　was　just　dusk　outside。
　
　Kahlan　stepped　down。　'For　Richard。'
　
　
　CHAPTER　70
　
　Richard　sat　in　Kahlan's　tall　chair；　stroking　the　long　locks　of　her　hair。　He　had　pulled　them　out　of　his　shirt；　not　wanting　to　stab　himself　through　her　hair。　He　didn't　know　how　long　he　had　been　sitting　there；　touching　her　hair；　lost　in　memories　of　her；　but　he　noticed　it　was　just　turning　dark　out　the　windows。
　
　Richard　laid　the　hair　carefully　over　the　arm　of　the　chair；　and　picked　up　the　knife　once　more。　In　a　daze　of　anguish；　he　put　the　point　to　his　heart。　His　knuckles　were　white　around　the　handle。
　
　It　was　time。
　
　At　last　it　was　going　to　be　over。　The　pain　would　end。
　
　His　brow　creased。　What　was　it　Mistress　Sanderholt　had　said？　Kahlan　had　told　her　of　him？　He　wondered　if　Kahlan　had　told　Mistress　Sanderholt　anything　else。　Maybe　a　last　message　for　him；　before　she　died。　What　could　it　hurt　to　ask？　He　could　die；　then。
　
　Richard　pulled　Mistress　Sanderholt　from　her　kitchen；　into　a　small　pantry　lined　with　stores。　He　closed　the　door。
　
　'What　have　you　done；　Richard？'
　
　'I　killed　her　murderers。'
　
　'Well；　I　can't　s