tg.stone of tears-第30章

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ungs　to　draw　another　breath。
　
　'Since　Zedd　left　the　Midlands；　before　we　were　born；　none　had　entered　the　First　Wizard's　Keep。　The　other　wizards　tried。　To　enter；　there　is　a　plate　you　must　touch。　It　is　said　touching　the　plate　is　like　touching　the　frozen　heart　of　the　Keeper　himself。　If　the　magic　doesn't　recognize　you　as　one　permitted　entry；　you　cannot　gain　entrance。　Touching　the　plate　without　at　least　the　protection　of　your　own　magic；　or　even　just　getting　close　enough　to　the　spells　themselves；　can　be　death。
　
　'Since　I　was　young；　and　first　went　to　the　Keep　to　learn　from　the　books；　the　wizards　had　been　trying　to　get　in。　They　wanted　to　know　what　was　inside。　The　First　Wizard　was　gone；　and　they　thought　they　should　take　an　inventory；　thought　they　should　at　least　know　what　was　in　there。
　
　'They　never　succeeded。　Not　one　of　them　was　ever　able　to　so　much　as　place　a　hand　to　the　plate。　Richard；　if　five　wizards　of　the　Third　Order；　and　one　of　the　Second；　could　not　get　in；　how　did　your　father？'
　
　He　sighed。　'I　wish　I　had　an　answer　for　you；　Kahlan；　but　I　don't。'
　
　She　didn't　want　to　dash　his　hopes；　give　irrefutable　life　to　his　fears；　but　she　had　to。　The　truth　was　the　truth。　He　had　to　know　that　truth　about　himself。
　
　'Richard；　the　Book　of　Counted　Shadows　was　a　book　of　instruction　for　magic。　It　was　magic。'
　
　'I　have　no　doubt　of　that。　I　know　what　I　saw　when　we　burned　it。'
　
　She　stroked　the　back　of　his　hand　with　her　finger。　There　were　other　books　of　instruction　for　magic　in　the　Keep：　less　important　ones。　The　wizards　let　me　look　at　them。　When　I　would　read　them；　I　would　get　to　a　place　in　the　books；　and　a　strange　thing　would　happen；　sometimes　after　only　a　few　words；　sometimes　after　a　few　pages：　I　would　forget　what　I　had　just　read。　I　couldn't　remember　a　word　of　it。　Not　a　single　word。　I　would　go　back　and　read　it　again；　and　the　same　thing　would　happen。
　
　'The　wizards　would　smile　watching　me；　and　then　they　would　laugh。　After　a　while　of　trying　to　read　the　books；　and　not　knowing　what　I　had　just　read；　I　finally　got　frustrated　and　asked　what　was　happening。　They　told　me　that　books　of　instruction　for　magic　are　protected　by　powerful　spells　invoked　at　certain　words　in　the　books。　They　said　none　but　one　with　the　gift　could　read　a　book　of　magic　instruction　and　remember　so　much　as　a　single　word。　Those　six　wizards　were　wizards　by　calling；　not　by　the　gift。　Even　they　couldn't　read　all　the　books　and　know　what　they　said；　only　the　less　important　ones；　and　only　then　because　of　their　training。
　
　'Zedd　told　us　that　the　Book　of　Counted　Shadows　was　one　of　the　most　important　books　in　the　Keep；　so　important　it　was　kept　in　the　First　Wizard's　enclave。
　
　'Richard；　you　would　never　have　been　able　to　memorize　it　if　you　didn't　have　the　gift。　There　is　no　other　way。　Somehow；　your　father　must　have　known；　that　is　why　he　chose　you　to　learn　it。'
　
　Her　head　was　still　resting　on　his　shoulder；　and　she　felt　his　breathing　halt　for　a　moment　as　he　realized　the　significance　of　what　she　had　told　him。　'Richard；　do　you　still　remember　the　book？'
　
　His　voice　came　low　and　distant。　'Every　word。'
　
　Though　I　heard　you　recite　it；　and　I　know　you　spoke　it　all；　I　cannot　remember　a　word　of　what　you　said。　The　magic　of　certain　words　erased　it　all　from　my　mind。　I　don't　know　how　you　used　it　to　defeat　Darken　Rahl。'
　
　The　first　of　the　book　said　that　if　the　words　were　being　told　to　the　one　who　controlled　the　boxes　of　Orden；　and　not　read　by　that　person；　then　the　only　way　that　person　could　know　the　words　were　true　was　with　the　use　of　a　Confessor。　Rahl　thought　you　had　taken　me　with　your　power；　and　so　he　thought　I　was　speaking　all　the　words　true。　I　did　speak　the　words　true；　but　I　left　out　an　important　part　at　the　end　so　he　would　pick　the　box　that　would　kill　him。'
　
　'You　see？　You　still　remember　the　words。　You　could　not　do　that　if　you　didn't　have　the　gift；　the　magic　would　prevent　it。　Richard；　if　we　are　going　to　get　out　of　this；　we　have　to　at　least　face　the　truth；　and　then　think　of　what　to　do　about　it。
　
　'My　love；　you　have　the　gift。　You　have　magic。　I'm　sorry；　but　that　is　the　truth　of　it。'
　
　He　let　out　an　exasperated　breath。　'I　guess　I　just　so　badly　didn't　want　it　to　be　that　I　have　been　trying　to　talk　myself　out　of　it。　But　things　don't　work　that　way。　I　hope　you　don't　think　me　a　fool。　Thank　you　for　loving　me　enough　to　make　me　see　the　truth。'
　
　'You　are　no　fool。　You　are　my　love。　We　will　think　of　something。'　She　kissed　the　back　of　his　hand　and　they　watched　the　sky　in　silence。　It　was　a　dark；　cold　gray；　a　mirror　to　her　mood。
　
　'I　wish　you　could　have　met　my　father。　He　was　a　special　person。　I　guess　even　I　never　knew　how　special。　I　miss　him。'　He　stared　off　into　his　own　thoughts。　'What　of　your　father？'
　
　Kahlan　twisted　a　strand　of　her　hair　around　her　finger。　'My　father　was　mate　to　my　mother；　mate　to　a　Confessor。　He　was　not　a　father　in　the　way　a　man　is　a　father　to　other　children。　He　had　been　taken　by　her　power；　and　there　was　nothing　to　him　but　his　devotion　to　her。　He　paid　heed　to　me　only　to　please　my　mother；　only　because　I　was　born　to　her。　He　didn't　see　me　as　myself；　but　only　as　a　part　of　the　Confessor　he　was　bonded　to。'
　
　Richard　pulled　a　piece　of　long　grass　and　flattened　the　end　of　it　between　his　front　teeth　as　he　thought；　at　last　asking；　'Who　was　he　before　she　took　him　with　the　magic？'
　
　'He　was　Wyborn　Amnell。　King　of　Galea。'
　
　Richard　pushed　himself　up　on　an　elbow；　looking　down　at　her　with　surprise。　'King！　Your　father　was　a　king？'
　
　Without　realizing　she　was　doing　it；　her　expression　slipped　into　the　calm　exterior　that　showed　nothing：　a　Confessor's　face。
　
　'My　father　was　mate　to　a　Confessor。　That　was　all　that　was　in　him。　When　my　mother　was　dying　of　a　terrible　wasting　illness；　he　was　in　a　constant　state　of　panic。　One　day　the　wizard　and　the　healer　who　had　been　tending　her　came　to　us　and　said　there　was　nothing　more　they　could　do；　that　the　spirits　would　soon　take　her　to　be　with　them；　that　she　would　soon　pass　from　life。
　
　'With　a　wail　of　anguish　like　none　I　have　ever　heard；　my　father　clutched　his　chest　and　fell　to　the　floor；　dead。'
　
　Richard　gazed　into　her　eyes。　'I'm　sorry；　Kahlan。'　He　bent　and　kissed　her　forehead。　'I'm　sorry；'　he　whispered。
　
　He　lay　back　once　more　and　put　the　stalk　of　grass　back　between　his　teeth。
　
　'It　was　a　long　time　ago。'
　
　'So；　what　does　that　make　you？　Are　you　a　princess；　or　a　queen；　or　something？'
　
　She　laughed　a　little　at　the　question；　at　how　strange　all　this　must　seem　to　him。　He　still　knew　little　of　her　life；　her　world。　'No。　I　am　the　Mother　Confessor。　The　daughter　of　a　Confessor　is　a　Confessor；　not　the　daughter　of　her　father。'　She　felt　unfortable　about　seeming　to　belittle　her　father。　It　was　not　his　fault　her　mother　had　chosen　and　taken　him。　'Do　you　wish　to　know　about　him？'
　
　He　shrugged。　'Sure。　You　are　part　of　him；　too。　I　like　knowing　all　about　you。'
　
　She　thought　a　moment　about　what　his　reaction　would　be。　'Well；　he　was　the　husband　to　Queen　Bernadine　when　my　mother　chose　him　as　her　mate。'
　
　'Your　mother　chose　a　man　who　was　already　married？'
　
　She　felt　Richard's　eyes　on　her。　'It　is　not　as　it　must　seem　to　you。　The　marriage　between　him　and　the　queen　was　arranged。　He　was　a　warrior；　a　great　mander。　The　marriage　wedded　his　realm　to　the　lands　ruled　by　Queen　Bernadine；　creating　the　land　of　Galea。　He　did　it　for　his　people；　to　make　a　united　land　under　a　crown　that　could　stand　against　hostile　neighbors。
　
　The　queen　was　a　wise　and　respected　leader。　She　married　my　father　for　the　good　of　Galea；　not　for　herself。　She　and　my　father　had　no　love　for　each　other。　He　gave　her；　gave　the　people　of　Galea；　a　fine；　strong　daughter；　Cyrilla；　and　a　then　a　son；　Harold。'
　
　Then　you　have　a　half　sister　and　brother。'
　
　She　shrugged。　'In　a　way。　But　not　in　the　way　you　think　of　it。　I　am　a　Confessor；　not　a　knot　in　the　string　of　royalty。　I　have　met　both　Cyrilla　and　Harold。　They　are　fine　people。　Cyrilla　is　the　Queen　of　Galea　now。　Her　mother　died　a　few　years　back。　Prince　Harold　is　the　mander　of　the　army；　as　was　his　father。　They　don't　think　of　me　as　kin；　nor　I　them。　I　am　of　the　Confessors；　of　the　magic。'
　
　'What　about　your　mother？　When　did　she　e　into　all　this？'
　
　'She　had　just　bee　the　Mother　Confessor　at　the　time。　She　wanted　a　strong　mate；　one　who　would　give　her　a　daughter　with　strength。　She　had　heard　the　queen　was　not　happy　in　her　marriage；　and　went　to　speak　with　her。　Queen　Bernadine　told　my　mother　that　she　did　not　love　her　husband；　that　he　was　a　cuckold。　Even　though　she　loved　another；　she　respected　Wyborn　as　a　strong　man；　as　a　leader；　and　as　a　cunning　warrior；　and　would　not　condone　my　mother　taking　him　with　her　power。
　
　'While　my　mother　was　thinking　on　what　she　would　do；　Wyborn　caught　the　queen　in　the　bed　of　that　lover。　He　nearly　killed　her。　When　my　mother　heard　of　this；　she　returned　to　Galea　and　solved　everyone's　problems　before　he　could　add　the　murder　of　the　lover　to　the　beating　he　had　given　his　wife。
　
　Though　a　Confessor　has　many　things　to　fear；　being　struck　by　her　husband　is　not　one　of　them。'
　
　'It　must　be　hard　to　have　to　choose　a　mate　without　loving　him。'
　
　She　smiled　and　pressed　her　head　against　him。　'In　my　whole　life；　I　never　thought　I　would　be　able　to　have　anyone　I　love。　I　wish　my　mother　could　have　known　this　joy。'
　
　'What　was　it　like　having　him　as　your　father？'
　
　She　folded　her　fingers　together　against　her　stomach。　'He　was　as　a　stranger　to　me。　He　had　no　emotion　except　for　my　mother；　no　real　feelings；　except　for　devotion　to　my　mother。　She　wished　him　to　spend　time　with　me；　to　teach　me　the　things　he　knew；　so　he　was　overjoyed　to　do　so；　but　for　her　sake；　not　mine。
　
　'He　spent　time　teaching　me　what　he　knew：　war。　He　taught　me　the　tactics　of　his　enemies；　how　to　steal　victory　from　a　much　larger　and　confident　force；　and　most　importantly；　how　to　survive；　and　triumph；　by　using　your　head　instead　of　rules。　My　mother　would　sit　sometimes　and　watch　as　he　taught　me。　He　would　look　up　and　ask　her　if　he　was　teaching　me　correctly。　She　told　him　he　was；　to　teach　me　so　that　I　might　know　the　skills　of　war　he　knew；　in　the　hope　I'd　never　need　them；　and　if　I　did；　so　that　I　might　survive。
　
　'He　taught　me　that　the　most　important　quality　in　a　warrior　is　ruthlessness。　He　said　that　he　prevailed　many　times　by　being　ruthless。　He　said　terror　could　overwhelm　reason；　and　it　was　a　leader's　job　to　bring　that　manner　of　terror　to　the　enemy。
　
　The　things　he　taught　me　helped　me　survive　when　other　Confessors　died。　Because　of　what　he　taught　me；　I　was　able　to　kill　when　there　was　need。　He　taught　me　not　to　be　afraid　of　doing　the　things　that　must　be　done　to　survive。
　
　'For　the　things　he　taught　me；　I　loved　him；　and　I　hated　him。'
　
　'Well；　I　love　him；　for　teaching　you　to　how　to　survive；　so　that　you　could　be　with　me　now。'
　
　Kahlan　shook　her　head　slightly　as　she　watched　a　small　bird　chasing　away　a　raven。　The　things　he　knew　were　not　the　horror；　those　who　make　you　do　them　to　survive　are。　He　never　wrongly　took　war　to　others。　I　shouldn't　fault　him　for　knowing　how　to　triumph　when　he　was　forced　to　fight　a　war。　Richard；　perhaps　we　should　start　thinking　about　surviving　now。'
　
　'You're　right；'　he　said；　slipping　an　arm　around　her。　'You　know；　I　was　thinking；　we're　sitt