tg.stone of tears-第57章

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　'I　see。'　She　glanced　up　as　he　scratched　the　stubble　on　his　face。　'I　hope　you　are　more　careful　when　you　shave　your　neck。'
　
　Richard　decided　in　that　instant　that　as　long　as　he　was　held　captive　in　a　collar；　he　would　not　shave。　It　would　be　his　way　of　proclaiming　to　them　that　a　collar　was　unjust；　that　he　knew　he　was　nothing　more　than　their　prisoner；　and　that　he　would　not　believe　their　spurious　protestations　to　the　contrary。　There　could　be　no　justification　for　a　collar；　and　there　would　be　no　promising　of　that　basic　truth　…　none；　not　ever。
　
　Richard　glowered　at　the　Sister。　'Prisoners　don't　shave。'　He　turned　toward　the　horses。
　
　'Richard。'　He　looked　over　his　shoulder。　'Sit　down。'　Her　voice　was　gentle；　but　he　glared　at　the　order　nonetheless。　She　gestured　to　a　place　in　front　of　her。　'Sit　down。　I　was　thinking　about　what　you　said。　You　are　here；　I　am　here。　Sit　down　and　I　will　begin　teaching　you　how　to　control　the　gift。'
　
　He　was　caught　off…guard。　'Now？　Here？'
　
　'Yes。　e　and　sit。'
　
　He　didn't　really　care　about　using　the　gift；　he　hated　magic。　He　had　only　asked　about　it　before　because　he　had　been　trying　to　ease　the　tension。　His　eyes　darted　about　before　he　finally　sat　and　folded　his　legs；　imitating　the　way　she　was　sitting。
　
　'What　do　you　want　me　to　do？'
　
　'There　is　much　to　teach　you　about　using　the　gift。　You　will　learn　about　balance　in　all　things；　especially　magic。　You　must　heed　all　our　warnings；　and　follow　what　we　tell　you。　There　are　dangers　to　using　magic。　Perhaps　you　already　know　this　from　using　the　Sword　of　Truth；　yes？'　Richard　didn't　move。　She　went　on。　There　is　greater　danger　in　using　the　gift。　It　can　have　unanticipated　results。　Results　that　can　be　disastrous。'
　
　'I　have　already　used　the　gift。　You　said　I　used　it　in　three　specific　ways。'
　
　She　leaned　forward　a　little。　And　look　what　happened。　It　brought　an　unanticipated　result。　It　resulted　in　you　having　that　collar　around　your　neck。'
　
　Surprised；　Richard　stared　at　her。　'That　wasn't　a　result　of　my　using　the　gift。　You　were　already　looking　for　me；　you　said　so。　If　I　hadn't　used　the　gift；　the　result　would　have　been　the　same。'
　
　Sister　Verna　slowly　shook　her　head；　her　eyes　stayed　on　his。　'We　had　been　looking　for　you　for　years。　Something　hid　you　from　us。　If　you　hadn't　used　the　gift　in　the　ways　you　did；　I　doubt　we　ever　would　have　found　you。　Using　the　gift　put　that　collar　around　your　neck。'
　
　Years。　They　had　been　searching　for　him　for　years。　All　that　time　he　had　lived　peaceably　in　Westland；　first　with　his　brother　and　father　and　Zedd；　and　then　on　his　own　as　a　woods　guide；　they　had　been　looking　for　him；　and　he　never　knew　it。　The　thought　gave　him　a　chill。　He　brought　it　on　himself；　by　using　magic。　He　hated　magic。
　
　'Although　I　would　agree　that　that　is　disastrous；　for　me；　how　could　you？　It's　what　you　want。'
　
　'It　is　what　we　had　to　do。　But　you　have　threatened　my　life。　You　have　threatened　the　lives　of　anyone　else　who　keeps　that　collar　around　your　neck。　That　would　be　all　the　Sisters　of　the　Light。　I　never　take　the　warnings　of　wizards；　even　untrained　wizards；　lightly。　Your　use　of　the　gift；　allowing　us　to　find　you；　could　end　up　being　a　disaster　for　all　of　us。'
　
　He　felt　no　satisfaction　that　his　threats　had　not　gone　unnoticed。　He　felt　nothing。　'Then　why　are　you　doing　this？'　he　whispered。　'Making　me　wear　it？'
　
　To　help　you。　You　would　have　died　otherwise。'
　
　'You　have　already　helped　me。　The　headaches　are　gone。　You　have　my　thanks。　Why　can't　you　let　me　go　now？'
　
　'If　the　collar　is　removed　too　soon；　before　you　learn　enough　of　controlling　the　gift；　they　will　e　back。　You　will　die。'
　
　Then　teach　me；　so　I　can　get　it　off。'
　
　'We　must　be　cautious　in　teaching　magic。　You　must　have　patience　in　your　studies。　We　are　careful　in　our　training　because　we　know　more　of　the　dangers　of　magic　than　you；　and　we　don't　want　you　to　be　hurt　through　ignorance。　But　that　is　not　a　problem　for　now；　because　it　will　take　time　before　you　are　advanced　enough　to　really　use　the　gift　and　risk　these　dangers；　as　long　as　you　adhere　to　what　we　say。　You　can　have　patience；　yes？'
　
　'I　have　no　desire　to　use　magic；　I　guess　that　could　be　construed　as　patience。'
　
　'Good　enough；　for　now。　We　will　begin　then。'　She　squirmed　a　little；　rearranging　her　legs。　There　is　a　force　within　us　all。　It　is　the　force　of　life。　We　call　it　Han。'　Richard　frowned。　'Lift　your　arm。'　He　did　as　she　asked。　That　is　the　force　of　life；　given　us　by　the　Creator。　It　is　encased　within　you。　You　have　just　used　Han。　Those　with　the　gift　can　extend　that　force　outside　themselves。　Such　an　external　force　is　called　a　web。　Those　with　the　gift；　like　you；　have　the　ability　to　cast　a　web。
　
　With　the　web；　you　can　do　things　outside　your　body；　much　as　the　life　force　can　do　within　your　body。'
　
　'How　can　that　be？'
　
　Sister　Verna　picked　up　a　small　stone　in　her　fingers。　'Here；　my　mind　is　using　Han　to　make　my　hand　lift　the　stone。　My　hand　is　not　doing　it　of　its　own　accord；　but　rather；　my　mind　is　directing　the　life　force　to　use　my　hand　to　acplish　what　my　mind　wishes　done。'　She　set　the　stone　back　on　the　ground　and　folded　her　hands　in　her　lap。　The　stone　floated　into　the　air　and　hung　between　them。　'I　have　just　acplished　the　same　thing；　only　this　time　I　did　it　by　projecting　the　life　force　outside　of　my　body。　That　is　the　gift。'
　
　'You　can　do　what　a　wizard　can？'
　
　'No。　Only　some　of　it。　That　is　how　we　are　able　to　teach　its　use。　We　understand　the　feel　of　it。　The　Sisters　have　some　control　of　the　life　force；　and　the　gift；　but　nothing　like　a　wizard　who　knows　how　to　control　his　Han。'
　
　'How　do　you　get　this　life　force　to　go　outside　your　body？'
　
　That　can't　begin　to　be　explained　until　you　learn　to　recognize　the　force　within　yourself；　learn　to　touch　the　Han。'
　
　'Why？'
　
　'Because　every　person　is　different。　Every　person　uses　the　force　differently。　It　isn't　used　the　same　in　any　two　people。　Love　is　a　form　of　Han　being　projected　outside　one's　self；　into　another。　It　is；　though；　a　very　mild；　weak　form。　Even　though　love　is　universal；　it　is　used　and　felt　differently　by　all。　Some　use　it　to　bring　out　the　best　of　the　Han　in　another。　Some　use　it　to　bring　out　the　best　in　themselves。　Some　use　it　to　control；　to　dominate　another。　It　can　heal　or　wound。
　
　'Once　we　understand　how　the　gift　works　within　you；　how　you　use　it；　we　can　guide　you　through　exercises　called　forms。　The　forms　are　a　method　of　practice　that　will　help　you　learn　to　control　the　power　once　it　is　free　of　your　body。　But　for　now；　that　is　not　important。　First　you　must　learn　to　feel　the　Han　within　yourself；　before　you　can　project　it　anywhere　outside　your　body。
　
　After　you　are　able　to　touch　the　Han；　then　we　must　discover　what　it　is　you　can　do　with　it。　Every　wizard　is　different；　and　uses　Han　differently。　Some　can　use　it　only　through　the　use　of　mind；　like　wizards　who　study　the　prophecies。　The　use　of　their　Han　to　understand　prophecies　is　the　major　way　the　gift　manifests　itself　with　them。　It　is　their　unique　talent。　Some　can　only　use　their　Han　to　create　beautiful；　inspiring　objects。　Some　use　their　Han　to　create　things　invested　with　magic。　It　is　their　unique　talent；　how　they　are　able　to　express　Han。　Some　are　able　to　use　their　thoughts　to　influence　the　world　about　them；　as　I　showed　you　when　I　lifted　the　rock。　Some　can　do　other　things　with　Han。　Some　are　able　to　do　a　little　of　everything。'
　
　Her　frown　returned。　'The　truth　is　of　the　utmost　importance　in　this；　Richard。　You　must　be　pletely　truthful　in　telling　us　how　the　Han　feels　within　you。　Lying　will　cause　grave　difficulty。'　She　relaxed　a　bit。　'But　first；　you　must　be　able　to　call　upon　your　Han　before　we　can　discover　what　sort　of　wizard　you　are。'
　
　'I　told　you：　I　don't　want　to　be　a　wizard。　I　just　want　to　learn　to　control　the　gift　so　I　can　stop　the　headaches　and　get　this　collar　off　my　neck。　You　said　I　didn't　have　to　be　a　wizard。'
　
　'Controlling　Han；　with　the　gift；　is　what　it　means　to　be　a　wizard。　When　you　learn　to　control　it；　you　will　be　a　wizard。　That　is　the　very　essence　of　a　wizard。　But　wizard　is　only　a　word。　You　should　not　fear　a　word。　If　you　choose　not　to　use　the　gift；　that　is　your　business；　we　can't　force　you；　but　a　wizard　you　will　be。'
　
　'Teach　me　what　I　need　to　know；　but　I'll　not　be　a　wizard。'
　
　'It　is　not　something　evil；　Richard。　It　is　just　learning　to　know　yourself；　what　you　are　capable　of；　what　your　talents　are。'
　
　Richard　sighed。　Tine。　So　how　do　I　control　it？'
　
　Teaching　control　of　the　gift　is　a　process　taken　in　steps。　I　cannot　explain　it　to　you　all　at　once　because　you　would　be　unable　to　understand　steps　further　along。　Each　step　must　be　mastered　before　you　can　move　on　to　the　next。
　
　'Before　we　can　show　you　how　to　project　the　Han　outside　yourself；　you　must　first　recognize　it；　and　then　be　able　to　touch　it；　join　with　it　within　yourself。　You　must　know　what　it　is。　You　must　be　able　to　feel　it。　You　must　be　able　to　reach；　for　it；　touch　it；　at　will。　You　understand　what　I　am　saying；　yes？'
　
　Richard　nodded。　'A　little；　I　guess。　So　what　is　it？　How　will　I　know　it？　What　is　it　like　to　know　it；　to　touch　it？'
　
　Sister　Verna's　eyes　became　distant；　seeming　to　go　out　of　focus。　'You　will　know　it；'　she　whispered。　'It　is　like　seeing　the　light　given　off　by　the　Creator。　It　is　almost　like　joining　with　Him。'
　
　Richard　watched　her　glazed　expression。　She　seemed　enthralled　by　what　she　was　seeing　within　herself。
　
　'So　how　do　I　find　it？'　he　asked　at　last。
　
　Her　eyes　focused　on　him。　'You　must　search　for　it；　within　yourself。'
　
　'How？'
　
　'You　simply　sit；　and　search　within。　You　put　all　other　thoughts　aside；　and　seek　the　quiet；　the　calm；　within　yourself。　At　first；　it　is　helpful　if　you　close　your　eyes；　breathe　slowly；　evenly；　and　let　yourself　find　the　peace　of　nothingness。　In　the　beginning；　it　helps　to　focus　on　a　single　thing；　in　order　to　exclude　all　distracting　thoughts。'
　
　'A　single　thing？　Like　what？'
　
　She　shrugged。　'Whatever　you　wish。　It　is　only　a　device　to　help　you　reach　the　end；　not　the　end　in　itself。　Everyone　is　different。　Some　use　a　single　word；　repeating　it　over　and　over　to　the　exclusion　of　all　else。　Some　use　a　mental　picture　of　a　simple　object；　using　it　to　bring　their　mind　into　focus。　Eventually；　after　you　learn　to　recognize　the　power；　to　touch　it　and　bee　one　with　it；　you　won't　need　to　focus　on　a　device　first。　You　will　know　the　nature　of　Han；　and　be　able　to　reach　directly　for　it。　It　will　bee　second　nature　to　you。　I　know　it　sounds　strange　and　difficult　to　you　now；　Richard；　but　in　time　you　will　find　it　as　easy　as　it　is　for　you　to　call　forth　the　magic　of　your　sword。'
　
　Richard　had　the　uneasy　feeling　that　he　already　knew　what　she　was　talking　about。　He　could　almost　understand　what　she　was　saying。　The　words　seemed　strange；　but　they　described　something　that　was　somehow　familiar；　yet　different。
　
　'So　you　just　wish　me　to　sit　and　close　my　eyes　and　seek　the　quiet　within？'
　
　She　nodded。　'Yes。'　Sister　Verna　pulled　her　heavy　brown　cloak　tighter　around　her　shoulders。　'You　may　begin。'
　
　Richard　let　out　a　breath。　'All　right。'
　
　He　closed　his　eyes。　It　seemed　his　thoughts　were　scattering　in　all　directions　at　once。　He　tried　to　herd　them　away。　He　tried　to　think　of　a　word　or　a　picture　to　focus　on。　He　thought　of　Kahlan's　name　before　anythin