cb.imajica2-第24章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　〃There'll　be　somebody　in　downstairs；〃　he　replied。　〃They've　got　a　spare。〃
　〃Then　I　suppose　this　is　it。〃　It　was　so　bathetic；　parting　like　this　after　all　that　had　gone　before。　〃I'll　ring　you　when　we've　both　slept〃
　〃The　phone's　probably　been　cut　off。〃
　〃Then　ring　me　from　a　box；　huh？　I　won't　be　at　Oscar's；　I'll　be　at　home。〃
　The　conversation　might　have　guttered　out　there；　but　for　his　reply。
　〃Don't　stay　away　from　him　on　my　account；〃　he　said。
　〃What　do　you　mean　by　that？〃
　〃Just　that　you've　got　your　love　affairs；〃　he　said。
　〃And　what？　You've　got　yours？〃
　〃Not　exactly。〃
　〃What　then？〃
　〃I　mean；　not　exactly　love　affairs。〃　He　shook　his　head。　〃Never　mind。　We'll　talk　about　it　some　other　time。〃
　〃No；〃　Jude　told　him；　taking　his　arm　as　he　tried　to　turn　from　her。　〃We'll　talk　about　it　now。〃
　Gentle　sighed　wearily。　〃Look；　it　doesn't　matter；〃　he　said。
　〃If　it　doesn't　matter；　just　tell　me。〃
　He　hesitated　for　several　seconds。　Then　he　said；　〃I　got　married。〃
　〃Did　you　indeed？〃　she　said；　with　feigned　lightness。　〃And　who's　the　lucky　girl？　Not　the　kid　you　were　talking　about？〃
　〃Huzzah？　Good　God；　no。〃
　He　paused　for　a　tiny　time；　frowning　deeply。
　〃Go　on；〃　she　said。　〃Spit　it　out。〃
　〃I　married　Pie　'oh'　pah。〃
　Her　first　impulse　was　to　laugh…the　thought　was　absurd…but　before　the　sound　escaped　her　she　caught　the　frown　on　his　face　and　revulsion　overtook　laughter。　This　was　no　joke。　He'd　married　the　assassin；　the　sexless　thing　who　was　a　function　of　its　lover's　every　desire。　And　why　was　she　so　stunned？　When　Oscar　had　described　the　species　to　her；　hadn't　she　herself　remarked　that　it　was　Gentle's　idea　of　paradise？
　〃That's　some　secret；〃　she　said。
　〃I　would　have　told　you　about　it　sooner　or　later。〃
　Now　she　allowed　herself　a　little　laughter；　soft　and　sour。　〃Back　there　you　almost　had　me　believing　there　was　something　between　us。〃
　〃That's　because　there　was；〃　he　replied。　〃Because　there　always　will　be。〃
　〃Why　should　that　matter　to　you　now？〃。
　〃I　have　to　hold　on　to　a　little　of　what　I　was。　What　I　dreamed。〃
　〃And　what　did　you　dream？〃
　〃That　the　three　of　us…〃　He　stopped；　sighing。　Then：　〃That　the　three　of　us　would　find　some　way　to　be　together。〃　He　wasn't　looking　at　her　but　at　the　empty　ground　between　them；　where　he'd　clearly　wanted　his　beloved　Pie　to　stand。　〃The　mystif　would　have　learned　to　love　you；〃　he　said。
　〃I　don't　want　to　hear　this；〃　she　snapped。
　〃It　would　have　been　anything　you　desired。　Anything。〃
　〃Stop；〃　she　told　him。　〃Just　stop。〃
　He　shrugged。　〃It's　all　right；〃　he　said。　〃Pie's　dead。　And　we're　going　our　different　ways。　It　was　just　some　stupid　dream　I　had。　I　thought　you'd　want　to　know　it；　that's　all。〃
　〃I　don't　want　anything　from　you；〃　she　replied　coldly。　〃You　can　keep　your　lunacies　to　yourself　from　now　on！〃
　She'd　long　since　let　go　of　his　arm；　leaving　him　to　retreat　up　the　steps。　But　he　didn't　go。　He　simply　stood　watching　her；　squinting　like　a　drunkard　trying　to　hook　one　thought　to　another。　It　was　she　who　retreated；　shaking　her　head　as　she　turned　her　back　on　him　and　crossed　the　puddled　pavement　to　the　car。　Once　in；　the　door　slammed；　she　told　the　driver　to　get　going；　and…　the　car　sped　from　the　curb。
　On　the　step　Gentle　watched　the　corner　where　the　car　turned　long　after　the　vehicle　had　gone　from　sight；　as　though　some　words　of　peace　might　yet　e　to　his　lips　and　be　carried　from　them　to　call　her　back。　But　he　was　out　of　persuasions。　Though　he'd　returned　to　his　place　as　a　Reconciler；　he　knew　he'd　here　opened　a　wound　he　lacked　the　gift　to　heal；　at　least　until　he'd　slept　and　recovered　his　faculties。
　
　Forty…five　minutes　after　she'd　left　Gentle　on　his　doorstep；　Jude　was　throwing　open　the　windows　of　her　house　to　let　in　the　late…afternoon　sun　and　some　fresh　air。　The　journey　from　the　studio　had　passed　with　her　scarcely　being　aware　of　the　fact；　so　stunned　had　she　been　by　Gentle's　revelation。　Married！　The　thought　was　absurd；　except　that　she　couldn't　find　it　in　herself　to　be　amused。
　Though　it　was　now　many　weeks　since　she'd　occupied　the　house　（all　but　the　hardiest　of　her　plants　had　died　from　loneliness；　and　she'd　forgotten　how　the　percolator　and　the　locks　on　the　windows　worked）；　it　was　still　a　place　she　felt　at　home　in；　and　by　the　time　she'd　downed　a　couple　of　cups　of　coffee；　showered；　and　changed　into　some　clean　clothes；　the　Dominion　from　which　she'd　stepped　only　hours　before　was　receding。　In　the　presence　of　so　many　familiar　sights　and　smells　the　strangeness　of　Yzordderrex　wasn't　its　strength　but　its　frailty。　Without　invitation；　her　mind　had　already　drawn　a　line　between　the　place　she'd　left　and　the　one　which　she　was　now　in；　as　solid　as　the　division　between　a　thing　dreamt　and　a　thing　lived。　No　wonder　Oscar　had　made　a　ritual　of　going　up　to　his　treasure　room；　she　thought；　and　muning　with　his　collection。　It　was　a　way　of　holding　on　to　a　perception　that　was　under　constant　siege　by　the　monplace。
　With　several　jolts　of　coffee　buzzing　around　her　bloodstream；　the　fatigue　she'd　felt　on　the　journey　back　into　the　city　had　disappeared；　so　she　decided　to　use　the　evening　to　visit　Oscar's　house。　She'd　called　him　several　times　since　she'd　got　back；　but　the　fact　that　nobody　had　answered　was　not；　she　knew；　proof　of　his　absence　or　demise。　He'd　seldom　picked　up　the　telephone　in　the　house…that　duty　had　fallen　to　Dowd…and　more　than　once　he'd　stated　his　abhorrence　of　the　machines。　In　paradise；　he'd　once　said；　the　mon　blessed　use　telegrams　and　the　saints　have　talking　doves；　all　the　telephones　are　down　below。
　She　left　the　house　at　seven　or　so；　caught　a　cab；　and　went　to　Regent's　Park　Road。　She　found　the　house　securely　'locked；　without　so　much　as　a　window　standing　ajar；　which　on　such　a　clement　evening　surely　meant　there　was　nobody　home。　Just　to　be　sure；　she　went　around　to　the　rear　of　the　house　and　peered　in。　At　the　sight　of　her；　the　three　parrots　Oscar　kept　in　the　back　room　rose　from　their　perches　in　alarm。　Nor　did　they　settle；　but　squawked　on　in　panic　as　she　cupped　her　hands　over　her　brow　and　peered　in　to　see　if　their　seed　and　water　bowls　were　full。　Though　their　perches　were　too　far　from　the　window　for　her　to　see；　their　level　of　agitation　was　enough　to　make　her　fear　the　worst　Oscar；　she　suspected；　hadn't　soothed　their　feathers　in　a　long　time。　So　where　was　he？　Back　at　the　estate；　lying　dead　in　the　long　grass？　If　so；　it　would　be　folly　to　go　back　there　now　and　look　for　him；　with　darkness　an　hour　away　at　most。　Besides；　when　she　thought　back　to　her　last　glimpse　of　him；　she　was　reasonably　certain　she'd　seen　him　rising　to　his　feet；　framed　against　the　door。　He　was　robust；　despite　his　excesses。　She　couldn't　believe　he　was　dead。　In　hiding；　more　like：　concealing　himself　from　the　Tabula　Rasa。　With　that　thought　in　mind　she　returned　to　the　front　door　and　scribbled　an　anonymous　note；　telling　him　she　was　alive　and　well；　and　slipped　it　into　the　letter　box。　He'd　know　who'd　penned　it。　Who　else　would　write　that　the　Express　had　brought　her　home；　safe　and　sound？
　A　little　after　ten…thirty　she　was　preparing　for　bed　when　she　heard　somebody　calling　her　name　from　the　street。　She　went　to　the　balcony　and　looked　out　to　see　Clem　standing　on　the　pavement　below；　hollering　for　all　he　was　worth。　It　was　many　months　since　they'd　spoken；　and　her　pleasure　at　the　sight　of　him　was　tinged　with　guilt　at　her　neglect。　But　from　the　relief　in　his　voice　at　her　appearance；　and　the　fervor　of　his　hug；　she　knew　he　hadn't　e　to　squeeze　apologies　out　of　her。　He　needed　to　tell　her　something　extraordinary；　he　said；　but　before　he　did　（she'd　think　he　was　crazy；　he　warned）；　he　needed　a　drink。　Could　she　get　him　a　brandy？
　She　could　and　did。
　He　fairly　guzzled　it；　then　said；　〃Where's　Gentle？〃
　The　question；　and　his　demanding　tone；　caught　her　off　guard；　and　she　floundered。　Gentle　wanted　to　be　invisible；　and　furious　as　she　was　with　him；　she　felt　obliged　to　respect　that　wish。　But　Clem　needed　to　know　badly。
　〃He's　been　away；　hasn't　he？　Klein　told　me　he　tried　calling；　but　the　phone　was　cut　off。　Then　he　wrote　Gentle　a　letter；　and　it　was　never　answered…〃
　〃Yes；〃　Jude　said。　〃I　believe　he's　been　away。〃
　〃But　he　just　came　back。〃
　〃Did　he？〃　she　replied；　more　puzzled　by　the　moment。　〃Maybe　you　know　better　than　I　do。〃
　〃Not　me；〃　he　said；　pouring　himself　another　brandy。　〃Taylor。〃
　〃Taylor？　What　are　you　talking　about？〃
　Clem　downed　the　liquor。　〃You're　going　to　say　I'm　crazy；　but　hear　me　out；　will　you？〃
　〃I'm　listening。〃
　〃I　haven't　been　sentimental　about　losing　him。　I　haven't　sat　at　home　reading　his　love　letters　and　listening　to　the　songs　we　danced　to。　I've　tried　to　get　out　and　be　useful　for　a　change。　But　I　have　left　his　room　the　way　it　was。　I　couldn't　bring　myself　to　go　through　his　clothes　or　even　strip　the　bed。　I　kept　putting　it　off。　And　the　more　I　didn't　do　it；　the　more　impossible　it　seemed　to　be。　Then　tonight；　I　came　in　just　after　eight；　and　I　heard　somebody　talking。〃
　Every　particle　of　Clem's　body　but　his　lips　was　still　as　he　spoke；　transfixed　by　the　memory。
　〃I　thought　I'd　left　the　radio　on；　but　no；　no；　I　realized　it　was　ing　from　upstairs；　from　his　bedroom。　It　was　him；　Judy；　talking　clear　as　day；　calling　me　up　the　way　he　used　to。　I　was　so　afraid　I　almost　fled。　Stupid；　isn't　it？　There　I　was；　praying　and　praying　for　some　sign　he　was　in　God's　hands；　and　as　soon　as　it　came　I　practically　shat　myself。　I　tell　you；　I　was　half　an　hour　on　the　stairs；　hoping　he'd　stop　calling　me。　And　sometimes　he　did　for　a　while；　and　I'd　half　convince　myself　I'd　imagined　it。　Then　he'd　start　again。　Nothing　melodramatic。　Just　him　trying　to　persuade　me　not　to　be　afraid　and　e　up　and　say　hello。　So；　eventually；　that's　what　I　did。〃
　His　eyes　were　filling　with　tears；　but　there　was　no　grief　in　his　voice。
　〃He　liked　that　room　in　the　evening。　The　sun　fills　it　up。　That's　what　it　was　like　tonight：　full　of　sun。　And　he　was　there；　in　the　light。　I　couldn't　see　him　but　I　knew　he　was　next　to　me　because　he　said　so。　He　told　me　I　looked　well。　Then　he　said；　'It's　a　glad　day；　Clem。　Gentle　came　back；　and　he's　got　the　answers。'　〃
　〃What　answers？〃　Jude　said。
　〃That's　what　I　asked　him。　I　said；　'What　answers；　Tay？'　But　you　know　Tay　when　he's　happy。　He　gets　delirious；　like　a　child。〃　Clem　spoke　with　a　smile；　his　gaze　on　sights　remembered　from　better　days。　〃He　was　so　full　of　the　fact　that　Gentle　was　back；　I　couldn't　get　much　more　from　him。〃
　Clem　looked　up　at　Jude。
　〃The　light　was　going；〃　he　said。　〃And　I　think　he　wanted　to　go　with　it。　He　said　that　it　was　our　duty　to　help　Gentle。　That　was　why　he　was　showing　himself　to　me　this　way。　It　wasn't　easy；　he　said。　But　then　neither　was　being　a　guardian　angel。　And　I　said；　Why　only　one？　One　angel　when　there's　two　of　us？　And　he　said；　Because　we　are　one；　Clem；　you　and　I。　We　always　were；　and　we　always　will　be。　Those　were　his　exact　words；　I　swear。　Then　he　went　away。　And　you　know　what　I　kept　thinking？〃
　〃What？〃
　〃That　I　wished　I　hadn't　waited　on　the　stairs　and　wasted　all　that　time　I　could　have　had　with　him；〃　Clem　set　down　his　glass；　pulled　a　tissue　from　his　pocket；　and　blew　his　nose。　〃That's　all；〃　he　said。
　〃I　think　that's　plenty。〃
　〃I　know　what　you're　thinking；〃　he　said　with　a　little　laugh。　〃You're　thinking；　Poor　Clem。　He　couldn't　grieve　so　he's　having　hallucinations。〃
　〃No；〃　she　said；　very　softly。　〃I'm　thinking；　Gentle　doesn't　know　how　lucky　he　is；　having　angels　like　you　two。〃
　〃Don't