cb.imajica2-第36章
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cy of harm。 The shadow between her legs was no killer。 It was Gentle； and this scene was here； in the bowl's report； because the Reconciler stood as a sign of hope to set against the despair that had e before。 She heard Oscar moan as the shadow lover reached for her； putting his hand between her legs； then raising her foot to his mouth to begin his devouring。
〃It's killing you；〃 Oscar said。
Watched remotely； this was a rational interpretation。 But it wasn't death； of course； it was love。 And it wasn't prophecy； it was history： the very act they'd performed the night before。 Oscar was viewing it like a child； seeing its parents make love and thinking violence was being done in the marital bed。 She was glad of his error； in a way； saving her as it did from the problem of explaining this coupling。
She and the Reconciler were quickly intertwined； the veils of darkness attending on the act and deepening their mingled shadows； so that the lovers became a single knot； which shrank and shrank and finally disappeared altogether； leaving the stones to rattle on as an abstraction。
It was a strangely intimate conclusion to the sequence。 From temple； tower； and house to the storm had been a grim progression； but from the storm to this vision of love was altogether more optimistic： a sign； perhaps； that union could bring an end to the darkness that had gone before。
〃That's all there is；〃 Oscar said。 〃It just begins again from here。 Round and round。〃
She turned from the bowl as the din of stones； which had quieted as the love scene was sketched； became loud again。
〃You see the danger you're in？〃 he said。
〃I think I'm just an afterthought；〃 she said； hoping to steer him away from an analysis of what had been depicted。
〃Not to me you're not；〃 he replied； putting his arms around her。 For all his wounds； he was not a man to be resisted easily。 〃I want to protect you；〃 he said。 〃That's my duty。 I see that now。 I know you've been mistreated； but I can make reparations for that。 I can keep you here； safe and sound。〃
〃So you think we can hole up here and Armageddon will just pass over？〃
〃Have you got a better idea？〃
〃Yes。 We resist it； at all costs。〃
〃There's no victory to be had against the likes of that；〃 he said。
She could hear the stones' thunder behind her and knew they were picturing the storm again。
〃At least we've got some defenses here；〃 he went on。 〃I've got spirit guards at every door and every window。 You saw those in the kitchen？ They're the tiniest。〃
〃All male； are they？〃
〃What's that got to do with it？〃
〃They're not going to protect you； Oscar。〃
〃They're all we've got。〃
〃Maybe they're all you've got…〃
She slipped from his arms and headed for the door。 He followed her out onto the landing； demanding to know what she meant by this； and finally； inflamed by his cowardice； she turned back to him。
〃There's been a power under your nose for years。〃
〃What power？ Where？〃
〃Sealed up beneath Roxborough's tower。〃
〃What the hell are you talking about？〃
〃You don't know who she is？〃
〃No；〃 he said； angered now。 〃This is nonsense。〃
〃I've seen her； Oscar。〃
〃How？ Nobody but the Tabula Rasa gets into the tower。〃
〃I could show her to you。 Take you to the very place。〃
She dropped her volume； studying Oscar's anxious； ruddy features as she spoke。 〃I think maybe she's some kind of Goddess。 I've tried to get her out twice and failed。 I need help。 I need your help。〃
〃It's impossible；〃 he replied。 〃The tower's a fortress； now more than ever。 I tell you； this house is the only safe place left in the city。 It would be suicide for me to step out of here。〃
〃Then that's that；〃 she said； not about to debate with such timidity。 She started down the stairs； ignoring his calls for her to wait。
〃You can't leave me；〃 he said； as though amazed。 〃I love you。 Do you hear me？ I love you。〃
〃There's more important things than love；〃 she returned； thinking as she spoke that this was easy to say with Gentle awaiting her at home。 But it was also true。 She'd seen this city overturned and pitched into dust。 Preventing that was indeed more important than love； especially Oscar's spineless variety。
〃Don't forget to lock up after me；〃 she said as she reached the bottom of the stairs。 〃You never know what's going to e knocking on the door。〃
On the way home she stopped to buy groceries； which had never been her favorite chore but was today elevated into the realms of the surreal by the sense of foreboding she brought with her。 Here she was going about the business of purchasing domestic necessities； while the image of the killing cloud turned in her head。 But life had to go on； even if oblivion waited in the wings。 She needed milk； bread； and toilet paper； she needed deodorant and waste bags to line the bin in the kitchen。 It was only in fiction that the daily round of living was ignored so that grand events could take center stage。 Her body would hunger； tire； sweat； and digest until the final pall descended。 There was peculiar fort in this thought； and though the darkness gathering at the threshold of her world should have； distracted her from trivialities； its presence had precisely the reverse effect。 She was more pernickety than usual about the cheese she bought and sniffed at half a dozen deodorants before she found a scent that pleased her。
The shopping done； she headed home through streets buzzing with the business of a sunlit day； contemplating the problem of Celestine as she went。 With Oscar plainly unwilling to aid her； she would have to look for help elsewhere； and with her circle of trusted souls so shrunk； that only left Clem and Gentle。 The Reconciler had his own agenda； of course； but after the promises of the night before…the mitments to be with each other； sharing the fears and the visions…he'd surely understand her need to liberate Celestine； if only to put an end to the mystery。 She would tell him all she knew about Roxborough's prisoner； she decided； as soon as possible。
He wasn't home when she got back； which was no surprise。 He'd warned her that he'd be keeping odd hours as he laid the groundwork for the Reconciliation。 She prepared some lunch； then decided she hadn't got an appetite and went to work one up by tidying the bedroom； which was still chaos after the night's traffic。 As she straightened the sheets she discovered they had a tiny occupant： the blue stone （or； as she preferred to think of it； the egg）； which had been in one of the pockets of her ravaged clothes。 The sight of it diverted her from her bed making； and she sat on the edge of the mattress； passing the egg from hand to hand； wondering if perhaps it could deliver her； even briefly； into the cell where Celestine was locked。 Itliad of course been much reduced by Dowd's mites； but even when she'd first discovered it in Estabrook's safe it had been a fragment of a greater form and possessed some jurisidiction。 Did it still？
〃Show me the Goddess；〃 she said； clutching the egg tight。 〃Show me the Goddess。〃
Spoken plainly that way； the notion of her mind's removal from the physical world； and its flight； seemed absurd。 That wasn't the way the world worked； except perhaps at enchanted midnights。 Now it was the middle of the afternoon； and the noise of day rose through the open window。 She was loath to go and close it； however。 She couldn't exile the world every time she wanted to alter her consciousness。 The street and the people in it…the dirt and the din and the summer sky…all had to be made part of the mechanism for transcendence； or else she'd e to grief the way her sister had； bound up and blind long before her eyes went from her head。
As was her wont； she began to talk to herself； coaxing the miracle。 〃It's happened before；〃 she said。 〃It can happen again。 Be patient； woman。〃
But the longer she sat； the stronger the sense of her own ludicrousness became。 The image of her idiot devotion appeared in her mind's eye。 There she was； sitting on the bed； staring at a piece of dead stone： a study in fatuity；
〃Fool；〃 she said to herself。
Suddenly weary of the whole fiasco； she got up from the bed。 In that rising she realized her error。 Her mind's eye showed her the motion as if it was detached from her； hovering near the window。 She felt a sudden pang of panic and for the second tune in the space of thirty seconds called herself fool； not for wasting time with the egg but for failing to realize that the image she'd taken as evidence of her own failure； that of herself sitting waiting for something to happen； was in fact proof that it had。 Her sight had drifted from her so subtly she'd not even known it had gone。
〃The cell；〃 she said； instructing her subtle eye。 〃Show me the Goddess's cell。〃
Though it was close to the window； and could have flown from there； her eye instead rose at a sickening speed； till she was looking down at herself from the ceiling。 She saw her body rock below her； as the flight giddied her。 Then her sight descended。 The top of her head loomed like a planet beneath her； and she was plunged into her skull； down； down into the darkness of her body。 She felt her own panic on all sides： the frantic labor of her heart； her lungs drawing shallow breaths。 There was none of the brightness she'd found in Celestine's body； no hint of that luminous blue the Goddess had shared with the stone。 There was only the dark and its turmoil。 She wanted to make the egg understand its mistake and draw her mind's eye up out of this pit； but if her lips were making such pleas； which she doubted； they were ignored； and her fall went on； and on； as though her sight h；ad bee a fly speck in a well and would fall for hours without reaching its bowels。
And then； below her； a tiny point of light； which grew as she approached； to show itself not a point but a strip of rippling luminescence； like the purest glyph imaginable。 What was this doing inside her？ Was it some relic of the working that had created her； a fragment of Sartori's feit； like Gentle's signature hidden in the brushwork of his forged canvases？ She was upon it now； or rather in it； its brightness a blaze that made her mind's eye squint。
And out of the blaze； images。 Such images！ She knew neither their origins nor their purpose； but they were exquisite enough to make her forgive the misdirection that had led her here rather than to Celestine。 She seemed to be in a paradisiacal city； half overgrown with glorious flora； the profusion of which was fed by waters that rose like arches and colonnades on every side。 Flocks of stars flew overhead and made perfect circles at her zenith； mists hung at her ankles； laying their veils beneath her feet to ease her step。 She passed through this city like a hallowed daughter and came to rest in a large airy room； where water cascaded in place of doors； and the merest stab of sun brought rainbows。 There she sat and with these borrowed eyes saw her own face and breasts； so vast they might have been sculpted for a temple； raised above her。 Did milk seep from her nipples； and did she sing a lullaby？ She thought so； but her attention strayed too quickly from breasts and face to be sure； her gaze turned towards the far end of the chamber。 Somebody had entered： a man； so wounded and ill…mended she di
