cb.imajica2-第44章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


s　an　alpine　scene；　fantasticated　by　the　addition　of　several　naked　women；　hovering　above　the　snows；　beyond　it　a　skull…strewn　veldt；　with　a　distant　train　belching　smoke　against　a　dazzling　sky；　and　beyond　that　again；　an　island　set　in　the　middle　of　a　sea　disturbed　by　a　single　wave；　in　the　foam　of　which　a　face　could　be　discovered。　AH　were　painted　with　the　same　passionate　haste　as　the　first；　which　fact　lent　them　the　urgency　of　sketches　and　added　to　their　power。　Perhaps　it　was　his　exhaustion；　or　simply　the　bizarre　setting　for　this　exhibition；　but　Clem　found　himself　oddly　moved　by　the　images。　There　was　nothing　ingratiating　or　sentimental　about　them。　They　were　glimpses　into　the　minds　of　strangers；　and　he　was　exhilarated　to　find　such　wonders　there。
　With　his　gaze　following　the　journey　of　pictures；　he'd　lost　all　sense　of　his　own　direction；　but　when　he　turned　out　his　torch　to　look　for　the　lamplight　he　saw　a　small　fire　burning　up　ahead；　and　in　lieu　of　any　other　beacon　he　made　his　way　towards　it。　The　fire　makers　had　occupied　a　small　garden　laid　amid　the　concrete。　It　had　perhaps　once　boasted　a　rose　bed　or　flowering　shrubs；　benches；　perhaps；　dedicated　to　some　dead　city　father。　But　now　there　was　only　a　pitiful　lawn；　which　barely　greened　the　dirt　it　peered　from。　Gathered　upon　it　were　the　tenants　of　the　cardboard　city；　or　some　part　of　their　number。　Most　were　asleep；　bundled　up　in　their　coats　and　blankets。　But　five　or　six　were　awake；　standing　around　the　fire　and　passing　a　cigarette　between　them　as　they　talked。
　A　dreadlocked　black　squatted　on　the　low　wall　beside　the　garden's　gate　and；　spotting　Clem；　rose　to　guard　the　entrance。　Clem　didn't　retreat。　There　was　no　threat　visible　in　the　man's　posture；　nor　anything　but　calm　in　the　garden　beyond。　The　sleepers　did　so　quietly；　their　dreams　seemingly　kind。　And　the　debaters　around　the　fire　spoke　in　whispers。　When　they　laughed；　which　they　did　now　and　then；　it　wasn't　the　hard；　desperate　noise　he'd　heard　among　these　clans；　but　light。
　〃Who　are　you；　man？〃　the　black　asked　him。
　〃My　name's　Clem。　I　got　lost。〃
　〃You　don't　look　like　you　been　sleepin'　rough；　man。〃
　〃I　haven't。〃
　〃So　why　you　here？〃
　〃Like　I　said：　I　got　lost。〃
　The　man　shrugged。　〃Waterloo　Station's　over　in　that　direction；〃　he　said；　pointing　roughly　back　the　way　Clem　had　e。　〃But　you　got　a　long　wait　for　the　first　train。〃　He　caught　Clem's　glance　into　the　garden。　〃Sorry；　man；　you　can't　e　in。　If　you　got　a　bed；　go　to　it。〃
　Clem　didn't　move；　however。　Something　about　one　of　the　men　at　the　fire；　standing　with　his　back　to　the　gate；　rooted　him　to　the　spot。
　〃Who　is　that；　who's　talking　now？〃　he　asked　the　guard。
　The　man　glanced　around。　〃That's　the　Gentile；〃　he　said。
　〃The　Gentile？〃　he　said。　〃Surely　you　mean　Gentle。〃
　He　hadn't　raised　his　voice　in　order　to　name　the　man；　but　the　syllables　must　have　carried　on　the　tranquil　air；　because　as　they　went　from　Clem's　lips　the　speaker　stopped　talking　and　slowly　turned　towards　the　gate。　With　the　fire　burning　at　his　back　his　features　were　hard　to　make　out；　but　Clem　knew　he'd　made　no　error。　The　man　turned　back　to　his　fellow　debaters　and　said　something　to　them　Clem　didn't　catch。　Then　he　left　their　fire　and　walked　down　to　the　gate。
　〃Gentle？〃　his　visitor　said。　〃It's　Clem。〃
　The　black　stood　aside；　opening　the　gate　to　let　the　man　he'd　called　the　Gentile　step　out　of　the　garden。　There　he　stood　and　studied　the　stranger。
　〃Do　I　know　you？〃　he　said。　There　was　no　enmity　in　his　voice；　but　there　was　no　warmth　either。　〃I　do；　don't　I？〃
　〃Yes；　you　do；　my　friend；〃　Clem　replied。　〃Yes；　you　do。〃
　
　They　walked　together　along　the　river；　leaving　the　sleepers　and　the　fire　behind　them。　The　many　changes　in　Gentle　soon　became　apparent。　He　was　of　course　far　from　certain　of　who　he　was；　but　there　were　other　changes　which　were；　Clem　sensed；　profounder　still。　There　was　a　plainness　about　his　speech；　and　about　the　expression　on　his　face；　which　was　by　turns　disturbing　and　calming。　Something　of　the　Gentle　he　and　Taylor　had　known　had　gone；　perhaps　forever。　But　something　was　on　its　way　to　being　gained　in　its　place；　and　Clem　wanted　to　be　there　when　it　was：　to　be　the　angel　guarding　that　tender　self。
　〃Did　you　paint　the　pictures？〃　he　asked。
　〃With　my　friend　Monday；〃　Gentle　said。　〃We　made　them　together。〃
　〃I　never　saw　you　paint　anything　like　that　before。〃
　〃They're　places　I've　been；〃　Gentle　told　him；　〃and　people　I've　known。　They　start　ing　back　to　me　when　I've　got　the　colors。　But　it's　slow。　There's　so　much　filling　my　head〃…　he　put　his　fingers　to　his　brow；　which　bore　a　series　of　ill…healed　lacerations…〃confusing　me。　You　call　me　Gentle；　but　I've　got　other　names。〃
　〃John　Zacharias？〃
　〃That's　one。　Then　there's　a　man　in　me　called　Joseph　Bellamy；　and　another　called　Michael　Morrison；　and　one　called　Almoth；　and　one　called　Fitzgerald；　and　one　called　Sartori。　They　all　seem　to　be　me；　Clem。　But　that's　not　possible；　is　it？　I　asked　Monday；　and　Carol；　and　Irish；　and　they　said　people　have　two　names；　sometimes　three；　but　never　ten。〃
　〃Maybe　you've　lived　other　lives；　Gentle；　and　you're　remembering　them。〃
　〃If　that's　true；　I　don't　want　to　remember。　It　hurts　too　much。　I　can't　think　straight。　I　want　to　be　one　man　with　one　life。　I　want　to　know　where　I　begin　and　where　I　end；　instead　of　going　on　and　on。〃
　〃Why's　that　so　terrible？〃　Clem　said；　genuinely　unable　to　see　the　horror　in　such　expansion。
　〃Because　I'm　afraid　there'll　be　no　end　to　it；〃　Gentle　replied。　He　spoke　steadily；　like　a　metaphysician　who'd　reached　a　precipice　and　was　calmly　describing　the　abyss　below　for　the　benefit　of　those　who　couldn't…or　wouldn't…　be　with　him　there。　〃I'm　afraid　I'm　joined　〃to　everything　else；〃　he　said。　〃And　then　I'm　going　to　be　lost。　I　want　to　be　this　man；　or　that　man；　but　not　every　man。　If　I'm　everyone　I'm　no　one；　and　nothing。〃
　He　stopped　his　even　stride　and　turned　to　Clem；　putting　his　hands　on　Clem's　shoulders。
　〃Who　am　I？〃　he　said。　〃Just　tell　me。　If　you　love　me；　tell　me。　Who　am　I？〃　〃You're　my　friend。〃
　It　wasn't　an　eloquent　reply；　but　it　was　the　only　one　Clem　had。　Gentle　studied　his　panion's　face　for　a　minute　or　more；　as　if　calculating　the　potency　of　this　axiom　against　his　dread。　And　slowly；　as　he　scanned　Clem's　features；　a　smile　plucked　at　the　corners　of　his　mouth；　and　tears　began　to　glisten　hi　his　eyes。
　〃You　see　me；　don't　you？〃　he　said　softly。　〃Of　course　I　see　you。〃
　〃I　don't　mean　with　your　sight；　I　mean　with　your　mind。　I　exist　in　your　head。〃
　〃Gear　as　crystal；〃　Clem　said。
　That　was　truer　now　than　it　had　ever　been。　Gentle　nodded；　and　his　smile　spread。
　〃Somebody　else　tried　to　teach　me　this；〃　he　said。　〃But　I　didn't　understand。〃　He　paused；　musing。　Then　he　said；　〃It　doesn't　matter　what　I'm　called。　Names　are　nothing。　I　am　what　I　am　in　you。〃　His　arms　slipped　around　Clem；　into　an　embrace。　〃I'm　your　friend。〃
　He　hugged　Clem　hard；　then　stood　away；　the　tears　clearing。
　〃Who　was　it　who　taught　me　that？〃　he　wondered。　〃Judith；　maybe？〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃I　see　her　face　over　and　over；〃　he　said。　〃But　it　wasn't　her。　It　was　somebody　who　went　away。〃　〃Was　it　Taylor？〃　Clem　said。　〃Do　you　remember　Taylor？〃
　〃He　knew　me　too？〃　〃He　loved　you。〃
　〃Where　is　he　now？〃
　〃That's　a　whole　other　story。〃
　〃Is　it？〃　Gentle　replied。　〃Or　is　it　all　one？〃
　They　walked　on　along　the　river；　exchanging　questions　and　answers　as　they　went。　At　Gentle's　request　Clem　recounted　Taylor's　story；　from　life　to　deathbed；　from　deathbed　to　light；　and　Gentle　in　his　turn　offered　what　clues　he　had　to　the　nature　of　the　journey　he'd　returned　from。　Though　he　could　remember　very　few　of　the　details；　he　knew　that　unlike　Taylor's　it　had　not　taken　him　into　brightness。　He'd　lost　many　friends　along　the　way…their　names　mingled　with　those　of　the　lives　he'd　lived…and　seen　the　deaths　of　many　others。　But　he'd　also　witnessed　the　wonders　he'd　painted　on　the　walls。　Sunless　skies　that　shimmered　green　and　gold；　a　palace　of　mirrors；　like　Versailles；　vast；　mysterious　deserts　and　ice　cathedrals　full　of　bells。　Listening　to　these　traveler's　tales；　the　vistas　of　hitherto　unknown　worlds　spreading　in　all　directions；　Clem　felt　his　earlier　ease　with　the　notion　of　an　unbounded　self；　going　into　some　limitless　adventure；　falter。　The　very　divisions　he'd　happily　tried　to　persuade　Gentle　from　at　the　outset　of　this　report　looked　tempting　now。　But　they　were　a　trap；　and　he　knew　it。　Their　fort　would　smother　and　hobble　him　eventually。　He　had　to　unburden　himself　of　his　old；　stale　ways　of　thinking　if　he　was　to　travel　alongside　this　man　into　places　where　dead　souls　were　light　and　being　was　a　function　of　thought。
　〃Why　did　you　e　back？〃　he　asked　Gentle　after　a　time。
　〃I　wish　I　knew；〃　Gentle　replied。
　〃We　should　find　Judith。　I　think　maybe　she　knows　more　about　this　than　either　of　us。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　leave　these　people；　Clem。　They　took　me　in。〃
　〃I　understand　that；〃　Clem　said。　〃But　Gentle；　they　can't　help　you　now。　They　don't　understand　what's　going　on。〃
　〃Nor　do　we；〃　Gentle　reminded　him。　〃But　they　listened　when　I　told　my　story。　They　watched　me　paint；　and　they　asked　me　questions；　and　when　I　told　them　the　visions　I'd　had　they　didn't　mock　me。〃　He　stopped　and　pointed　over　the　river　towards　the　Houses　of　Parliament。　〃The　lawgivers'll　be　ing　there　soon；〃　he　said。　〃Would　you　trust　what　I　just　told　you　to　them？　If　we　said　to　them　that　the　dead　e　back　in　sunlight　and　there　are　worlds　where　the　sky's　green　and　gold；　what　would　they　say？〃　〃They'd　say　we　were　crazy。〃
　〃Yes；　And　throw　us　into　the　gutter　with　Monday　and　Carol　and　Irish　and　all　the　rest。〃
　〃They're　not　in　the　gutter　because　they　had　visions；　Gentle；〃　Clem　said。　〃They're　there　because　they've　been　abused；　or　they've　abused　themselves。〃
　〃Which　means　they　can't　cover　their　despair　the　way　the　rest　can。　They've　got　no　distractions　from　their　pain。　So　they　get　drunk　and　crazy；　and　the　next　day　they're　even　more　lost　than　they　were　the　day　before。　But　I'd　still　rather　trust　them　than　all　the　bishops　and　the　ministers。　Maybe　they're　naked；　but　isn't　that　a　holy　state？〃
　〃It's　also　a　vulnerable　one；〃　Clem　pointed　out。　〃You　can't　drag　them　into　this　war。〃
　〃Who　said　there's　going　to　be　a　war？〃　〃Judith；〃　Clem　replied。　〃But　even　if　she　hadn't；　it's　in　the　air。〃
　〃Does　she　know　who　the　enemy's　going　to　be？〃　〃No。　But　it'll　be　a　hard　battle；　and　if　you　care　for　these　people　you　won't　put　them　in　the　front　line。　They'll　be　there　when　the　war's　over。〃
　Gentle　pondered　this　for　a　time。　Finally；　he　said；　〃So　they'll　be　the　peacemakers。〃
　〃Why　not？　They　can　spread　the　good　news。〃
　Gentle　nodded。　〃I　like　that；〃　he　said。　〃And　so　will　they。〃
　〃So　shall　we　go　and　find　Judith？〃
　〃I　think　that'd　be　wise。　But　first；　I　have　to　say　goodbye。〃
　The　day　came　with　them　as　they　retraced　their　steps　along　the　bank；　and　by　the　time　they　reached　the　underpass　the　shadows　were　no　longer　black　but　gray…blue。　Some　of　the　beams　had　found　their　way　through　the　concrete　bridges　and　barricades　and　were　edging　towards　the　threshold　of　the　garden。
　〃Where　did　you　go？〃　Irish　said；　meeting　his　Gentile　at　the　gate。　〃We　thought　you'd　slipped　away。〃
　〃I　want　you　to　meet　a　friend　of　mine；〃　Gentle　said。　〃This　is　Clem。　Clem；　this　is　Irish；　this　is　Carol　and　Benedict。　Where's　Monday？〃
　〃Asleep；〃　said　Benedict；　the　sometime　guard。
　〃What's　Clem　short　for？〃　Carol　asked。
　〃Clement。〃
　〃I've　seen