cb.imajica2-第46章

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　〃They're　ethereal　whores。〃
　〃That　doesn't　describe　Celestine。〃　She　trailed　the　bait　of　the　name；　but　he　failed　to　bite。　〃She's　human。　Or　at　least　she　was。〃
　〃And　what　is　she　now？〃
　Jude　shrugged。　〃Something　。。。　else。　I　don't　quite　know　what。　She's　powerful；　though。　She　almost　killed　Dowd。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃I　think　you're　better　off　hearing　that　from　her。〃
　〃Why　should　I　want　to？〃　he　said　lightly。
　〃She　asked　to　see　you。　She　says　she　knows　you。〃
　〃Really？　Did　she　say　from　where？〃
　〃No。　But　she　told　me　to　mention　Nisi　Nirvana。〃
　He　chuckled　at　this。
　〃Does　it　mean　something　to　you？〃　Jude　said。
　〃Yes；　of　course。　It's　a　story　for　children。　Don't　you　know　it？〃
　〃No。〃
　Even　as　she　spoke；　she　realized　why；　but　it　was　he　who　voiced　the　reason。　；
　〃Of　course　you　don't；〃　he　said。　〃You　were　never　a　child；　were　you？〃
　She　studied　his　face；　wishing　she　could　be　certain　he　meant　to　be　cruel。
　〃So　will　you　go　to　her？〃
　〃Why　should　I？　I　don't　know　her。〃
　〃But　she　knows　you。〃
　〃What　is　this？〃　he　said。　〃Are　you　trying　to　palm　me　off　on　another　woman？〃
　He　took　a　step　towards　her；　and　though　she　tried　to　conceal　her　reluctance　to　be　touched；　she　failed。
　〃Judith；〃　he　said。　〃I　swear　I　don't　know　this　Celestine。　It's　you　I　think　about　when　I'm　not　here…〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　discuss　that　now。〃
　〃What　do　you　suspect　me　of？〃　he　said。　〃I've　done　nothing。　I　swear。〃　He　laid　both　his　hands　on　his　chest。　〃You're　hurting　me；　Judith。　I　don't　know　if　that's　what　you　want　to　do；　but　you　are。　You're　hurting　me。〃
　〃That's　a　new　experience　for　you；　is　it？〃
　〃Is　that　what　this　is　about？　A　sentimental　education？　If　it　is；　I　beg　you；　don't　torment　me　now。　We've　got　too　many　enemies　to　be　fighting　with　each　other。〃
　〃I'm　not　fighting。　I　don't　want　to　fight。〃
　〃Good；〃　he　said；　opening　his　arms。　〃So　e　here。〃
　She　didn't　move。
　〃Judith。〃
　〃I　want　you　to　go　and　see　Celestine。　I　promised　her　I'd　find　you；　and　you'll　make　a　liar　of　me　if　you　don't　go。〃
　〃All　right；　I'll　go；〃　he　said。　〃But　I'm　going　to　e　back；　love；　you　can　depend　on　that。　Whoever　she　is；　whatever　she　looks　like；　it's　you　I　want。〃　He　paused。　〃Now　more　than　ever；〃　he　said。
　She　knew　he　wanted　her　to　ask　him　why；　and　for　fully　ten　seconds　she　kept　her　silence　rather　than　satisfy　him。　But　the　look　on　his　face　was　so　brimming　she　couldn't　keep　her　curiosity　from　putting　the　question　on　her　tongue。
　〃Why　now？〃　she　said。
　〃I　wasn't　going　to　tell　you　yet。。。〃
　〃Tell　me　what？〃
　〃We're　going　to　have　a　child；　Judith。〃
　She　stared　at　him；　waiting　for　some　further　explanation：　that　he'd　found　an　orphan　on　the　street　or　was　bringing　a　babe　from　the　Dominions。　But　that　wasn't　what　he　meant　at　all；　and　her　pounding　heart　knew　it。　He　meant　a　child　born　from　the　act　they'd　performed：　a　consequence。
　〃It'll　be　my　first；〃　he　said。　〃Yours　too；　yes？〃
　She　wanted　to　call　him　liar。　How　could　he　know　when　she　didn't？　But　he　was　quite　certain　of　his　facts。
　〃He'll　be　a　prophet；〃　he　said。　〃You'll　see。〃
　She　already　had；　she　realized。　She'd　entered　its　tiny　life　when　the　egg　had　plunged　her　consciousness　down　into　her　own　body。　She'd　seen　with　its　stirring　spirit：　a　jungle　city；　and　living　waters；　Gentle；　wounded；　and　ing　to　take　the　egg　from　tiny　fingers。　Had　that　perhaps　been　the　first　of　its　prophecies？
　〃We　made　a　kind　of　love　no　other　beings　in　this　Dominion　could　make；〃　Gentle　was　saying。　〃The　child　came　from　that。〃
　〃You　knew　what　you　were　doing？〃
　〃I　had　my　hopes。〃
　〃And　didn't　I　get　a　choice　in　the　matter？　I'm　just　a　womb；　am　I？〃
　〃That's　not　how　it　was。〃
　〃A　walking　womb！〃
　〃You're　making　it　grotesque。〃
　〃It　is　grotesque。〃
　〃What　are　you　saying？　How　can　anything　that　es　from　us　be　less　than　perfection？〃　He　spoke　with　almost　religious　zeal。　…　Tm　changing；　sweet。　I'm　discovering　what　it　is　to　love；　and　cherish；　and　plan　for　the　future。　See　how　you're　changing　me？〃
　〃From　what？　From　the　great　lover　to　the　great　father？　Another　day；　another　Gentle？〃
　He　looked　as　though　he　had　an　answer　on　his　tongue　but　bit　it　back。　〃We　know　what　we　mean　to　each　other；〃　he　said。　〃There　should　be　proof　of　that。　Judith；　please…〃　His　arms　were　still　open；　but　she　refused　to　go　into　them。　〃When　I　came　here　I　said　I'd　make　mistakes；　and　I　asked　you　to　forgive　me　if　I　did。　I'm　asking　you　again　now。〃
　She　bowed　her　head　and　shook　it。　〃Go　away；〃　she　said。
　〃I'll　see　this　woman　if　you　want　me　to。　But　before　I　go；　I　want　you　to　swear　something　to　me。　I　want　you　to　swear　you　won't　try　and　harm　what's　in　you。〃
　〃Go　to　hell。〃
　〃It's　not　for　me。　It's　not　even　for　the　child。　It's　for　you。　If　you　were　to　do　any　harm　to　yourself　because　of　something　I　did；　my　life　wouldn't　be　worth　living。〃
　〃I'm　not　going　to　slit　my　wrists；　if　that's　what　you　think。〃
　〃It's　not　that。〃
　〃What　then？〃
　〃If　you　try　to　abort　the　child；　it　won't　go　passively。　It's　got　our　purpose　in　it；　it's　got　our　strength。　It'll　fight　for　its　life；　and　it　may　take　yours　in　the　process。　Do　you　understand　what　I'm　saying？〃　She　shuddered。　〃Speak　to　me。〃
　〃I've　got　nothing　to　say　to　you　that　you　want　to　hear。　Go　talk　to　Celestine。〃
　〃Why　don't　you　e　with　me？〃
　〃Just。。。　go　。。。　away。〃
　She　looked　up。　The　sun　had　found　the　wall　behind　him　and　was　celebrating　there。　But　he　remained　in　shadow。　For　all　his　grand　purpose；　he　was　still　made　to　be　fugitive：　a　liar　and　a　fraud。
　〃I　want　to　e　back；〃　he　said。
　She　didn't　answer。
　〃If　you're　not　here；　I'll　know　what　you　want　from　me。〃
　Without　a　further　word　he　went　to　the　door　and　let　himself　out。　Only　as　she　heard　the　front　door　slam　did　she　shake　herself　from　her　stupor　and　realize　he'd　taken　the　egg　with　him　as　he　went。　But　then　like　all　mirror　lovers　he　was　fond　of　symmetry；　and　it　probably　pleased　him　to　have　that　piece　of　her　in　his　pocket；　knowing　she　had　a　piece　of　him　hi　a　deeper　place　still。
　
　
　14
　
　Even　though　Gentle　had　known　the　tribe　of　the　South　Bank　only　a　few　hours；　parting　from　them　wasn't　easy。　He'd　felt　more　secure　in　their　pany　for　that　short　time　than　he'd　felt　with　many　men　and　women　he'd　known　for　years。　They；　for　their　part；　were　used　to　loss…it　was　the　theme　of　almost　every　life　story　he'd　heard…so　there　were　no　histrionics　or　accusations；　just　a　heavy　silence。　Only　Monday；　whose　victimization　had　first　stirred　the　stranger　from　his　passivity；　made　any　attempt　to　have　Gentle　linger。
　〃We've　only　got　a　few　more　walls　to　paint；〃　he　said；　〃and　we'll　have　covered　them　all。　A　few　days。　A　week　at　the　most。〃
　〃I　wish　I　had　that　long；〃　Gentle　told　him。　〃But　I　can't　postpone　the　work　I　came　back　to　do。〃
　Monday　had　of　course　been　asleep　while　Gentle　talked　with　Tay　（and　had　woken　much　confounded　by　the　respect　he　got）；　but　the　others；　especially　Benedict；　had　new　words　to　add　to　the　vocabulary　of　miracles。
　〃So　what　does　a　Reconciler　do？〃　he　asked　Gentle。　〃If　you're　goin'　off　to　the　Dominions；　man；　we　want　to　be　in'　with　you。〃
　〃I'm　not　leaving　Earth。　But　if　and　when　I　do；　you'll　be　the　first　to　know　about　it。〃
　〃What　if　we　never　see　you　again？〃　Irish　said。
　〃Then　I'll　have　failed。〃
　〃And　you're　dead　and　gone？〃
　〃That's　right。〃
　〃He　won't　fuck　up；〃　Carol　said。　〃Will　you；　love？〃
　〃But　what　do　we　do　with　what　we　know？〃　Irish　said；　clearly　troubled　by　this　burden　of　mysteries。　〃With　you　gone；　it　won't　make　sense　to　us。〃
　〃Yes；　it　will；〃　Gentle　said。　〃Because　you'll　be　telling　other　people；　and　that　way　the　stories　will　stay　alive　until　the　door　to　the　Dominions　is　open。〃
　〃So　we　should　tell　people？〃
　〃Anyone　who'll　listen。〃
　There　were　murmurs　of　assent　from　the　assembly。　Here　at　least　was　a　purpose；　a　connection　with　the　tale　they'd　heard　and　its　teller。
　〃If　you　need　us　for　anything；〃　Benedict　purred；　〃you　know　where　to　find　us。〃
　〃Indeed　1　do；〃　Gentle　said；　and　went　with　Clem　to　the　gate。
　〃And　what　if　anybody　es　looking　for　you？〃　Carol　called　after　them。
　〃Tell　'em　I　was　a　mad　bastard　and　you　kicked　me　over　the　bridge。〃
　This　earned　a　few　grins。
　〃That's　what　we'll　say；　Maestro；〃　Irish　said。　〃But　I'm　tellin'　you；　if　you　don't　e　back　for　us　one　of　these　days；　we're　goin'　to　e　lookin'　for　you。〃
　The　farewells　over；　Clem　and　Gentle　headed　up　onto　Waterloo　Bridge　hi　search　of　a　cab　to　take　them　across　the　city　to　Jude's　place。　It　wasn't　yet　six；　and　though　the　flow　of　northbound　traffic　was　beginning　to　thicken　as　the　first　muters　appeared；　there　were　no　taxis　to　be　had；　so　they　started　across　the　bridge　on　foot　in　the　hope　of　finding　a　cab　on　the　Strand。
　〃Of　all　the　pany　to　have　found　you　in；〃　Clem　remarked　as　they　went；　〃that　has　to　be　the　strangest。〃
　〃You　came　looking　for　me　there；〃　Gentle　pointed　out；　〃so　you　must　have　had　some　inkling。〃
　〃I　suppose　I　must。〃
　〃And　believe　me；　I've　kept　stranger　pany。　A　lot　stranger。〃
　〃I　believe　it。　I'd　like　you　to　tell　me　about　the　whole　journey　one　day　soon。　Will　you　do　that？〃
　〃I'll　do　my　best。　But　it'll　be　difficult　without　a　map。　I　kept　telling　Pie　I'd　draw　one；　so　that　if　I　ever　passed　through　the　Dominions　again　and　got　lost。。。〃
　〃You'd　be　found。〃
　〃Exactly。〃
　〃And　did　you　make　a　map？〃
　〃No。　There　was　never　time；　somehow。　There　always　seemed　to　be　something　new　to　distract　me。〃
　〃Tell　me　as　much　as…　Whoa！　I　see　a　cab！〃
　Clem　stepped　out　into　the　street　and　waved　the　vehicle　down。　They　both　got　in　and　Clem　supplied　the　driver　with　directions。　As　he　was　doing　so；　the　man　peered　into　his　mirror。
　〃Is　that　someone　you　know？〃
　They　looked　back　along　the　bridge　to　see　Monday　pelting　towards　them。　Seconds　later　the　paint…smeared　face　was　at　the　taxi　window；　and　Monday　was　begging　to　join　them。
　〃You've　got　to　let　me　e　with　you；　boss。　It's　not　fair　if　you　don't。　I　gave　you　my　colors；　didn't　I？　Where　would　you　be　without　my　colors？〃
　〃I　can't　risk　your　getting　hurt；〃　Gentle　said。
　〃If　I　get　hurt　it's　my　hurt　and　it's　my　fault。〃
　〃Are　we　going；　or　what？〃　the　driver　wanted　to　know。
　〃Let　me　e；　boss。　Please。〃
　Gentle　shrugged；　then　nodded。　The　grin；　which　had　gone　from　Monday's　face　during　his　appeal；　returned　in　glory；　and　he　clambered　into　the　cab；　rattling　his　tobacco　tin　of　chalks　like　a　ju…ju　as　he　did　so。
　〃I　brought　the　colors；〃　he　said；　〃just　in　case　we　need　'em。　You　never　know　when　we　might　have　to　draw　a　quick　Dominion　or　something；　right？〃
　Though　the　journey　to　Judith's　flat　was　relatively　short；　there　were　signs　everywhere…mostly　small；　but　so　numerous　their　sum　became　significant…that　the　days　of　venomous　heat　and　uncleansing　storm　were　taking　their　toll　on　the　city　and　its　occupants。　There　were　vociferous　altercations　at　every　other　corner；　and　some　in　the　middle　of　the　street；　there　were　scowls　and　furrows　on　every　passing　face。
　〃Tay　said　there　was　a　void　ing；〃　Clem　remarked　as　they　waited　at　an　intersection　for　two　furious　motorists　to　be　stopped　from　making　nooses　of　each　other's　neckties。　〃Is　this　all　part　of　it？〃
　〃It's　bloody　madness　is　what　it　is；〃　the　cabbie　chimed　in。　〃There's　been　more　murders　in　the　last　five　days　than　in　all　of　last　year。　I　read　that　somewhere。　And　it's　not　just　murders；　neither；　it's　people　toppin'　themselves。　A　mate　of　mine；　a　cabbie　like；　was　up　the　Arsenal　on　Tuesday　and　this　woman　just　throws　herself　in　front　of　his　cab。　Straight　under　the　front　wheels