cb.imajica2-第7章

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he　saw。　One　for　each　Dominion；　perhaps。　And　like　the　hewn　flanks；　flickers　of　lightning　appeared　in　it　here　and　there。　But　it　wasn't　simply　a　trick　of　seam　and　shadow　that　gave　the　stone　the　look　of　a　thundercloud。　There　was　motion　in　it；　the　solid　rock　roiling　above　him。　He　threw　a　glance　towards　Sartori；　who　was　standing　at　the　door；　casually　putting　a　cigarette　between　his　lips。　The　flame　he　struck　to　light　it　with　was　a　world　away；　but　Gentle　didn't　envy　him　its　warmth。　Icy　as　this　shadow　was；　he　wanted　the　stone　sky　to　unfurl　above　him　and　deliver　its　judgment　down；　he　wanted　to　see　whatever　power　the　Pivot　possessed　unleashed；　if　only　to　know　that　such　powers　and　such　judgments　existed。　He　looked　away　from　Sartori　almost　contemptuously；　the　thought　shaping　in　his　head　that　for　all　the　other's　talk　of　possessing　this　monolith；　the　years　it　had　spent　in　this　tower　were　moments　in　its　incalculable　span；　and　he　and　Sartori　would　have　e　and　gone；　their　little　mark　eroded　by　those　that　followed；　in　the　time　it　took　the　stone　to　blink　its　cloudy　eye。
　Perhaps　it　read　that　thought　from　his　cortex　and　approved；　because　the　light；　when　it　came；　was　kind。　There　was　sun　in　the　stone　as　well　as　lightning；　warmth　as　well　as　a　killing　fire。　It　brightened　the　mantle；　then　fell　in　shafts；　first　around　him；　then　upon　his　upturned　face。　The　moment　had　antecedents：　events　in　the　Fifth　that　had　prophesied　this；　their　parent's；　ing。　He'd　stood　on　Highgate　Hill　once；　when　the　city　road　was　still　a　muddy　track；　and　looked　up　to　see　the　clouds　drop　glory　down　as　they　were　doing　now。　He'd　gone　to　the　window　of　his　room　in　Gamut　Street　and　seen　the　same。　He'd　watched　the　smoke　clear　after　a　night　of　bombing…1941；　the　Blitz　at　its　height…and　seeing　the　sun　burn　through；　had　known　in　some　place　too　tender　to　be　touched　that　he'd　forgotten　something　momentous；　and　that　if　he　ever　remembered…if　a　light　like　this　ever　burned　the　veil　away…the　world　would　unravel。
　That　conviction　came　again；　but　this　time　there　was　more　than　a　vague　unease　to　support　it。　The　tone　that　had　sounded　in　his　skull　had　e　again；　attendant　on　the　light；　and　in　it；　described　by　the　subtlest　variation　in　its　monotony；　he　heard　words。
　The　Pivot　was　addressing　him。
　Reconciler；　it　said。
　He　wanted　to　cover　his　ears　and　shut　the　word　out。　Drop　to　the　ground　like　a　prophet　begging　to　be　unburdened　of　some　divine　duty。　But　the　word　was　inside　as　well　as　out。　There　was　no　escaping　it。
　The　work's　not　finished　yet；　the　Pivot　said。
　〃What　work？〃　he　said。
　You　know　what　work。
　He　did；　of　course。　But　so　much　pain　had　e　with　that　labor；　and　he　was　ill　equipped　to　bear　it　again。
　Why　deny　it？　the　Pivot　said。
　He　stared　up　into　the　brightness。　〃I　failed　before；　and　so　many　people　died。　I　can't　do　it　again。　Please。　I　can't。〃
　What　did　you　e　here　for？　the　Pivot　asked　him；　its　voice　so　tenuous　he　had　to　hold　his　breath　to　catch　the　shape　of　the　words。　The　question　took　him　back　to　Taylor's　bedside；　to　that　plea　for　prehension。
　〃To　understand　。。。〃　he　said。
　To　understand　what？
　〃I　can't　put　it　into　words　。。。　it　sounds　so　pitiful。。。。〃
　Say　it。
　〃To　understand　why　I　was　born。　Why　anybody's　born。〃
　You　know　why　you　were　born。
　〃No；　I　don't。　I　wish　I　did；　but　I　don't。〃
　You're　the　Reconciler　of　Dominions。　You　're　the　healer　of　the　Imajica。　Hide　from　that；　and　you　hide　from　understanding。　Maestro；　there's　a　worse　anguish　than　remembering；　and　another　suffers　it　because　you　leave　your　work　unfinished。
　Go　back　into　the　Fifth　Dominion　and　plete　what　you　began。　Make　the　many　One。　This　is　the　only　salvation。
　The　stone　sky　began　to　roil　again；　and　the　clouds　closed　over　the　sun。　With　the　darkness；　the　cold　returned；　but　he　didn't　relinquish　his　place　in　the　Pivot's　shadow　for　several　seconds；　still　hoping　some　crack　would　open　and　the　God　speak　a　last　consoling　word；　a　whisper　perhaps；　of　how　this　onerous　duty　might　be　passed　to　another　soul　more　readily　equipped　to　acplish　it。　But　there　was　nothing。　The　vision　had　passed；　and　all　he　could　do　was　wrap　his　arms　around　his　shuddering　frame　and　stumble　out　to　where　Sartori　stood。　The　other's　cigarette　lay　smoking　at　his　feet；　where　it　had　dropped　from　his　fingers。　By　the　expression　on　his　face　it　was　apparent　that　even　if　he'd　not　prehended　every　detail　of　the　exchange　that　had　just　taken　place；　he　had　the　gist。
　〃The　Unbeheld　speaks；〃　he　said；　his　voice　as　flat　as　the　God's。
　〃I　don't　want　this；〃　Gentle　said。
　〃I　don't　think　this　is　any　place　to　talk　about　denying　Him；〃　Sartori　said；　giving　the　Pivot　a　queasy　glance。
　〃I　didn't　say　I　was　denying　Him；〃　Gentle　replied。　〃Just　that　I　didn't　want　it。〃
　〃Still　better　discussed　in　private；〃　Sartori　whispered；　turning　to　open　the　door。
　He　didn't　lead　Gentle　back　to　the　mean　little　room　where　they'd　met；　but　to　a　chamber　at　the　other　end　of　the　passageway；　which　boasted　the　only　window　he'd　seen　in　the　vicinity。　It　was　narrow　and　dirty；　but　not　as　dirty　as　the　sky　on　the　other　side。　Dawn　had　begun　to　touch　the　clouds；　but　the　smoke　that　still　rose　in　curling　columns　from　the　fires　below　all　but　canceled　its　frail　light。
　〃This　isn't　what　I　came　for；〃　Gentle　said　as　he　stared　out　at　the　murk。　〃I　wanted　answers。〃
　〃You've　had　'em。〃
　〃I　have　to　take　what's　mine；　however　foul　it　is？〃
　〃Not　yours；　ours。　The　responsibility。　The　pain〃…he　paused…〃and　the　glory；　of　course。〃
　Gentle　glanced　at　him。　〃It's　mine；〃　he　said　simply。
　Sartori　shrugged；　as　though　this　were　of　no　consequence　to　him　whatsoever。　Gentle　saw　his　own　wiles　working　in　that　simple　gesture。　How　many　times　had　he　shrugged　in　precisely　that　fashion…raised　his　eyebrows；　pursed　his　lips；　looked　away　with　feigned　indifference？　He　let　Sartori　believe　the　bluff　was　working。
　〃I'm　glad　you　understand；〃　he　said。　〃The　burden's　mine。〃
　〃You've　failed　before。〃
　〃But　I　came　close；〃　Gentle　said；　feigning　access　to　a　memory　he　didn't　yet　have　in　the　hope　of　coaxing　an　informative　rebuttal。
　〃Close　isn't　good　enough；〃　Sartori　said。　〃Close　is　lethal。　A　tragedy。　Look　what　it　did　to　you。　The　great　Maestro。　You　crawl　back　here　with　half　your　wits　missing。〃
　〃The　Pivot　trusts　me。〃
　That　struck　a　tender　place。　Suddenly　Sartori　was　shouting。
　〃Fuck　the　Pivot！　Why　should　you　be　the　Reconciler？　Huh？　Why？　One　hundred　and　fifty　years　I've　ruled　the　Imajica。　I　know　how　to　use　power。　You　don't。〃
　〃Is　that　what　you　want？〃　Gentle　said；　trailing　the　bait　of　that　possibility。　〃You　want　to　be　the　Reconciler　in　my　place？〃
　〃I'm　better　equipped　than　you；〃　Sartori　raged。　〃All　you're　good　for　is　sniffing　after　women。〃
　〃And　what　are　you？　Impotent？〃
　〃I　know　what　you're　doing。　I'd　do　the　same。　You're　stirring　me　up；　so　I'll　spill　my　secrets。　I　don't　care。　There's　nothing　you　can　do　I　can't　do　better。　You　wasted　all　those　years；　hiding　away；　but　I　used　them。　I　turned　myself　into　an　empire　builder。　What　did　you　do？〃　He　didn't　wait　for　an　answer。　He　knew　his　subject　too　well。　〃You've　learned　nothing。　If　you　began　the　Reconciliation　now；　you'd　make　the　same　mistakes。〃
　〃And　what　were　they？〃
　〃It　es　down　to　one；〃　Sartori　said。　〃Judith。　If　you　hadn't　wanted　her…〃　He　stopped；　studying　his　other。　〃You　don't　even　remember　that；　do　you？〃
　〃No；〃　Gentle　said。　〃Not　yet。〃
　〃Let　me　tell　you；　brother；〃　Sartori　said；　ing　face　to　face　with　Gentle。　〃It's　a　sad　story。〃
　〃I　don't　weep　easily。〃
　〃She　was　the　most　beautiful　woman　in　England。　Some　people　said；　in　Europe。　But　she　belonged　to　Joshua　Godolphm；　and　he　guarded　her　like　his　soul。〃
　〃They　were　married？〃
　〃No。　She　was　his　mistress；　but　he　loved　her　more　than　any　wife。　And　of　course　he　knew　what　you　felt；　you　didn't　disguise　it；　and　that　made　him　afraid…oh；　God；　was　he　afraid…that　sooner　or　later　you　were　going　to　seduce　her　and　spirit　her　away。　It'd　be　easy。　You　were　the　Maestro　Sartori；　you　could　do　anything。　But　he　was　one　of　your　patrons；　so　you　bided　your　tune；　thinking　maybe　he'd　tire　of　her；　and　then　you　could　have　her　without　bad　blood　between　you。　It　didn't　happen。　The　months　went　by；　and　his　devotion　was　as　intense　as　ever。　You'd　never　waited　this　long　for　a　woman　before。　You　started　to　suffer　like　a　lovesick　adolescent。　You　couldn't　sleep。　Your　heart　palpitated　at　the　sound　of　her　voice。　This　wasn't　good　for　the　Reconciliation；　of　course；　having　the　Maestro　pining　away；　and　Godolphin　came　to　want　a　solution　as　badly　as　you　did。　So　when　you　found　one；　he　was　ready　to　listen。〃
　〃What　was　it？〃
　〃That　you　make　another　Judith；　indistinguishable　from　the　first。　You　had　the　feits　to　do　it。〃
　〃Then　he'd　have　one　。。。〃
　〃And　so　would　you。　Simple。　No；　not　simple。　Very　difficult。　Very　dangerous。　But　those　were　heady　days。　Dominions　hidden　from　human　eyes　since　the　beginning　of　time　were　just　a　few　ceremonies　away。　Heaven　was　possible。　Creating　another　Judith　seemed　like　small　potatoes。　You　put　it　to　him；　and　he　agreed…〃
　〃Just　like　that？〃
　〃You　sweetened　the　pill。　You　promised　him　a　Judith　better　than　the　first。　A　woman　who　wouldn't　age；　wouldn't　tire　of　his　pany　or　the　pany　of　his　sons；　or　the　sons　of　his　sons。　This　Judith　would　belong　to　the　men　of　the　Godolphin　family　in　perpetuity。　She'd　be　pliant；　she'd　be　modest；　she'd　be　perfect。〃
　〃And　what　did　the　original　think　of　this？〃
　〃She　didn't　know。　You　drugged　her；　you　took　her　up　to　the　Meditation　room　in　the　house　in　Gamut　Street；　you　lit　a　blazing　fire；　stripped　her　naked；　and　began　the　ritual。　You　anointed　her；　you　laid　her　in　a　circle　of　sand　from　the　margin　of　the　Second　Dominion；　the　holiest　ground　in　the　Imajica。　Then　you　said　your　prayers；　and　you　waited。〃　He　paused；　enjoying　this　telling。　〃It　is；　let　me　remind　you；　a　long　conjuration。　Eleven　hours　at　the　minimum；　watching　the　doppelgSnger　grow　in　the　circle　beside　its　source。　You'd　made　sure　there　was　nobody　else　in　the　house；　of　course；　not　even　your　precious　mystif。　This　was　a　very　secret　ritual。　So　you　were　alone；　and　you　soon　got　bored。　And　when　you　got　bored；　you　got　drunk。　So　there　you　were；　sitting　in　the　room　with　her；　watching　her　perfection　in　the　firelight；　obsessing　on　her　beauty。　And　eventually…half　out　of　your　mind　with　brandy…you　made　the　biggest　mistake　of　your　life。　You　tore　off　your　clothes；　you　stepped　into　the　circle；　and　you　did　about　everything　a　man　can　do　to　a　woman；　even　though　she　was　atose；　and　you　were　hallucinating　with　fasting　and　drink。　You　didn't　fuck　her　once；　you　did　it　over　and　over；　as　though　you　wanted　to　get　up　inside　her。　Over　and　over。　Then　you　fell　into　a　stupor　at　her　side。〃
　Gentle　began　to　see　the　error　looming。　〃I　fell　asleep　in　the　circle？〃　he　said。
　〃In　the　circle。〃
　〃And　you　were　the　consequence。〃
　〃I　was。　And　let　me　tell　you；　it　was　quite　a　birth。　People　say　they　don't　remember　the　moment　they　came　into　the　world；　but　I　do。　I　remember　opening　my　eyes　in　the　circle；　with　her　beside　me；　and　these　rains　of　matter　ing　down　on　me；　congealing　around　my　spirit。　Being　bone。　Being　flesh。〃　All　expression　had　gone　from　his　face。　〃I　remember；〃　he　said；　〃at　one　point　she　realized　she　wasn't　alone　and　she　turned　and　saw　me　lying　beside　her。　I　was　unfinished。　An　anatomy　lesson；　raw　and　wet。　I've　never　forgotten　the　noise　she　made…〃
　〃I　didn't　wake　up　through　any　of　this？〃
　〃You'd　crawled　away　downstairs