sk.petsematary-第20章

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　　This　time　he　checked　both　ways　before　crossing。　There　was　only　the　tanker's　taillights；　dwindling　into　the　twilight。
　　〃Thought　that　'Rinco　truck　was　gonna　get　you；〃　Jud　said。　〃Have　a　care；　Louis。〃　Even　this　close；　Louis　couldn't　see　Jud's　face；　and　the　unfortable　feeling　persisted　that　this　could　have　been　anyone。　。　。　anyone　at　all。
　　〃Where's　Norma？〃　he　asked；　still　not　looking　down　at　the　sprawled　bundle　of　fur　by　Jud's　foot。
　　〃Went　to　the　Thanksgiving　church　service；〃　he　said。　〃She'll　stay　to　the　supper；　I　guess；　although　I　don't　think　she'll　eat　nothing。　She's　gotten　peckish。〃　The　wind　gusted；　shifting　the　hood　back　momentarily；　and　Louis　saw　that　it　was　indeed　Jud…who　else　would　it　have　been？　〃It's　mostly　an　excuse　for　a　hen　paaaty；〃　Jud　said。　〃They　don't　eat　much　but　sanwidges　after　the　big　meal　at　noon。　She'll　be　back　around　eight。〃
　　Louis　knelt　down　to　look　at　the　cat。　Don't　let　it　be　Church；　he　wished　fervently；　as　he　turned　its　head　gently　on　its　neck　with　gloved　fingers。　Let　it　be　someone　else's　cat；　let　Jud　be　wrong。
　　But　of　course　it　was　Church。　He　was　in　no　way　mangled　or　disfigured；　he　had　not　been　run　over　by　one　of　the　big　tankers　or　semis　that　cruised　Route　15　（just　what　was　that　Orinco　truck　doing　out　on　Thanksgiving？　he　wondered　randomly）。　Church's　eyes　were　half…open；　as　glazed　as　green　marbles。　A　small　flow　of　blood　had　e　from　his　mouth；　which　was　also　open。　Not　a　great　deal　of　blood；　just　enough　to　stain　the　white　bib　on　his　chest。
　　〃Yours；　Louis？〃
　　〃Mine；〃　he　agreed　and　sighed。
　　He　was　aware　for　the　first　time　that　he　had　loved　Church…maybe　not　as　fervently　as　Ellie　but　in　his　own　absent　way。　In　the　weeks　following　his　castration；　Church　had　changed；　had　gotten　fat　and　slow；　had　established　a…routine　that　took　him　between　Ellie's　bed；　the　couch；　and　his　dish　but　rarely　out　of　the　house。　Now；　in　death；　he　looked　to　Louis　like　the　old　Church。　The　mouth　so　small　and　bloody；　filled　with　needle…sharp　cat's　teeth；　was　frozen　in　a　shooter's　snarl。　The　dead　eyes　seemed　furious。　It　was　as　if　after　the　short　and　placid　stupidity　of　his　life　as　a　neuter；　Church　had　rediscovered　his　real　nature　in　dying。
　　〃Yeah；　it's　Church；〃　he　said。　〃I'll　be　damned　if　I　know　how　I'm　going　to　tell　Ellie　about　it。〃
　　Suddenly　he　had　an　idea。　He　would　bury　Church　up　in　the　Pet　Sematary　with　no　marker　or　any　of　that　foolishness。　He　would　say　nothing　to　Ellie　on　the　phone　tonight　about　Church；　tomorrow　he　would　mention　casually　that　he　hadn't　seen　Church　around；　the　day　after　he　would　suggest　that　perhaps　Church　had　wandered　off。　Cats　did　that　sometimes。　Ellie　would　be　upset；　sure；　but　there　would　be　none　of　the　finality　。　。　。　no　reprise　of　Rachel's　upsetting　refusal　to　deal　with　death。　。　。　just　a　withering　away。
　　Coward；　part　of　his　mind　pronounced。
　　Yes。　。　。　no　argument。　But　who　needs　this　hassle？
　　〃Loves　that　cat　pretty　well；　doesn't　she？〃　Jud　asked。
　　〃Yes；〃　Louis　said　absently。　He　moved　Church's　head　again。　The　cat　had　begun　to　stiffen；　but　the　head　still　moved　much　more　easily　than　it　should　have。　Broken　neck。　Yeah。　Given　that；　he　thought　he　could　reconstruct　what　had　happened。　Church　had　been　crossing　the　road…for　what　reason　God　alone　knew…and　a　car　or　truck　had　hit　him；　breaking　his　neck　and　throwing　him　aside　onto　Jud　Crandall's　lawn。　Or　perhaps　the　cat's　neck　had　been　broken　when　he　struck　the　frozen　ground。　It　didn't　matter。　Either　way　the　remains　remained　the　same。　Church　was　dead。
　　He　glanced　up　at　Jud；　about　to　tell　him　his　conclusions；　but　Jud　was　looking　away　toward　that　fading　orange　line　of　light　at　the　horizon。　His　hood　had　fallen　back　halfway；　and　his　face　seemed　thoughtful　and　stern。　。　。　harsh；　even。
　　Louis　pulled　the　green　garbage　bag　out　of　his　pocket　and　unfolded　it；　holding　it　tightly　to　keep　the　wind　from　whipping　it　away。　The　brisk　crackling　sound　of　the　bag　seemed　to　bring　Jud　back　to　this　here　and　now。
　　〃Yes；　I　guess　she　loves　it　pretty　well；〃　Jud　said。　His　use　of　the　present　tense　felt　slightly　eerie　。　。　。　the　whole　setting；　with　the　fading　light；　the　cold；　and　the　wind；　struck　him　as　eerie　and　gothic。
　　Here's　Heathcliff　out　on　the　desolate　moors；　Louis　thought；　grimacing　against　the　cold。　Getting　ready　to　pop　the　family　cat　into　a　Hefty　Bag。　Yowza。
　　He　grabbed　Church's　tail；　spread　the　mouth　of　the　bag；　and　lifted　the　cat。　He　pulled　a　disgusted；　unhappy　face　at　the　sound　the　cat's　body　made　ing　up…rrrriiippp　as　he　pulled　it　out　of　the　frost　it　had　set　into。　The　cat　seemed　almost　unbelievably　heavy；　as　if　death　had　settled　into　it　like　a　physical　weight。　Christ；　he　feels　like　a　bucket　of　sand。
　　Jud　held　the　other　side　of　the　bag；　and　Louis　dropped　Church　in；　glad　to　be　rid　of　that　strange；　unpleasant　weight。
　　〃What　are　you　going　to　do　with　it　now？〃　Jud　asked。
　　〃Put　him　in　the　garage；　I　guess；〃　Louis　said。　〃Bury　him　in　the　morning。〃
　　〃In　the　Pet　Sematary？〃
　　Louis　shrugged。　〃Suppose　so。〃
　　〃Going　to　tell　Ellie？〃
　　〃I。　。　。　I'll　have　to　mull　that　one　over　awhile。〃
　　Jud　was　quiet　a　moment　longer；　and　then　he　seemed　to　reach　a　decision。　〃Wait　here　a　minute　or　two；　Louis。〃
　　Jud　moved　away；　with　no　apparent　thought　that　Louis　might　not　want　to　wait　just　a　minute　on　this　bitter　night。　He　moved　away　with　assurance　and　that　lithe　ease　which　was　so　strange　in　a　man　of　his　age。　And　Louis　found　he　had　nothing　to　say　anyway。　He　didn't　feel　much　like　himself。　He　watched　Jud　go；　quite　content　to　stand　here。
　　He　raised　his　face　into　the　wind　after　the　door　had　clicked　closed；　the　garbage　bag　with　Church's　body　in　it　riffling　between　his　feet。
　　Content。
　　Yes；　he　was。　For　the　first　time　since　they　had　moved　to　Maine；　he　felt　that　he　was　in　his　place；　that　he　was　home。　Standing　here　by　himself　in　the　afterglow　of　the　day；　standing　on　the　rim　of　winter；　he　felt　unhappy　and　yet　oddly　exhilarated　and　strangely　whole…whole　in　a　way　he　had　not　been；　or　could　not　remember　feeling　that　he　had　been；　since　childhood。
　　Something　gonna　happen　here；　Bubba。　Something　pretty　weird；　I　think。
　　He　tilted　his　head　back　and　saw　cold　winter　stars　in　a　blackening　sky。
　　How　long　he　stood　like　that　he　did　not　know；　although　it　could　not　have　been　long　in　terms　of　seconds　and　minutes。　Then　a　light　flickered　on　Jud's　porch；　bobbed；　approached　the　porch　door；　and　descended　the　steps。　It　was　Jud　behind　a　big　four…cell　flashlight。　In　his　other　hand　he　held　what　Louis　at　first　thought　was　a　large　X。　。　。　and　then　he　saw　that　it　was　a　pick　and　shovel。
　　He　handed　the　shovel　to　Louis；　who　took　it　in　his　free　hand。
　　〃Jud；　what　the　hell　are　you　up　to？　We　can't　bury　him　tonight。〃
　　〃Yeah；　we　can。　And　we're　gonna。〃　Jud's　face　was　lost　behind　the　glaring　circle　of　the　flashlight。
　　〃Jud；　it's　dark。　It's　late。　And　cold…〃
　　〃e　on；〃　Jud　said。　〃Let's　get　it　done。〃
　　Louis　shook　his　head　and　tried　to　begin　again；　but　the　words　came　hard…the　words　of　explanation　and　reason。　They　seemed　so　meaningless　against　the　low　shriek　of　the　wind；　the　seedling　bed　of　stars　in　the　black。
　　〃It　can　wait　till　tomorrow　when　we　can　see…〃
　　〃Does　she　love　the　cat？〃
　　〃Yes；　but…〃　jud's　voice；　soft　and　somehow　logical：　〃And　do　you　love　her？〃
　　Of　course　I　love　her；　she　s　my　dau…　〃Then　e　on。〃
　　Louis　went。
　　Twice…maybe　three　times…on　the　walk　up　to　the　Pet　Sematary　that　night　Louis　tried　to　talk　to　Jud；　but　Jud　didn't　answer。　Louis　gave　up。　That　feeling　of　contentment；　odd　under　the　circumstances　but　a　pure　fact；　persisted。　It　seemed　to　e　from　everywhere。　The　steady　ache　in　his　muscles　from　carrying　Church　in　one　hand　and　the　shovel　in　the　other　was　a　part　of　it。　The　wind；　deadly　cold；　numbing　exposed　skin；　was　a　part　of　it；　it　wound　steadily　in　the　trees。　Once　they　got　into　the　woods；　there　was　no　snow　to　speak　of。　The　bobbing　light　of　Jud's　flash　was　a　part　of　it。　He　felt　the　pervasive；　undeniable；　magnetic　presence　of　some　secret。　Some　dark　secret。
　　The　shadows　fell　away　and　there　was　a　feeling　of　space。　Snow　shone　pallidly。
　　〃Rest　here；〃　Jud　said；　and　Louis　set　the　bag　down。　He　wiped　sweat　off　his　forehead　with　his　arm。　Rest　here？　But　they　were　here。　He　could　see　the　markers　in　the　moving；　aimless　sweep　of　Jud's　light　as　Jud　sat　down　in　the　thin　snow　and　put　his　face　between　his　arms。
　　〃Jud？　Are　you　all　right？〃
　　〃Fine。　Need　to　catch　my　breath　a　bit；　that's　all。〃
　　Louis　sat　down　next　to　him　and　deep…breathed　half　a　dozen　times。
　　〃You　know；〃　he　said；　〃I　feel　better　than　I　have　in　maybe　six　years。　I　know　that's　a　crazy　thing　to　say　when　you're　burying　your　daughter's　cat；　but　it's　the　flat　truth；　Jud。　I　feel　good。〃
　　Jud　breathed　deeply　once　or　twice　himself。　〃Yeah；　I　know；〃　he　said。　〃It　is　that　way　once　in　a　while。　You　don't　pick　your　times　for　feeling　good；　any　more　than　you　do　for　the　other。　And　the　place　has　something　to　do　with　it　too；　but　you　don't　want　to　trust　that。　Heroin　makes　dope　addicts　feel　good　when　they're　putting　it　in　their　arms；　but　all　the　time　it's　poisoning　them。　Poisoning　their　bodies　and　poisoning　their　way　of　thinking。　This　place　can　be　like　that；　Louis；　and　don't　you　ever　forget　it。　I　hope　to　God　I'm　doing　right。　I　think　I　am；　but　I　can't　be　sure。　Sometimes　my　head　gets　muddled。　It's　senility　ing；　I　think。〃
　　〃I　don't　know　what　you're　talking　about。〃
　　〃This　place　has　power；　Louis。　Not　so　much　here；　but　。　。　。　the　place　we're　going。〃
　　〃Jud…〃
　　〃e　on；〃　Jud　said　and　was　on　his　feet　again。　The　flashlight's　beam　illuminated　the　deadfall。　Jud　was　walking　toward　it。　Louis　suddenly　remembered　his　episode　of　somnambulism。　What　was　it　Pascow　had　said　in　the　dream　that　had　acpanied　it？
　　Don't　go　beyond；　no　matter　how　much　you　feel　you　need　to；　Doctor。　The　barrier　was　not　made　to　be　broken。
　　But　now；　tonight；　that　dream　or　warning　or　whatever　it　had　been　seemed　years　rather　than　months　distant。　Louis　felt　fine　and　fey　and　alive；　ready　to　cope　with　anything；　and　yet　full　of　wonder。　It　occurred　to　him　that　this　was　very　much　like　a　dream。
　　Then　Jud　turned　toward　him；　the　hood　seeming　to　surround　a　blankness；　and　for　one　moment　Louis　imagined　that　it　was　Pascow　himself　who　now　stood　before　him；　that　the　shining　light　would　be　reversed；　trained　on　a　grinning；　gibbering　skull　framed　in　fur；　and　his　fear　returned　like　a　dash　of　cold　water。
　　〃Jud；〃　he　said；　〃we　can't　climb　over　that。　We'll　each　break　a　leg　and　then　probably　freeze　to　death　trying　to　get　back。〃
　　〃Just　follow　me；〃　Jud　said。　〃Follow　me　and　don't　look　down。　Don't　hesitate　and　don't　look　down。　I　know　the　way　through；　but　it　has　to　be　done　quick　and　sure。〃
　　Louis　began　to　think　that　perhaps　it　was　a　dream；　that　he　had　simply　never　awakened　from　his　afternoon　nap。　If　I　was　awake；　he　thought；　I'd　no　more　head　up　that　deadfall　than　I'd　get　drunk　and　go　skydiving。　But　I'm　going　to　do　it。　I　really　think　I　am。　So
　　I　must　be　dreaming。　Right？
　　Jud　angled　slightly　left；　away　from　the　center　of　the　deadfall。　The　flash's　beam　centered　brightly　on　the　jumbled　heap　of
　　（bones）
　　fallen　trees　and　old　logs。　The　circle　of　light　grew　smaller　and　even　brighter　as　they　approached。　Without　the　slightest　pause；　without　even　a　brief　scan　to　assure　himself　that　he　was　in　the　right　place；　Jud　started　up。　He　did　not