sk.petsematary-第23章

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nd　in　several　places　he　could　clearly　make　out　scattered　strews　of　loose　stones。　But　Jud　had　seen　to　it　that　he　built　his　own　cairn　only　from　stones　taken　from　the　grave　he　himself　had　dug。
　　〃Ayuh；〃　Jud　said。　〃Told　you：　the　place　is　old。〃
　　〃Are　we　done　now？〃
　　〃Ayuh。〃　He　clapped　Louis　on　the　shoulder。　〃You　did　good；　Louis。　I　knew　you　would。　Let's　go　home。〃
　　〃Jud…〃　he　began　again；　but　Jud　only　grabbed　the　pick　and　walked　off　toward　the　steps。　Louis　got　the　shovel；　had　to　trot　to　catch　up；　and　then　saved　his　breath　for　walking。　He　looked　back　once；　but　the　cairn　marking　the　grave　of　his　daughter's　cat　Winston　Churchill　had　melted　into　the　shadows；　and　he　could　not　pick　it　out。
　　We　just　ran　the　film　backward；　Louis　thought　tiredly　as　they　emerged　from　the　woods　and　into　the　field　overlooking　his　own　house　some　time　later。　He　did　not　know　how　much　later；　he　had　taken　off　his　watch　when　he　had　lain　down　to　doze　that　afternoon；　and　it　would　still　be　there　on　the　windowsill　by　his　bed。　He　only　knew　that　he　was　beat；　used　up；　done　in。　He　could　not　remember　feeling　so　kicked…dog　weary　since　his　first　day　on　Chicago's　rubbish…disposal　crew　one　high…school　summer　sixteen　or　seventeen　years　ago。
　　They　came　back　the　same　way　they　had　gone；　but　he　could　remember　very　little　about　the　trip。　He　stumbled　on　the　deadfall；　he　remembered　that…lurching　forward　and　thinking　absurdly　of　Peter　Pan…oh　Jesus；　I　lost　my　happy　thoughts　and　down　I　e…　and　then　Jud's　hand　had　been　there；　firm　and　hard；　and　a　few　moments　later　they　had　been　trudging　past　the　final　resting　places　of　Smucky　the　Cat　and　Trixie　and　Marta　Our　Pet　Rabit　and　onto　the　path　he　had　once　walked　not　only　with　Jud　but　with　his　whole　family。
　　It　seemed　that　in　some　weary　way　he　had　pondered　the　dream　of　Victor　Pascow；　the　one　which　had　resulted　in　his　somnambulistic　episode；　but　any　connection　between　that　night　walk　and　this　had　eluded　him。　It　had　also　occurred　to　him　that　the　whole　adventure　had　been　dangerous…not　in　any　melodramatic　Wilkie　Collins　sense　but　in　a　very　real　one。　That　he　had　outrageously　blistered　his　hands　while　in　a　state　that　was　nearly　somnambulistic　was　really　the　least　of　it。　He　could　have　killed　himself　on　the　deadfall。　Both　of　them　could　have。　It　was　hard　to　square　such　behavior　with　sobriety。　In　his　current　exhaustion；　he　was　willing　to　ascribe　it　to　confusion　and　emotional　upset　over　the　death　of　a　pet　the　whole　family　had　loved。
　　And　after　a　time；　there　they　were；　home　again。
　　They　walked　toward　it　together；　not　speaking；　and　stopped　again　in　Louis's　driveway。　The　wind　moaned　and　whined。　Wordlessly；　Louis　handed　Jud　his　pick。
　　〃I'd　best　get　across；〃　Jud　said　at　last。　〃Louella　Bisson　or　Ruthie　Parks　will　be　bringin　Norma　home　and　she'll　wonder　where　the　hell　I　am。〃
　　〃Do　you　have　the　time？〃　Louis　asked。　He　was　surprised　that　Norma　wasn't　home　yet；　in　his　muscles　it　seemed　to　him　that　midnight　must　have　struck。
　　〃Oh；　ayuh；〃　Jud　said。　〃I　keep　the　time　as　long　as　I'm　dressed　and　then　I　let　her　go。〃
　　He　fished　a　watch　out　of　his　pants　pocket　and　flicked　the　scrolled　cover　back　from　its　face。
　　〃It's　gone　eight…thirty；〃　he　said　and　snapped　the　cover　closed　again。
　　〃Eight…thirty？〃　Louis　repeated　stupidly。　〃That's　all？〃
　　〃How　late　did　you　think　it　was？〃　Jud　asked。
　　〃Later　than　that；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃I'll　see　you　tomorrow；　Louis；〃　Jud　said　and　began　to　move　away。
　　He　turned　toward　Louis；　mildly　questioning。
　　〃Jud；　what　did　we　do　tonight？〃
　　〃Why；　we　buried　your　daughter's　cat。〃
　　〃Is　that　all　we　did？〃
　　〃Nothing　but　that；〃　Jud　said。　〃You're　a　good　man；　Louis；　but　you　ask　too　many　questions。　Sometimes　people　have　to　do　things　that　just　seem　right。　That　seem　right　in　their　hearts；　I　mean。　And　if　they　do　those　things　and　then　end　up　not　feeling　right；　full　of　questions　and　sort　of　like　they　got　indigestion；　only　inside　their　heads　instead　of　in　their　guts；　they　think　they　made　a　mistake。　Do　you　know　what　I　mean？〃
　　〃Yes；〃　touis　said；　thinking　that　Jud　must　have　been　reading　his　mind　as　the　two　of　them　walked　downhill　through　the　field　and　toward　the　house　lights。
　　〃What　they　don't　think　is　that　maybe　they　should　be　questioning　those　feelings　of　doubt　before　they　question　their　own　hearts；〃　Jud　said；　looking　at　him　closely。　〃What　do　you　think；　Louis？〃
　　〃I　think；〃　Louis　said　slowly；　〃that　you　might　be　right。〃
　　〃And　the　things　that　are　in　a　man's　heart…it　don't　do　him　much　good　to　talk　about　those　things；　does　it？〃
　　〃Well…〃
　　〃No；〃　Jud　said；　as　if　Louis　had　simply　agreed。　〃It　don't。〃　And　in　his　calm　voice　that　was　so　sure　and　so　implacable；　in　that　voice　which　somehow　put　the　chill　through　Louis；　he　said：　〃They　are　secret　things。　Women　are　supposed　to　be　the　ones　good　at　keeping　secrets；　and　I　guess　they　do　keep　a　few；　but　any　woman　who　knows　anything　at　all　would　tell　you　she's　never　really　seen　into　any　man's　heart。　The　soil　of　a　man's　heart　is　stonier；　Louis…like　the　soil　up　there　in　the　old　Micmac　burying　ground。　Bedrock's　close。　A　man　grows　what　he　can。　。　。　and　he　tends　it。〃
　　Jud…　〃Don't　question；　Louis。　Accept　what's　done　and　follow　your　heart。〃
　　〃But…〃
　　〃But　nothing。　Accept　what's　done；　Louis；　and　follow　your　heart。　We　did　what　was　right　this　time　。　。　。　at　least；　I　hope　to　Christ　it　was　right。　Another　time　it　could　be　wrong…wrong　as　hell。〃
　　〃Will　you　at　least　answer　one　question？〃
　　〃Well；　let's　hear　what　it　is；　and　then　we'll　see。〃
　　〃How　did　you　know　about　that　place？〃　This　question　had　also　occurred　to　Louis　on　the　way　back；　along　with　the　suspicion　that　Jud　himself　might　be　part　Micmac…although　he　did　not　look　like　it；　he　looked　as　if　every　one　of　his　ancestors　had　been　one　hundred　percent　card…carrying　Anglos。
　　〃Why；　from　Stanny　B。；〃　he　said；　looking　surprised。
　　〃He　just　told　you？〃
　　〃No；〃　Jud　said。　〃It　isn't　the　kind　of　place　you　just　tell　somebody　about。　I　buried　my　dog　Spot　up　there　when　I　was　ten。　He　was　chasing　a　rabbit；　and　he　run　on　some　rusty　barbed　wire。　The　wounds　infected　and　it　killed　him。〃
　　There　was　something　wrong　about　that；　something　that　didn't　fit　with　something　Louis　had　been　previously　told；　but　he　was　too　tired　to　puzzle　out　the　discontinuity。　Jud　said　no　more；　only　looked　at　him　from　his　inscrutable　old　man's　eyes。
　　〃Goodnight；　Jud；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃Goodnight。〃
　　The　old　man　crossed　the　road；　carrying　his　pick　and　shovel。
　　〃Thanks！〃　Louis　called　impulsively。
　　Jud　didn't　turn；　he　only　raised　one　hand　to　indicate　he　had　heard。
　　And　in　the　house；　suddenly；　the　telephone　began　to　ring。
　　Louis　ran；　wincing　at　the　aches　that　flared　in　his　upper　thighs　and　lower　back；　but　by　the　time　he　had　gotten　into　the　warm　kitchen；　the　phone　had　already　rung　six　or　seven　times。　It　stopped　ringing　just　as　he　put　his　hand　on　it。　He　picked　it　up　anyway　and　said　hello；　but　there　was　only　the　open　hum。
　　That　was　Rachel；　he　thought。　I'll　call　her　back。
　　But　suddenly　it　seemed　like　too　much　work　to　dial　the　number；　to　dance　clumsily　with　her　mother…or　worse；　her　checkbook…brandishing　father…to　be　passed　on　to　Rachel　。　。　。　and　then　to　Ellie。　Ellie　would　still　be　up　of　course；　it　was　an　hour　earlier　in　Chicago。　Ellie　would　ask　him　how　Church　was　doing。
　　Great；　he's　fine。　Got　hit　by　an　Orinco　truck。　Somehow　I'm　absolutely　positive　it　was　an　Orinco　truck。　Anything　else　would　lack　dramatic　unity；　if　you　know　what　I　mean。　You　don't？　Well；　never　mind。　The　truck　killed　him　but　didn't　mark　him　up　hardly　at　all。　Jud　and　I　planted　him　up　in　the　old　Micmac　burying　ground…　sort　of　an　annex　to　the　Pet　Sematary；　if　you　know　what　I　mean。　Amazing　walk；　punkin。　I'll　take　you　up　there　sometime　and　we'll　put　flowers　by　his　marker…excuse　me；　his　cairn。　After　the　quicksand's　frozen　over；　that　is；　and　the　bears　go　to　sleep　for　the　winter。
　　He　rehung　the　telephone；　crossed　to　the　sink；　and　filled　it　with　hot　water。　He　removed　his　shirt　and　washed。　He　had　been　sweating　like　a　pig　in　spite　of　the　cold；　and　a　pig　was　exactly　what　he　smelled　like。
　　There　was　some　leftover　meatloaf　in　the　refrigerator。　Louis　cut　it　into　slabs；　put　them　on　a　slice　of　Roman　Meal　bread；　and　added　two　thick　rounds　of　Bermuda　onion。　He　contemplated　this　for　a　moment　before　dousing　it　with　ketchup　and　slamming　down　another　slice　of　bread。　If　Rachel　and　Ellie　had　been　around；　they　would　have　wrinkled　their　noses　in　identical　gestures　of　distaste…　yuck；　gross。
　　Well；　you　missed　it；　ladies；　Louis　thought　with　undeniable　satisfaction　and　gobbled　his　sandwich。　It　tasted　great。　Confucius　say　he　who　smell　like　pig　eat　like　wolf；　he　thought　and　smiled。　He　chased　the　sandwich　with　several　long　swallows　of　milk　directly　from　the　carton…another　habit　Rachel　frowned　on　strenuously…　and　then　he　went　upstairs；　undressed；　and　got　into　bed　without　even　washing　his　teeth。　His　aches　and　pains　had　faded　to　one　low　throb　that　was　almost　forting。
　　His　watch　was　there　where　he　had　left　it；　and　he　looked　at　it。　Ten　minutes　of　nine。　It　really　was　incredible。
　　Louis　turned　off　the　light；　turned　over　on　his　side；　and　slept。
　　He　woke　up　sometime　after　three　the　next　morning　and　shuffled　to　the　bathroom；　He　was　standing　there　urinating；　blinking　owlishly　in　the　bright　white　fluorescent　bathroom　light；　when　the　discrepancy　suddenly　showed　up　in　his　mind；　and　his　eyes　widened…it　was　as　if　two　pieces　of　something　which　should　have　fitted　together　perfectly　had　instead　thudded　against　one　another　and　rebounded。
　　Tonight　Jud　had　told　him　that　his　dog　had　died　when　he　was　ten…had　died　of　infection　after　being　scraped　up　in　a　snarl　of　rusty　barbed　wire。　But　on　the　late…summer　day　when　all　of　them　had　walked　up　to　the　Pet　Sematary　together；　Jud　said　that　his　dog　had　died　of　old　age　and　was　buried　there…he　had　even　pointed　out　the　marker；　although　the　years　had　worn　the　inscription　away。
　　Louis　flushed　the　toilet；　turned　out　the　light；　and　went　back　to　bed。　Something　else　was　wrong；　as　well…and　in　a　moment　he　had　it。　Jud　had　been　born　with　the　century；　and　that　day　at　the　Pet　Sematary　he　had　told　Louis　his　dog　had　died　during　the　first　year　of　the　Great　War。　That　would　have　been　when　Jud　was　fourteen；　if　he　had　meant　when　the　war　actually　started　in　Europe。　When　he　was　seventeen；　if　he　had　meant　when　America　entered　the　war。
　　But　tonight　he　had　said　that　Spot　died　when　he；　Jud；　was　ten。　Well；　he's　an　old　man；　and　old　men　get　confused　in　their　memories；　he　thought　uneasily。　He's　said　himself　that　he's　noticed　signs　of　increasing　forgetfulness…groping　for　names　and　addresses　that　used　to　e　to　him　easily；　sometimes　getting　up　in　the　morning　and　having　no　memory　of　the　chores　he　planned　to　do　just　the　night　before。　For　a　man　of　his　age；　he's　getting　off　pretty　goddamned　light。　。　。　senility's　probably　too　strong　a　word　for　it　in　Jud's　case；　forgetfulness　is　actually　better；　more　accurate。　Nothing　too　surprising　about　a　man　forgetting　when　a　dog　died　some　seventy　years　ago。　Or　the　circumstances　in　which　it　died；　for　that　matter。　Forget　it；　Louis。
　　But　he　wasn't　able　to　fall　asleep　again　right　away；　for　a　long　while　he　lay　awake；　too　conscious　of　the　empty　house　and　the　wind　that　whined　around　the　eaves　outside　it。
　　At　some　point　he　slept　without　even　being　awa