sk.petsematary-第35章

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　　〃And　sometimes　she'd　touch　me　with　her　。　。　。　her　hands　。　。　。
　　。　。　。　her　birdy　hands　。　。　。　and　sometimes　I'd　almost　scream　and　ask　her　not　to；　and　once　I　spilled　some　of　her　soup　on　my　arm　when　she　touched　my　face　and　I　burned　myself　and　that　time　I　did　scream　。　。　。　and　I　cried　and　I　could　see　the　smile　in　her　eyes　then；　too。
　　〃Near　the　end　the　drugs　stopped　working。　She　was　the　one　who　would　scream　then；　and　none　of　us　could　remember　the　way　she　was　before；　not　even　my　mother。　She　was　just　this　foul；　hateful；　screaming　thing　in　the　back　bedroom　。　。　。　our　dirty　secret。〃
　　Rachel　swallowed。　Her　throat　clicked。
　　〃My　parents　were　gone　when　she　finally　。　。　。　when　she　。　you　know；　when　she。　。　。〃
　　With　terrible；　wrenching　effort；　Rachel　brought　it　out。
　　〃When　she　died；　my　parents　were　gone。　They　were　gone　but　I　was　with　her。　It　was　Passover　season；　and　they　went　out　for　a　while　to　see　some　friends。　Just　for　a　few　minutes。　I　was　reading　a　magazine　in　the　kitchen。　Well；　I　was　looking　at　it；　anyway。　I　was　waiting　…for　it　to　be　time　to　give　her　some　more　medicine　because　she　was　screaming。　She'd　been　screaming　ever　since　my　folks　left；　almost。　I　couldn't　read　with　her　screaming　that　way。　And　then　see；　what　happened　was　。　。　。　well　。　。　。　Zelda　stopped　screaming。　Louis；　I　was　eight。　。　。　bad　dreams　every　night。　。　。　I　had　started　to　think　she　hated　me　because　my　back　was　straight；　because　I　didn't　have　the　constant　pain；　because　I　could　walk；　because　I　was　going　to　live　。　。　。　I　started　to　imagine　she　wanted　to　kill　me。　Only；　even　now　tonight；　Louis；　I　don't　really　think　it　was　all　my　imagination。　I　do　think　she　hated　me。　I　don't　really　think　she　would　have　killed　me；　but　if　she　could　have　taken　over　my　body　some　way。　。　。　turned　me　out　of　it　like　in　a　fairy　story
　　I　think　she　would　have　done　that。　But　when　she　stopped　screaming；　I　went　in　to　see　if　everything　was　all　right。　。　。　to　see　if　she　had　fallen　over　on　her　side　or　slipped　off　her　pillows。　I　got　in　and　I　looked　at　her　and　I　thought　she　must　have　swallowed　her　own　tongue　and　she　was　choking　to　death。　Louis〃…Rachel's　voice　rose　again；　teary　and　frighteningly　childish；　as　if　she　were　regressing；　reliving　the　experience…〃Louis；　I　didn't　know　what　to　do！　I　was　eight！〃
　　〃No；　of　course　you　didn't；〃　Louis　said。　He　turned　to　her　and　hugged　her；　and　Rachel　gripped　him　with　the　panicky　strength　of　a　poor　swimmer　whose　boat　has　suddenly　overturned　in　the　middle　of　a　large　lake。　〃Did　someone　actually　give　you　a　hard　time　about　it；　babe？〃
　　〃No；〃　she　said；　〃no　one　blamed　me。　But　nobody　could　make　it　better　either。　No　one　could　change　it。　No　one　could　make　it　an　unhappening；　Louis。　She　hadn't　swallowed　her　tongue。　She　started　making　a　sound；　a　kind　of；　I　don't　know…gaaaaaa…like　that…〃
　　In　her　distressed；　total　recall　of　that　day　she　did　a　more　than　creditable　imitation　of　the　way　her　sister　Zelda　must　have　sounded；　and　Louis's　mind　Bashed　to　Victor　Pascow。　His　grip　on　his　wife　tightened。
　　〃…and　there　was　spit；　spit　ing　down　her　chin…〃
　　〃Rachel；　that's　enough；〃　he　said；　not　quite　steadily。　〃I　am　aware　of　the　symptoms。〃
　　〃I'm　explaining；〃　she　said　stubbornly。　〃I'm　explaining　why　I　can't　go　to　poor　Norma's　funeral；　for　one　thing；　and　why　we　had　that　stupid　fight　that　day…〃
　　〃Shh…that's　forgotten。〃
　　〃Not　by　me；　it　isn't；〃　she　said。　〃I　remember　it　well；　Louis。　I　remember　it　as　well　as　I　remember　my　sister　Zelda　choking　to　death　in　her　bed　on　April　14；　1965。〃
　　For　a　long　moment　there　was　silence　in　the　room。
　　〃I　turned　her　over　on　her　belly　and　thumped　her　back；〃　Rachel　went　on　at　last。　〃It's　all　I　knew　to　do。　Her　feet　were　beating　up　and　down　。　。　。　and　her　twisted　legs　。　。　。　and　I　remember　there　was　a　sound　like　farting　。　。　。　I　thought　she　was　farting　or　I　was；　but　it　wasn't　farts；　it　was　the　seams　under　both　arms　of　my　blouse　ripping　out　when　I　turned　her　over。　She　started　to　。　。　。　to　convulse　。　。　。　and　I　saw　that　her　face　was　turned　sideways；　turned　into　the　pillows；　and　I　thought；　oh；　she's　choking；　Zelda's　choking；　and　they'll　e　home　and　say　I　murdered　her　by　choking；　they'll　say　you　hated　her；　Rachel；　and　that　was　true；　and　they'll　say　you　wanted　her　to　be　dead；　and　that　was　true　too。　Because；　Louis；　see；　the　first　thought　that　went　through　my　mind　when　she　started　to　go　up　and　down　in　the　bed　like　that；　I　remember　it；　my　first　thought　was　Oh　good；　finally；　Zelda's　choking　and　this　is　going　to　be　over。　So　I　turned　her　over　again　and　her　face　had　gone　black；　Louis；　and　her　eyes　were　bulging　and　her　neck　was　swelled　up。　Then　she　died。　I　backed　across　the　room。　I　guess　I　wanted　to　back　out　the　door；　but　I　hit　the　wall　and　a　picture　fell　down…it　was　a　picture　from　one　of　the　Oz　books　that　Zelda　liked　before　she　got　sick　with　the　meningitis；　when　she　was　well；　it　was　a　picture　of　Oz　the　Great　and　Terrible；　only　Zelda　always　called　him　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible　because　she　couldn't　make　that　sound；　and　so　she　sounded　like　Elmer　Fudd。　My　mother　got　that　picture　framed　because　。　。　。　because　Zelda　liked　it　most　of　all
　　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible　。　。　。　and　it　fell　down　and　hit　the　floor　and　the　glass　in　the　frame　shattered　and　I　started　to　scream　because　I　knew　she　was　dead　and　I　thought　。　。　。　I　guess　I　thought　it　was　her　ghost；　ing　back　to　get　me；　and　I　knew　that　her　ghost　would　hate　me　like　she　did；　but　her　ghost　wouldn't　be　stuck　in　bed；　so　I　screamed　。　。　。　I　screamed　and　I　ran　out　of　the　house　screaming　'Zelda's　dead！　Zelda's　dead！　Zelda's　dead！'　And　the　neighbors。　。　。　they　came　and　they　looked　。　。　。　they　saw　me　running　down　the　street　with　my　blouse　all　ripped　out　under　the　arms　。　。　。　I　was　yelling　'Zelda's　dead！'　Louis；　and　I　guess　maybe　they　thought　I　was　crying　but　I　think　。　。　。　I　think　maybe　I　was　laughing；　Louis。　I　think　maybe　that's　what　I　was　doing。〃
　　〃If　you　were；　I　salute　you　for　it；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃You　don't　mean　that；　though；〃　Rachel　said　with　the　utter　surety　of　one　who　has　been　over　a　point　and　over　it　and　over　it。　He　let　it　go。　He　thought　she　might　eventually　get　rid　of　this　awful；　rancid　memory　that　had　haunted　her　for　so　long…most　of　it；　anyway…but　never　this　part。　Never　pletely。　Louis　Creed　was　no　psychiatrist；　but　he　knew　that　there　are　rusty；　half…buried　things　in　the　terrain　of　any　life　and　that　human　beings　seem　pelled　to　go　back　to　these　things　and　pull　at　them；　even　though　they　cut。　Tonight　Rachel　had　pulled　almost　all　of　it　out；　like　some　grotesque　and　stinking　rotten　tooth；　its　crown　black；　its　nerves　infected；　its　roots　fetid。　It　was　out。　Let　that　last　noxious　cell　remain；　if　God　was　good　it　would　remain　dormant　except　in　her　deepest　dreams。　That　she　had　been　able　to　remove　as　much　as　she　had　was　well　nigh　incredible…it　did　not　just　speak　of　her　courage；　it　clarioned　it。　Louis　was　in　awe　of　her。　He　felt　like　cheering。
　　He　sat　up　now　and　turned　on　the　light。　〃Yes；〃　he　said；　〃I　salute　you　for　it。　And　if　I　needed　another　reason　to　。　。　。　to　really　dislike　your　mother　and　father；　I've　got　it　now。　You　never　should　have　been　left　alone　with　her；　Rachel。　Never。〃
　　Like　a　child…the　child　of　eight　she　had　been　when　this　dirty；　incredible　thing　had　happened…she　reprimanded　him；　〃Lou；　it　was　Passover　season…〃
　　〃I　don't　care　if　it　was　judgment　trump；〃　Louis　said　with　a　sudden　low　and　hoarse　savagery　that　caused　her　to　pull　back　a　little。　He　was　remembering　the　student　nurses；　those　two　candy　stripers　whose　evil　luck　it　had　been　to　be　in　attendance　on　the　morning　Pascow　had　been　brought　in　dying。　One　of　them；　a　tough　little　lady　named　Carla　Shavers；　had　returned　the　next　day　and　had　worked　out　so　well　that　even　Chariton　was　impressed。　The　other　they　had　never　seen　again。　Louis　was　not　surprised　and　did　not　blame　her。
　　Where　was　the　nurse？　There　should　have　been　an　R。N。　in　attendance　。　。　。　they　went　out；　they　actually　went　out　and　left　an　eight…year…old　kid　in　charge　of　her　dying　sister；　who　was　probably　clinically　insane　by　then。　Why？　Because　it　was　Passover　season。　And　because　elegant　Dory　Goldman　couldn't　stand　the　stink　that　particular　morning　and　had　to　get　away　from　it　for　just　a　little　while。　So　Rachel　got　the　duty。　Right；　friends　and　neighbors？　Rachel　got　the　duty。　Eight　years　old；　pigtails；　middy　blouse。　Rachel　got　the　duty。　Rachel　could　stay　and　put　up　with　the　stink。　What　did　they　send　her　to　Camp　Sunset　in　Vermont　for　six　weeks　every　year；　if　not　to　put　up　with　the　stink　of　her　dying；　insane　sister？　Ten　new　shirt…and…jumper　binations　for　Gage　and　six　new　dresses　for　Ellie　and　I'll　pay　your　way　through　medical　school　if　you'll　stay　away　from　my　daughter。　。　。　but　where　was　the　overflowing　checkbook　when　your　daughter　was　dying　of　spinal　meningitis　and　your　other　daughter　was　alone　with　her；　you　bastard？　Where　was　the　R…fucking…N？
　　Louis　sat　up；　got　out　of　bed。
　　〃Where　are　you　going？〃　Rachel　asked；　alarmed。
　　〃To　get　you　a　Valium。〃
　　〃You　know　I　don't…〃
　　〃Tonight　you　do；〃　he　said。
　　She　took　the　pill　and　then　told　him　the　rest。　Her　voice　remained　calm　throughout。　The　tranquilizer　was　doing　its　job。
　　The　next…door　neighbor　had　retrieved　eight…year…old　Rachel　from　behind　a　tree　where　she　was　crouching　and　screaming　〃Zelda's　dead！〃　over　and　over。　Rachel's　nose　had　been　bleeding。　She　had　blood　all　over　her。　The　same　neighbor　had　called　the　ambulance　and　then　her　parents；　after　getting　Rachel's　nosebleed　stopped　and　calming　her　with　a　cup　of　hot　tea　and　two　aspirins；　she　was　able　to　get　the　location　of　her　parents　out　of　her…they　were　visiting　Mr。　and　Mrs。　Cabron　across　town；　Peter　Cabron　was　an　accountant　in　her　father's　business。
　　By　that　evening；　great　changes　had　taken　place　in　the　Goldman　household。　Zelda　was　gone。　Her　room　had　been　cleaned　and　fumigated。　All　of　the　furniture　was　gone。　The　room　was　a　bare　box。　Later…much　later…it　had　bee　Dory　Goldman's　sewing　room。
　　The　first　of　the　nightmares　had　e　to　Rachel　that　night；　and　when　Rachel　woke　up　at　two　o'clock　in　the　morning；　screaming　for　her　mother；　she　had　been　horrified　to　discover　that　she　could　barely　get　out　of　bed。　Her　back　was　in　agony。　She　had　strained　it　moving　Zelda。　In　her　spurt　of　adrenaline…powered　strength；　she　had；　after　all；　lifted　Zelda　with　enough　force　to　pull　her　own　blouse　apart。
　　That　she　had　strained　herself　trying　to　keep　Zelda　from　choking　was　simple；　obvious；　elementary…my…dear…Watson。　To　everyone；　that　was；　except　Rachel　herself。　Rachel　had　been　sure　that　this　was　Zelda's　revenge　from　beyond　the　grave。　Zelda　knew　that　Rachel　was　glad　she　was　dead；　Zelda　knew　that　when　Rachel　burst　from　the　house　telling　all　and　sundry　Zelda's　dead；　Zelda's　dead　at　the　top　of　her　voice；　she　had　been　laughing；　not　screaming；　Zelda　knew　she　had　been　murdered　and　so　had　given　Rachel　spinal　meningitis；　and　soon　Rachel's　back　would　start　to　twist　and　change　and　she　too　would　have　to　lie　in　bed；　slowly　but　surely　turning　into　a　monster；　her　hands　hooking　into　claws。
　　After　a　while　she　would　begin　screaming　with　the　pain；　as　Zelda　had　done；　and　then　she　would　start　wetting　the　bed；　and　finally　she　would　choke　to　death　on　her　own　tongue。　It　was　Zelda's　revenge。
　　No　one　could　talk　Rachel　out　of　this　belief…not　her　mother；　her　father；　or　Dr。　Murray；　who　diagnosed　a　mild　backsprain　and　then　told　Rachel　brusquely　（cruelly