sk.petsematary-第51章

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because　that　driver　was　going　too　fast　that　doesn't　let　me…us…off　the　hook。　I　didn't　know　there　could　ever　be　hurt　like　this；　and　that's　the　truth。　It　es；　over　and　over　it　es；　and　it　hurts　so　much；　Louis；　there's　no　rest　from　it　even　when　I　go　to　sleep；　when　I　go　to　sleep　I　dream　it；　over　and　over　again；　I　see　him　running　to　the　road　。　。　。　and　I　scream　to　him。　。　。〃
　　〃Shhh；〃　he　said。　〃Rachel；　shhhh。〃
　　She　lifted　her　puffy　face　to　him。　〃It　wasn't　even　as　if　he　were　being　bad；　Louis。　It　was　just　a　game　to　him。　。　。　the　truck　came　at　the　wrong　time。　。　。　and　Missy　Dandridge　called　while　I　was　still　crying。　。　。　and　said　she　read　in　the　Ellsworth　American　that　the　driver　tried　to　kill　himself。〃
　　〃What？〃
　　〃He　tried　to　hang　himself　in　his　garage。　He's　in　shock　and　deep　depression；　the　paper　said。　。　。〃
　　〃Too　fucking　bad　he　didn't　make　good　on　it；〃　Louis　said　savagely；　but　his　voice　sounded　distant　to　his　own　ears；　and　he　felt　a　chill　spreading　through。　The　place　has　a　power；　Louis。　。　。　it's　been　full　of　power　before；　and　I'm　ascared　it's　ing　round　to　full　again。　〃My　boy's　dead　and　he's　out　on　a　thousand　dollars'　bail　and　he'll　go　on　feeling　depressed　and　suicidal　until　some　judge　takes　away　his　license　for　ninety　days　and　gives　him　a　slap…on…the…wrist　fine。〃
　　〃Missy　says　his　wife　has　taken　the　kids　and　left　him；〃　Rachel　said　dully。　〃She　didn't　get　that　from　the　paper；　but　from　somebody　who　knows　somebody　down　Ellsworth　way。　He　wasn't　drunk。　He　wasn't　on　drugs。　He　didn't　have　any　previous　speeding　violations。　He　said　that　when　he　got　to　Ludlow；　he　just　felt　like　putting　the　pedal　to　the　metal。　He　said　he　didn't　even　know　why。　So　around　and　around　it　goes。〃
　　He　just　felt　like　putting　the　pedal　to　the　metal。
　　The　place　has　a　power。
　　Louis　thrust　these　thoughts　away。　He　gripped　his　wife's　forearm　gently。　〃Call　your　mother　and　father。　Do　it　now。　There's　no　need　for　you　and　Ellie　to　be　in　this　house　another　day。　Not　another　day。〃
　　〃Not　without　you；〃　she　said。　〃Louis；　I　want　us　。　。　。　I　need　us　to　stick　together。〃
　　〃I'll　follow　you　in　three　days…four　at　the　most。〃　If　things　went　well；　Rachel　and　Ellie　might　be　back　here　in　forty…eight　hours。　〃I've　got　to　find　someone　to　fill　in　for　me；　on　a　part…time　basis；　at　least；　at　the　university。　I've　got　sick　time　and　vacation　time　ing；　but　I　don't　want　to　leave　Surrendra　on　the　hot　seat。　Jud　can　watch　the　house　while　we're　gone；　but　I'll　want　to　cut　off　the　electricity　and　store　what　we've　got　in　the　Dandridges'　deep　freeze；〃
　　〃Effie's　school。　。　。〃
　　〃The　hell　with　it。　It's　out　in　three　weeks；　anyway。　They'll　understand；　the　circumstances　being　what　they　are。　They'll　arrange　an　early　dismissal。　It'll　all　work　just…〃
　　〃Louis？〃
　　He　broke　off。　〃What？〃
　　〃What　are　you　hiding？〃
　　〃Hiding？〃　He　looked　at　her　openly；　clearly。　〃I　don't　know　what　you're　talking　about。〃
　　〃Don't　you？〃
　　〃No。　I　don't。〃
　　〃Never　mind。　I'll　call　them　right　now。　。　。　if　that's　what　you　really　want。〃
　　〃It　is；〃　he　said；　and　the　words　seemed　to　echo　in　his　mind　with　an　iron　clang。
　　〃It　might　even　be　best。　。　for　Ellie。〃　She　looked　at　him　with　her　red…rimmed　eyes；　still　slightly　glazed　from　Valium。　〃You　look　feverish；　Louis。　As　if　you　might　be　ing　down　with　something。〃
　　She　went　to　the　telephone　and　called　the　motel　where　her　parents　were　staying　before　Louis　could　reply。
　　The　Goldmans　were　overjoyed　at　Rachel's　proposal。　They　were　not　so　wild　about　the　idea　of　Louis　joining　them　in　three　or　four　days；　but　in　the　end　they　wouldn't　have　to　worry　about　it　all；　of　course。　Louis　had　not　the　slightest　intention　of　going　to　Chicago。　He　had　suspected　that　if　there　was　to　be　a　snag；　it　would　be　getting　air　reservations　this　late。　But　luck　was　with　him　there　too。　There　were　still　available　seats　on　Delta's　Bangor　to　Cincinnati　run；　and　a　quick　check　showed　two　cancellations　on　a　Cincinnati　to　Chicago　flight。　It　meant　that　Rachel　and　Ellie　would　be　able　to　travel　with　the　Goldmans　only　as　far　as　Cincinnati；　but　they　would　get　to　Chicago　less　than　an　hour　after。
　　It's　almost　like　magic；　Louis　thought；　hanging　up　the　telephone；　and　Jud's　voice　responded　promptly；　It's　been　full　of　power　before；　and　I'm　ascared。
　　Oh；　get　fucked；　he　told　Jud's　voice　rudely。　I've　learned　to　accept　a　great　many　strange　things　in　the　last　ten　months；　my　good　old　friend。　But　am　I　ready　to　believe　that　a　haunted　patch　of　ground　can　influence　airline　ticketing？　I　don't　think　so。
　　〃I'll　have　to　pack；〃　Rachel　said。　She　was　looking　at　the　flight　information　Louis　had　jotted　down　on　the　pad　by　the　phone。
　　〃Take　just　the　one　big　suitcase；〃　Louis　said。
　　She　looked　at；　him　wide…eyed；　mildly　startled。　〃For　both　of　us？　Louis；　you're　joking。〃
　　〃All　right；　take　a　couple　of　tote　bags　too。　But　don't　exhaust　yourself　packing　a　different　outfit　for　the　next　three　weeks；〃　he　said；　thinking；　Especially　since　you　may　be　back　in　Ludlow　very　soon。　〃Take　enough　for　a　week；　ten　days。　You've　got　the　checkbook　and　the　credit　cards。　Buy　what　you　need。〃
　　〃But　we　can't　afford…〃　she　began　doubtfully。　She　seemed　doubtful　about　everything　now；　malleable；　easily　confused。　He　remembered　her　odd；　dangling　ment　about　the　Winnebago　he　had　once　spoken　idly　about　buying。
　　〃We　have　the　money；〃　he　said。
　　〃Well　。　。　。　I　suppose　we　could　use　Gage's　college　fund　if　we　needed　to；　although　it　would　take　a　day　or　two　to　process　the　savings　account　and　a　week　to　get　the　treasury　bills　cashed…〃
　　Her　face　began　to　crumple　and　dissolve　again。　Louis　held　her。　She's　right。　It　just　keeps　right　on　hitting　you；　it　never　lets　up。　〃Rachel；　don't；〃　he　said。　〃Don't　cry。〃
　　But　of　course　she　did…she　had　to。
　　While　she　was　upstairs　packing；　the　phone　rang。　Louis　sprang　for　it；　thinking　it　would　be　someone　from　Delta　ticketing；　saying　a　mistake　had　been　made；　no　flights　were　available。　I　should　have　known　everything　was　going　too　smoothly。
　　But　it　wasn't　Delta　ticketing。　It　was　Irwin　Goldman。
　　〃I'll　get　Rachel；〃　Louis　said。
　　〃No。〃　For　a　moment　there　was　nothing　else；　only　silence。　He's　probably　sitting　there　and　trying　to　decide　which　name　to　call　you　first。
　　When　Goldman　spoke　again；　his　voice　was　strained。　He　seemed　to　be　pushing　the　words　out　against　some　great　inner　resistance。　〃It's　you　I　want　to　talk　to。　Dory　wanted　me　to　call　and　apologize　for　my。　。　。　for　my　behavior。　I　guess。　。　。　Louis；　I　guess　I　wanted　to　apologize　too。〃
　　Why；　Irwin！　How　big　of　you！　My　God；　I　think　I　just　wet　my　pants！
　　〃You　don't　need　to　apologize；〃　Louis　said。　His　voice　was　dry　and　mechanical。
　　〃What　I　did　was　inexcusable；〃　Goldman　said。　Now　he　did　not　just　seem　to　be　pushing　the　words　out；　he　seemed　to　be　coughing　them　out。　〃You　suggesting　that　Rachel　and　Eileen　e　out　has　made　me　see　what　a　big　man　you　have　been　about　this。　。　。　and　how　small　I　have　been。〃
　　There　was　something　very　familiar　in　this　rap；　something　eerily　familiar。　Then　he　got　it；　and　his　mouth　suddenly　pulled　together　in　a　tight　pucker；　as　if　he　had　bitten　straight　through　a　plump　yellow　lemon。　Rachel's　way…she　was　pletely　unaware　of　it；　Louis　was　sure…of　saying　contritely；　Louis；　I'm　sorry　I　was　such　a　bitch；　after　her　bitchiness　had　gotten　her　her　own　way　about　something　she　really　wanted。　Here　was　that　voice…robbed　of　Rachel's　liveliness　and　merriness；　true…but　that　same　voice　saying；　I'm　sorry　1　was　such　a　bastard；　Louis。
　　The　old　man　was　getting　his　daughter　and　granddaughter　back；　they　were　running　home　from　Maine　to　Daddy。　Courtesy　of　Delta　and　United；　they　were　ing　back　to　where　they　belonged；　back　to　where　Irwin　Goldman　wanted　them。　Now　he　could　afford　to　be　magnanimous。　As　far　as　old　Irwin　knew；　he　had　won。　So　let's　just　forget　that　I　took　a　swing　at　you　over　your　dead　son's　body；　Louis；　or　that　I　kicked　you　when　you　were　down；　or　that　I　knocked　his　coffin　off　its　bier　and　snapped　the　latch　so　you　could　see…or　think　you　saw…that　one　last　flash　of　your　child's　hand。　Let's　forget　all　of　that。　Let　bygones　be　bygones。
　　Terrible　as　it　may　be；　Irwin；　you　old　prick；　I'd　wish　for　you　to　drop　dead　right　this　second；　if　it　wouldn't　screw　up　my　plans。
　　〃That's　all　right；　Mr。　Goldman；〃　he　said　evenly。　〃It　was　。　well。　。　。　an　emotional　day　for　all　of　us。〃
　　〃It　was　not　all　right；〃　he　persisted；　and　Louis　realized…　although　he　did　not　want　to…that　Goldman　was　not　just　being　political；　was　not　just　saying　that　he　was　sorry　he　had　been　such　a　bastard　now　that　he　was　getting　his　own　way。　The　man　was　nearly　weeping；　and　he　was　speaking　with　a　slow　and　trembling　urgency。　〃It　was　a　terrible　day　for　all　of　us。　Thanks　to　me。
　　Thanks　to　a　stupid；　bullheaded　old　man。　I　hurt　my　daughter　when　she　needed　my　help　。　。　。　I　hurt　you；　and　maybe　you　needed　my　help　too；　Louis。　That　you　do　this。　。　。　behave　this　way　after　I　behaved　that　way。　。　。　it　makes　me　feel　like　garbage。　And　I　think　that　is　just　the　way　I　should　feel。〃
　　Oh　let　him　stop　this；　let　him　stop　before　1　start　to　scream　at　him　and　blow　the　whole　deal。
　　〃Rachel's　probably　told　you；　Louis；　we　had　another　daughter…〃
　　〃Zelda；〃　Louis　said。　〃Yes；　she　told　me　about　Zelda。〃
　　〃It　was　difficult；〃　Goldman　said　in　that　trembling　voice。　〃Difficult　for　all　of　us。　Most　difficult　for　Rachel；　perhaps…Rachel　was　there　when　Zelda　died…but　difficult　for　Dory　and　me　too。　Dory　almost　had　a　breakdown…〃
　　What　do　you　think　Rachel　had？　Louis　wanted　to　shout。　Do　you　think　a　kid　can't　have　a　nervous　breakdown？　Twenty　years　later　she's　still　jumping　at　death's　shadow。　And　now　this　happens。　This　miserable；　awful　thing。　It's　a　minor　miracle　that　she　isn't　in　the　fucking　hospital；　being　fed　through　an　I。V。　tube。　So　don't　talk　to　me　about　how　difficult　it　was　for　you　and　your　wife；　you　bastard。
　　〃Ever　since　Zelda　died；　we　have。　。　。　I　suppose　we　have　clung　to　Rachel。　。　。　always　wanting　to　protect　her。　。　。　and　to　make　it　up　to　her。　Make　up　for　the　problems　she　had　with　her　。　。　。　her　back。　。　。　for　years　afterward。　Make　up　for　not　being　there。〃
　　Yes；　the　old　man　was　really　crying。　Why　did　he　have　to　be　crying？　It　made　it　harder　for　Louis　to　hold　on　to　his　clean；　pure　hate。　More　difficult；　but　not　impossible。　He　deliberately　called　up　the　image　of　Goldman　reaching　into　the　pocket　of　his　smoking　jacket　for　his　overflowing　checkbook　。　。　。　but　he　suddenly　saw　Zelda　Goldman　in　the　background；　an　unquiet　ghost　in　a　stinking　bed；　her　cheesy　face　full　of　spite　and　agony；　her　hands　pulled　into　claws。　The　Goldman　ghost。　Oz　the　Gweat　and　Tewwible。
　　〃Please；〃　he　said。　〃Please；　Mr。　Goldman。　Irwin。　No　more。　Let's　not　make　things　any　worse　than　they　have　to　be；　okay？〃
　　〃I　believe　now　that　you　are　a　good　man　and　that　I　misjudged　you；　Louis。　Oh；　listen；　I　know　what　you　think。　Am　I　that　stupid？　No。　Stupid；　but　not　that　stupid。　You　think　I'm　saying　all　of　this　because　now　I　can；　you're　thinking　oh　yeah；　he's　getting　what　he　wants　and　once　he　tried　to　buy　me　off；　but　。　。　。　but　Louis；　I　swear。　。　。〃
　　〃No　more；〃　Louis　said　gently。　〃I　can't。　。　。　I　really　can't　take　any　more。〃　Now　his　voice　was　trembling　as　well。　〃Okay？〃
　　〃All　right；〃　Goldman　said　and　sighed。　Louis　thought　it　was　a　sigh　of　relief。　〃But　let　me　say　again　that　I　apologize。　You　don't　have　to　accept　it。　But　that　is　what　I　called　to　say；　Louis。　I　apo