annr.pandora-第10章

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　and　glistening　child。
　I　wondered　wearily　if　I　were　so　old　at　thirty…five　that　everyone　young　looked　beautiful　to　me。
　He　cried；　〃My　family；　too；　has　been　betrayed。　My　Mother　made　me　leave！〃
　〃To　whom　do　we　owe　this　shared　catastrophe'？〃　I　asked。　I　put　my　hands　on　his　wet　cheeks。　He　had　a　baby's　mouth；　but　the　shaven　beard　was　rough。　He　had　broad　strong　shoulders；　and　wore　only　a　light；　simple　tunic。　Why　wasn't　he　cold　out　here　on　the　water？　Perhaps　he　was。
　He　shook　his　head。　He　was　pretty　still　and　would　be　handsome　later。　He　had　a　nice　curl　to　his　dark　hair。　He　didn't　fear　his　tears；　or　apologize　for　them。
　〃My　Mother　stayed　alive　to　tell　me。　She　lay　gasping　until　I　came。　When　the　Delatores　had　told　my　Father　that　he　plotted　against　the　Emperor；　my　Father　had　laughed。　He　had　actually　laughed。　They　had　accused　him　of　plotting　with　Germanicus！　My　Mother　wouldn't　die　until　she'd　told　me。　She　said　that　all　my　Father　was　accused　of　doing　was　talking　with　other　men　about　how　he　would　serve　under　Germanicus　again　if　they　were　sent　North。〃
　I　nodded　wearily。　〃I　see。　My　brothers　probably　said　the　same　thing。　And　Germanicus　is　the　Emperor's　heir　and　Imperium　Maius　of　the　East。　Yet　this　is　treason；　to　speak　of　serving　Rome　under　a　pretty　general。〃
　I　turned　to　go。　To　understand　gave　no　consolation。
　〃We　are　taking　you　to　different　cities；〃　said　Jacob；　〃to　different　friends。　Better　that　we　not　say。〃
　〃Don't　leave　me；〃　said　the　boy。　〃Not　tonight。〃
　〃All　right；〃　I　said。　I　took　him　into　the　cabin　and　closed　the　door；　with　a　polite　nod　to　Jacob；　who　was　watching　all　with　a　guardian's　conscience。
　〃What　do　you　want？〃　I　asked。
　The　boy　stared　at　me。　He　shook　his　head。　He　flung　his　hands　out。　He　turned　and　drew　dose　to　me　and　kissed　me。　We　went　into　a　rampage　of　kisses。
　I　took　off　my　shift　and　sank　into　the　bed　with　him。　He　was　a　man　all　right；　tender　face　or　no。
　And　when　I　came　to　the　moment　of　ecstasy；　which　was　quite　easy；　given　his　phenomenal　stamina；　I　tasted　blood。　I　was　the　blood　drinker　in　the　dream。　I　went　limp；　but　it　didn't　matter。　He　had　all　he　needed　to　finish　the　rites　to　his　satisfaction。
　He　rose　up。　〃You're　a　goddess；〃　he　said。
　〃No；〃　I　whispered。　The　dream　was　rising。　I　heard　the　wind　on　the　sand。　I　smelled　the　river。　〃I　am　a　god。。。　a　god　who　drinks　blood。〃
　We　did　the　rites　of　love　until　we　could　do　them　no　more。
　〃Be　circumspect　and　very　proper　with　our　Hebrew　hosts；〃　I　said。　〃They　will　never　understand　this　sort　of　thing。〃
　He　nodded。　〃I　adore　you。〃
　〃Not　necessary。　What　is　your　name'？〃
　〃Marcellus。〃
　〃Fine；　Marcellus；　go　to　sleep。〃
　Marcellus　and　I　made　a　night　of　every　night　after　that　until　we　finally　saw　the　famous　lighthouse　of　Pharos　and　knew　we　had　e　to　Egypt。
　It　was　perfectly　obvious　that　Marcellus　was　being　left　in　Alexandria。　He　explained　to　me　that　his　maternal　grandmother　was　still　alive；　a　Greek；　and　indeed　her　whole　dan。
　〃Don't　tell　me　so　much；　just　go；〃　I　said。　〃And　be　wise　and　safe。〃
　He　begged　me　to　e　with　him。　He　said　he　had　fallen　in　love　with　me。　He　would　marry　me。　He　didn't　care　if　I　bore　no　children。　He　didn't　care　that　I　was　thirty…five。　I　laughed　softly；　mercifully。
　Jacob　noted　all　this　with　lowered　eyes。　And　David　looked　away。
　Quite　a　few　trunks　followed　Marcellus　into　Alexandria。
　〃Now；〃　I　said　to　Jacob；　〃will　you　tell　me　where　I'm　being　taken？　I　might　have　some　thoughts　on　the　matter；　though　I　doubt　I　could　improve　on　my　Father's　plan。〃
　I　still　wondered。　Would　they　deal　honestly　with　me？　What　about　now　that　they　had　seen　me　play　the　whore　with　the　boy？　They　were　such　religious　men。
　〃You're　headed　to　a　great　city；〃　Jacob　said。　〃It　couldn't　be　a　better　place。　Your　Father　has　Greek　friends　there！〃
　〃How　could　it　be　better　than　Alexandria？〃　I　said。
　〃Oh；　it　is　far　and　away　better；〃　Jacob　said。　〃Let　me　talk　to　my　Father　before　I　talk　to　you　further。〃
　We　had　put　out　to　sea。　The　land　was　going　away。　Egypt。　It　was　growing　dark。
　〃Don't　be　afraid；〃　Jacob　said。　〃You　look　as　though　you　are　terrified。〃
　〃I'm　not　afraid；〃　I　said。　〃It's　only　that　I　have　to　lie　in　my　bed　and　think　and　remember　and　dream。〃　I　looked　at　him；　as　he　shyly　looked　away。　〃I　held　the　boy　like　a　Mother；　against　me；　night　after　night。〃
　This　was　about　the　biggest　lie　I've　told　in　my　life。
　〃He　was　a　child　in　my　arms。〃　Some　child！　〃And　now　I　fear　nightmares。　You　must　tell　me　…　what　is　our　destination？　What　is　our　fate？〃
　
　
　
　
　3
　
　〃Antioch；〃　said　Jacob；　〃Antioch　on　the　Orontes。　Greek　friends　of　your　Father　await　you。　And　they　are　friends　with　Germanicus。　Perhaps　in　time　。。。　but　they　will　be　loyal　to　you。　You　are　to　be　married　to　a　Greek　of　breeding　and　means。〃
　Married！　To　a　Greek；　a　provincial　Greek？　A　Greek　in　Asia！　I　stifled　my　laughter　and　my　tears。　That　was　not　going　to　happen　to　me。　Poor　man！　If　he　really　was　a　provincial　Greek；　he　was　going　to　have　to　experience　the　conquest　of　Rome　all　over　again。
　We　sailed　on；　from　port　to　port。　I　mulled　all　this　over。
　It　was　nauseating　trivia　like　this　which　of　course　protected　me　from　my　full　and　inevitable　grief　and　shock　over　what　happened。　Worry　about　whether　your　dress　is　properly　girdled。　Don't　see　your　Father　lying　dead　with　his　own　dagger　in　his　chest。
　As　for　Antioch；　I　had　been　far　too　embroiled　in　the　life　of　Rome　to　know　or　hear　much　about　this　city。　If　Tiberius　had　stationed　his　〃heir；〃　Germanicus；　there　to　get　him　away　from　Roman　popularity；　then　I　thought：　Antioch　must　be　the　end　of　the　civilized　world。
　Why　in　the　name　of　the　gods　had　I　not　run　away　in　Alexandria；　I　thought？　Alexandria　was　the　greatest　city　in　the　Empire；　next　to　Rome。　It　was　a　young　city；　built　by　Alexander；　for　whom　it　was　named；　but　it　was　a　marvelous　port。　No　one　would　ever　dare　raze　the　Temple　of　Isis　in　Alexandria。　Isis　was　an　Egyptian　goddess；　wife　of　the　powerful　Osiris。
　But　what　had　that　to　do　with　things？　I　must　have　been　plotting　in　the　back　of　my　mind　already；　but　I　didn't　allow　any　conscious　plot　to　surface　and　blemish　my　highborn　Roman　moral　character。
　I　quietly　thanked　my　Hebrew　guardians　for　this　intelligence；　for　keeping　it　even　from　the　young　Roman　Marcellus；　the　other　man　they　had　rescued　from　the　Emperor's　assassins；　and　I　asked　for　frank　answers　to　my　questions　regarding　my　brothers。
　〃All　taken　by　surprise；〃　said　Jacob。　〃The　Delatores；　those　spies　of　the　Praetorian　Guard；　are　so　swift。　And　your　Father　had　so　many　sons。　It　was　your　eldest　brother's　slaves　who　jumped　the　wall　at　their　Master's　mand　and　ran　to　warn　your　Father。〃
　Antony。　I　hope　you　shed　their　blood。　I　know　you　fought　with　your　last　breath。　And　my　niece；　my　little　niece　Flora；　had　she　run　screaming　from　them；　or　did　they　do　it　with　mercy'？　The　Praetorian　Guard　doing　anything　with　mercy！　Stupid　to　even　think　so。
　I　didn't　say　anything　aloud。　Just　sighed。
　After　all；　when　they　looked　at　me；　these　two　Jewish　merchants　beheld　the　body　and　face　of　a　woman；　naturally　my　protectors　should　think　a　woman　was　inside　of　me。　The　disparity　between　outward　appearances　and　inner　disposition　had　disturbed　me　all　my　life。　Why　disturb　Jacob　and　David？　On　to　Antioch。
　But　I　had　no　intention　of　living　in　any　oldfashioned　Greek　family；　if　such　still　existed　in　the　Greek　city　of　Antioch；　a　family　in　which　women　lived　apart　from　the　men；　and　wove　wool　all　day；　never　going　out；　having　no　part　in　the　life　of　the　world　whatsoever。
　I'd　been　taught　all　the　virtuous　female　arts　by　my　nurses　and　I　could　indeed　do　anything　with　yarn　or　thread　or　loom　that　any　other　woman　could　do；　but　I　knew　well　what　the　〃Old　Greek　Ways〃　had　been；　and　I　remembered　vaguely　my　Father's　Mother；　who　had　died　when　I　was　very　young　…　a　virtuous　Roman　matron　who　was　always　making　wool。　So　they　had　said　of　her　in　her　Epitaph；　and　in　fact；　they　had　said　in　my　Mother's　Epitaph：　〃She　kept　the　House。　She　made　wool。〃
　And　so　they　had　said　of　my　Mother！　The　very　same　tiresome　words。
　Well；　no　one　was　going　to　say　that　on　mine。　（How　humorous　to　reflect　on　the　fact　now；　thousands　of　years　later；　that　I　have　no　Epitaph！）
　What　I　failed　to　realize　in　my　overall　dejection　was　that　the　Roman　world　was　enormous；　and　the　Eastern　portion　of　it　differed　dramatically　from　the　Northern　barbarian　lands；　where　my　brothers　had　fought。
　The　entire　of　Asia　Minor；　towards　which　we　sailed；　had　been　conquered　by　Alexander　of　Macedon　hundreds　of　years　before。　As　you　know；　Alexander　had　been　the　pupil　of　Aristotle。　Alexander　had　wanted　to　spread　Greek　culture　everywhere。　And　in　Asia　Minor　Greek　ideas　and　styles　found　not　mere　country　towns　or　farmers；　but　ancient　cultures；　like　the　Empire　of　Syria；　willing　to　receive　the　new　ideas；　the　grace　and　beauty　of　the　Greek　enlightenment；　and　willing　to　bring　in　tune　with　it　their　own　centuries…old　literature；　religion；　styles　of　life　and　dress。
　Antioch　had　been　built　by　a　general　of　Alexander　the　Great　who　sought　to　rival　the　beauty　of　other　Hellenistic　cities；　with　splendid　Temples；　administrative　buildings　and　libraries　of　books　in　the　Greek　language；　its　schools　where　Greek　philosophy　was　taught。　A　Hellenistic　government　was　established　…　quite　enlightened　pared　to　ancient　Eastern　despotism；　and　yet　there　lay　beneath　all　this　the　knowledge　and　customs　and　possibly　the　wisdom　of　the　mysterious　East。
　The　Romans　had　conquered　Antioch　early　on　because　it　was　a　huge　trade　center。　It　was　unique　in　this　way；　as　Jacob　showed　to　me；　drawing　a　crude　map　with　his　wet　finger　on　the　wooden　table。　Antioch　was　a　port　of　the　great　Mediterranean　because　she　was　only　twenty　miles　up　the　Orontes　River。
　Yet　on　the　Eastern　side　she　was　open　to　the　desert：　all　the　old　caravan　routes　came　to　Antioch；　the　camel　merchants　who　brought　fantastic　wares　from　fabled　lands　…　lands　we　know　now　to　have　been　India　and　China　…　silk；　carpet　and　jewels　which　never　reached　the　markets　of　Rome。
　Countless　other　traders　came　and　went　to　Antioch。　Fine　roads　connected　it　in　the　East　with　the　Euphrates　River　and　the　Parthian　Empire　beyond；　and　to　the　South　you　could　go　to　Damascus　and　Judea；　and　to　the　North；　of　course；　lay　all　the　cities　made　by　Alexander；　which　had　flowered　under　Roman　rule。
　Roman　soldiers　loved　it　there。　It　was　an　easy　and　interesting　life。　And　Antioch　loved　the　Romans　because　the　Romans　protected　the　trade　routes；　and　the　caravans；　and　kept　peace　in　the　port。
　〃You　will　find　open　places；　arcades；　Temples；　all　that　you　seek　and　such　markets　you　would　not　believe。　There　are　Romans　everywhere。　I　hope　to　One　Most　High　that　you　are　not　recognized　by　someone　from　your　own　background！　That　is　one　danger　of　which　your　Father　had　no　time　to　plan。〃
　I　waved　it　away。
　〃Does　it　have　teachers　now；　and　markets　of　books？〃
　〃From　everywhere。　You　will　find　books　which　no　one　can　read。　And　Greek　is　spoken　by　everyone。　You　have　to　go　out　in　the　country　to　find　some　poor　farmer　who　does　not　understand　Greek。　Latin　has　now　bee　mon。
　〃The　philosophers　never　stop；　they　speak　of　Plato　and　Pythagoras；　names　that　don't　mean　much　to　me；　they　talk　about　Chaldean　magic　from　Babylon。　Of　course　there　are　Temples　to　every　imaginable　god。〃
　He　went　on；　reflecting　as　he　spoke：
　〃The　Hebrews？　I　think　personally　they　are　too　worldly　…　they　want　to　hang　around　in　short　tunics