annr.pandora-第12章

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　No；　this　was　madness。　I　couldn't　let　this　confusion　overe　me。　I　couldn't　deliberately　slip　from　reason　into　these　fantasies　or　recollections　supposing　they　had　a　true　root。
　They　had　to　be　nonsense；　twisted　images　of　grief　and　guilt；　guilt　that　I　had　not　rushed　to　the　hearth　and　driven　the　dagger　into　my　breast。
　I　tried　to　remember　the　calming　voice　of　my　Father；　explaining　once　how　the　blood　of　the　gladiators　satisfied　the　thirst　of　the　dead；　the　Manes；
　〃Now；　some　say　that　the　Dead　drink　blood；〃　spoke　my　Father　from　some　long　ago　dinner　talk。　〃That's　why　we　are　so　fearful　on　all　these　unlucky　days；　when　the　Dead　are　supposed　to　be　able　to　walk　the　Earth。　I　personally　think　this　is　nonsense。　We　should　revere　our　ancestors。。。〃
　〃Where　are　the　Dead；　Father？〃　my　brother　Lucius　asked。
　Who　had　piped　up　from　the　other　side　of　the　table；　to　quote　Lucretius　in　a　sad　little　female　voice　that　nevertheless　manded　silence　of　all　these　men'？　Lydia：
　
　Of　earth　return　to　earth；　but　any　part
　Sent　down　from　heaven；　must　ascend　again
　Recalled　to　the　high　temples　of　the　sky
　And　death　does　not　destroy　the　elements
　Of　matter；　only　breaks　the　binations。
　
　〃No；〃　my　Father　had　replied　to　me　quite　gently。　〃Rather　quote　Ovid：　'The　ghosts　ask　for　but　little；　they　value　piety　more　than　a　costly　gift。'　〃　He　drank　his　wine。　〃The　ghosts　are　in　the　Underworld　where　they　can't　harm　us。〃
　My　eldest　brother　Antony　had　said；　〃The　Dead　are　nowhere　and　are　nothing。〃
　My　Father　had　raised　his　cup。　〃To　Rome；〃　he　said；　and　it　was　he　this　time　who　had　quoted　Lucretius：　〃　'Too　many　times；　religion　mothers　crimes　and　wickedness。'　〃
　Shrugs　and　sighs　all　around。　The　Roman　attitude。　Even　the　Priests　and　Priestesses　of　Isis　would　have　joined　Lucretius　when　he　wrote：
　
　Our　terrors　and　our　darknesses　of　mind
　Mast　be　dispelled；　then；　not　by　sunshine's　rays；
　Not　by　those　shining　arrows　of　Light；
　But　by　insight　into　nature；　and　a　scheme
　Of　systematic　contemplation。
　
　Drunk？　Drugged？　Bull's　blood？　Systematic？　Well；　it　all　came　down　to　the　same　thing。　Know！　Twist　the　poetry　as　you　will。　And　the　phallus　of　Osiris　lives　forever　in　the　Nile；　and　the　water　of　the　Nile　inseminates　the　Mother　Egypt　eternally；　death　giving　birth　to　life　with　the　blessing　of　Mother　Isis。　Merely　a　particular　scheme　and　a　sort　of　systematic　form　of　contemplation。
　The　ship　sailed　on。
　I　languished　some　eight　more　days　in　this　torment；　often　lying　awake　in　the　dark；　and　sleeping　only　in　the　day　to　avoid　the　dreams。
　Suddenly；　in　the　early　morning；　Jacob　pounded　my　door。
　We　were　midway　up　the　Orontes　to　the　city。
　Twenty　miles　now　from　Antioch。　I　did　up　my　hair　as　best　I　could　（I'd　never　done　it　without　a　slave）　into　a　chignon　on　the　back　of　my　head；　then　covered　my　Roman　gowns　with　a　great　black　cloak　and　prepared　to　disembark　…　an　Eastern　woman；　her　face　draped；　protected　by　Hebrews。
　When　the　city　came　into　view　…　when　the　immense　harbor　greeted　us　and　then　embraced　us　with　all　its　masts　and　racket　and　odors　and　cries；　I　ran　to　the　deck　of　the　ship　and　looked　out　at　this　city。　It　was　splendid。
　〃You　see；〃　Jacob　said。
　Taken　from　the　ship　by　litter　I　found　myself　carried　rapidly　through　vast　waterfront　markets；　and　then　into　a　great　open　square；　crowded　with　people。　I　saw　everywhere　the　Temples；　porticoes；　booksellers；　even　the　high　walls　of　an　amphitheater　…　all　that　I　could　have　expected　in　Rome。　No；　this　was　no　town。
　The　young　men　were　crowded　about　the　barbershops　ready　to　have　their　obligatory　shave　and　the　inevitable　fancy　curls　on　their　foreheads；　which　Tiberius　with　his　own　hairstyle　had　made　fashionable。　There　were　wine　shops　all　over。　The　slave　markets　were　jammed。　I　glimpsed　the　entrances　to　the　streets　devoted　to　crafts　…　the　street　of　the　tentmakers；　the　street　of　the　silversmiths。
　And　there　in　all　its　glory；　in　the　very　center　of　Antioch；　stood　the　Temple　of　Isis！
　My　goddess；　Isis；　with　her　worshipers　ing　and　going；　undisturbed；　and　in　huge　numbers。　A　few　very　proper…looking　linen…clad　Priests　stood　at　the　doors！　The　Temple　was　aswarm。
　I　thought；　I　can　run　away　from　any　husband　in　this　place！
　Gradually　I　realized　a　great　motion　had　e　upon　the　Forum；　the　center　of　the　city。　I　heard　Jacob　ordering　the　men　to　hurry　out　of　the　broad　market　street　and　into　the　back　streets。　My　bearers　were　running。　The　curtains　were　brought　shut　by　Jacob's　hand　so　I　couldn't　see　out。
　News　was　being　shouted　out　in　Latin；　in　Greek；　in　Chaldean：　Murder；　Murder；　Poison；　Treachery。
　I　peeped　out　of　the　curtain。
　People　were　weeping　and　cursing　the　Roman　Gnaeus　Calpurnius　Piso；　cursing　him　and　his　wife；　Placina。　Why？　I　didn't　much　like　either　one　of　them；　but　what　was　all　this？
　Jacob　shouted　again　at　my　bearer　to　hurry。
　We　were　rushed　through　the　gates　and　into　the　vestibule　of　a　sizable　house　no　different　in　design　or　color　than　my　own　in　Rome；　only　much　smaller。　I　could　see　the　same　refinements；　the　distant　peristyle；　clusters　of　weeping　slaves。
　The　litter　was　promptly　set　down　and　I　stepped　out；　deeply　concerned　that　they　had　not　stopped　me　at　the　doors　to　wash　my　feet；　as　was　proper。　And　my　hair；　it　had　all　fallen　down　in　waves。
　But　no　one　noticed　me。　I　turned　round　and　round；　amazed　at　the　Oriental　curtains　and　tassels　that　hung　over　the　doorways；　the　caged　birds　everywhere　singing　in　their　little　prisons。　The　woven　carpets　lying　all　over　the　floor；　one　heaped　upon　another。
　Two　obvious　ladies　of　the　house　came　towards　me。
　〃What's　the　matter！〃　I　asked。
　They　were　as　fashionable　as　any　rich　woman　in　Rome；　drenched　in　bracelets　and　wearing　goldtrimmed　gowns。
　〃I　implore　you；〃　said　one　of　the　women；　〃for　your　own　sake；　go！　Get　back　into　the　litter！〃
　They　tried　to　push　me　inside　the　curtained　cell　of　the　litter。　I　wouldn't　go。　I　became　furious。
　〃I　don't　know　where　I　am；〃　I　said。　〃And　I　don't　know　who　you　are！　Now；　stop　pushing　me！〃
　The　Master　of　the　House；　or　someone　who　certainly　appeared　to　be　such；　came　dashing　towards　me；　with　tears　streaming　down　his　cheeks　and　his　short　tousled　gray　hair　a　mess　…　torn　as　if　in　mourning。　He'd　ripped　his　long　tunic。　He'd　smeared　dirt　on　his　face！　He　was　old　with　a　bent　back　and　a　massive　head；　loaded　with　skin　and　wrinkles。
　〃Your　Father　was　my　young　colleague；〃　he　said　to　me　in　Latin。　He　grabbed　me　by　the　arms。　〃I　dined　in　your　house　when　you　were　a　baby。　I　saw　you　when　you　crawled　on　all　fours。〃
　〃Tender；〃　I　said　quickly。
　〃Your　Father　and　I　studied　in　Athens；　slept　under　the　same　roof。〃
　The　women　stood　panic…stricken　with　their　hands　over　their　mouths。
　〃Your　Father　and　I　fought　with　Tiberius　on　his　first　campaign。　We　fought　those　lurid　barbarians。〃
　〃Very　brave；〃　I　said。
　My　black　outer　cloak　fell　down；　revealing　my　unkempt　wild　long　hair　and　plain　dress。　Nobody　cared。
　〃Germanicus　dined　in　this　house　because　your　Father　spoke　of　me！〃
　〃Oh　dear；　I　see；〃　I　said。
　One　of　the　women　motioned　for　me　to　get　in　the　litter。　Where　was　Jacob？　The　old　man　wouldn't　let　me　go。
　〃I　stood　with　your　Father　and　with　Augustus　when　news　came　to　us　of　the　massacre　of　our　troops　in　the　Teutoburg　Forest；　that　General　Varus　and　all　his　men　were　slain。　My　sons　fought　with　your　brothers　in　the　legions　of　Germanicus　when　he　punished　those　Northern　tribes！　Oh；　God！〃
　〃Yes；　very　marvelous；　indeed；〃　I　said　gravely。
　〃Get　back　in　the　litter　and　get　out；〃　said　one　of　the　women。
　The　old　man　clutched　me。
　〃We　fought　the　madman；　King　Arminius！〃　said　the　old　man。　〃We　could　have　won！　Your　brother　Antony　wasn't　for　giving　up　and　ing　back；　was　he？〃
　〃I。。。　no。。。〃
　〃Get　her　out　of　here！〃　screamed　a　young　patrician　man；　who　had　also　been　weeping。　He　came　forward　and　shoved　me　towards　the　litter。
　〃Stand　back；　you　imbecile！〃　I　said　to　him。　I　slapped　his　face。
　All　this　while；　Jacob　had　been　talking　to　the　slaves；　getting　the　scoop。
　Jacob　appeared　beside　me；　as　the　gray…haired　Greek　sobbed　and　kissed　my　cheeks。
　Jacob　took　over；　guiding　me　into　the　litter。
　；…　〃Germanicus　has　just　been　murdered；〃　Jacob　said　in　my　ear。　〃Everybody　loyal　to　him　is　convinced　that　the　Emperor　Tiberius　put　the　Roman　Governor　Piso　up　to　the　murder。　It　was　done　with　poison。　Word　is　spreading　through　the　city　like　fire；〃
　〃Tiberius；　you　idiot！〃　I　whispered；　rolling　my　eyes。　〃One　cowardly　step　after　another！〃
　I　sank　back　into　the　darkness。　The　litter　was　being　lifted。
　Jacob　went　right　on：　〃Gnaeus　Calpurnius　Piso　has　allies　here；　naturally。　Everybody's　fighting　everybody　else。　Settling　scores。　Mayhem。　This　Greek　family　traveled　with　Germanicus　to　Egypt。　There　are　riots　already。　We　go！〃
　〃Farewell；　friend；〃　I　cried　to　the　old　Greek；　as　I　was　carried　from　the　house。　But　I　don't　think　he　heard　me。　He　had　gone　down　on　his　knees。　He　cursed　Tiberius。　He　screamed　of　suicide　and　begged　for　the　dagger。
　We　were　outside　once　more；　hurrying　through　the　street。
　I　lay　askew　in　the　litter；　thinking　dully　in　the　darkness。　Germanicus　dead。　Poisoned　by　Tiberius！
　I　knew　that　this　recent　trip　of　Germanicus　to　Egypt　had　made　Tiberius　very　angry。　Egypt　was　like　no　other　Roman　province。　Rome　was　so　dependent　upon　it　for　grain　that　Senators　could　not　go　there。　But　Germanicus　had　gone；　〃just　to　see　the　ancient　relics；〃　his　friends　had　said　in　the　streets　of　Rome。
　〃A　mere　excuse！〃　I　thought　in　desperation。　〃Where　was　the　trial？　The　sentence？　Poison！〃
　My　bearers　were　running。　People　were　screaming　and　sobbing　around　us。　〃Germanicus；　Germanicus！　Give　us　back　our　beautiful　Germanicus！〃
　Antioch　had　gone　mad。
　At　last；　we　were　obviously　in　a　small　narrow　street　that　was　little　more　than　an　alleyway　…　you　know　the　kind；　for　a　grid　of　them　was　uncovered　in　the　ruins　of　Pompeii　in　Italy。　You　could　smell　the　male　urine　collected　in　the　jugs　on　the　corner。　You　could　smell　food　cooking　from　high　chimneys。　My　bearers　were　running　and　stumbling　over　rough　cobblestones。
　Once　we　were　all　thrown　to　the　side　as　a　chariot　came　crashing　through　the　narrow　place；　its　wheels　no　doubt　finding　the　ruts　in　the　stone　intended　for　it。　My　head　had　hit　the　wall。　I　was　furious　and　frightened。　But　Jacob　said；　〃Lydia；　we　are　with　you。〃
　I　covered　up　all　over　with　the　cloak；　so　that　only　one　eye　allowed　me　to　see　the　seams　of　light　between　the　curtains　on　either　side　of　me。　I　had　my　hand　on　my　dagger。
　The　litter　was　set　down。　It　was　a　cool　indoor　place。　I　heard　Jacob's　father；　David；　arguing。　I　knew　no　Hebrew　And　I　wasn't　even　sure　that　he　was　speaking　in　Hebrew。　Finally；　Jacob　took　over　in　Greek；　and　I　realized　that　they　were　purchasing　outright　a　proper　house　for　me　which　came　with　all　fine　appointments；　including　much　fine　furniture；　left　recently　by　a　rich　widow　who　had　lived　there　alone；　but　alas；　the　slaves　had　been　sold　off；　No　slaves。　This　was　a　quick　cash　deal。
　Finally；　I　heard　Jacob　say　in　Greek：
　〃You　damn　well　better　be　telling　me　the　truth。〃
　As　the　litter　was　lifted　I　beckoned　to　him。　〃I　owe　you　my　life　twice　over　now。　That　Greek　family　who　was　to　shelter　me？　They　are　truly　in　danger？〃
　〃Of　course；〃　he　said。　〃When　a　riot　starts；　who　cares？　They　went　with　Germanicus　to　Egypt！　Piso's　men　know　that！　Anybody　with　the　slightest　excuse　will　attack；　murder　and　plunder　someone　else。　Look；　fire。