annr.pandora-第20章

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m　Lucretius？　Or　was　it　from　experience？　You　realize　that　we　must　not　ever　encourage　people　to　abandon　themselves　to　the　senses！〃
　〃Have　I　said　anything　about　abandon？〃　I　asked。　〃To　yield　is　not　to　abandon。　It　is　to　honor。　I　speak　of　a　prudent　life；　I　speak　of　listening　to　the　wisdom　of　our　bodies。　I　speak　of　the　ultimate　intelligence　of　kindness；　and　enjoyment。　And　if　you　will　know；　Lucretius　didn't　teach　me　as　much　as　one　might　think。　He　was　always　too　dry　for　me；　you　know。　I　learned　to　embrace　the　glory　of　life　from　poets　like　Ovid。〃
　The　crowd　of　boys　cheered。
　〃I　learnt　from　Ovid；〃　came　shout　after　shout。
　〃Well；　that's　fine；　but　remember　your　manners　as　well　as　your　lessons；〃　I　said　firmly。
　More　cheering。　Then　the　young　men　began　tossing　out　verses　from　Ovid's　Metamorphoses。
　〃That's　splendid；〃　I　declared。　〃How　many　here？　Fifteen。　Why　don't　you　e　to　my　house　for　a　supper　Y'　I　asked。　〃Five　nights　from　now；　all　of　you。　I　need　the　time　to　prepare。　I　have　many　books　I　want　to　show　you。　I　promise　you；　I　will　show　you　what　a　delicious　feast　can　do　for　the　soul！〃
　My　invitation　was　accepted　with　amusement　and　laughter。　I　disclosed　the　location　of　my　house。
　〃I　am　a　widow。　My　name　is　Pandora。　I　invite　you　with　all　propriety；　and　the　feast　awaits　you。　Don't　expect　dancing　boys　and　girls；　for　you　will　not　find　them　under　my　roof。　Expect　delicious　food。　Expect　poetry。　Which　of　you　can　sing　the　verses　of　Homer'？　Truly　sing　them？　Which　of　you　sings　them　now　from　memory　for　pleasure！〃
　Laughter；　conviviality。　Victory。　It　seemed　everybody　could　do　this；　and　weled　the　opportunity。　Someone　made　a　soft　mention　of　another　Roman　woman　who　would　be　most　jealous　when　she　discovered　she　had　petition　in　Antioch。
　〃Nonsense；〃　said　another；　〃her　table　is　overcrowded。　Lady；　may　I　kiss　your　hand？〃
　〃You　must　tell　me　who　she　is；〃　I　said。　〃I'll　wele　her。　I　want　to　know　her；　and　what　I　can　learn　from　her。〃
　The　Teacher　was　smiling。　I　slipped　him　some　money。
　It　was　getting　dusk。　I　sighed。　Look。　The　rising　stars　of　the　tinted　evening　that　precedes　blackness。
　I　received　the　boys'　chaste　kisses　and　confirmed　our　feast。
　But　something　had　changed。　It　was　as　quick　as　the　opening　of　one's　eyes。　Ah；　painted　eyes；　no。
　Perhaps　it　was　only　the　awful　pall　of　twilight。
　I　felt　a　shudder。　It　is　I　who　summoned　you。　Who　spoke　those　words？　Beware；　for　you　would　be　stolen　from　me　now　and　I　will　not　have　it。
　I　was　dumbstruck。　I　held　the　teacher's　hand　warmly。　He　talked　about　moderation　in　living。　〃Look　at　my　plain　tunic；〃　he　said。　〃These　boys　have　so　much　money；　they　can　destroy　themselves。〃
　The　boys　protested。
　But　this　was　dim　to　me。　I　tried　to　listen。　My　eyes　roved。　Whence　came　that　voice！　Who　spoke　those　words！　Who　summoned　me　and　who　would　attempt　the　theft？
　Then　to　my　silent　astonishment　I　saw　a　man；　his　head　covered　by　his　toga；　watching　me。　I　knew　him　immediately；　by　his　forehead　and　his　eyes。　I　recognized　his　walk　now　as　he　moved　steadily　away。
　This　was　my　brother；　the　youngest；　Lucius；　the　one　I　despised。　It　had　to　be　him。　And　behold　the　sly　manner　in　which　he　fled　from　notice　into　the　shadows。
　I　knew　the　whole　person。　Lucius。　He　waited　at　the　end　of　the　long　portico。
　I　couldn't　move；　and　it　was　getting　dark。　All　the　merchants　who　are　open　only　in　the　day　were　gone。　The　taverns　were　putting　out　their　lanterns　or　torches。　One　bookseller　remained　open；　with　great　displays　of　books　under　the　lamps　above。
　Lucius　…　my　much　detested　youngest　brother　…　not　ing　to　wele　me　with　tears　but　gliding　in　the　shadows　of　the　portico。　Why'？
　I　feared　I　knew。
　Meantime；　the　boys　were　begging　me　to　go　to　the　nearby　wine　garden　with　them；　a　lovely　place。　They　were　fighting　over　who　would　pay　for　my　supper　there。
　Think；　Pandora。　This　sweet　little　invitation　is　some　keen　test　of　the　degree　of　my　daring　and　freedom。　And　I　should　not　go　to　a　mon　tavern　with　the　boys！　But　within　moments　I　would　be　alone。
　The　Forum　grew　quiet。　The　fires　blazed　before　the　Temples。　But　there　were　great　spaces　of　darkness。　The　man　in　the　toga　waited。
　〃No；　I　must　be　off　now；〃　I　said。　Desperately　I　thought；　what　I　shall　I　do　for　a　torchbearer？　Dare　I　ask　these　youths　to　see　me　home'？　I　could　see　their　slaves　waiting　about；　some　already　lighting　their　torches　or　lanterns。
　Singing　came　from　the　Temple　of　Isis。
　It　was　I　who　summoned　you。　Beware。。。　for　me　and　my　purpose！
　〃This　is　madness；〃　I　muttered；　waving　goodnight　to　those　who　left　in　pairs　or　trios。　I　forced　smiles　and　kind　words。
　I　glared　at　the　distant　figure　of　Lucius；　who　now　slouched　at　the　end　of　the　portico　in　front　of　doors　closed　for　the　night。　His　very　posture　was　furtive　and　cowardly。
　Quite　suddenly；　I　felt　a　hand　on　my　shoulder。　I　brushed　it　off　immediately；　wishing　to　lay　down　limits　to　such　familiarity；　and　then　I　realized　a　man　was　whispering　in　my　ear：
　〃The　Priest　at　the　Temple　begs　for　you　to　e　back；　Madam。　He　needs　to　talk　with　you。　He　did　not　mean　for　you　to　leave　without　talking。〃
　I　turned　to　see　a　Priest　there　beside　me；　in　full　Egyptian　headdress　and　impeccable　white　linen　and　wearing　a　medallion　of　the　goddess　around　his　neck。
　Oh；　thank　Heaven。
　But　before　I　could　recover　myself　or　answer；　another　man　had　stepped　up　boldly；　heaving　forward　his　ivory　leg　and　foot。　Two　torchbearers　acpanied　him。　We　were　embraced　by　a　warm　light。
　〃Does　my　Mistress　wish　to　talk　to　this　Priest？〃　he　asked。
　It　was　Flavius。　He　had　followed　my　mands。　He　was　wonderfully　dressed　as　a　Roman　gentleman　in　the　long　tunic　and　a　loose　cloak。　As　a　slave；　he　couldn't　wear　a　toga。　His　hair　was　neat　and　trimmed　and　looked　as　impressive　as　any　free　man's。　He　was　shining　dean　and　appeared　pletely　confident。
　Marcellus；　the　Philosopher…Teacher；　lingered。　〃Lady　Pandora；　you　are　most　gracious；　and　let　me　assure　you　that　the　tavern　these　boys　frequent　may　give　rise　to　another　Aristotle　or　Plato　but　it　is　not　a　fit　place　for　you。〃
　〃I　know　that；〃　I　said。　〃Don't　worry。〃
　The　Teacher　looked　warily　at　the　Priest　and　at　the　handsome　Flavius。　I　slipped　my　arm　about　Flavius's　waist。　〃This　is　my　steward；　who　will　wele　you　the　night　you　e　to　me。　Thank　you　for　letting　me　disrupt　your　teaching。　You're　a　kind　man。〃
　The　Teacher's　face　stiffened。　Then　he　leaned　doser。　〃There's　a　man　under　the　portico；　don't　look　at　him　now；　but　you　need　more　slaves　to　protect　you。　This　city　is　divided；　dangerous。〃
　〃Yes；　so　you　see　him　too；〃　I　said。　〃And　his　glorious　toga；　the　mark　of　his　genteel　birth！〃
　〃It's　getting　dark；〃　Flavius　said。　〃I'll　hire　more　torchbearers　now　and　a　litter。　Right　over　there。〃
　He　thanked　the　Teacher；　who　reluctantly　slipped　away。
　The　Priest。　He　was　still　waiting。　Flavius　gestured　for　two　more　torchbearers　and　they　came　trotting　to　join　us。　We　now　had　a　plenitude　of　light。
　I　turned　to　the　Priest。　〃I　will　e　to　the　Temple　directly；　but　I　must　first　talk　with　that　man　over　there！　The　man　in　the　shadows？〃　I　pointed　quite　visibly。　I　stood　in　a　flood　of　light。　I　might　as　well　have　been　on　a　stage。
　I　saw　the　distant　figure　cringe　and　try　to　fade　into　the　wall。
　〃Why？〃　Flavius　asked　with　about　as　much　humility　as　a　Roman　Senator。　〃Something　is　very　wrong　about　that　man。　He's　hovering。　The　Teacher　was　right。〃
　〃I　know；〃　I　answered。　I　heard　the　dim；　echoing　laughter　of　a　woman！　Yea　gods；　I　had　to　stay　sane　long　enough　to　get　home！　I　looked　at　Flavius。　He　had　not　heard　the　laughter。
　There　was　one　sure　way　to　do　this。　〃You　torchbearers；　all　of　you；　e　with　me；〃　I　said　to　the　four　of　them。　〃Flavius；　you　stand　here　with　the　Priest　and　watch　as　I　greet　this　man。　I　know　him。　e　only　if　I　call。〃
　〃Oh；　I　don't　like　it；〃　said　Flavius。
　〃Neither　do　I；〃　said　the　Priest。　〃They　want　you　in　the　Temple；　Madam；　and　we　have　many　guards　to　escort　you　home。〃
　〃I　won't　disappoint　you；〃　I　said；　but　I　walked　straight　towards　the　toga…clad　figure；　crossing　yard　after　yard　of　paved　squares；　the　torches　flaring　around　me。
　The　toga…clad　man　gave　a　violent　start；　with　his　whole　body；　and　then　he　took　a　few　steps　away　from　the　wall。
　I　stopped；　still　out　in　the　square。
　He　had　to　e　closer。　I　wasn't　going　to　move。　The　four　torches　gasped　and　blew　in　the　breeze。　Anybody　anywhere　near　could　see　us。　We　were　the　brightest　thing　in　the　Forum。
　The　man　approached。　He　walked　slow；　then　fast。　The　light　struck　his　face。　He　was　consumed　with　rage。
　〃Lucius；〃　I　whispered。　〃I　see　you；　but　I　can't　believe　what　I　see。〃
　〃Nor　can　I；〃　he　said。　〃What　the　hell　are　you　doing　here？〃　he　said　to　me。
　〃What？〃　I　was　too　baffled　to　answer。
　〃Our　family　is　in　disgrace　in　Rome　and　you're　making　a　spectacle　of　yourself　in　the　middle　of　Antioch！　Look　at　you！　Painted　and　perfumed　and　your　hair　full　of　ointment！　You　are　a　whore。〃
　〃Lucius！〃　I　cried。　〃What　in　the　name　of　the　gods　are　you　thinking'？　Our　Father　is　dead！　Your　own　brothers　may　be　dead。　How　did　you　escape？　Why　aren't　you　glad　to　see　me？　Why　don't　you　take　me　to　your　house？〃
　〃Glad　to　see　you！〃　he　hissed。　〃We　are　in　hiding　here；　you　bitch！〃
　〃How　many　of　you？　Who'？　What　about　Antony？　What　happened　to　Flora？〃
　He　sneered　with　exasperation。
　〃They　are　murdered；　Lydia；　and　if　you　do　not　get　yourself　to　some　safe　corner　where　no　roaming　citizen　of　Rome　can　find　you；　you　are　dead　too。　Oh；　that　you　would　turn　up　here；　spouting　philosophy！　Everybody　in　the　taverns　was　talking　about　you！　And　that　slave　with　the　leg　made　of　ivory！　I　saw　you　at　noon；　you　wretched　and　infernal　nuisance。　Damn　you；　Lydia！〃
　This　was　pure　unadulterated　hate。
　Again；　came　that　distinct　echoing　laughter。　Of　course　he　did　not　hear　it。　Only　I　could　hear　it。
　〃Your　wife；　where　is　she。　I　want　to　see　her！　You　will　take　me　in！〃
　〃I　will　not。〃
　〃Lucius；　I　am　your　sister。　I　want　to　see　your　wife。　You're　right。　I've　been　foolish。　I　didn't　think　things　through　very　well。　There　are　so　many　miles　of　sea　between　here　and　Rome。　It　never　occurred　to　me　…〃
　〃That's　just　it；　Lydia；　you　never　really　think　of　anything　sensible　or　practical。　You　never　did。　You're　an　unpromising　dreamer；　and　stupid　on　top　of　it。〃
　〃Lucius；　what　can　I　do？〃
　He　turned　from　right　to　left；　sizing　up　the　torchbearers。
　He　narrowed　his　eyes。　I　could　feel　his　hatred。　Oh；　Father；　do　not　see　this　from　Heaven　or　the　Underworld。　My　brother　wants　me　dead！
　〃Yes；〃　I　said；　〃four　torchbearers　and　we　are　in　the　middle　of　the　Forum。　And　don't　forget　about　the　man　with　the　ivory　leg　over　there　and　the　Priest；〃　I　said　softly。　〃And　do　regard　the　soldiers　outside　the　Emperor's　Temple。　Take　note。　How　goes　it　with　your　wife？　I　must　see　her。　I'll　e　in　secret。　She'll　be　happy　that　I　am　alive；　surely；　for　I　love　her　like　a　sister。　I　will　never　connect　myself　with　you　in　public。　I've　made　a　grievous　error。〃
　〃Oh；　knock　it　off；〃　he　said。　〃Sisters！　She's　dead！〃　He　looked　from　right　to　left　again。　〃They　were　all　massacred。　Don't　you　understand？　Get　away　from　me。〃　He　took　a　few　steps　back　but　I　moved　forward；　drawing　the　light　around　him　again。
　〃But　who　is　with　you；　then？　Who　escaped　with　you？　Who　else　is　alive？〃
　〃Priscilla；〃　he　said；　〃and　we　were　damned　lucky　to　get　away　when　we　did。〃
　〃What？　Your　mistress？　You　came　here　with　your　mistress？　The　children；　they　are　all　dead？〃
　〃Yes；　of　course；　they　must　be。　How　cou