annr.pandora-第26章

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　〃Try　to　persuade　her　to　prepare；〃　said　Marius。
　He　looked　at　me。
　A　long　silence　fell　between　us。　I　knew　he　read　my　thoughts。　Then　a　shudder　of　the　blood　dreams　passed　over　me。　I　saw　his　eyes　brighten。　Something　quickened　in　his　expression。　I　shook　off　the　dream；　filled　with　terror。　I　am　no　hostess　to　terror。
　〃It's　all　interwound；〃　I　murmured；　〃the　dreams；　the　Temple；　you　being　there；　their　calling　on　you　for　help。　What　are　you；　some　white　god　put　on　Earth　to　hunt　the　dark　blood　drinkers'？　Does　the　Queen　live？〃
　〃Oh；　I　wish　I　were　such　a　god。〃　he　said。　〃I　would　be　if　I　could　be！　That　no　more　blood　drinkers　will　ever　be　made；　of　that　I　am　certain。　Let　them　lay　flowers　on　an　altar　before　a　statue　of　basalt！〃
　I　felt　such　love　for　him　and　rushed　to　him　suddenly。　〃Take　me　with　you　now；　wherever　you　are　going。
　〃I　can't！〃　he　said。　He　blinked　as　though　something　hurt　his　eyes。　He　couldn't　fully　lift　his　head。
　〃It's　the　ing　light；　isn't　it？　You　are　one　of　them。〃
　〃Pandora；　when　I　e　to　you；　be　ready　to　leave　this　place！〃　he　said。
　And　he　vanished。
　Like　that；　he　vanished。　Like　that；　he　was　gone　from　my　arms　and　from　my　living　room　and　from　my　house。
　I　turned　away　and　walked　slowly　about　the　shadowy　living　room。　I　looked　at　the　murals　on　the　　walls；　the　happy　dancing　figures　with　their　laurels　and　their　crowns　of　leaves　…　Bacchus　and　his　nymphs；　so　modestly　covered　for　such　a　riotous　crew！
　Flavius　spoke。　〃Madam；　a　sword　which　I　found　among　your　possessions；　may　I　have　it　in　readiness？〃
　〃Yes；　and　daggers　galore；　and　fire；　do　not　forget　fire。　It　will　run　from　fire。〃　I　sighed。　How　did　I　know　this？　I　did。　So　much　for　it。
　　〃But　Flavius。〃　I　turned　around。　〃It　won't　e　until　dark。　There　is　only　a　small　margin　of　the　night　left。　We　can　both　sleep　as　soon　as　we　see　the　sky　turn　purple。〃
　I　lifted　my　hand　to　my　forehead。　
　〃I　am　trying　to　remember。。。〃
　〃What；　Madam？〃　Flavius　said。　He　looked　no　less　splendid　after　the　spectacle　of　Marius；　simply　a　man　of　different　proportion　but　equally　fine；　and　with　warm　human　skin。　〃Whether　the　dreams　ever　came　by　day。　Was　it　always　night　Oh；　I　am　sleepy　and　they　summon　me。　Flavius；　put　a　light　in　my　bath。　But　I'm　going　to　bed。　I　am　drowsy。　Can　you　watch'？〃
　〃Yes；　Madam。〃
　〃Look；　the　stars　have　all　but　faded。　What　is　it　like　to　be　one　of　them；　Flavius；　to　be　admired　only　in　the　darkness；　when　men　and　women　live　with　candles　and　lamps。　To　be　known　and　described；　only　in　the　heaviness　of　night；　when　all　the　business　of　day　has　ended！〃
　〃You　are　truly　the　most　resourceful　woman　I've　ever　known；〃　he　said。　〃How　you　brought　justice　to　the　man　who　accused　you。〃　He　took　my　arm；　and　we　moved　towards　the　bedchamber　where　I　had　dressed　that　morning。　I　loved　him。　An　entire　lifetime　of　crises　could　not　have　made　it　stronger。
　〃You　will　not　sleep　in　the　great　bed　of　the　house；　in　the　dining　room？〃
　〃No；〃　I　said。　〃That　is　for　the　display　of　marriage；　and　I　will　never　know　marriage　again。　I　want　to　bathe；　but　I'm　so　sleepy。〃
　〃I　can　wake　the　girls。〃
　〃No；　to　the　bed。　You　have　a　chamber　proper？〃
　〃Yes；〃　he　led　the　way。　It　was　still　quite　dark。　I　thought　I　heard　a　rustling　noise。　Realized　it　was　nothing。
　And　there　lay　the　bed　with　its　small　lamp；　and　on　the　bed　so　many　pillows　in　the　Oriental　style；　a　soft　soft　nest　into　which　I　fell；　like　a　Persian。
　At　once；　the　dream：
　We　blood　drinkers　stood　in　a　vast　Temple。　It　was　meant　to　be　dark。　We　could　see　this　dark；　as　certain　animals　must　see　in　the　dark。　We　were　all　bronze…skinned；　or　tanned；　or　golden。　We　were　all　men。
　On　the　floor　lay　the　Queen　screaming。　Her　skin　was　white。　Pure　white。　Her　long　hair　was　black。　Her　crown　bore　the　horns　and　the　sun！　The　crown　of　Isis。　She　was　the　goddess！　It　took　five　blood　drinkers　on　either　side　to　hold　her　down。　She　thrashed　her　head　from　side　to　side；　her　eyes　seeming　to　crackle　with　Divine　Light。
　〃I　am　your　Queen！　You　cannot　do　this　to　me！〃　How　purely　white　she　was；　and　her　screams　grew　ever　more　desperate　and　imploring。　〃Great　Osiris；　save　me　from　this！　Save　me　from　these　blasphemers！　Save　me　from　the　profane！〃
　The　Priest　beside　me　sneered　at　her。
　The　King　sat　motionless　on　the　throne。　But　it　was　not　to　this　King　that　she　prayed。　She　prayed　to　an　Osiris　beyond。
　〃Hold　her　more　tightly。〃
　Two　more　came　to　secure　her　ankles。
　〃Drink！〃　said　the　Priest　to　me。　〃Kneel　down　and　drink　from　her　blood。　Her　blood　is　more　powerful　than　any　blood　that　exists　in　the　world。　Drink。〃
　She　cried　softly。
　〃Monsters；　demon　children！〃　she　sobbed。
　〃I　won't　do　it；〃　I　said。
　〃Do　it！　You　must　have　her　blood！〃
　〃No；　not　against　her　will。　Not　like　this！　She's　our　Mother　Isis！〃
　〃She　is　our　Fount　and　our　prisoner。〃
　〃No；〃　I　said。
　The　Priest　shoved　me　forward。　I　knocked　him　down　to　the　floor。　I　looked　at　her。
　She　looked　at　me　as　indiscriminately　as　she　looked　at　the　others。　Her　face　was　delicate　and　exquisitely　painted。　Her　rage　did　not　distort　her　features。　Her　voice　was　low　and　full　of　hatred。
　〃I　will　destroy　you　all；〃　she　said。　〃Some　morning；　I　will　escape　and　walk　into　the　sun's　light　and　all　of　you　will　burn！　All　of　you　will　burn！　As　I　burn！　Because　I　am　the　Fount！　And　the　evil　in　me　will　be　burnt　and　extinguished　in　all　of　you　forever。　e；　you　miserable　fledgling；〃　she　said　to　me。　〃Do　as　they　say。　Drink；　and　wait　my　vengeance。
　〃The　god　Amon　Ra　will　rise　in　the　East　and　I　will　walk　towards　him；　and　his　deadly　rays　will　kill　me。　I　shall　be　a　sacrifice　of　fire　to　destroy　every　one　of　you　who　has　been　born　of　me；　transformed　by　my　blood！　You　greedy　wanton　gods　who　would　use　the　power　we　possess　for　gain！〃
　Then　a　hideous　transformation　befell　the　entire　dream。　She　rose　to　her　feet。　She　was　pristine　and　freshly　adorned。　Torches　burst　into　flame　around　her；　one　and　two　and　three　and　then　many　and　more；　flaring　as　if　they'd　just　been　ignited；　till　she　was　surrounded　by　flame。　The　gods　were　gone。　She　smiled　and　beckoned　to　me。　She　lowered　her　head；　the　white　beneath　her　eyes　shone　as　she　looked　up　at　me。　She　smiled。　She　was　cunning。
　I　woke　up　screaming。
　I　was　in　my　bed。　Antioch。　The　lamp　burned。　Flavius　held　me。　I　saw　the　light　shine　on　his　ivory　leg　as　it　was　stretched　out。　I　saw　the　light　shine　on　the　carved　toes。
　〃Hold　onto　me；　hold　me！〃　I　said。　〃Mother　Isis！　Hold　me。
　〃How　long　have　I　been　asleep？〃
　〃Only　moments；〃　he　said。
　〃No。〃
　〃The　sun　has　just　risen。　Do　you　want　to　go　out；　lie　in　the　warm　sun　perhaps？〃
　〃No！〃　I　screamed。
　He　tightened　his　warm；　desperate　forting　grip。　〃It　was　only　a　bad　dream；　my　beautiful　lady；〃　he　said。　〃Close　your　eyes。　I'll　sleep　by　your　side；　with　my　dagger　here。〃
　〃Oh；　yes；　please；　please；　Flavius。　Don't　let　me　go。　Hold　me；〃　I　cried。
　。I　lay　down　and　he　snuggled　next　to　me；　his　knees　behind　mine；　his　arm　over　me。
　My　eyes　opened。　I　heard　Marius's　voice　again；
　〃Thank　the　gods　that　I　don't　want　you！　Not　enough　to　betray　love　for　brief　and　bloody　ecstasy。〃
　〃Oh；　Flavius；〃　I　said。　〃My　skin！　Is　my　skin　burning！〃　I　started　to　rise。　〃Put　out　the　light。　Put　out　the　sun！〃
　〃No；　Madam；　your　skin　is　as　beautiful　as　it　always　was。　Lie　down。　Let　me　sing　to　you。〃
　〃Yes；　sing。。。〃　I　said。
　I　followed　his　song；　it　was　Homer；　it　was　Achilles　and　Hector；　and　I　loved　the　way　he　sang　it；　the　pauses　he　made；　I　pictured　those　heroes；　and　the　high　walls　of　doomed　Troy；　and　my　eyes　grew　heavy。　I　drifted。　I　rested。
　He　placed　his　hand　over　my　head；　as　if　to　keep　the　dreams　out；　as　if　to　be　a　human　dream　catcher。　And　I　sighed　as　he　smoothed　my　hair。
　I　pictured　Marius；　the　sheen　of　his　skin。　It　had　been　so　like　that　of　the　Queen；　and　the　dazzle　of　his　eyes；　so　truly　like　that　of　the　Queen；　and　I　heard　him　say；　〃Damn　it；　Pandora；　do　you　think　I　wanted　my　life　foreshortened　and　my　destiny　extended　forever！〃
　And　there　followed；　before　unconsciousness；　the　utter　despair；　the　sense　of　worthlessness　of　all　striving。　Better　that　we　be　no　more　than　beasts；　like　the　lions　in　the　arena。
　
　
　8
　
　I　awoke。　I　could　hear　the　birds。　I　wasn't　sure。　I　calculated　that　it　was　still　morning；　midmorning。
　I　walked　barefoot　into　the　next　room；　and　through　it　into　the　peristyle。　I　walked　on　the　tiled　edge　of　the　Earth　and　looked　up　at　the　blue　sky。　The　sun　had　not　yet　risen　high　enough　to　be　seen　directly　above。
　I　unbolted　the　door　and　went　barefoot　to　the　gate。　To　the　first　man　I　saw；　a　man　of　the　desert；　wearing　a　long　head　veil；　I　said：
　〃What　rime　is　it？　Noon'？〃
　〃Oh；　no；　Madam；〃　he　said。　〃Not　by　half。　Have　you　overslept？　How　lucky　for　you。〃　He　nodded　and　went　on。
　A　lamp　burned　in　the　living　room。　I　walked　into　the　living　room　and　saw　that　the　lamp　stood　on　the　desk　which　my　servants　had　prepared　for　me。
　The　ink　was　there　and　so　were　the　pens；　and　so　were　sheets　of　clean　parchment。
　I　sat　down　and　I　wrote　down　everything　that　I　could　remember　of　the　dreams；　my　eyes　straining　to　see　by　the　miserable　little　lamp　in　the　shadows；　too　far　from　the　light　that　filled　the　fresh　green　garden　of　the　peristyle。
　My　arm　hurt　finally　from　the　speed　with　which　I　scratched　at　the　parchment。　In　detail　I　described　the　last　dream；　the　torches；　the　Queen's　smile；　her　beckoning　to　me。　It　was　done。　All　the　while；　I　had　set　aside　the　pages　to　dry　all　about　me　on　the　floor。　There　was　no　breeze　or　wind　to　threaten　them。　I　gathered　them　up。
　I　went　to　the　edge　of　the　garden　deliberately　to　look　at　the　blue　sky；　this　sheaf　of　papers　dose　to　my　breast。　Blue　and　clear。
　〃And　you　cover　this　world；〃　I　said。　〃And　you　are　changeless；　save　for　one　light　that　rises　and　sets；〃　I　said　to　the　sky。　〃Then　es　the　night　with　deceptive　and　seductive　patterns！〃
　〃Madam！〃　It　was　Flavius　behind　me；　and　very　sleepy；　〃You've　scarcely　slept　at　all。　You　need　rest。　Go　back　to　bed。〃
　〃Go　get　my　sandals　now；　hurry；〃　I　said。
　And　as　he　disappeared；　so　did　I　…　out　the　front　gate　of　the　house；　walking　as　fast　as　I　could。　I　was　halfway　to　the　Temple　of　Isis　when　I　realized　the　disfort　of　confronting　this　filthy　street　in　bare　feet。　I　realized　I　wore　the　rumpled　linen　dresses　in　which　I'd　slept。　My　hair　streamed。　I　didn't　slow　my　pace。
　I　was　elated。　I　was　not　helpless　as　when　I　had　fled　my　Father's　house；　I　was　not　edgy　and　in　deep　danger　as　when　Lucius　had　pointed　me　out　to　the　Roman　soldiers　last　night。
　I　was　not　gripped　in　fear　as　I　had　been　when　the　Queen　smiled　to　me　in　the　dream。　Nor　shivering　as　I　had　been　upon　waking。
　I　walked　on　and　on。　I　was　in　the　grip　of　an　immense　drama。　I　would　see　it　through　to　the　last　act。
　People　passed　…　laborers　of　the　morning；　an　old　man　with　a　crooked　stick。　I　barely　saw　these　people。
　I　took　a　cold　small　delight　in　the　fact　that　they　noticed　my　loose；　free　hair　and　my　wrinkled　gowns。　I　wondered　what　it　must　be　like　to　separate　oneself　from　all　civilization　and　never　worry　again　about　the　position　of　a　fastening　or　a　pin；　to　sleep　on　grass；　to　fear　nothing！
　Fear　nothing！　Ah；　that　was　so　beautiful　to　me。
　I　came　to　the　Forum。　The　markets　were　busy；　the　beggars　were　out　in　full　force。　Curtained　litters　were　being　carried　every　which　way。　The　philosophers　were　teaching　under　the　porticoes。　I　could　hear　those　huge　strange　noises　that　always　e　from　a　harbor　…　of　the　cargo　being　dropped；　perhaps；　I　didn't　know。　I　smel