annr.pandora-第3章

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ay　or　the　other　…　he　tried　to　tell　this　to　Dora！　And　eventually；　after　I'd　written　down　the　whole　story　for　him；　he　passed　within　a　few　nights　into　this　state。
　〃His　eyes　are　fixed　and　his　body　pliant。　They　made　a　curious　Pietá；　he　and　Gabrielle；　in　this　abandoned　convent　and　its　chapel。　His　mind　is　dosed；　or　worse　…　it's　empty。〃
　I　found　I　liked　very　much　your　manner　of　speaking。　In　fact；　I　was　taken　off　guard。
　〃I　left　Lestat　because　he　was　beyond　my　help　and　my　reach；〃　you　said。　〃And　I　must　know　if　there　are　old　ones　who　want　to　put　an　end　to　me；　I　must　make　my　pilgrimages　and　my　progresses　to　know　the　dangers　of　this　world　to　which　I've　been　admitted。〃
　〃You're　so　forthright。　You　have　no　cunning。〃
　〃On　the　contrary；　I　conceal　my　keenest　assets　from　you。〃　You　gave　me　a　slow；　polite　smile。　〃Your　beauty　rather　confuses　me。　Are　you　used　to　this？〃
　〃Quite；〃　I　said。　〃And　weary　of　it。　e　beyond　it。　Let　me　just　warn；　there　are　old　ones；　ones　no　one　knows　or　can　explain。　It's　rumored　you've　been　with　Maharet　and　Mekare；　who　are　now　the　E1dest　and　the　Fount　from　which　we　all　spring。　Obviously　they've　drawn　back　from　us；　from　all　the　world；　into　some　secret　place；　and　have　no　taste　for　authority。〃
　〃You're　so　very　correct；〃　you　said；　〃and　my　audience　with　them　was　beautiful　but　brief。　They　don't　want　to　rule　over　anyone；　nor　will　Maharet；　as　long　as　the　history　of　the　world　and　her　own　physical　descendants　are　in　it　…　her　own　thousands　of　human　descendants　from　a　time　so　ancient　there　is　no　date　for　it　…　Maharet　will　never　destroy　herself　and　her　sister；　thereby　destroying　all　of　us。〃
　〃Yes；〃　I　said；　〃in　that　she　believes；　the　Great　Family；　the　generations　she　has　traced　for　thousands　of　years。　I　saw　her　when　we　all　gathered。　She　doesn't　see　us　as　evil　…　you；　or　me；　or　Lestat　…　she　thinks　that　we're　natural；　rather　like　volcanoes　or　fires　that　rage　through　forests；　or　bolts　of　lightning　that　strike　a　man　dead。〃
　〃Precisely；〃　you　said。　〃There　is　no　Queen　of　the　Damned　now。　I　fear　only　one　other　immortal；　and　that's　your　lover；　Marius。　Because　it　was　Marius　who　laid　down　the　strict　rule　before　he　left　the　others　that　no　more　blood　drinkers　could　be　made。　I'm　baseborn　in　the　mind　of　Marius。　That　is；　were　he　an　Englishman；　those　would　be　his　words。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃I　can't　believe　he　would　harm　you。　Hasn't　he　e　to　Lestat'？　Did　he　not　e　to　see　the　Veil　with　his　own　eyes？〃
　You　said　No　to　both　questions。
　〃Heed　this　advice：　whenever　you　sense　his　presence；　talk　to　him。　Talk　to　him　as　you　have　to　me。　Begin　a　conversation　which　he　won't　have　the　confidence　to　bring　to　a　dose。〃
　You　smiled　again。　〃That's　such　a　clever　way　of　putting　it；〃　you　said。
　〃But　I　don't　think　you　have　to　fear　him。　If　he　wanted　you　gone　off　the　Earth；　you'd　be　gone。　What　we　have　to　fear　is　the　same　things　humans　fear　…　that　there　are　others　of　our　same　species；　of　varying　power　and　belief；　and　we　are　never　entirely　sure　where　they　are　or　what　they　do。　That's　my　advice　to　you。〃
　〃You　are　so　kind　to　take　your　time　with　me；〃　you　said。
　I　could　have　wept。　〃On　the　contrary。　You　don't　know　the　silence　and　solitude　in　which　I　wander；　and　pray　you　never　know　it；　and　here　you've　given　me　heat　without　death；　you've　given　me　nourishment　without　blood。　I'm　glad　you've　e。〃
　I　saw　you　look　up　at　the　sky；　the　habit　of　the　young　ones。
　〃I　know；　we　have　to　part　now。〃
　You　turned　to　me　suddenly。　〃Meet　me　tomorrow　night；〃　you　said　imploringly。　〃Let　this　exchange　continue！　I'll　e　to　you　in　the　cafe　where　you　sit　every　night　musing。　I'll　find　you。　Let　us　talk　to　each　other。〃
　〃So　you've　seen　me　there。〃
　〃Oh；　often；〃　you　said。　〃Yes。〃　You　looked　away　again。　I　saw　it　was　to　conceal　feeling。　Then　your　dark　eyes　turned　back　to　me。
　〃Pandora；　we　have　the　world；　don't　we'？〃　you　whispered。
　〃I　don't　know；　David。　But　I'll　meet　you　tomorrow　night。　Why　haven't　you　e　to　me　there？　Where　it　was　warm　and　lighted？〃
　〃It　seemed　a　far　more　outrageous　intrusion；　to　move　in　on　you　in　the　sanctified　privacy　of　a　crowded　cafe。　People　go　to　such　places　to　be　alone；　don't　they？　This　seemed　somehow　more　proper。　And　I　did　not　mean　to　be　the　voyeur。　Like　many　fledglings；　I　have　to　feed　every　night。　It　was　an　accident　that　we　saw　each　other　at　that　moment。〃
　〃That　is　charming；　David；〃　I　said。　〃It　is　a　long　time　since　anyone　has　charmed　me。　I'll　meet　you　there。。。　tomorrow　night。〃
　And　then　a　wickedness　possessed　me。　I　came　towards　you　and　embraced　you；　knowing　that　the　hardness　and　coldness　of　my　ancient　body　would　strike　the　deepest　chord　of　terror　in　you；　newborn　as　you　were；　passing　so　easily　for　mortal。
　But　you　didn't　draw　back。　And　when　I　kissed　your　cheek；　you　kissed　mine。
　I　wonder　now；　as　I　sit　here　in　the　cafe；　writing。。。　trying　to　give　you　more　with　these　words　perhaps　than　you　ask　for。。。　what　I　would　have　done　had　you　not　kissed　me；　had　you　shrunk　back　with　the　fear　that　is　so　mon　in　the　young。
　David；　you　are　indeed　a　puzzle。
　You　see　that　I　have　begun　to　chronicle　not　my　life　here；　but　what　has　passed　these　two　nights　between　you　and　me。
　Allow　this；　David。　Allow　that　I　speak　of　you　and　me；　and　then　perhaps　I　can　retrieve　my　lost　life。
　When　you　came　into　the　cafe　tonight；　I　thought　nothing　much　about　the　notebooks。　You　had　two。　They　were　thick。
　The　leather　of　the　notebooks　smelled　good　and　old；　and　when　you　set　them　down　on　the　table；　only　then　did　I　detect　a　glimmer　from　your　disciplined　and　restrained　mind　that　they　had　to　do　with　me。
　I　had　chosen　this　table　in　the　crowded　center　of　the　room；　as　though　I　wanted　to　be　in　the　middle　of　the　whirlpool　of　mortal　scent　and　activity。　You　seemed　pleased；　unafraid；　utterly　at　home。
　You　wore　another　stunning　suit　of　modern　cut　with　a　full　cape　of　worsted　wool；　very　tasteful；　yet　Old　World；　and　with　your　golden　skin　and　radiant　eyes；　you　turned　the　head　of　every　woman　in　the　place　and　you　turned　the　heads　of　some　of　the　men。
　You　smiled。　I　must　have　seemed　a　snail　to　you　beneath　my　cloak　and　hood；　gold　glasses　covering　well　over　half　my　face；　and　a　trace　of　mercial　lipstick　on　my　lips；　a　soft　purple　pink　that　had　made　me　think　of　bruises。　It　had　seemed　very　enticing　in　the　mirror　at　the　store；　and　I　liked　that　my　mouth　was　something　I　didn't　have　to　hide；　My　lips　are　now　almost　colorless。　With　this　lipstick　I　could　smile。
　I　wore　these　gloves　of　mine；　black　lace；　with　their　sheared…off　tips　so　that　my　fingers　can　feel；　and　I　had　sooted　my　nails　so　they　would　not　sparkle　like　crystal　in　the　cafe。　And　I　reached　out　my　hand　to　you　and　you　kissed　it。
　There　was　your　same　boldness　and　decorum。　And　then　the　warmest　smile　from　you；　a　smile　in　which　l　think　your　former　physiology　must　have　dominated　because　you　looked　far　too　wise　for　one　so　young　and　strong　of　build。　I　marveled　at　the　perfect　picture　you　had　made　of　yourself。
　〃You　don't　know　what　a　joy　it　is　to　me；〃　you　said；　〃that　you've　e；　that　you've　let　me　join　you　here　at　this　table。〃
　〃You　have　made　me　want　this；〃　I　said；　raising　my　hands；　and　seeing　that　your　eyes　were　dazzled　by　my　crystalline　fingernails；　in　spite　of　the　soot。
　I　reached　towards　you；　expecting　you　to　pull　back；　but　you　entrusted　to　my　cold　white　fingers　your　warm　dark　hand。
　〃You　find　in　me　a　living　being？〃　I　asked　you。
　〃Oh；　yes；　most　definitely；　most　radiantly　and　perfectly　a　living　being。〃
　We　ordered　our　coffee；　as　mortals　expect　us　to　do；　deriving　more　pleasure　from　the　heat　and　aroma　than　they　could　ever　imagine；　even　stirring　our　little　cups　with　our　spoons。　I　had　before　me　a　red　dessert。　The　dessert　is　still　here　of　course。　I　ordered　it　simply　because　it　was　red　…　strawberries　covered　in　syrup　…　with　a　strong　sweet　smell　that　bees　would　like。
　I　smiled　at　your　blandishments。　I　liked　them。
　Playfully；　I　mocked　them。　I　let　my　hood　slip　down　and　I　shook　out　my　hair　so　that　its　fullness　and　dark　brown　color　could　shimmer　in　the　light。
　Of　course　it's　no　signal　to　mortals；　as　is　Marius's　blond　hair　or　that　of　Lestat。　But　I　love　my　own　hair；　I　love　the　veil　of　it　when　it　is　down　over　my　shoulders；　and　I　loved　what　I　saw　in　your　eyes。
　〃Somewhere　deep　inside　me　there　is　a　woman；〃　I　said。
　To　write　it　now　…　in　this　notebook　as　I　sit　here　alone　…　it　gives　architecture　to　a　trivial　moment；　and　seems　so　dire　a　confession。
　David；　the　more　I　write；　the　more　the　concept　of　narrative　excites　me；　the　more　I　believe　in　the　weight　of　a　coherence　which　is　possible　on　the　page　though　not　in　life。
　But　again；　I　didn't　know　I　meant　to　pick　up　this　pen　of　yours　at　all。　We　were　talking：
　〃Pandora；　if　anyone　does　not　know　you're　a　woman；　then　he　is　a　fool；〃　you　said。
　〃How　angry　Marius　would　be　with　me　for　being　pleased　by　that；〃　I　said。　〃Oh；　no。　Rather　he　would　seize　it　as　a　strong　point　in　favor　of　his　position。　I　left　him；　left　him　without　a　word；　the　last　time　we　were　together　…　that　was　before　Lestat　went　on　his　little　escapade　of　running　around　in　a　human　body；　and　long　before　he　encountered　Memnoch　the　Devil　…　I　left　Marius；　and　suddenly　I　wish　I　could　reach　him！　I　wish　I　could　talk　with　him　as　you　and　I　are　talking　now。〃
　You　looked　so　troubled　for　me；　and　with　reason。　On　some　level；　you　must　have　known　that　I　had　not　evinced　this　much　enthusiasm　over　anything　in　many　a　dreary　year。
　〃Would　you　write　your　story　for　me；　Pandora'？〃　you　asked　suddenly。
　I　was　totally　surprised。
　〃Write　it　in　these　notebooks？〃　you　pressed。　〃Write　about　the　time　when　you　were　alive；　the　time　when　you　and　Marius　came　together；　write　what　you　will　of　Marius。　But　it's　your　story　that　I　most　want。〃
　I　was　stunned。
　〃Why　in　the　world　would　you　want　this　of　me？〃
　You　didn't　answer。
　〃David；　surely　you've　not　returned　to　that　order　of　human　beings；　the　Talamasca；　they　know　too　much　…〃
　You　put　up　your　hand。
　〃No；　and　I　will　never；　and　if　there　was　ever　any　doubt　of　it；　I　learnt　it　once　and　for　all　in　the　archives　kept　by　Maharet。〃
　〃She　allowed　you　to　see　her　archives；　the　books　she's　saved　over　the　course　of　time〃
　〃Yes；　it　was　remarkable；　you　know。。。　a　storehouse　of　tablets；　scrolls；　parchments　…　books　and　poems　from　cultures　of　which　the　world　knows　nothing；　I　think；　Books　lost　from　time。　Of　course　she　forbade　me　to　reveal　anything　I　found　or　speak　in　detail　of　our　meeting。　She　said　it　was　too　rash　tampering　with　things；　and　she　confirmed　your　fear　that　I　might　go　to　the　Talamasca　…　my　old　mortal　psychic　friends。　I　have　not。　I　will　not。　But　it　is　a　very　easy　vow　to　keep。〃
　〃Why　so？〃
　〃Pandora；　when　I　saw　all　those　old　writings　…　I　knew　I　was　no　longer　human。　I　knew　that　the　history　lying　there　to　be　collected　was　no　longer　mine！　I　am　not　one　of　these！〃　Your　eyes　swept　the　room。　〃Of　course　you　must　have　heard　this　a　thousand　times　from　fledgling　vampires！　But　you　see；　I　had　a　fervent　faith　that　philosophy　and　reason　would　make　a　bridge　for　me　by　which　I　could　go　and　e　in　both　worlds。　Well；　there　is　no　bridge。　It's　gone。〃
　Your　sadness　shimmered　about　you；　flashing　in　your　young　eyes　and　in　the　softness　of　your　new　flesh。
　〃So　you　know　that；〃　I　said。　I　didn't　plan　the　words。　But　out　they　came。　〃You　know。〃　I　gave　a　soft　bitter　laugh。
　〃Indeed　I　do。　I　knew　when　I　held　documents　from　your　time；　so　many　from　your　time；　Imperial　Rome；　and　other　crumbling　bits