annr.pandora-第40章

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wing　grass；　making　certain　with　our　eyes　that　the　ashes　were　blown　in　all　directions。
　Marius　turned　suddenly　and　walked　fast　away　from　me；　and　down　the　stairs　and　into　the　Mother's　Sanctuary。
　I　rushed　after　him　in　panic。　He　stood　holding　the　torch　and　the　bloody　sword　…　oh；　how　they　had　bled　…　and　he　looked　into　Akasha's　eyes。
　〃Oh；　loveless　Mother！〃　he　whispered。　His　face　was　soiled　with　blood　and　grime。　He　looked　at　the　flaming　torch　and　looked　up　at　the　Queen。
　Akasha　and　Enkil　showed　no　sign　of　any　knowledge　of　the　massacre　above。　They　showed　neither　approval；　nor　gratitude；　nor　any　form　of　consciousness；　They　showed　no　awareness　of　the　torch　in　his　hand；　or　his　thoughts；　whatever　they　might　be。
　It　was　a　finish　for　Marius；　a　finish　to　the　Marius　I　had　known　and　loved　at　that　time；
　He　chose　not　to　leave　Antioch。　I　was　for　getting　away　and　taking　them　away；　for　wild　adventures；　and　seeing　the　wonders　of　the　world。
　But　he　said　no。　He　had　but　one　obligation。　And　that　was　to　lay　in　wait　for　others　until　he　had　killed　every　one　of　them。
　For　weeks　he　wouldn't　speak　or　move；　unless　I　shook　him　and　then　he　pleaded　with　me　to　leave　him　alone。　He　rose　from　the　grave　only　to　sit　with　the　sword　and　the　torch　waiting。
　It　became　unbearable　to　me。　Months　passed。　I　said；　〃You　are　going　mad。　We　should　take　them　away！〃
　Then　one　night；　very　angry　and　alone；　I　cried　out　foolishly；　〃I　would　I　were　free　of　them　and　you！〃　And　leaving　the　house；　I　did　not　return　for　three　nights。
　I　slept　in　dark　safe　places　I　made　for　myself　with　ease。　Every　time　I　thought　of　him；　I　thought　of　his　sitting　motionless　there；　so　very　like　them；　and　I　was　afraid。
　If　only　he　did　know　true　despair；　if　only　he　had　confronted　what　we　now　call　〃the　absurd。〃　If　only　he　had　faced　the　nothingness！　Then　this　massacre　would　not　have　demoralized　him。
　Finally　one　morning　just　before　sunrise；　when　I　was　safely　hidden；　a　strange　silence　fell　over　Antioch。　A　rhythm　I　had　heard　there　all　my　days　was　gone。　I　was　trying　to　think；　What　could　this　mean？　But　there　was　time　to　find　out。
　I　had　made　a　fatal　miscalculation。　The　villa　was　empty。　He　had　arranged　for　the　transport　by　day。　I　had　no　due　as　to　where　he　had　gone！　Everything　belonging　to　him　had　been　taken；　and　all　that　I　possessed　scrupulously　left　behind。
　I　had　failed　him　when　he　most　needed　me。　I　walked　in　circles　around　the　empty　Shrine。　I　screamed　and　let　the　cry　echo　off　the　walls。
　He　never　returned　to　Antioch。　No　letter　ever　came。
　After　six　months　or　more；　I　gave　up　and　left。
　Of　course　you　know　the　dedicated；　religious　Christian　vampires　never　died　out；　not　until　Lestat　came　dressed　in　red　velvet　and　fur　to　dazzle　them　and　make　a　mockery　of　their　belief。　That　was　in　the　Age　of　Reason；　That　is　when　Marius　received　Lestat。　Who　knows　what　other　vampire　cults　exist'？
　As　for　me；　I　had　lost　Marius　again　by　then。
　I　had　seen　him　for　only　a　single　precious　night　one　hundred　years　earlier；　and　of　course　thousands　of　years　after　the　collapse　of　what　we　call　〃the　ancient　world。〃
　I　saw　him！　It　was　in　the　fancy　fragile　times　of　Louis　XIV；　the　Sun　King。　We　were　at　a　court　ball　in　Dresden。　Music　played　…　the　tentative　blend　of　clavichord；　lute；　violin　…　making　the　artful　dances　which　seemed　no　more　than　bows　and　circles。
　Across　a　room；　I　suddenly　saw　Marius！
　He　had　been　looking　at　me　for　a　great　while；　and　gave　me　now　the　most　tragic　and　loving　smile。　He　wore　a　big　full…bottomed　curly　wig；　dyed　to　the　very　color　of　his　true　hair；　and　a　flared　velvet　coat；　and　layers　of　lace；　so　favored　by　the　French；　His　skin　was　golden。　That　meant　fire。　I　knew　suddenly　he　had　suffered　something　terrible。　A　jubilant　love　filled　his　blue　eyes；　and　without　forsaking　his　casual　posture　…　he　was　leaning　his　elbow　on　the　edge　of　the　clavichord　…　he　blew　a　kiss　to　me　with　his　fingers。
　I　truly　could　not　trust　my　eyes。　Was　he　really　there'？　Was　I；　myself；　sitting　here；　in　boned　and　low…necked　bodice；　and　these　huge　skirts；　one　pulled　back　in　artful　folds　to　reveal　the　other？　My　skin　in　this　age　seemed　an　artificial　contrivance。　My　hair　had　been　professionally　gathered　and　lifted　into　an　ornate　shape。
　I　had　paid　no　mind　to　the　mortal　hands　which　had　so　bound　me。　During　this　age　I　let　myself　be　led　through　the　world　by　a　fierce　Asian　vampire；　about　whom　I　cared　nothing。　I　had　fallen　into　an　ever　existing　trap　for　a　woman：　I　had　bee　the　nonmittal　and　ostentatious　ornament　of　a　male　personality　who　for　all　his　tiresome　verbal　cruelty　possessed　sufficient　force　to　carry　us　both　through　time。
　The　Asian　was　off'　slowly　taking　his　carefully　chosen　victim　in　a　bedroom　above。
　Marius　came　towards　me　and　kissed　me　and　took　me　in　his　arms。　I　shut　my　eyes。　〃This　is　Marius！〃　I　whispered。　〃Truly　Marius。〃
　〃Pandora！〃　he　said；　drawing　back　to　look　at　me。　〃My　Pandora！〃
　His　skin　had　been　burned。　Faint　scars。　But　it　was　almost　healed。
　He　led　me　out　on　the　dance　floor！　He　was　the　perfect　impersonation　of　a　human　being。　He　guided　me　in　the　steps　of　the　dance。　I　could　scarce　breathe。　Following　his　lead；　shocked　at　each　new　artful　turn　by　the　rapture　of　his　face；　I　could　not　measure　centuries　or　even　millennia。　I　wanted　suddenly　to　know　everything　…　where　he　had　been；　what　had　befallen　him。　Pride　and　shame　in　me　held　no　sway。　Could　he　see　that　I　was　no　more　than　a　ghost　of　the　woman　he'd　known？　〃You　are　the　hope　of　my　soul！〃　I　whispered。
　Quickly　he　took　me　away。　We　went　in　a　carriage　to　his　palace。　He　deluged　me　with　kisses。　I　dung　to　him。
　〃You；〃　he　said；　〃my　dream；　a　treasure　so　foolishly　thrown　away；　you　are　here；　you　have　persevered。〃
　〃Because　you　see　me；　I　am　here；〃　I　said　bitterly。　〃Because　you　lift　the　candle；　I　can　almost　see　my　strength　in　the　looking　glass。〃
　Suddenly　I　heard　a　sound；　an　ancient　and　terrible　sound。　It　was　the　heartbeat　of　Akasha；　the　heartbeat　of　Enkil。
　The　carriage　had　e　to　a　halt。　Iron　gates。　Servants。
　The　palace　was　spacious；　fancy；　the　ostentatious　residence　of　a　rich　noble。
　〃They　are　in　there；　the　Mother　and　the　Father〃　I　asked。
　〃Oh；　yes；　unchanged。　Utterly　reliable　in　their　eternal　silence。〃　His　voice　seemed　to　defy　the　horror　of　it。
　I　couldn't　bear　it。　I　had　to　escape　the　sound　of　her　heart。　An　image　of　the　petrified　King　and　Queen　rose　before　my　eyes。
　〃No！　Get　me　away　from　here。　I　can't　go　in。　Marius；　I　cannot　look　on　them！〃
　〃Pandora；　they　are　hidden　below　the　palace。　There　is　no　need　to　look　on　them。　They　won't　know。　Pandora；　they　are　the　same。〃
　Ah！　The　same！　My　mind　sped　back；　over　perilous　terrain；　to　my　very　first　nights；　alone　and　mortal；　in　Antioch；　to　the　later　victories　and　defeats　of　that　time。　Ah！　Akasha　was　the　same！　I　feared　I　would　begin　to　scream　and　be　unable　to　control　it。
　'Very　well；〃　said　Marius；　〃we'll　go　where　you　want。〃
　I　gave　the　coachman　the　location　of　my　hiding　place。
　I　couldn't　look　at　Marius。　Valiantly；　he　kept　the　pretense　of　happy　reunion。　He　talked　of　science　and　literature；　Shakespeare；　Dryden；　the　New　World　full　of　jungles　and　rivers。　But　behind　his　voice　I　heard　the　joy　drained　from　him。
　I　buried　my　face　against　him。　When　the　carriage　stopped　I　leapt　out　and　fled　to　the　door　of　my　little　house。　I　looked　back。　He　stood　in　the　street。
　He　was　sad　and　weary；　and　slowly　he　nodded　and　made　a　gesture　of　acceptance。　〃May　I　wait　it　out？〃　he　asked。　〃Is　there　hope　you'll　change　your　mind？　I'll　wait　here　forever！〃
　〃It's　not　my　mind！〃　I　said。　〃I　leave　this　city　tonight。　Forget　me。　Forget　you　ever　saw　me！〃
　〃My　love；〃　he　said　softly。　〃My　only　love。〃
　I　ran　inside；　shutting　the　door。　I　heard　the　carriage　pull　away。　I　went　wild；　as　I　had　not　since　mortal　life；　beating　the　was　with　my　fists；　trying　to　restrain　my　immense　strength　and　trying　not　to　let　loose　the　howls　and　cries　that　wanted　to　break　from　me。
　Finally　I　looked　at　the　dock。　Three　hours　left　until　dawn。
　I　sat　down　at　the　desk　and　wrote　to　him：
　
　Marius；
　At　dawn　we　will　be　taken　to　Moscow。　The　very　coffin　in　which　I　rest　is　to　carry　me　many　miles　the　first　day。　Marius；　I　am　dazed。　I　can't　seek　shelter　in　your　house；　beneath　the　same　roof　as　the　ancient　ones。　Please；　Marius；　e　to　Moscow。　Help　me　to　free　myself　of　this　predicament。　Later　you　can　judge　me　and　condemn　me。　I　need　you。　Marius；　I　shall　haunt　the　vicinity　of　the　Czar's　palace　and　the　Great　Cathedral　until　you　e。　Marius；　I　know　I　ask　of　you　that　you　make　a　great　journey；　but　please　e。　I　am　a　slave　to　this　blood　drinker's　will。
　
　I　love　you；
　Pandora
　
　Running　back　out　in　the　street；　I　hurried　in　the　direction　of　his　house；　trying　to　retrace　the　path　which　I　had　so　stupidly　ignored。
　But　what　about　the　heartbeat'？　I　would　hear　it；　that　ghastly　sound！　I　had　to　run　past　it；　run　through　it；　long　enough　to　give　Marius　this　letter；　perhaps　to　let　him　grasp　me　by　the　wrist　and　force　me　to　some　safe　place；　and　drive　away　before　dawn　the　Asian　vampire　who　kept　me。
　Then　the　very　carriage　appeared；　carrying　in　it　my　fellow　blood　drinker　from　the　ball。
　He　stopped　for　me　at　once。
　I　took　the　driver　aside。　〃The　man　who　brought　me　home；〃　I　said。　〃We　went　to　his　house；　a　huge　palace。〃
　〃Yes；　Count　Marius；〃　said　the　driver。　〃I　just　took　him　back　to　his　own　home。〃
　〃You　must　take　this　letter　to　him。　Hurry！　You　must　go　to　his　house　and　put　it　in　his　hands！　Tell　him　I　had　no　money　to　give　you；　that　he　must　pay　you；　I　demand　that　you　tell　him。　He　will　pay　you。　Tell　him　the　letter　is　from　Pandora。　You　must　find　him！〃
　〃Who　are　you　speaking　of'''　demanded　my　Asian　panion。
　I　motioned　to　the　driver　to　leave！　〃Go！〃　Of　course　my　consort　was　outraged。　But　the　carriage　was　already　on　its　way。
　Two　hundred　years　passed　before　I　learned　the　very　simple　truth：　Marius　never　received　that　letter！
　He　had　gone　back　to　his　house；　packed　up　his　belongings　and；　the　following　night；　left　Dresden　in　sorrow；　only　finding　the　letter　long　after；　as　he　related　it　to　the　Vampire　Lestat；　〃a　fragile　piece　of　writing；〃　as　he　called　it；　〃that　had　fallen　to　the　bottom　of　a　cluttered　traveling　case。〃
　When　did　I　see　him　again'？
　In　this　modern　world。　When　the　ancient　Queen　rose　from　her　throne　and　demonstrated　the　limits　of　her　wisdom；　her　will　and　her　power。
　Two　thousand　years　after；　in　our　Twentieth　Century　still　full　of　Roman　columns　and　statues　and　pediments　and　peristyles；　buzzing　with　puters　and　warmth…giving　television；　with　Cicero　and　Ovid　in　every　public　library；　our　Queen；　Akasha；　was　wakened　by　the　image　of　Lestat　on　a　television　screen；　in　the　most　modern　and　secure　of　shrines；　and　sought　to　reign　as　a　goddess；　not　only　over　us；　but　over　humankind。
　In　the　most　dangerous　hour；　when　she　threatened　to　destroy　us　all　if　we　did　not　follow　her　lead　…　and　she　had　already　slaughtered　many　…　it　was　Marius　with　his　reasoning；　his　optimism；　his　philosophy　who　talked　to　her；　tried　to　calm　her　and　divert　her；　who　stalled　her　destructive　intent　until　an　ancient　enemy　came　to　fulfill　an　ancient　curse；　and　struck　her　down　with　ancient　simplicity。
　David；　what　have　you　done　to　me　in　prodding　me　to　write　this　narrative？
　You　have　made　me　ashamed　of　the　wasted　years。　You　have　made　me　acknowledge　that　no　darkness　has　been　ever　deep　enough　to　extinguish　my　personal　knowledge　of　love；　love　from　mortal