uleg.thefarthestshore-第29章

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d　not　go　on　speaking；　his　throat　was　dry。
　　〃They　border　on　the　world　of　light；〃　Ged　answered；　〃even　as　does　the　wall　of　stones。　They　have　no　name　but　Pain。　There　is　a　road　across　them。　It　is　forbidden　to　the　dead。　It　is　not　long。　But　it　is　a　bitter　road。〃
　　〃I　am　thirsty；〃　Arren　said；　and　his　panion　answered；　〃Here　they　drink　dust。〃
　　They　went　on。
　　It　seemed　to　Arren　that　his　panion's　gait　had　slowed　somewhat；　and　sometimes　he　hesitated。　He　himself　felt　no　more　hesitation；　though　the　weariness　had　not　ceased　to　grow　in　him。　They　must　go　down；　they　must　go　on。　They　went　on。
　　Sometimes　they　passed　through　other　towns　of　the　dead；　where　the　dark　roofs　made　angles　against　the　stars；　which　stood　forever　in　the　same　place　above　them。　After　the　towns　was　the　empty　land　again；　where　nothing　grew。　As　soon　as　they　had　e　out　of　a　town；　it　was　lost　in　the　darkness。　Nothing　could　be　seen；　before　or　behind；　except　the　mountains　that　grew　ever　nearer；　towering　before　them。　To　their　right　the　formless　slope　fell　away　as　it　had　done；　how　long　ago？　when　they　crossed　the　wall　of　stones。　〃What　lies　that　way？〃　Arren　murmured　to　Ged；　for　he　craved　the　sound　of　speech；　but　the　mage　shook　his　head：　〃I　do　not　know。　It　may　be　a　way　without　an　end。〃
　　In　the　direction　they　went；　the　slope　seemed　to　be　growing　less　and　always　less。　The　ground　under　their　feet　gritted　harshly；　like　lava…dust。　Still　they　went　on；　and　now　Arren　never　thought　of　returning　or　of　how　they　might　return。　Nor　did　he　think　of　stopping；　though　he　was　very　weary。　Once　he　tried　to　lighten　the　numb　darkness　and　weariness　and　horror　within　him　by　thinking　of　his　home；　but　he　could　not　remember　what　sunlight　looked　like　or　his　mother's　face。　There　was　nothing　to　do　but　to　go　on。　And　he　went　on。
　　He　felt　the　ground　level　under　his　feet；　and　beside　him　Ged　hesitated。　Then　he　too　stopped。　The　long　descent　was　over；　this　was　the　end；　there　was　no　way　further；　no　need　to　go　on。
　　They　were　in　the　valley　directly　under　the　Mountains　of　Pain。　There　were　rocks　underfoot　and　boulders　about　them；　rough　to　the　touch　like　scoria。　It　was　as　if　this　narrow　valley　might　be　the　dry　bed　of　a　river　of　water　that　had　once　run　here　or　the　course　of　a　river　of　fire；　long　since　cold；　from　the　volcanoes　that　reared　their　black；　unmerciful　peaks　above。
　　He　stood　still；　there　in　the　narrow　valley　in　the　dark；　and　Ged　stood　still　beside　him。　They　stood　like　the　aimless　dead；　gazing　at　nothing；　silent。　Arren　thought；　with　a　little　dread　but　not　much；　〃We　have　e　too　far。〃
　　It　did　not　seem　to　matter　much。
　　Speaking　his　thought；　Ged　said；　〃We　have　e　too　far　to　turn　back。〃　His　voice　was　soft；　but　the　ring　of　it　was　not　wholly　muted　by　the　great；　gloomy　hollowness　around　them；　and　at　the　sound　of　it　Arren　roused　a　little。　Had　they　not　e　here　to　meet　the　one　they　sought？
　　A　voice　in　the　darkness　said；　〃You　have　e　too　far。〃
　　Arren　answered　it；　saying；　〃Only　too　far　is　far　enough。〃
　　〃You　have　e　to　the　Dry　River；〃　said　the　voice。　〃You　cannot　go　back　to　the　wall　of　stones。　You　cannot　go　back　to　life。〃
　
　　〃Not　that　way；〃　said　Ged；　speaking　into　the　darkness。　Arren　could　hardly　see　him；　though　they　stood　side　by　side；　for　the　mountains　under　which　they　stood　cut　out　half　the　starlight；　and　it　seemed　as　if　the　current　of　the　Dry　River　were　darkness　itself。　〃But　we　would　learn　your　way。〃
　　There　was　no　answer。
　　〃We　meet　as　equals　here。　If　you　are　blind；　Cob；　yet　we　are　in　the　dark。〃
　　There　was　no　answer。
　　〃We　cannot　hurt　you　here；　we　cannot　kill　you。　What　is　there　to　fear？〃
　　〃I　have　no　fear；〃　said　the　voice　in　the　darkness。　Then　slowly；　glimmering　a　little　as　with　that　light　that　sometimes　clung　to　Ged's　staff；　the　man　appeared；　standing　some　way　upstream　from　Ged　and　Arren；　among　the　great；　dim　masses　of　the　boulders。　He　was　tall；　broad…shouldered　and　longarmed；　like　that　figure　which　had　appeared　to　them　on　the　dune　and　on　the　beach　of　Selidor；　but　older；　the　hair　was　white　and　thickly　matted　over　the　high　forehead。　So　he　appeared　in　the　spirit；　in　the　kingdom　of　death；　not　burnt　by　the　dragon's　fire；　not　maimed；　but　not　whole。　The　sockets　of　his　eyes　were　empty。
　　〃I　have　no　fear；〃　he　said。　〃What　should　a　dead　man　fear？〃　He　laughed。　The　sound　of　laughter　rang　so　false　and　uncanny；　there　in　that　narrow；　stony　valley　under　the　mountains；　that　Arren's　breath　failed　him　for　a　moment。　But　he　gripped　his　sword　and　listened。
　　〃I　do　not　know　what　a　dead　man　should　fear；〃　Ged　answered。　〃Surely　not　death？　Yet　it　seems　you　fear　it。　Even　though　you　have　found　a　way　to　escape　from　it。〃
　　〃I　have。　I　live：　my　body　lives。〃
　　〃Not　well；〃　the　mage　said　dryly。　〃Illusion　might　hide　age；　but　Orm　Embar　was　not　gentle　with　that　body。〃
　　〃I　can　mend　it。　I　know　secrets　of　healing　and　of　youth；　no　mere　illusions。　What　do　you　take　me　for？　Because　you　are　called　Archmage；　do　you　take　me　for　a　village　sorcerer？　I　who　alone　among　all　mages　found　the　Way　of　Immortality；　which　no　other　ever　found！〃
　　〃Maybe　we　did　not　seek　it；〃　said　Ged。
　　〃You　sought　it。　All　of　you。　You　sought　it　and　could　not　find　it；　and　so　made　wise　words　about　acceptance　and　balance　and　the　equilibrium　of　life　and　death。　But　they　were　words　…lies　to　cover　your　failure…　to　cover　your　fear　of　death！　What　man　would　not　live　forever；　if　he　could？　And　I　can。　I　am　immortal。　I　did　what　you　could　not　do　and　therefore　I　am　your　master；　and　you　know　it。　Would　you　know　how　I　did　it；　Archmage？〃
　　〃I　would。〃
　　Cob　came　a　step　closer。　Arren　noticed　that；　though　the　man　had　no　eyes；　his　manner　was　not　quite　that　of　the　stoneblind；　he　seemed　to　know　exactly　where　Ged　and　Arren　stood　and　to　be　aware　of　both　of　them；　though　he　never　turned　his　head　to　Arren。　Some　wizardly　second…sight　he　might　have；　such　as　that　hearing　and　seeing　that　sendings　and　presentments　had：　something　that　gave　him　an　awareness；　though　it　might　not　be　true　sight。
　　〃I　was　in　Paln；〃　he　said　to　Ged；　〃after　you；　in　your　pride；　thought　you　had　humbled　me　and　taught　me　a　lesson。　Oh；　a　lesson　you　taught　me；　indeed；　but　not　the　one　you　meant　to　teach！　There　I　said　to　myself：　I　have　seen　death　now；　and　I　will　not　accept　it。　Let　all　stupid　nature　go　its　stupid　course；　but　I　am　a　man；　better　than　nature；　above　nature。　I　will　not　go　that　way；　I　will　not　cease　to　be　myself！　And　so　determined；　I　took　the　Pelnish　Lore　again；　but　found　only　hints　and　smatterings　of　what　I　needed。　So　I　rewove　it　and　remade　it；　and　made　a　spell…　the　greatest　spell　that　has　ever　been　made。　The　greatest　and　the　last！〃
　　〃In　working　that　spell；　you　died。〃
　　〃Yes！　I　died。　I　had　the　courage　to　die；　to　find　what　you　cowards　could　never　find　…　the　way　back　from　death。　I　opened　the　door　that　had　been　shut　since　the　beginning　of　time。　And　now　I　e　freely　to　this　place　and　freely　return　to　the　world　of　the　living。　Alone　of　all　men　in　all　time　I　am　Lord　of　the　Two　Lands。　And　the　door　I　opened　is　open　not　only　here；　but　in　the　minds　of　the　living；　in　the　depths　and　unknown　places　of　their　being；　where　we　are　all　one　in　the　darkness。　They　know　it；　and　they　e　to　me。　And　the　dead　too　must　e　to　me；　all　of　them；　for　I　have　not　lost　the　magery　of　the　living：　they　must　climb　over　the　wall　of　stones　when　I　bid　them；　all　the　souls；　the　lords；　the　mages；　the　proud　women；　back　and　forth　from　life　to　death；　at　my　mand。　All　must　e　to　me；　the　living　and　the　dead；　I　who　died　and　live！〃
　　〃Where　do　they　e　to　you；　Cob？　　Where　is　it　that　you　are？〃
　　〃Between　the　worlds。〃
　　〃But　that　is　neither　life　nor　death。　What　is　life；　Cob？〃
　　〃Power。〃
　　〃What　is　love？〃
　　〃Power；〃　the　blind　man　repeated　heavily；　hunching　up　his　shoulders。
　　〃What　is　light？〃
　　〃Darkness！〃
　　〃What　is　your　name？〃
　　〃I　have　none。〃
　　〃All　in　this　land　bear　their　true　name。〃
　　〃Tell　me　yours；　then！〃
　　〃I　am　named　Ged。　And　you？〃
　　The　blind　man　hesitated；　and　said；　〃Cob。〃
　　〃That　was　your　use…name；　not　your　name。　Where　is　your　name？　Where　is　the　truth　of　you？　Did　you　leave　it　in　Paln　where　you　died？　You　have　forgotten　much；　O　Lord　of　the　Two　Lands。　You　have　forgotten　light；　and　love；　and　your　own　name。〃
　　〃I　have　your　name　now；　and　power　over　you；　Ged　the　Archmage…　Ged　who　was　Archmage　when　he　was　alive！〃
　　〃My　name　is　no　use　to　you；〃　Ged　said。　〃You　have　no　power　over　me　at　all。　I　am　a　living　man；　my　body　lies　on　the　beach　of　Selidor；　under　the　sun；　on　the　turning　earth。　And　when　that　body　dies；　I　will　be　here：　but　only　in　name；　in　name　alone；　in　shadow。　Do　you　not　understand？　Did　you　never　understand；　you　who　called　up　so　many　shadows　from　the　dead；　who　summoned　all　the　hosts　of　the　perished；　even　my　lord　Erreth…Akbe；　wisest　of　us　all？　Did　you　not　understand　that　he；　even　he；　is　but　a　shadow　and　a　name？　His　death　did　not　diminish　life。　Nor　did　it　diminish　him。　He　is　there　…　there；　not　here！　Here　is　nothing；　dust　and　shadows。　There；　he　is　the　earth　and　sunlight；　the　leaves　of　trees；　the　eagle's　flight。　He　is　alive。　And　all　who　ever　died；　live；　they　are　reborn　and　have　no　end；　nor　will　there　ever　be　an　end。　All；　save　you。　For　you　would　not　have　death。　You　lost　death；　you　lost　life；　in　order　to　save　yourself。　Yourself！　Your　immortal　self！　What　is　it？　Who　are　you？〃
　　〃I　am　myself。　My　body　will　not　decay　and　die…〃
　　〃A　living　body　suffers　pain；　Cob；　a　living　body　grows　old；　it　dies。　Death　is　the　price　we　pay　for　our　life　and　for　all　life。〃
　　〃I　do　not　pay　it！　I　can　die　and　in　that　moment　live　again！　I　cannot　be　killed；　I　am　immortal。　I　alone　am　myself　forever！〃
　　〃Who　are　you；　then？〃
　　〃The　Immortal　One。〃
　　〃Say　your　name
　　〃The　King。〃
　　〃Say　my　name。　I　told　it　to　you　but　a　minute　since。　Say　my　name！〃
　　〃You　are　not　real。　You　have　no　name。　Only　I　exist　〃
　　〃You　exist：　without　name；　without　form。　You　cannot　see　the　light　of　day；　you　cannot　see　the　dark。　You　sold　the　green　earth　and　the　sun　and　stars　to　save　yourself。　But　you　have　no　self。　All　that　which　you　sold；　that　is　yourself。　You　have　given　everything　for　nothing。　And　so　now　you　seek　to　draw　the　world　to　you；　all　that　light　and　life　you　lost；　to　fill　up　your　nothingness。　But　it　cannot　be　filled。　Not　all　the　songs　of　earth；　not　all　the　stars　of　heaven；　could　fill　your　emptiness。〃
　　Ged's　voice　rang　like　iron；　there　in　the　cold　valley　under　the　mountains；　and　the　blind　man　cringed　away　from　him。　He　lifted　up　his　face；　and　the　dim　starlight　shone　on　it；　he　looked　as　if　he　wept；　but　he　had　no　tears；　having　no　eyes。　His　mouth　opened　and　shut；　full　of　darkness；　but　no　words　came　out　of　it；　only　a　groaning。　At　last　he　said　one　word；　barely　shaping　it　with　his　contorted　lips；　and　the　word　was　〃Life。〃
　　〃I　would　give　you　life　if　I　could；　Cob。　But　I　cannot。　You　are　dead。　But　I　can　give　you　death。〃
　　〃No！〃　the　blind　man　screamed　aloud；　and　then　he　said；　〃No；　no；〃　and　crouched　down　sobbing；　though　his　cheeks　were　as　dry　as　the　stony　rivercourse　where　only　night；　and　no　water；　ran。　〃You　cannot。　No　one　can　ever　set　me　free。　I　opened　the　door　between　the　worlds　and　I　cannot　shut　it。　No　one　can　shut　it。　It　will　never　be　shut　again。　It　draws；　it　draws　me。　I　must　e　back　to　it。　I　must　go　through　it　and　e　back　here；　into　the　dust　and　cold　and　silence。　It　sucks　at　me　and　sucks　at　me。　I　cannot　leave　it。　I　cannot　close　it。　It　will　suck　all　the　light　out　of　the　world　in　the　end。