cw.imarriedadeadman-第26章

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too。　You　react　on　me。〃
　〃I'm　all　right；〃　she　said　with　that　same　mechanical　bleat　as　before。　〃I'll　be　quiet。　I'll　be　controlled。　Go　ahead。〃
　After　that；　they　didn't　talk。　How　could　you；　on　such　a　ride？
　She　kept　her　eyes　away。　She'd　look　out　the　side　as　long　as　she　could；　then　when　that　became　a　strain；　she'd　look　up　at　the　car　ceiling　for　a　moment　to　rest。　Or　down　at　the　floor　directly　before　her。　Anywhere　but　straight　ahead；　to　where　those　two　heads　（she　knew）　must　be　lightly　quivering　in　synchronization　to　the　same　vibration。
　She　tried　to　do　what　he'd　told　her。　She　tried　not　to　think　of　it　〃We're　ing　home　from　a　dance；〃　she　said　to　herself。　〃He's　bringing　me　home　from　the　Country　Club；　that's　all。　I'm　wearing　that　black　net　with　the　gold　disks。　Look；　see？　I'm　wearing　that　black　dress　with　the　gold　disks。　We　had　words；　so　I'm…I'm　sitting　in　the　back；　and　he's　sitting　alone　up　front。〃
　Her　forehead　was　a　little　cold　and　damp。　She　wiped　it　off。
　〃He's　bringing　me　home　from　the　movies；〃　she　said　to　herself。　〃We　saw…we　saw…we　saw…〃　Another　of　those　blocks；　this　time　of　the　imagination；　occurred；　it　wouldn't　e。　〃We　saw…we　saw…　we　saw…〃
　Suddenly　she'd　said　to　him；　aloud；　〃What　was　the　name　of　that　picture　we　just　now　came　away　from？〃
　〃Good；〃　he　answered　instantly。　〃That's　it。　That's　a　good　idea。　I'll　give　you　one。　Keep　going　over　it。〃　It　took　him　a　moment　to　get　one　himself。　〃Mark　Stevens　in　I　Wonder　Who's　Kissing　Her　Now；〃　he　said　suddenly。　They'd　seen　that　together　back　in　the　sunlight；　a　thousand　years　ago　（last　Thursday）。　〃Start　in　at　the　beginning；　and　run　through　it。　If　you　get　stuck；　I'll　help　you　out。〃
　She　was　breathing　laboredly；　and　her　forehead　kept　getting　damp　again　all　the　time。　〃He　wrote　songs；〃　she　said　to　herself；　〃and　he　took　his　foster…sister　to　a…to　a　variety…show；　and　he　heard　one　of　them　sung　from　the　stage…〃
　The　car　made　a　turn；　and　the　two　heads　up　front　swung　together；　one　almost　landed　on　the　other's　shoulder。　Somebody　pried　them　apart。
　She　hurriedly　squeezed　her　eyes　shut　〃When…when　did　the　titlesong　e　into　it？〃　she　faltered。　〃Was　that　the　opening　number；　they　heard　from　the　gallery？〃
　He'd　halted　for　a　light；　and　a　taxicab　had　halted　beside　him；　wheel…cap　to　wheel…cap。　〃No；　that　was…〃　He　looked　at　the　taxicab。　〃That　was…〃　He　looked　at　the　taxicab　again；　the　way　you　look　vaguely　at　some　external　object　when　you're　trying　to　remember　something　that　has　nothing　to　do　with　it。　〃That　was　'Hello；　Ma　Baby。'　Cakewalk　number；　don't　you　remember？　The　title…song　didn't　e　until　the　end。　He　couldn't　get　words　for　it；　don't　you　remember？〃
　The　light　had　changed。　The　taxicab　had　slipped　on　ahead；　quicker　to　resume　motion。　She　crushed　the　back　of　her　hand　against　her　mouth；　sank　her　teeth　into　it　〃I　can't；〃　she　sighed　to　herself。　〃I　can't。〃　She　wanted　to　scream　to　him；　〃Oh；　open　the　door！　Let　me　out！　I'm　not　brave！　I　thought　I　could；　but　I　can't…I　don't　care；　only　let　me　get　out　of　here；　now；　right　where　we　are！〃
　Panic；　they　called　this　panic。
　She　bit　deeper　into　her　own　skin；　and　the　hot　frenzied　gush　subsided。
　He　was　going　a　little　faster　now。　But　not　too　fast；　not　fast　enough　to　attract　suspicion　or　catch　any　roving　eye。　They　were　in　the　outskirts　now；　running　along　the　turnpike　that　breasted　the　sunken　railroad　right…of…way。　You　were　supposed　to　'go　a　little　faster　along　there。
　It　took　her　several　moments　to　realize　that　the　chief　hazard　was　over。　That　they　were　already　out　of　Caulfield；　clear　of　it；　or　at　least　clear　of　its　built…up　heart　Nothing　had　happened。　No　untoward　event　They　hadn't　grazed　any　other　car。　No　policeman　had　e　near　them；　to　question　them　over　some　infraction；　to　look　into　the　car。　All　those　things　that　she　had　dreaded　so；　had　failed　to　materialize。　It　had　been　a　ride　pletely　without　incident　The　two　of　them　might　have　been　alone　in　the　car；　for　all　the　risk　they'd　run…　outwardly。　But　inwardly…
　She　felt　all　shrivelled…up　inside；　and　old；　as　though　there　were　permanent　wrinkles　on　her　heart。
　〃He　wasn't　the　only　one　that　died　tonight；〃　she　thought。　〃I　died　too；　somewhere　along　the　way；　in　this　car。　So　it　didn't　work；　it　was　all　for　nothing。　Better　to　have　stayed　back　there；　still　alive；　and　taken　the　blame　and　the　punishment〃
　They　were　out　in　open　country　now。　The　last　cardboard…box　factory；　kept　at　a　civic…minded　distance　away　from　the　city　limits；　the　last　disused…brewery　stack；　even　those　had　long　slipped　by。　The　embankment　that　carried　the　turnpike　had　started　a　very　gradual　rise；　the　broad　swath　of　railroad…tracks；　by　illusory　contrast；　seemed　to　depress　still　further。　The　neat；　clean…cut　concrete…facing　that　had　been　given　the　embankment　further　in　toward　town　didn't　extend　this　far　out；　here　there　was　just　a　natural　slope；　extremely　steep；　but　with　weeds　and　bushes　clinging　to　it。
　He'd　stopped　all　of　a　sudden；　for　no　apparent　reason。　Run　the　two　outside　wheels　off　the　road　on　the　railroad's　side；　and　stopped　there。　That　was　all　the　space　that　was　allowed；　just　two　wheels　of　the　car；　even　that　was　an　extremely　precarious　position　to　take。　The　downslope　began　almost　outside　the　car　door。
　〃Why　here？〃　she　whispered。
　He　pointed。　〃Listen。　Hear　it？〃　It　was　a　sound　like　the　cracking　of　nuts。　Like　a　vast　layer　of　nuts；　all　rolling　around　and　being　cracked　and　shelled。
　〃I'd　like　to　get　him　out　of　town；〃　he　said。　He　got　out；　and　scrambled　down　the　slope　a　way；　until　she　could　only　see　him　from　the　waist　up；　and　stood　looking　down。　Then　he　picked　up　something…　a　stone；　maybe；　or　something…and　she　saw　him　throw。　Then　he　turned　his　head　a　little；　and　seemed　to　be　listening。
　Finally　he　fought　his　way　back　up　to　her　again；　digging　his　feet　in　sideways　to　gain　leverage。
　〃It's　a　slow　freight；〃　he　said。　〃Outbound。　It's　on　the　inside　track；　I　mean　the　one　right　under　us　here。　I　could　see　a　lantern　go　by　on　the　roof　of　one　of　the　cars。　It's　unearthly　long…I　think　they're　empties…and　it's　going　very　slow；　almost　at　a　crawl。　I　threw　a　stone；　and　I　heard　it　hit　one　of　the　roofs。〃
　She　had　already　guessed；　and　could　feel　her　skin　crawling。
　He　was　bending　over　the　form　on　the　front　seat；　going　through　its　pockets。　He　ripped　something　out　of　the　inside　coat…pocket　A　label　or　something。
　〃They　don't　always　get　right　of　way　like　the　fast　passengers　do。　It　may　have　to　stop　for　that　big　turnpike　crossing　not　far　up；　you　know　the　one　I　mean。　The　lootive　must　be　just　about　reaching　it　by　now…〃
　She'd　fought　down　her　repulsion；　she'd　made　up　her　mind　once　more；　though　this　was　going　to　be　even　worse　than　back　there　at　the　doorway。　〃Shall　I…　Do　you　want　me　to…？〃　And　she　got　ready　to　get　out　with　him。
　〃No；〃　he　said；　〃no。　Just　stay　in　it　and　watch　the　road。　The　slope　is　so　steep；　that　when　you　get　down　below　a　certain　point　with…　anything…it　will　plunge　down　the　rest　of　the　way　by　itself。　It's　been　sheared　off　at　the　bottom；　it's　a　sheer　drop。〃
　He'd　swung　the　front　door　out　as　far　as　it　would　go；　now。
　〃How's　the　road？〃　he　asked。
　She　looked　back　first；　all　along　it。　Then　forward。　The　way　it　rose　ahead　made　it　even　easier　to　sight　along。
　〃Empty；〃　she　said。　〃There's　not　a　moving　light　on　it　anywhere。〃
　He　dipped　down；　did　something　with　his　arm；　and　then　the　two　heads　and　the　two　pairs　of　shoulders　rose　together。　A　minute　later　the　front　seat　was　empty。
　She　turned　away　and　looked　at　the　road；　looked　at　the　road　for　all　she　was　worth。
　〃I'll　never　be　able　to　sit　on　the　front　seat　of　this　car　again；〃　it　occurred　to　her。　〃They'll　wonder　why；　but　I'll　always　balk；　I'll　always　think　of　what　was　there　tonight。〃
　He　had　a　hard　time　getting　him　down　the　slope；　he　had　to　be　a　brake　on　the　two　of　them　at　once；　and　the　weight　was　double。　Once　the　two　of　them　went　down　momentarily；　in　a　stumble；　and　her　heart　shot　up　into　her　throat；　as　though　there　were　a　pulley；　a　counterweight；　working　between　them　and　it。
　Then　he　regained　his　balance　again。
　Then　when　she　could　only　see　him　from　the　waist　up；　he　bent　over；　as　if　laying　something　down　before　him；　and　when　he'd　straightened　up　again；　he　was　alone；　she　could　only　see　him　by　himself。
　Then　he　just　stood　there　waiting。
　It　was　a　gamble；　a　wild　guess。　A　last　car；　a　carboose；　could　have　suddenly　e　along；　and…no　more　train　to　carry　their　freight　away。　Just　trackbed　left　below；　to　reveal　what　lay　on　it　as　soon　as　it　got　light。
　But　he'd　guessed　right　The　sound　of　cracking　nuts　thinned；　began　to　die　out。　A　sort　of　rippling　wooden　shudder；　starting　way　up　ahead；　ran　past　them　and　to　the　rear。　Then　a　second　one。　Then　silence。
　He　dipped　again。
　Her　hands　flew　up　to　her　ears；　but　she　was　too　late。　The　sound　beat　her　to　it。
　It　was　a　sick；　hollow　thud。　Like　when　a　heavy　sack　is　dropped。　Only；　a　sack　bursts　from　such　a　drop。　This　didn't。
　She　put　her　head　down　low　over　her　lap；　and　held　her　hands　pressed　to　her　eyes。
　When　she　looked　up　again；　he　was　standing　there　beside　her。　He　looked　like　a　man　who　has　himself　in　hand；　but　isn't　sure　that　he　isn't　going　to　be　sick　before　long。
　〃Stayed　on；〃　he　said。　〃Caught　on　that　catwalk；　or　whatever　it　is；　that　runs　down　the　middle　of　each　roof。　I　could　see　him　even　in　the　dark。　But　his　hat　didn't。　That　came　off　and　went　over。〃
　She　wanted　to　scream：　〃Don't！　Don't　tell　me！　Let　me　not　know！　I　know　too　much　already！〃　But　she　didn't　And　by　that　time　it　was　over　with；　anyway。
　He　got　in　again　and　took　the　wheel；　without　waiting　for　the　train　to　remence　its　run。
　〃It'll　go　on　again；〃　he　said。　〃It　has　to。　It　was　already　on　its　way　once。　It　won't　just　stand　there　the　rest　of　the　night〃
　He　ran　the　car　back　onto　the　rim　of　the　road　again；　and　then　he　brought　it　around　in　a　U…turn；　facing　back　to　Caulfield。　And　still　nothing　came　along；　nothing　passed　them。　On　no　other　night　could　this　road　have　been　so　empty。
　He　let　their　headlight　beams　shoot　out　ahead　of　them　now。
　〃Do　you　want　to　e　up　here　and　sit　with　me？〃　he　asked　her　quietly。
　〃No！〃　she　said　in　a　choked　voice。　〃I　couldn't！　Not　on　that　seat。〃
　He　seemed　to　understand。　〃I　just　didn't　want　you　to　be　all　alone；〃　he　said　passionately。
　〃I'll　be　all　alone　from　now　on；　anyway；　no　matter　where　I　sit；〃　she　murmured。　〃And　so　will　you。　We'll　both　be　all　alone；　even　together。〃
　
　
　42
　
　She　heard　the　brakes　go　on；　and　felt　the　motion　of　the　car　stop。　He　got　out　and　got　into　the　back　next　to　her。　They　stayed　just　the　way　they　were　for　several　long　moments。　She　with　her　face　pressed　against　the　bosom　of　his　shirt；　buried　against　him　as　if　trying　to　hide　it　from　the　night　and　all　that　had　happened　in　the　night。　He　with　one　hand　to　the　back　of　her　head；　holding　it　there；　supporting　it。
　They　didn't　move　nor　speak　at　first。
　Now　I　have　to　tell　him；　she　kept　thinking　with　dread。　Now　the　time　is　here。　And　how　shall　I　be　able　to？
　She　raised　her　head　at　last；　and　opened　her　eyes。　He'd　stopped　around　the　corner　from　their　own　house。　（His　own。　How　could　it　ever　be　hers　again？　How　could　she　ever　go　in　there；　after　what　had　happened　tonight？）　He'd　stopped　around　the　corner；　out　of　sight　of　it；　and　not　right　at　the　door。　He　was　giving　her　the　chance　to　tell　him；　that　must　be　why　he　had　done　it。
　He　took　out　a　cigarette；　and　lit　it　for　her　in　his　mouth；　and　offered　it　to　her　inquiringly。　She　shook