cw.imarriedadeadman-第3章

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or　whole　States　at　a　time；　and　an　act　of　courtesy　now　would　have　e　too　high。　This　was　no　trolley　or　bus　with　a　few　moments'　running　time。　Once　you　were　gallant　and　stood；　you　stood　for　hundreds　and　hundreds　of　miles。
　She　stopped　at　last；　and　stayed　where　she'd　stopped；　for　sheer　inability　to　turn　and　go　back　again　to　where　she'd　e　from。　No　use　going　any　further。　She　could　see　to　the　end　of　the　car；　and　there　weren't　any　left。
　She　let　her　valise　down　parallel　to　the　aisle；　and　tried　to　seat　herself　upon　its　upturned　edge　as　she　saw　so　many　others　doing。　But　she　floundered　badly　for　a　moment；　out　of　her　own　topheaviness；　and　almost　tumbled　in　lowering　herself。　Then　when　she'd　succeeded；　she　let　her　head　settle　back　against　the　sideward　edge　of　the　seat　she　was　adjacent　to；　and　stayed　that　way。　Too　tired　to　know；　too　tired　to　care；　too　tired　even　to　close　her　eyes。
　What　makes　you　stop；　when　you　have　stopped；　just　where　you　have　stopped？　What　is　it；　what？　Is　it　something；　or　is　it　nothing？　Why　not　a　yard　short；　why　not　a　yard　more？　Why　just　there　where　you　are；　and　nowhere　else？
　Some　say：　It's　just　blind　chance；　and　if　you　hadn't　stopped　there；　you　would　have　stopped　at　the　next　place。　Your　story　would　have　been　different　then。　You　weave　your　own　story　as　you　go　along。
　But　others　say：　You　could　not　have　stopped　any　place　else　but　this　even　if　you　had　wanted　to。　It　was　decreed；　it　was　ordered；　you　were　meant　to　stop　at　this　spot　and　no　other。　Your　story　is　there　waiting　for　you；　it　has　been　waiting　for　you　there　a　hundred　years；　long　before　you　were　born；　and　you　cannot　change　a　ma　of　it。　Everything　you　do；　you　have　to　do。　You　are　the　twig；　and　the　water　you　float　on　swept　you　here。　You　are　the　leaf　and　the　breeze　you　were　borne　on　blew　you　here。　This　is　your　story；　and　you　cannot　escape　it；　you　are　only　the　player；　not　the　stage　manager。　Or　so　some　say。
　On　the　floor　before　her　downcast　eyes；　just　over　the　rim　of　the　seat…arm；　she　could　see　two　pairs　of　shoes　uptilted；　side　by　side。　On　the　inside；　toward　the　window；　a　diminutive　pair　of　pumps；　pert；　saucy；　without　backs；　without　sides；　without　toes；　in　fact　with　scarcely　anything　but　dagger…like　heels　and　a　couple　of　straps。　And　on　the　outside；　the　nearer　side　to　her；a　pair　of　man's　brogues；　looking　by　parison　squat；　bulky；　and　tremendously　heavy。　These　hung　one　above　the　other；　from　legs　coupled　at　the　knee。
　She　did　not　see　their　faces　and　she　did　not　want　to。　She　did　not　want　to　see　anyone's　face。　She　did　not　want　to　see　anything。
　Nothing　happened　for　a　moment。　Then　one　of　the　pumps　edged　slyly　over　toward　one　of　the　brogues；　nudged　gently　into　it；　as　if　in　a　deft　little　effort　to　municate　something。　The　brogue　remained　oblivious；　it　didn't　get　the　message。　It　got　the　feeling；　but　not　the　intent　A　large　hand　came　down；　and　scratched　tentatively　at　the　sock　just　above　the　brogue；　then　went　up　again。
　The　pump；　as　if　impatient　at　such　obtuseness；　repeated　the　effort。　Only　this　time　it　delivered　a　good　sharp　dig；　with　a　bite　to　it；　and　on　the　unprotected　ankle；　above　the　armorlike　brogue。
　That　got　results。　A　newspaper　rattled　somewhere　above；　as　if　it　had　been　lowered　out　of　the　way；　to　see　what　all　this　unpleasant　nipping　was　about。
　A　whispered　remark　was　voiced　above；　spoken　too　low　to　be　distinguishable　by　any　but　the　ear　for　which　it　was　intended。
　An　interrogative　grunt；　in　masculine　timbre；　answered　it。
　Both　brogues　came　down　even　on　the　floor；　as　the　legs　above　uncoupled。　Then　they　swivelled　slightly　toward　the　aisle；　as　if　their　owner　had　turned　his　upper　body　to　glance　that　way。
　The　girl　on　the　valise　closed　her　eyes　wearily；　to　avoid　the　gaze　that　she　knew　must　be　on　her。
　When　she　opened　them　again；　the　brogues　had　e　out　through　the　seat…gap；　and　the　wearer　was　standing　full…height　in　the　aisle；　on　the　other　side　of　her。　A　good　height　too；　a　six…foot　height。
　〃Take　my　seat；　miss；〃　he　invited。　〃Go　ahead；　take　my　place　for　awhile。〃
　She　tried　to　demur　with　a　faint　smile　and　a　halfhearted　shake　of　the　head。　But　the　velour　back　lopked　awfully　good。
　The　girl　who　had　remained　in　it　added　her　insistence　to　his。　〃Go　ahead；　honey；　take　it；〃　she　urged。　〃He　wants　you　to。　We　want　you　to。　You　can't　stay　out　there　like　that；　where　you　are。〃
　The　velour　back　looked　awfully　good。　She　couldn't　take　her　eyes　off　it。　But　she　was　almost　too　tired　to　stand　up　and　effect　the　change。　He　had　to　reach　down　and　take　her　by　the　arm　and　help　her　rise　from　the　valise　and　shift　over。
　Her　eyes　closed　again　for　a　moment；　in　ineffable　bliss；　as　she　sank　back。
　〃There　you　are；〃　he　said　heartily。　〃Isn't　that　better？〃
　And　the　girl　beside　her；　her　new　seat…mate；　said：　〃Why；　you　are　tired。　I　never　saw　anyone　so　all…in。〃
　She　smiled　her　thanks；　and　still　tried　to　protest　a　little；　though　the　act　had　already　been　pleted；　but　they　both　overrode　her　remonstrances。
　She　looked　at　the　two　of　them。　Now　she　at　least　wanted　to　see　their　two　faces；　if　no　others；　though　only　a　few　moments　ago　she　hadn't　wanted　to　see　any　faces；　anywhere；　ever　again。　But　kindness　is　a　form　of　restorative。
　They　were　both　young。　Well；　she　was　too。　But　they　were　both　happy；　gay；　basking　in　the　world's　blessings；　that　was　the　difference　between　them　and　her。　It　stood　out　all　over　them。　There　was　some　sort　of　gilded　incandescence　alight　within　both　of　them　alike；　something　that　was　more　than　mere　good　spirits；　more　than　mere　good　fortune；　and　for　the　first　few　moments　she　couldn't　tell　what　it　was。　Then　in　no　time　at　all；　their　eyes；　and　every　turn　of　their　heads；　and　every　move　they　made；　gave　it　away：　they　were　supremely；　brimmingly　in　love　with　one　another。　It　glowed　out　all　over　them；　almost　like　phosphorus。
　Young　love。　New　untarnished　love。　That　first　love　that　es　just　once　to　everyone　and　never　es　back　again。
　But；　conversationally；　it　expressed　itself　inversely；　at　least　on　her　part　if　not　his；　almost　every　remark　she　addressed　to　him　was　a　friendly　insult；　a　gentle　slur；　an　amiable　depreciation。　Not　so　much　as　a　word　of　tenderness；　or　even　ordinary　human　consideration；　did　she　seem　to　have　for　him。　Though　her　eyes　belied　her。　And　he　understood。　He　had　that　smile　for　all　her　outrageous　insolences；　that　worshipped；　that　adored；　that　understood　so　well。
　〃Well；　go　on；〃　she　said　with　a　peremptory　flick　of　her　hand。　〃Don't　stand　there　like　a　dope；　breathing　down　the　backs　of　our　necks。　Go　and　find　something　to　do。〃
　〃Oh；　pardon　me；〃　he　said；　and　pretended　to　turn　the　back　of　his　collar　up；　as　if　frozen　out　He　looked　vaguely　up　and　down　the　aisle。　〃Guess　I'll　go　out　on　the　platform　and　smoke　a　cigarette。〃
　〃Smoke　two；〃　she　said　airily。　〃See　if　I　care。〃
　He　turned　and　began　to　pick　his　way　down　the　thronged　aisle。
　〃That　was　nice　of　him；〃　the　newer　said　appreciatively；　glancing　after　him。
　〃Oh；　he's　tolerable；〃　her　panion　said。　〃He　has　his　good　points。〃　She　gave　a　shrug。　But　her　eyes　made　a　liar　out　of　her。
　She　glanced　around　to　make　sure　he'd　gone　out　of　earshot。　Then　she　leaned　slightly　toward　the　other；　dropped　her　voice　confidentially。　〃I　could　tell　right　away；〃　she　said。　〃That's　why　I　made　him　get　up。　About　you；　I　mean。〃
　The　girl　who'd　been　on　the　valise　dropped　her　eyes　for　an　instant；　confused；　deprecating。　She　didn't　say　anything。
　〃I　am　too。　You're　not　the　only　one；〃　her　panion　rushed　on；　with　just　a　trace　of　vainglory；　as　if　she　couldn't　wait　to　tell　it　quickly　enough。
　The　girl　said；　〃Oh。〃　She　didn't　know　what　else　to　say。　It　sounded　flat；　superficial；　the　way　you　say　〃Is　that　so？〃　or　〃You　don't　say？〃　She　tried　to　force　a　smile　of　sympathetic　interest；　but　she　wasn't　very　good　at　it。　Out　of　practice　at　smiling；　maybe。
　〃Seven　months；〃　the　other　added　gratuitously。
　The　girl　could　feel　her　eyes　on　her；　as　though　she　expected　some　return　in　kind　to　be　made；　if　only　for　the　record。
　〃Eight；〃　she　said；　half…audibly。　She　didn't　want　to；　but　she　did。
　〃Wonderful；〃　was　her　panion's　praise　for　this　arithmetical　information。　〃Marvelous。〃　As　though　there　were　some　sort　of　a　caste　system　involved　in　this；　and　she　unexpectedly　found　herself　speaking　to　one　of　the　upper　brackets　of　nobility：　a　duchess　or　a　marquise；　who　outranked　her　by　thirty　days。　And　all　around　them；　snobbishly　ignored；　the　monality　of　the　female　gender。
　〃Wonderful；　marvelous；〃　echoed　the　girl　inwardly；　and　her　heart　gave　a　frightened；　unheard　sob。
　〃And　your　husband？〃　the　other　rushed　on。　〃You　going　to　meet　him？〃
　〃No；〃　the　girl　said；　looking　steadily　at　the　green　velour　of　the　seatback　in　front　of　them。　〃No。〃
　〃Oh。　D'd　you　leave　him　back　in　New　York？〃
　〃No；〃　the　girl　said。　〃No。〃　She　seemed　to　see　it　written　on　the　seatback　in　transitory　lettering；　that　faded　again　as　soon　as　it　was　once　read。　〃I've　lost　him。〃
　〃Oh；　I'm　sor…〃　Her　vivacious　panion　seemed　to　know　grief　for　the　first　time；　other　than　just　grief　over　a　broken　doll　or　a　schoolgirl　crush　betrayed。　It　was　like　a　new　experience　passing　over　her　radiant　face。　And　it　was；　even　now；　bound　to　be　someone　else's　grief；　not　her　own；　that　was　the　impression　you　had。　That　she'd　never　had　any　grief　of　her　own；　had　none　now；　and　never　would　have。　One　of　those　star…blessed　rarities；　glittering　its　way　through　the　world's　dark　vale。
　She　bit　off　the　rest　of　the　ejaculation　of　sympathy；　gnawed　at　her　upper　lip；　reached　out　impulsively　and　placed　her　hand　upon　her　panion's　for　a　moment；　then　withdrew　it　again。
　Then；　tactfully；　they　didn't　speak　any　more　about　such　things。　Such　basic　things　as　birth　and　death；　that　can　give　such　joy　and　can　give　such　pain。
　She　had　corn…gold　hair；　this　sun…kissed　being。　She　wore　it　in　a　hazy　aureole　that　fluffed　out　all　over　her　head。　She　had　freckles　that　were　like　little　flecks　of　gold　paint；　spattered　from　some　careless　painter's　brush　all　over　her　apricot　cheeks；　with　a　saddle　across　the　bridge　of　her　tiny；　pert　nose。　It　was　her　mouth　that　was　the　beautiful　part　of　her。　And　if　the　rest　of　her　face　was　not　quite　up　to　its　matchless　beauty；　that　mouth　alone　was　sufficient　to　make　her　lovely…looking；　unaided；　drawing　all　notice　to　itself　as　it　did。　Just　as　a　single　light　is　enough　to　make　a　plain　room　bright；　you　don't　have　to　have　a　whole　chandelier。　When　it　smiled；　everything　else　smiled　with　it　Her　nose　crinkled；　and　her　eyebrows　arched；　and　her　eyes　creased；　and　dimples　showed　up　where　there　hadn't　been　any　a　minute　before。　She　looked　as　though　she　smiled　a　lot。　She　looked　as　though　she　had　a　lot　to　smile　about。
　She　continually　toyed　with　a　wedding…band　on　her　third　finger。　Caressed　it；　so　to　speak；　fondled　it。　She　was　probably　unconscious　of　doing　so　by　this　time；　it　must　have　bee　a　fixed　habit　by　now。　But　originally；　months　ago；　when　it　was　first　there；　when　it　was　new　there；　she　must　have　taken　such　a　fierce　pride　in　it　that　she'd　felt　the　need　for　continually　displaying　it　to　all　the　world…as　if　to　say；　〃Look　at　me！　Look　what　I've　got！　〃…must　have　held　such　an　affection　for　it　that　she　couldn't　keep　her　hands　off　it　for　very　long。　And　now；　though　pride　and　affection　were　in　nowise　less；　this　had　formed　itself　into　a　winning　little　habit　that　persisted。　No　matter　what　move　her　hands　made；　no　matter　what　gesture　they　expressed；　it　always　managed　to　e　uppermost；　to　be　foremost　in　the　beho