cw.imarriedadeadman-第5章

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　rub　off。〃
　Helen　laughed。　〃You　make　me　feel　so　giddy；〃　she　said　with　a　wistful　sort　of　admiration。
　Patrice　hunched　her　shoulders　and　grimaced　impishly。　〃It's　my　last　fling；　sort　of。　From　tomorrow　night　on　I　may　have　to　be　on　my　best　behavior。　Sober　and　sedate。〃　She　made　a　long　face；　and　steepled　her　hands　against　her　stomach；　in　mimicry　of　a　bluenosed　clergyman。
　〃Oh；　on　account　of　meeting　your　in…laws；〃　Helen　remembered。
　〃Hugh　says　they're　not　like　that　at　all；　I　have　absolutely　nothing　to　worry　about。　But　of　course　he　just　may　be　slightly　prejudiced　in　their　favor。　I　wouldn't　think　much　of　him　if　he　wasn't。〃
　She　was　scouring　a　mystic　white　circle　on　each　cheek；　and　then　spreading　them　around；　mouth　open　the　whole　while；　though　it　played　no　part　in　the　rite　itself。
　〃Go　ahead；　help　yourself；〃　she　invited。　〃Stick　your　finger　in　and　dig　out　a　gob。　I'm　not　sure　what　it　does　for　you；　but　it　smells　nice；　so　there's　nothing　to　lose。〃
　〃Is　that　really　true；　what　you　told　me？〃　Helen　said；　following　suit。　〃That　they've　never　even　seen　you　until　now？　I　can't　believe　it〃
　〃Cross　my　heart　and　hope　to　die；　they've　never　laid　eyes　on　me　in　their　lives。　I　met　Hugh　on　the　Other　Side；　like　I　told　you　this　afternoon；　and　we　were　married　over　there；　and　we　went　on　living　over　there　until　just　now。　My　folks　were　dead；　and　I　was　on　a　scholarship；　studying　music；　and　he　had　a　job　with　one　of　these　government　agencies；　you　know；　one　of　these　initialed　outfits。　They　don't　even　know　what　I　look　like！〃
　〃Didn't　you　even　send　them　a　picture　of　yourself？　Not　even　after　you　were　married？〃
　〃We　never　even　had　a　wedding…picture　taken；　you　know　how　us　kids　are　nowadays。　Biff；　bing；　bang！　and　we're　married。　I　started　to　send　them　one　of　myself　several　times；　but　I　was　never　quite　satisfied　with　the　ones　I　had。　Self…conscious；　you　know；　I　wanted　to　make　such　a　good　first　impression。　One　time　Hugh　even　arranged　a　sitting　for　me　at　a　photographer；　and　when　I　saw　the　proofs　I　said；　'Over　my　dead　body　you'll　send　these！'　Those　French　photographers！　I　knew　I　was　going　to　meet　them　eventually；　and　snapshots　are　so…　so…Anyway　the　ones　I　take。　So　finally　I　said　to　him；　'I've　waited　this　long；　I'm　not　going　to　send　any　to　them　at　all　now。　I'll　save　it　up　for　a　surprise；　let　them　see　me　in　the　flesh　instead；　when　they　finally　do。　That　way；　they　won't　build　up　any　false　hopes　and　then　be　disappointed。'　I　used　to　censor　all　his　letters　too；　wouldn't　let　him　describe　me。　You　can　imagine　how　he　would　have　done　it。　'Mona　Lisa；'　Venus　on　the　half…shell。　I'd　say；　'No　you　don't！'　when　I'd　catch　him　at　it；　and　scratch　it　out　We'd　have　more　tussles　that　way；　chase　each　other　around　the　room；　trying　to　get　the　letter　back　or　trying　to　get　it　away　from　me。〃
　She　became　serious　for　a　moment。　Or　at　least；　approached　as　closely　to　it　as　she　seemed　capable　of。
　〃Y'know；　now　I　wish　I　hadn't　done　that；　sort　of。　Played　hide　and　seek　with　them　like　this；　I　mean。　Now　I　have　got　cold　feet。　Do　you　think　they'll　really　like　me？　Suppose　they　don't？　Suppose　they　have　me　built　up　in　their　expectations　as　someone　entirely　different；　and…〃
　Like　the　little　boy　in　the　radio　skit　who　prattles　about　a　selfinvented　bugaboo　until　he　ends　up　by　frightening　himself　with　it。
　〃How　on　earth　do　you　make　the　water　stay　in　this　thing？〃　she　interrupted　herself。　She　pounded　lightly　on　the　plunger　set　into　the　washbasin。　〃Every　time　I　get　it　to　fill；　it　runs　right　out　again。〃
　〃Twist　it　a　little；　and　then　push　down　on　it；　I　think。〃
　Patrice　stripped　off　her　wedding…band　before　plunging　her　hands　in。　〃Hold　this　for　me；　I　want　to　wash　my　hands。　I　have　a　horror　of　losing　it　It　slipped　down　a　drain　on　the　Other　Side；　once；　and　they　had　to　take　out　a　whole　section　of　pipe　before　they　could　get　it　out　for　me。〃
　〃It's　beautiful；〃　Helen　said　wistfully。
　〃Isn't　it；　though？〃　Patrice　agreed。　〃See？　It　has　our　names；　together；　around　it　on　the　inside。　Isn't　that　a　cute　idea？　Keep　it　on　your　finger　for　me　a　minute；　that's　the　safest。〃
　〃Isn't　it　supposed　to　be　bad　luck　to　do　that？　I　mean；　for　you　to　take　it　off；　and　for　me　to　put　it　on？〃
　Patrice　tossed　her　head　vaingloriously。　〃I　couldn't　have　bad　luck；〃　she　proclaimed。　It　was　almost　a　challenge。
　〃And　I；〃　thought　Helen　somberly；　〃couldn't　have　good。〃
　She　watched　it　curiously　as　it　slowly　descended　the　length　of　her　finger；　easily；　without　forcing。　There　was　a　curiously　familiar　feeling　to　it；　as　of　something　that　should　have　been　there　long　ago；　that　belonged　there　and　had　been　strangely　lacking　until　now。
　〃So　this　is　what　it　feels　like；〃　she　said　to　herself　poignantly。
　The　train　pounded　on；　its　headlong　roar　deadened；　in　here　where　they　were；　to　a　muted　jittering。
　Patrice　stepped　back；　her　toilette　at　last　pleted。　〃Well；　this　is　my　last　night；〃　she　sighed。　〃By　this　time　tomorrow　night　we'll　already　be　there；　the　worst'll　be　over。〃　She　clasped　her　own　arms；　in　a　sort　of　half…shiver　of　fright。　〃I　hope　they　like　what　they're　getting。〃　She　nervously　stole　a　sidelong　look　at　herself　in　the　glass；　primped　at　her　hair。
　〃You'll　be　all　right；　Patrice；〃　Helen　reassured　her　quietly。　〃Nobody　could　help　but　like　you。〃
　Patrice　crossed　her　fingers　and　held　them　up　to　show　her。　〃Hugh　says　they're　very　well…off；〃　she　rambled　on。　〃That　makes　it　all　the　worse　sometimes。〃　She　tittered　in　recollection。　〃I　guess　they　must　be。　I　know　they　even　had　to　send　us　the　money　for　the　trip　home。　We　were　always　on　a　shoestring；　the　whole　time　we　were　over　there。　We　had　an　awful　lot　of　fun；　though。　I　think　that's　the　only　time　you　have　fun；　when　you're　on　a　shoestring；　don't　you？〃
　〃Sometimes…you　don't；〃　remembered　Helen；　but　she　didn't　answer。
　〃Anyway；〃　her　confidante　babbled　on；　〃as　soon　as　they　found　out　I　was　Expecting；　that　did　it！　They　wouldn't　hear　of　my　having　my　baby　over　there。　I　didn't　much　want　to　myself；　as　a　matter　of　fact；　and　Hugh　didn't　want　me　to　either。　They　should　be　born　in　the　good　old　U。S。A。；　don't　you　think　so？　That's　the　least　you　can　do　for　them。〃
　〃Sometimes　that's　all　you　can　do　for　them；〃　Helen　thought　wryly。　〃That…and　seventeen　cents。〃
　She　had　finished　now　in　turn。
　Patrice　urged；　〃Let's　stay　in　here　long　enough　to　have　a　puff；　now　that　we're　here。　We　don't　seem　to　be　keeping　anybody　else　out。　And　if　we　try　to　talk　out　there；　they　might　shush　us　down；　they're　all　trying　to　sleep。〃　The　little　lighter…flame　winked　in　coppery　reflection　against　the　mirrors　and　glistening　chrome　on　all　sides　of　them。　She　gave　a　sigh　of　heartfelt　satisfaction。　〃I　love　these　before…retiring　talks　with　another　girl。　It's　been　ages　since　I　last　had　one。　Back　in　school；　I　guess。　Hugh　says　I'm　a　woman's　woman　at　heart。〃　She　stopped　short　and　thought　about　it　with　a　quizzical　quirk　of　her　head。　〃Is　that　good　or　bad？　I　must　ask　him。〃
　Helen　couldn't　repress　a　smile。　〃Good；　I　guess。　I　wouldn't　want　to　be　a　man's　woman。〃
　〃I　wouldn't　either！〃　Patrice　hastily　concurred。　〃It　always　makes　me　think　of　someone　who　uses　foul　language　and　spits　out　of　the　corner　of　her　mouth。〃
　They　both　chuckled　for　a　moment　in　unison。　But　Patrice's　butterflymind　had　already　fluttered　on　to　the　next　topic；　as　she　dropped　ash　into　the　waste…receptacle。　〃Wonder　if　I'll　be　able　to　smoke　openly；　once　I'm　home？〃　She　shrugged。　〃Oh　well；　there's　always　the　back　of　the　barn。〃
　And　then　suddenly　she　had　reverted　to　their　mutual　condition　again。
　〃Are　you　frightened？　About　it；　you　know？〃
　Helen　made　the　admission　with　her　eyes。
　〃I　am　too。〃　She　took　a　reflective　puff。　〃I　think　everyone　is；　a　little；　don't　you？　Men　don't　think　we　are。　All　I　have　to　do　is　look　at　Hugh…〃　she　deepened　the　dimple…pits　humorously…〃and　I　can　see　he's　frightened　enough　for　the　two　of　us；　so　then　I　don't　let　on　that　I'm　frightened　too。　And　I　reassure　him。〃
　Helen　wondered　what　it　was　like　to　have　someone　to　talk　to　about　it
　〃Are　they　pleased　about　it？〃
　〃Oh　sure。　They're　tickled　silly。　First　grandchild；　you　know。　They　didn't　even　ask　us　if　we　wanted　to　e　back。　'You're　ing　back；'　and　that　was　that。〃
　She　pointed　the　remnant　of　her　cigarette　down　toward　one　of　the　taps；　quenched　it　with　a　sharp　little　jet　of　water。
　〃Ready？　Shall　we　go　back　to　our　seats　now？〃
　They　were　both　doing　little　things。　All　life　is　that；　the　continuous　doing　of　little　things；　all　life　long。　And　then　suddenly　a　big　thing　strikes　into　their　midst…and　where　are　the　little　things；　what　became　of　them；　what　were　they？
　Her　hand　was　to　the　door；　reversing　the　little　handlatch　that　Patrice　had　locked　before；　when　they　first　came　in。　Patrice　was　somewhere　behind　her；　replacing　something　in　the　uplidded　dressing…kit；　about　to　close　it　and　bring　it　with　her。　She　could　see　her　vaguely　in　the　chromium　sheeting　lining　the　wall　before　her。　Little　things。　Little　things　that　life　is　made　up　of。
　Her　senses　played　a　trick　on　her。　There　was　no　time　for　them　to　synchronize　with　the　thing　that　happened。　They　played　her　false。　She　had　a　fleeting　impression；　at　first；　of　having　done　something　wrong　to　the　door；　dislodged　it　in　its　entirety。　Simply　by　touching　that　little　hand…latch。　It　was　as　though　she　were　bringing　the　whole　door…slab　down　inward　on　herself。　As　though　it　were　falling　bodily　out　of　its　frame；　hinges　and　all。　And　yet　it　never　did；　it　never　detached　itself；　it　never　came　apart　from　the　entire　wall…section　it　was　imbedded　in。　So　the　second　fleeting　impression；　equally　false　and　equally　a　matter　of　seconds　only；　was　that　the　entire　wall　of　the　partment；　door　and　all；　was　toppling；　threatening　to　e　down　on　her。　And　yet　that　never　did　either。　Instead；　the　whole　alcove　seemed　to　upend；　shift　on　a　crazy　axis；　so　that　what　had　been　the　wall　before　her　until　now；　had　shifted　to　bee　the　ceiling　over　her；　so　that　what　had　been　the　floor　she　was　standing　on　until　now；　had　shifted　to　bee　the　wall　upright　before　her。　The　door　was　gone　hopelessly　out　of　reach；　was　a　sealed　trap　overhead；　impossible　to　attain。
　The　lights　went。　All　light　was　gone；　and　yet　so　vividly　explosive　were　the　sensory　images　whirling　through　her　mind　that　they　glowed　on　of　their　own　incandescence　in　the　dark；　it　took　her　a　paratively　long　time　to　realize　she　was　steeped　in　pitch…blackness；　could　no　longer　see　physically。　Only　in　afterglow　of　imaginative　terror。
　There　was　a　nauseating　sensation　as　if　the　tracks；　instead　of　being　rigid　steel　rods；　had　softened　into　rippling　ribbons；　with　the　train　still　trying　to　follow　their　buckling　curvature。　The　car　seemed　to　go　up　and　down；　like　a　scenic　railway　performing　foreshortened　dips　and　rises　that　followed　one　another　quicker　and　quicker　and　quicker。　There　was　a　distant　rending；　grinding；　ing　nearer；　swelling　as　it　came。　It　reminded　her　of　a　coffee…mill　they　had　had　at　home；　when　she　was　a　little　girl。　But　that　one　didn't　draw　you　into　its　maw；　crunching　everything　in　sight；　as　this　one　was　doing。
　〃Hugh！〃　the　disembodied　floor　itself　seemed　to　scream　out　behind　her。　Just　once。
　Then　after　that　the　floor　fell　silent。
　There　were　minor　impressions。　Of　seams　opening；　and　of　heavy　metal　partitions　being　bent　together　over　her　head；　until　the　opening　that　held　her　was　no　longer　foursquare；　but　tent…shaped。　The　darkness　blanched　momentarily　in　sudden　ghostly　pallor　that　was　hot　and　puckery　to　breathe。