cw.imarriedadeadman-第7章

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　They'd　been　moved　nearer　by　this　time。　And　she　herself　could　move　now　more　freely。　She'd　been　lying　quietly　on　her　side　admiring　them　for　some　time　when　the　impulse　formed。
　There　was　a　small　one；　dangling　low；　arching　over　in　her　direction；　and　she　thought　she'd　get　that。　She　turned　more　fully；　so　that　she　was　pletely　sideward；　and　reached　out　toward　it。　。　。　。
　Her　hand　closed　on　its　stalk；　and　it　quivered　delicately　with　the　pressure。　She　knew　she　wouldn't　have　been　able　to　break　the　stalk　off　short　just　with　one　hand　alone；　and　she　didn't　want　to　do　that　anyway；　didn't　want　to　damage　the　flower；　just　borrow　it　for　awhile。　So　she　started　to　withdraw　the　stalk　vertically　from　the　receptacle；　and　as　it　paid　off　and　seemed　never　to　e　to　an　end；　this　swept　her　hand　high　upward　and　at　last　back　over　her　own　head。
　It　struck　the　bed…back；　that　part　that　was　so　close　to　her　that　she　could　never　have　seen　it　without　making　a　plete　head…turn；　and　something　up　there　jiggled　and　quivered　a　little；　as　if　threatening　to　detach　itself　and　e　down。
　She　made　the　plete　head…turn；　and　even　withdrew　out　from　it　a　little；　into　a　half…sitting　position；　something　she　had　never　attempted　before；　to　bring　it　into　focus。
　It　was　a　featherweight　metal　frame；　a　rectangle；　clasped　to　the　top　bar　of　the　bed；　loose　on　its　other　three　sides。　Within　was　held　a　smooth　mat　of　paper；　with　fine　neat　writing　on　it　that　blurred　until　it　had　stopped　the　slight　swaying　that　her　impact　had　set　in　motion。
　It　had　been　inches　from　her　head；　just　over　her　head；　all　this　time；　but　she'd　never　seen　it　until　now。
　Her　chart。
　She　peered　at　it　intently。
　Suddenly　the　present　and　all　its　safety　exploded　into　fragments；　and　the　flower　fell　from　her　extended　hand　onto　the　floor。
　There　were　three　lines　at　the　top；　in　neat　symmetry。　The　first　part　of　each　was　printed　and　left　inplete；　the　rest　was　finished　out　in　typescript。
　It　said　at　the　top：　〃Section…〃
　And　then　it　said：　〃Maternity。〃
　It　said　below　that：　〃Room…〃
　And　then　it　said：　〃25。〃
　It　said　at　the　bottom：　〃Patient's　Name…〃
　And　then　it　said：　〃Hazzard；　Patrice　（Mrs。）。〃
　
　
　8
　
　The　nurse　opened　the　door；　and　her　face　changed。　The　smile　died　off　on　it。　You　could　detect　the　change　in　her　face　from　all　the　way　over　there；　even　before　she'd　e　any　closer　to　the　bed。
　She　came　over　and　took　her　patient's　temperature。　Then　she　straightened　the　chart。
　Neither　of　them　said　anything。
　There　was　fear　in　the　room。　There　was　shadow　in　the　room。　The　present　was　no　longer　in　the　room。　The　future　had　taken　its　place。　Bringing　fear；　bringing　shadow；　bringing　strangeness；　worse　than　even　the　past　could　have　brought。
　The　nurse　held　the　thermometer　toward　the　light　and　scanned　it。　Then　her　brows　deepened。　She　put　the　thermometer　down。
　She　asked　the　question　carefully；　as　though　she　had　gauged　its　tone　and　its　tempo　before　allowing　herself　to　ask　it。　She　said；　〃What　happened？　Has　something　upset　you？　You're　running　a　slight　temperature。〃
　The　girl　in　the　bed　answered　with　a　question　of　her　own。　Frightenedly；　tautly。　〃What's　that　doing　on　my　bed？　Why　is　it　there？〃
　〃Everyone　who's　ill　has　to　have　one；〃　the　nurse　answered　soothingly。　〃It's　nothing；　just　a…〃
　〃But　look…the　name。　It　says…〃
　〃Does　the　sight　of　your　own　name　frighten　you？　You　mustn't　look　at　it。　You're　really　not　supposed　to　see　it　there。　Sh；　don't　talk　now　any　more。〃
　〃But　there's　something　I…But　you　have　to　tell　me；　I　don't　understand…〃
　The　nurse　took　her　pulse。
　And　as　she　did　so；　the　patient　was　suddenly　looking　at　her　own　hand；　in　frozen；　arrested　horror。　At　the　little　circlet　with　diamonds；　enfolding　the　third　finger。　At　the　weddingband。　As　though　she'd　never　seen　it　before；　as　though　she　wondered　what　it　was　doing　there。
　The　nurse　saw　her　trying　to　take　it　off；　with　flurried　little　tugs。　It　wouldn't　move　easily。
　The　nurse's　face　changed。　〃Just　a　moment；　I'll　be　right　back；〃　she　said　uneasily。
　She　brought　the　doctor　in　with　her。　Her　whispering　stopped　as　they　crossed　the　threshold。
　He　came　over　to　the　bed；　put　his　hand　to　her　forehead。
　He　nodded　to　the　nurse　and　said；　〃Slight〃
　He　said；　〃Drink　this。〃
　It　tasted　salty。
　They　put　the　hand　under　the　covers；　out　of　sight。　The　hand　with　the　ring　on　it。
　They　took　the　glass　from　her　lips。　She　didn't　want　to　ask　any　questions；　any　more。　She　did；　but　some　other　time；　not　right　now。　There　was　something　they　had　to　be　told。　She'd　had　it　a　minute　ago；　but　now　it　had　escaped　her　again。
　She　sighed。　Some　other　time；　but　not　right　now。　She　didn't　want　to　do　anything　right　now　but　sleep。
　She　turned　her　face　toward　the　pillow　and　slept。
　
　
　9
　
　It　came　right　back　again。　The　first　thing。　With　the　first　glimpse　of　the　flowers；　the　first　glimpse　of　the　fruit；　right　as　her　eyelids　first　went　up　and　the　room　came　into　being。　It　came　right　back　again。
　Something　said　to　her：　Tread　softly；　speak　slow。　Take　care；　take　care。　She　didn't　know　what　or　why；　but　she　knew　it　must　be　heeded。
　The　nurse　said　to　her；　〃Drink　your　orange　juice。〃
　The　nurse　said　to　her；　〃You　can　have　a　little　coffee　in　your　milk；　starting　from　today　on。　Each　day　a　little　more。　Won't　that　be　a　pleasant　change？〃
　Tread　softly；　speak　with　care。
　She　said；　〃What　happened　to…？〃
　She　took　another　sip　of　beige…colored　milk。　Tread　warily；　speak　slow。
　〃To　whom？〃　the　nurse　finally　pleted　it　for　her。
　Oh；　careful　now；　careful。　〃There　was　another　girl　in　the　train　washroom　with　me。　Is　she　all　right？〃　She　took　another　sip　of　milk　for　punctuation。　Hold　the　glass　steady；　now；　that's　right。　Don't　let　it　shake。　Down　to　the　tray　again；　even　and　slow；　that's　it。
　The　nurse　shook　her　head　reticently。　She　said；　〃No。〃
　〃She's　dead？〃
　The　nurse　wouldn't　answer。　She　too　was　treading　softly。　She　too　felt　her　way；　she　too　wouldn't　rush　in。　She　said；　〃Did　you　know　her　very　well？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃You'd　only　met　her　on　the　train？〃
　〃Only　on　the　train。〃
　The　nurse　had　paved　her　own　way　now。　It　was　safe　to　proceed。　The　nurse　nodded。　She　was　answering　the　question　two　sentences　before；　by　delayed　action。　〃She's　gone；〃　she　said　quietly。
　The　nurse　watched　her　face　expectantly。　The　pavement　held；　there　was　no　cave…in。
　The　nurse　ventured　a　step　farther。
　〃Isn't　there　anyone　else　you　want　to　ask　about？〃
　〃What　happened　to…？〃
　The　nurse　took　the　tray　away；　as　if　stripping　the　scene　for　a　crisis。
　〃To　him？〃
　Those　were　the　words。　She　adopted　them。　〃What　happened　to　him？〃
　The　nurse　said；　〃Just　a　moment。〃　She　went　to　the　door；　opened　it；　and　motioned　to　someone　unseen。
　The　doctor　came　in；　and　a　second　nurse。　They　stood　waiting；　as　if　prepared　to　meet　an　emergency。
　The　first　nurse　said；　〃Temperature　normal。〃　She　said；　〃Pulse　normal。〃
　The　second　nurse　was　mixing　something　in　a　glass。
　The　first　nurse；　her　own；　stood　close　to　the　bed。　She　took　her　by　the　hand　and　held　it　tightly。　Just　held　it　like　that；　tight　and　unyielding。
　The　doctor　nodded。
　The　first　nurse　moistened　her　lips。　She　said；　〃Your　husband　wasn't　saved　either；　Mrs。　Hazzard。〃
　She　could　feel　her　face　pale　with　shock。　The　skin　pulled　as　though　it　were　a　size　too　small。
　She　said；　〃No；　there's　something　wrong…No；　you're　making　a　mistake…〃
　The　doctor　motioned　unobtrusively。　He　and　the　second　nurse　closed　in　on　her　swiftly。
　Somebody　put　a　cool　hand　on　her　forehead；　held　her　pressed　downward；　kindly　but　firmly；　she　couldn't　tell　whose　it　was。
　She　said；　〃No；　please　let　me　tell　you！〃
　The　second　nurse　was　holding　something　to　her　lips。　The　first　one　was　holding　her　hand；　tight　and　warm；　as　if　to　say；　〃I　am　here。　Don't　be　frightened；　I　am　here。〃　The　hand　on　her　forehead　was　cool　but　petent。　It　was　heavy；　but　not　too　heavy；　just　persuasive　enough　to　make　her　head　lie　still。
　〃Please…〃　she　said　listlessly。
　She　didn't　say　anything　more　after　that　They　didn't　either。
　Finally　she　overheard　the　doctor　murmur；　as　if　in　punctuation：　〃She　stood　that　very　well。〃
　
　
　10
　
　It　came　back　again。　How　could　it　fail　to　now？　You　cannot　sleep　at　all　times；　only　at　small　times。　And　with　it　came：　Tread　softly；　speak　with　care。
　The　nurse's　name　was　Miss　Allmeyer；　the　one　she　knew　best。
　〃Miss　Allmeyer；　does　the　hospital　give　everyone　those　flowers　every　day？〃
　〃We'd　like　to；　but　we　couldn't　afford　it。　Those　flowers　cost　five　dollars　each　time　you　see　them。　They're　just　for　you。〃
　〃Is　it　the　hospital　that　supplies　that　fruit　every　day？〃
　The　nurse　smiled　gently。　〃We'd　like　to　do　that　too。　We　only　wish　we　could。　That　fruit　cost　ten　dollars　a　basket　each　time　you　see　it。　It's　a　standing　order；　just　for　you。〃
　〃Well；　who…？〃　Speak　softly。
　The　nurse　smiled　winningly。　〃Can't　you　guess；　honey？　That　shouldn't　be　very　hard。〃
　〃There's　something　I　want　to　tell　you。　Something　you　must　let　me　tell　you。〃　She　turned　her　head　restlessly　on　the　pillows；　first　to　one　side；　then　the　other；　then　back　to　the　first
　〃Now；　honey；　are　we　going　to　have　a　bad　day？　I　thought　we　were　going　to　have　such　a　good　day。〃
　〃Could　you　find　out　something　for　me？〃
　〃I'll　try。〃
　〃The　handbag；　the　handbag　that　was　in　the　train…washroom　with　me。　How　much　was　in　it？〃
　〃Your　handbag？〃
　〃The　handbag。　The　one　that　was　there　when　I　was　in　there。〃
　The　nurse　came　back　later　and　said；　〃It's　safe；　it's　being　held　for　you。　About　fifty　dollars　or　so。〃
　That　wasn't　hers；　that　was　the　other　one。
　〃There　were　two。〃
　〃There　is　another；〃　the　nurse　admitted。　〃It　doesn't　belong　to　anyone　now。〃　She　looked　down　miseratingly。　〃There　was　just　seventeen　cents　in　it；〃　she　breathed　almost　inaudibly。
　She　didn't　have　to　be　told　that　She　knew　by　heart。　She　remembered　from　before　boarding　the　train。　She　remembered　from　the　train　itself。　Seventeen　cents。　Two　pennies；　a　nickel；　a　dime。
　〃Could　you　bring　the　seventeen　cents　here？　Could　I　have　it　just　to　look　at　it？　Could　I　have　it　here　next　to　the　bed？〃
　The　nurse　said；　〃I'm　not　sure　it's　good　for　you；　to　brood　like　that　I'll　see　what　they　say。〃
　She　brought　it；　though；　inside　a　small　envelope。
　She　was　alone　with　it　She　dumped　the　four　little　coins　from　the　envelope　into　the　palm　of　her　hand。　She　closed　her　hand　upon　them　tightly；　held　them　gripped　like　that；　fiercely；　in　a　knot　of　dilemma。
　Fifty　dollars；　symbolically。　Symbol　of　an　untold　amount　more。
　Seventeen　cents；　literally。　Symbol　of　nothing；　for　there　wasn't　any　more。　Seventeen　cents　and　nothing　else。
　The　nurse　came　back　again　and　smiled　at　her。　〃Now；　what　was　it　you　said　you　wanted　to　tell　me？〃
　She　returned　the　smile；　wanly。　〃It　can　keep　for　awhile　longer。　I'll　tell　you　some　other　time。　Tomorrow；　maybe；　or　the　next　day。　Not…　not　right　today。〃
　
　
　11
　
　There　was　a　letter　on　the　breakfast…tray。
　The　nurse　said；　〃See？　Now　you're　beginning　to　get　mail；　just　like　the　well　people　do。〃
　It　was　slanted　toward　her；　leaning　against　the　milk　glass。　On　the　envelope　it　said：
　
　〃Mrs。　Patrice　Hazzard〃
　
　She　was　frightened　of　it。　She　couldn't　take　her　eyes　off　it。　The　glass　of　orange　juice　shook　in　her　hand。　The　writing　on　it　seemed　to　get　bigger；　and　bigger；　and　bigger；　as　it　stood　there。
　
　〃MRS。　PATRICE　HAZZARD〃
　
　〃Open　it；〃　the　nurse　encouraged　her。　〃Don't　just　look　at　it　like　that。