lh.narcissusinchains-第3章

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　Also；　Richard　didn't　know　any　more　about　the　D　and　S　subculture　than　I　did；　maybe　less。　If　you're　wanting　to　ask　questions　about　the　sexual　fringe；　Jean…Claude　is　definitely　your　guy。　He　may　not　participate；　but　he　seems　to　know　who's　doing　what；　and　to　whom；　and　where。　Or　I　hoped　he　did。　If　it　had　just　been　my　life　at　stake；　I　probably　wouldn't　have　called　either　of　the　boys；　but　if　I　got　killed　doing　this；　that　left　no　one　to　rescue　Nathaniel　and　the　rest。　Unacceptable。
　Ronnie　had　kicked　off　her　high　heels。　〃I　didn't　bring　my　gun；　but　I'm　sure　you　have　a　spare。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃You're　not　going。〃
　Anger　makes　her　gray　eyes　the　color　of　storm　clouds。　〃The　hell　I'm　not。〃
　〃Ronnie；　these　are　shapeshifters；　and　you're　human。〃
　〃So　are　you；〃　she　said。
　〃Because　of　Jean…Claude's　vampire　marks；　I'm　a　little　more　than　that。　I　can　take　damage　that　would　kill　you。〃
　〃You　can't　go　in　there　alone；〃　she　said。　Her　arms　were　crossed　under　her　breasts；　her　face　set　in　angry；　stubborn　lines。
　〃I　don't　plan　on　going　in　alone。〃
　〃It's　because　I'm　not　a　shooter；　isn't　it？〃
　〃You　don't　kill　easily；　Ronnie；　no　shame　in　that；　but　I　can't　take　you　into　a　gang　of　shapeshifters　unless　I　know　that　you'll　shoot　to　kill　if　you　have　to。〃　I　gripped　her　upper　arms。　She　stayed　stiff　and　angry　under　my　touch。　〃It　would　kill　a　piece　of　me　to　lose　you；　Ronnie。　It　would　kill　a　bigger　piece　to　know　that　you　died　because　of　some　shit　of　mine。　You　can't　hesitate　with　these　people。　You　can't　treat　them　like　they're　human。　If　you　do；　you　die。〃
　She　was　shaking　her　head。　〃Call　the　police。〃
　I　stepped　away　from　her。　〃No。〃
　〃Damn　it；　Anita；　damn　it！〃
　〃Ronnie；　there　are　rules；　and　one　of　those　rules　is　you　don't　take　pack　or　pard　business　to　the　police。〃　The　main　reason　for　that　rule　was　that　the　police　tended　to　frown　on　fights　for　dominance　that　ended　with　dead　bodies　on　the　ground；　but　no　need　to　tell　Ronnie　that。
　〃It's　a　stupid　rule；〃　she　said。
　〃Maybe；　but　it's　still　the　way　business　is　done　with　the　shifters；　no　matter　what　flavor　they　are。〃
　She　sat　down　at　the　small　two…seater　breakfast　table；　on　its　little　raised　platform。　〃Who's　going　to　be　your　backup　then？　Richard　doesn't　kill　any　easier　than　I　do。〃
　That　was　half　true；　but　I　let　it　slide。　〃No；　I　want　someone　at　my　back　tonight　who　will　do　what　needs　doing；　no　flinching。〃
　Her　eyes　were　dark；　dark　with　anger。　〃Jean…Claude。〃　She　made　his　name　a　curse。
　I　nodded。
　〃Are　you　sure　he　didn't　plan　this　to　get　you　back　into　his　life；　excuse　me；　death？〃
　〃He　knows　me　too　well　to　screw　with　my　people。　He　knows　what　I'd　do　if　he　hurt　them。〃
　Puzzlement　flowed　through　the　anger；　softening　her　eyes；　her　face。　〃I　hate　him；　but　I　know　you　love　him。　Could　you　really　kill　him？　Could　you　really　stare　down　the　barrel　of　a　gun　and　pull　the　trigger　on　him？〃
　I　just　looked　at　her；　and　I　knew　without　a　mirror　that　my　eyes　had　grown　distant；　cold。　It's　hard　for　brown　eyes　to　be　cold；　but　I'd　been　managing　it　lately。
　Something　very　like　fear　slid　behind　her　eyes。　I　don't　know　if　she　was　afraid　for　me；　or　of　me。　I　preferred　the　first　to　the　last。　〃You　could　do　it。　Jesus；　Anita。　You've　known　Jean…Claude　longer　than　I've　known　Louie。　I　could　never　hurt　Louie；　no　matter　what　he　did。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃It　would　destroy　me　to　do　it；　I　think。　It's　not　like　I'd　live　happily　ever　after；　if　I　survived　at　all。　There's　a　very　real　chance　that　the　vampire　marks　would　drag　me　down　to　the　grave　with　him。〃
　〃Another　good　reason　not　to　kill　him；〃　she　said。
　〃If　he's　behind　the　scream　that　Gregory　gave　over　the　phone；　then　he'll　need　better　reasons　to　keep　breathing　than　love；　or　lust；　or　my　possible　death。〃
　〃I　don't　understand　that；　Anita。　I　don't　understand　that　at　all。〃
　〃I　know；〃　I　said。　And　I　thought　to　myself　it　was　one　of　the　reasons　Ronnie　and　I　hadn't　been　seeing　as　much　of　each　other　as　we　once　had。　I　got　tired　of　explaining　myself　to　her。　No；　of　justifying　myself　to　her。
　You're　my　friend；　my　best　friend；　I　thought。　But　I　don't　understand　you　anymore。
　〃Ronnie；　I　can't　arm　wrestle　shapeshifters　and　vampires。　I　will　lose　a　fair　fight。　The　only　way　I　survive；　the　only　way　my　leopards　survive；　is　because　the　other　shifters　fear　me。　They　fear　my　threat。　I'm　only　as　good　as　my　threat；　Ronnie。〃
　〃So　you'll　go　down　there　and　kill　them。〃
　〃I　didn't　say　that。〃
　〃But　you　will。〃
　〃I'll　try　to　avoid　it；〃　I　said。
　She　tucked　her　knees　up；　wrapping　her　arms　around　those　long　legs。　She'd　managed　to　get　a　tiny　prick　in　one　of　the　hose；　the　hole　was　shiny　with　clear　nail　polish。　She'd　carried　the　polish　in　her　purse　for　just　such　emergencies。　I'd　carried　a　gun　and　hadn't　even　taken　a　purse。
　〃If　you　get　arrested；　call；　and　I'll　bail　you　out。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃If　I　get　caught　wasting　three　or　more　people　in　a　public　area；　there　won't　be　any　bail　tonight。　The　police　probably　won't　even　finish　questioning　me　until　long　past　dawn。〃
　〃How　can　you　be　so　calm　about　this？〃　she　asked。
　I　was　beginning　to　remember　why　Ronnie　and　I　had　started　drifting　apart。　I'd　had　almost　the　exact　conversation　with　Richard　once　when　an　assassin　had　e　to　town　to　kill　me。　I　gave　the　same　answer。　〃Having　hysterics　won't　help　anything；　Ronnie。〃
　〃But　you're　not　angry　about　it。〃
　〃Oh；　I　am　angry；〃　I　said。
　She　shook　her　head。　〃No；　I　mean　you're　not　outraged　that　this　is　happening。　You　don't　seem　surprised；　not　like　。。。　〃　She　shrugged。　〃Not　like　you　should　be。〃
　〃You　mean　not　like　you　would　be。〃　I　held　up　a　hand　before　she　could　answer。　〃I　don't　have　time　to　debate　moral　philosophy；　Ronnie。〃　I　picked　up　the　phone。　〃I'm　going　to　call　Jean…Claude。〃
　〃I　keep　urging　you　to　dump　the　vampire　and　marry　Richard；　but　maybe　there's　more　than　one　reason　why　you　can't　let　him　go。〃
　I　dialed　the　number　for　Circus　of　the　Damned　from　memory；　and　Ronnie　just　kept　talking　to　my　back。　〃Maybe　you're　not　willing　to　give　up　a　lover　who's　colder　than　you　are。〃
　The　phone　was　ringing。　〃There　are　clean　sheets　on　the　guest　bed；　Ronnie。　Sorry　I　won't　be　able　to　share　girl　talk　tonight。〃　I　kept　my　back　to　her。
　I　heard　her　stand　in　a　crinkle　of　skirts　and　knew　when　she　walked　out。　I　kept　my　back　facing　the　room　until　I　knew　she　was　gone。　It　wouldn't　do　either　of　us　any　good　to　let　her　see　me　cry。
　
　3。
　
　JEAN…CLAUDE　WASN'T　AT　the　Circus　of　the　Damned。　The　voice　on　the　other　end　of　the　phone　at　the　Circus　didn't　recognize　me　and　wouldn't　believe　I　was　Anita　Blake；　Jean…Claude's　sometimes　sweetie。　So　I'd　been　reduced　to　calling　his　other　businesses。　I'd　tried　Guilty　Pleasures；　his　strip　club；　but　he　wasn't　there。　I　tried　Danse　Macabre；　his　newest　enterprise；　but　I　was　beginning　to　wonder　if　Jean…Claude　had　simply　told　everyone　that　he　wasn't　in　if　I　called。
　The　thought　bothered　me　a　lot。　I'd　worried　that　after　so　long　Richard　might　finally　tell　me　to　go　to　hell；　that　he'd　had　enough　of　my　indecision。　It　had　never　occurred　to　me　that　Jean…Claude　might　not　wait。　If　I　was　so　unsure　how　I　felt　about　him；　why　was　my　stomach　squeezed　tight　with　a　growing　sense　of　loss？　The　feeling　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　wereleopards　and　their　problems。　It　had　everything　to　do　with　me　and　the　fact　that　I　suddenly　felt　lost。　But　it　turned　out　he　was　at　Danse　Macabre；　and　he　took　my　call。　I　had　a　moment　for　my　stomach　to　unclench　and　my　breath　to　ease　out；　then　he　was　on　the　phone；　and　I　was　struggling　to　keep　my　metaphysical　shields　in　place。
　I　hated　metaphysics。　Preternatural　biology　is　still　biology；　metaphysics　is　magic；　and　I'm　still　not　fortable　with　it。　For　six　months　when　I　wasn't　working；　I　was　meditating；　studying　with　a　very　wise　psychic　named　Marianne；　learning　ritual　magic；　so　I　could　control　my　God…given　abilities。　And　so　I　could　block　the　marks　that　bound　me　to　Richard　and　Jean…Claude。　An　aura　is　like　your　personal　protection；　your　personal　energy。　When　it's　healthy　it　keeps　you　safe　like　skin；　but　you　get　a　hole　in　it；　and　infection　can　get　inside。　My　aura　had　two　holes　in　it；　one　for　each　of　the　men。　I　suspected　that　their　auras　had　holes　in　them；　too。　Which　put　us　all　at　risk。　I'd　blocked　up　my　holes。　Then　only　a　few　weeks　ago；　I'd　e　up　against　a　nasty　creature；　a　would…be　god；　a　new　category；　even　for　me。　It　had　been　powerful　enough　to　strip　all　my　careful　work　away；　leaving　me　raw　and　open　again。　Only　the　intervention　of　a　local　witch　had　saved　me　from　being　eaten　from　the　aura　down。　I　didn't　have　six　more　months　of　celibacy；　meditation；　and　patience　in　me。　The　holes　were　there；　and　the　only　way　to　fill　them　was　with　Jean…Claude　and　Richard。　That's　what　Marianne　said；　and　I　trusted　her　in　a　way　that　I　trusted　few　others。
　Jean…Claude's　voice　hit　me　over　the　phone　like　a　velvet　slap。　My　breath　caught　in　my　throat；　and　I　could　do　nothing　but　feel　the　flow　of　his　voice；　the　presence　of　him；　like　something　alive；　flowing　over　my　skin。　His　voice　has　always　been　one　of　Jean…Claude's　best　things；　but　this　was　ridiculous。　This　was　over　the　phone。　How　could　I　possibly　see　him　in　person　and　maintain　my　shields；　let　alone　my　posure？
　〃I　know　you　are　there；　ma　petite。　Did　you　call　merely　to　hear　the　sound　of　my　voice？〃
　That　was　closer　to　the　truth　than　was　fortable。　〃No；　no。〃　I　still　couldn't　gather　my　thoughts。　I　was　like　an　athlete　who　had　let　her　training　go。　I　just　couldn't　lift　the　same　amount　of　weight；　and　there　was　weight　to　wading　through　Jean…Claude's　power。
　When　I　still　didn't　say　anything；　he　spoke　again。　〃Ma　petite；　to　what　do　I　owe　this　honor？　Why　have　you　deigned　to　call　me？〃　His　voice　was　bland；　but　there　was　a　hint　of　something　in　it。　Reproach　perhaps。
　I　guess　I　had　it　ing。　I　rallied　the　troops　and　tried　to　sound　like　an　intelligent　human　being；　not　always　one　of　my　best　things。　〃It's　been　six　months　。。。　〃
　〃I　am　aware　of　that；　ma　petite。〃
　He　was　being　condescending。　I　hated　that。　It　made　me　a　little　angry。　The　anger　helped　clear　my　head　a　little。　〃If　you'll　stop　interrupting；　I'll　tell　you　why　I　called。〃
　〃My　heart　is　all　aflutter　with　anticipation。〃
　I　wanted　to　hang　up。　He　was　being　an　asshole；　and　part　of　me　thought　I　might　deserve　the　treatment；　which　made　me　even　angrier。　I'm　always　angriest　when　I　think　I'm　in　the　wrong。　I'd　been　a　coward　for　months；　and　I　was　still　a　coward。　I　was　afraid　to　be　close　to　him；　afraid　of　what　I'd　do。　Damn　it；　Anita；　get　ahold　of　yourself。　〃Sarcasm　is　my　department；〃　I　said。
　〃And　what　is　my　department？〃
　〃I'm　about　to　ask　you　for　a　favor；〃　I　said。
　〃Really？〃　He　said　it　as　if　he　might　not　grant　it。
　〃Please；　Jean…Claude；　I'm　asking　for　help。　I　don't　do　that　often。〃
　〃That　is　certainly　true。　What　would　you　have　of　me；　ma　petite？　You　know　that　you　have　but　to　ask；　and　it　will　be　yours。　No　matter　how　angry　I　may　be　with　you。〃
　I　let　that　ment　go；　because　I　didn't　know　what　to　do　about　it。　〃Do　you　know　a　club　called　Narcissus　in　Chains？〃
　He　was　quiet　for　a　second　or　two。　〃Oui。〃
　〃Can　you　give　me　directions　and　meet　me　there？〃
　〃Do　you　know　what　sort　of　a　club　this　place　is？〃
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃Are　you　sure？〃
　〃It's　a　bondage　club；　I　know。〃
　〃Unless　the　last　six　months　has　changed　you　greatly；　ma　petite；　that　is　not　one　of　your　preferences。〃
　〃Not　mine；　no。〃
　〃Your　wereleopards　are　misbehaving　again？〃
　〃Something　like　that。〃　I　told　him