lh.narcissusinchains-第42章

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　〃I　would　offer　you　mine；〃　he　said。
　I　shook　my　head；　reaching　for　the　toothbrush。　Normally；　I　would　have　washed　the　blood　off　first；　but　I　wanted　that　taste　out　of　my　mouth　more。　〃You　naked　around　me　right　now　is　not　what　I　need。〃
　〃I　will　send　。。。　〃　he　hesitated；　〃Asher　for　a　robe　for　you。〃
　〃You　started　to　say　Jason；　didn't　you？〃
　He　looked　at　me　in　the　mirror。
　〃I　know　he'll　heal；　but　。。。　I　could　have　really　hurt　him；〃　I　said。
　〃But　you　didn't；　and　that　is　what　matters。〃
　〃Pretty　to　think　so；〃　I　said。
　He　smiled；　but　not　like　he　was　happy。　〃I　will　send　Asher　for　a　robe。〃
　〃Great。　Thank　you。〃
　I　squeezed　toothpaste　onto　the　brush　as　he　went　for　the　door。　He　stopped　with　his　hand　on　the　doorknob。　〃Normally　you　would　owe　your　pomme　de　sangs　some　gift　or　show　of　gratitude　for　serving　you。〃
　〃I　think　they've　had　all　the　gratitude　they're　getting　from　me　for　one　day。〃
　He　laughed；　and　the　sound　rode　over　my　body　like　a　caress　of　silk。　〃Oh；　yes；　ma　petite；　and　I　think　they　would　agree；　but　I　tell　you　this　for　later。　You　must　reward　your　pomme　de　sang　for　his；　or　her；　services。〃
　〃Money　wouldn't　do　it？〃　I　asked。
　The　look　on　his　face　said　he　was　truly　insulted；　outraged；　in　fact。　〃You　have　just　shared　something　more　intimate　than　most　people　will　ever　know　with　another　being。　They　have　given　us　a　great　gift　this　day；　and　they　are　not　whores；　Anita。〃　My　real　name；　I　was　in　trouble。　〃They　are　pommes　de　sang；　think　of　them　as　beloved　mistresses。〃
　I　frowned　at　him。
　〃Today　the　sharing　of　pleasure　was　reward　enough；　but　you　will　need　to　feed　the　ardeur　every　day；　and　unless　it　is　a　feeding　worthy　of　the　thirst；　more　than　once　a　day　for　a　few　weeks。〃
　〃What　are　you　saying？〃　I　asked。
　〃I　am　saying　that　it　would　be　best　if　you　chose　a　pomme　de　sang　and　kept　him　near　you；　for　you　do　not　truly　know　yet　what　your　hunger　is　like。　It　may　be　a　light　thing；　easily　tended；　or　it　may　not。〃
　〃You're　saying　I'll　need　to　do　this　every　day？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Fuck。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃Was　today　so　horrible；　ma　petite？　Was　the　pleasure　you　gained　so　very　small？〃
　〃It's　not　that。　It　was　glorious；　and　you　know　it。　But　we'll　never　be　able　to　duplicate　that；　not　without　Belle　Morte；　and　I　don't　want　a　return　visit　from　her。〃
　〃Nor　do　I。　But　there　are　many　things　that　can　be　done　to　feed；　and　when　you　have　some　control　I　will　teach　you　to　feed　from　a　distance。〃
　〃When？〃
　〃A　few　weeks。〃
　〃Shit。〃　I　turned　back　to　the　mirror；　not　looking　at　him。　〃How　do　I　pick　a　pomme　de　sang？〃
　〃I　think　you　already　have；〃　he　said。
　I　looked　at　him。　〃You　mean　Nathaniel。〃
　He　nodded。
　〃No；　I　。。。　I　don't　trust　myself　not　to　lose　control　and　。。。　you　know　what　I　mean。〃
　〃He　is　lovely　to　the　eye；　and　he　cares　for　you。　Would　it　be　so　very　wrong？〃
　〃Yes；　yes；　it　would　be　like　child　molesting。　He　can't　say　no。　If　a　person　can't　say　no；　then　it's　the　same　as　rape。〃
　〃Perhaps　what　you　do　not　wish　to　acknowledge；　ma　petite；　is　that　Nathaniel　knows　exactly　what　he　wants；　and　what　he　wants　is　you。〃
　〃He　wants　me　to　dominate　him　in　every　sense　of　the　word。〃
　〃It　is　best　if　a　pomme　de　sang　is　submissive　to　you。〃
　I　shook　my　head。
　〃Then　who　else　would　you　want　to　risk　being　carried　away　with；　your　Nimir…Raj？〃　This　time　there　was　something　in　his　voice。
　〃You　are　jealous。〃
　〃The　Nimir…Raj　is　not　a　pomme　de　sang；　a　mistress；　a　dessert；　no　matter　how　delectable。　He　is　an　entree；　a　very；　very　main　course；　and　I　wish　to　be　the　only　entree　at　your　table。〃
　〃You　were　sharing　me　with　Richard；　and　he　certainly　wasn't　just　dessert。〃
　〃Very　true；　but　he　also　had　ties　to　me。　He　is　my　wolf　to　call；　and　that　is　a　different　。。。　relationship　to　me；　to　you；　than　some　stranger。〃
　〃I　know　it　was　the　ardeur；　but　damn；　I've　never　。。。　〃
　〃You　are　not　a　woman　of　casual　lusts。　No；　ma　petite；　you　are　not。　And　I　fear　that　this　Nimir…Raj　is　no　more　casual　than　the　rest　of　your　lusts。〃　He　looked　so　serious　when　he　said　it；　solemn。
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　〃If　you　are　truly　his　Nimir…Ra；　then　you　will　be　drawn　to　him。　There　is　no　help　for　it。　And　truthfully；　I　cannot　fault　your　taste。　He　is　not　as　fair　of　face　as　our　Richard；　but　he　does　have　certain　pensations。〃　The　look　on　his　face　made　me　blush　again。
　I　turned　to　the　sink　and　started　brushing　my　teeth；　and　he　took　it　as　a　dismissal。　He　went　out　laughing。　When　the　door　was　closed　behind　him　and　I　was　alone　I　stood　for　a　long　time　looking　at　myself　in　the　mirror。　It　still　looked　like　me。　But　I　could　taste　Jason's　blood　underneath　the　toothpaste。　I　started　scrubbing　and　spitting　and　running　the　cold　water；　listening　to　the　sound　of　the　water　instead　of　the　screaming　inside　my　head。
　When　Jean…Claude　came　back　into　the　room　I　was　rinsing　the　blood　out　of　the　washrag　I'd　used　and　had　three　different　kinds　of　mouthwash　sitting　beside　the　sink。　I'd　used　all　three；　and　I　couldn't　taste　anything　but　minty　freshness。　You　could　scrub　yourself　clean　of　the　blood　and　the　taste　of　it　in　your　mouth；　but　the　stains　that　really　mattered　were　the　ones　that　no　amount　of　soap　or　water　could　touch。　I'd　have　said　that　things　couldn't　get　any　worse；　but　I　knew　they　could；　and　rapidly。　If　I　locked　myself　away　for　a　few　days　until　I　could　control　the　ardeur；　the　werewolves　would　vote　without　me　there；　and　they'd　execute　Gregory。　If　they　killed　Gregory；　it　wasn't　just　Jacob　that　I'd　kill。　It　would　be　war　between　me；　my　pard；　and　Richard's　pack。　Richard　was　just　Boy　Scout　enough　to　get　in　my　way；　and　maybe　force　me　to　kill　him。　Something　inside　of　me　would　die　if　Richard　died；　and　if　I　pulled　the　trigger　。。。　some　things　you　recover　from；　some　things　you　don't。　Killing　Richard　would　be　one　of　those　things　I　wouldn't　recover　from。
　Jean…Claude　said　softly；　〃Are　you　alright；　ma　petite？〃
　I　shook　my　head；　but　said；　〃Sure。〃
　He　held　a　bundle　of　blue　satin　out　to　me。　〃Then　you　need　to　get　dressed；　and　I　will　escort　you　back　outside。〃
　I　looked　at　him。　〃Is　it　that　obvious　that　I　don't　want　to　go　back　out　there？〃
　〃Jason　has　been　taken　to　his　room。　He　will　heal。　But　we　thought　it　would　upset　you　to　see　him。　Nathaniel　awaits　your　pleasure；　since　he　did　drive　you。〃
　〃What　about　Asher？〃
　〃He　took　Jason　away。〃
　〃You　know　we　have　the　answer　to　the　question　you've　been　wanting　to　know；〃　I　said。
　We　looked　at　each　other。　〃I　felt　his　release；　ma　petite。　I　know　that　he　has　been　tormenting　me；　allowing　me　to　believe　he　was　ruined。　But　we　still　do　not　know　how　badly　scarred　he　is；　and　that　is　a　ruin　of　a　different　sort。〃
　〃You　mean　he　may　feel　he's　so　scarred　that　he　doesn't　want　anyone　to　see　him；　or　touch　him？〃
　〃Oui。〃
　〃Until　the　two　of　you　touched　the　boys；　the　ardeur　didn't　spread　to　you。　Belle　Morte　didn't　spread　to　you。　It's　like　a　disease；〃　I　said。
　〃I　have　seen　that　particular　disease　set　loose　in　a　banquet　room　the　size　of　a　football　field　and　spread　from　person　to　person　until　all　fell　upon　each　other　in　a　。。。　well；　orgy　is　too　mild　a　word。〃
　〃What　did　she　gain　from　making　a　whole　room　of　humans　lose　control　like　that？〃
　〃She　gains　power　from　every　feeding　around　her；　but　it　was　not　that　alone。　She　wished　to　see　if　there　were　limits　to　the　number　of　people　she　could　spread　the　desire　through。〃
　〃Did　she　find　her　limit？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃So　hundreds　of　people；〃　I　said。
　He　nodded。
　〃And　she　fed　off　of　the　lust　from　them　all？〃
　〃Oui。〃
　〃What　did　she　do　with　all　that　power？〃
　〃She　helped　a　marquis　seduce　a　king　and　changed　the　trade　routes　and　alliances　of　three　countries。〃
　I　widened　my　eyes。　〃Well；　at　least　it　didn't　go　to　waste。〃
　〃Belle　has　many　faults；　but　the　wasting　of　an　advantage　is　not　one　of　them。〃
　〃What　did　she　gain　through　all　the　political　maneuvering？〃
　〃Land；　titles；　and　a　king　that　adored　her。　Remember；　ma　petite；　that　this　was　at　a　time　in　history　when　to　be　king　of　a　nation　meant　to　be　absolute　monarch。　His　word　was　life　and　death；　and　she　ruled　him　through　the　sweet　secrets　of　her　body。〃
　〃No　one　is　that　good　in　bed。〃
　A　look　passed　over　his　face　　a　small　smile　that　he　tried　to　hide。
　〃If　she　was　that　wonderful；　then　why　did　you　and　Asher　leave　her　the　first　time？〃
　〃Asher　had　been　with　Belle　for　many　years　before　I　arrived；　and　more　beyond　that　before　he　found　Julianna。　He　and　I　were　in　the　circle　of　innermost　power；　where　many　strived　for　centuries　to　get　to　and　failed。　We　were　her　favorites　until　Asher　found　Julianna。　It　did　not　occur　to　me　until　decades　later　that　Belle　was　jealous；　but　I　think　in　a　way　that　was　it。　She　slept　with　other　men；　other　vampires；　and　she　was　content　that　Asher　and　I　shared　each　other's　beds；　and　that　we　went　to　the　vampires　she　chose　to　share　us　with。　But　another　woman　that　we　chose　ourselves　　that　was　different。　But　it　is　one　of　our　most　sacred　laws　not　to　harm　another's　human　servant；　so　Belle　did　nothing。　Then　Asher　offered　Julianna　to　me；　and　we　became　a　ménage　à　trois；　and　that　raised　the　question　of　Julianna　sleeping　with　others。〃
　He　looked　down　at　the　floor；　then　up　again。　〃Arturo　was　one　of　her　favorites　as　well。　He　desired　Julianna；　but　Asher　refused　him。〃
　〃Asher　refused　him；　not　Julianna；〃　I　said。
　〃She　was　his　servant。　She　could　not　deny　if　he　had　consented。〃
　〃Ick；〃　I　said。
　He　shrugged。　〃It　was　a　different　century；　ma　petite；　and　Julianna　was　a　different　woman　than　you　are。〃
　〃So　why　did　Asher　refuse？〃　I　asked。
　〃He　feared　for　Julianna's　safety。　We　both　did。〃
　〃Arturo　liked　it　rough？〃
　〃Mother　Nature　had　made　it　almost　impossible　for　Arturo　to　have　it　any　way　but　rough。〃
　I　looked　at　him。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　He　gave　that　graceful　shrug　again。　〃Arturo　is　still　the　most　well…endowed　man　I　have　ever　seen。〃
　It　was　my　turn　to　shrug。　〃So？〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃You　do　not　understand；　ma　petite。　He　is　bien　outillé；　well　tooled。　Ah；　what　is　the　English？　。。。　Hung　like　a　horse。〃
　I　started　to　point　out　that　Richard　was　pretty　well…endowed；　but　it's　bad　form　to　point　out　to　boyfriend　A　that　boyfriend　B　is　bigger。　Micah　was　better　endowed　even　than　Richard；　but　again；　it　didn't　seem　the　thing　to　mention。　I　was　finally　left　with；　〃I've　seen　two　men　that　were　hung　like　horses；　as　you　say；　and　it　was　intimidating；　but　。。。　you're　implying　that　you　feared　for　Julianna's　safety　because　he　was　so　big。〃
　〃That　is　exactly　what　I　am　saying。〃
　〃No　one's　that　big。〃
　〃Arturo　makes　even　our　Richard　and　your　Nimir…Raj　seem　ungraced。〃
　I　blushed　and　wished　I　hadn't。　〃Those　weren't　the　two　men　I　was　referring　to。〃
　He　raised　an　eyebrow　at　me。　〃Indeed？〃
　The　way　he　said　it　made　me　blush　harder。　〃In　New　Mexico；　one　of　Edward's　backups；　and　one　of　the　bad　guys。〃
　〃And　how　did　you　happen　to　see　just　how　well…graced　they　were；　ma　petite？〃　There　was　something　in　his　voice；　a　hint　of　warmth；　like　the　beginnings　of　anger。
　〃I　did　not　have　sex　with　anyone。〃
　〃Then　how　did　you　see　them　nude？〃　His　voice　still　held　that　warm　edge；　and　I　couldn't　really　blame　him。
　〃Bernardo；　Edward's　backup；　and　I　got　questioned　by　a　local　biker　gang；　uh　club。　They　didn't　believe　he　was　my　boyfriend。　They　asked　if　he　was　circumcised；　and　I　said　yes。　I　figured　I　had　a　better　than　fifty…fifty　chance　in　America。　They　made　him　drop　his　pants　to　prove　it。〃
　〃Under　some　threat；　I　assume。〃　He　was　looking　more　amused　than　angry