lh.narcissusinchains-第44章

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ged　a　tie　between　him　and　you。〃
　Actually；　I　knew　that；　but　out　loud　I　said；　〃He　said　that　he　couldn't　tell　me　no　if　I　gave　him　a　direct　order。　That　he　wanted　to　serve　me。　It　scared　him。〃
　〃It　should　have。〃
　〃I　didn't　mean　to　do　it；　Jean…Claude。　I　didn't　even　know　it　was　possible。〃
　〃Legends　speak　of　necromancers　that　could　control　all　types　of　undead；　not　merely　zombies。　It　was　at　one　time　Council　policy　to　slay　all　necromancers　on　sight。〃
　〃Gee；　glad　the　policy　changed。〃
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃But　you　severed　my　tie　with　Damian。　I　did　not　realize　it　at　first；　but　when　he　returned　from　Tennessee；　it　was　not　my　power　that　made　his　heart　beat；　it　was　yours。〃
　I　remembered　feeling　that　in　Tennessee；　feeling　the　tie　between　us。　〃It　wasn't　done　deliberately；〃　I　said。
　〃I　know　that；　but　you　left　me　with　a　problem　when　you　went　away　for　over　half　a　year。　Damian　is　over　a　thousand　years　old。　Though　not　a　Master　Vampire；　he　is　still　powerful。　He　no　longer　had　ties　to　any　vampire　hierarchy。　It　freed　him　of　all　blood　oaths；　of　all　mystically　bound　loyalties。　He　was　yours；　but　you　did　not　e　to　claim　him。〃
　〃You　should　have　told　me。〃
　〃And　what　would　you　have　done？　Taken　him　home　to　live　in　your　basement？　You　did　not　have　the　power　or　control　six　months　ago　to　deal　with　him。〃
　〃Now　I　do。　Is　that　what　you're　saying？〃
　〃You　cast　out　Belle　Morte。　One　of　the　most　powerful　of　the　Council。　If　you　can　do　that；　ma　petite；　then　you　can　handle　Damian。〃
　〃This　is　all　great；　but　where　is　Damian？〃
　〃I　could　no　longer　count　on　his　loyalty。　I　no　longer　controlled　him；　do　you　understand；　ma　petite？　I　had　a　vampire　that　was　more　than　twice　my　age；　and　could　not　control　him。　It　both　made　me　look　weak　in　others'　eyes　when　I　could　not　afford　to　appear　weak；　and　it　was　dangerous；　because　he　knew　when　you　healed　over　your　aura　and　shielded　so　tight。　It　wasn't　only　Richard　and　me　who　felt　the　loss　of　you。　You　cut　Damian　off；　and　he　went　a　little　。。。　mad。〃
　I　was　scared　now；　my　heart　beginning　to　climb　up　my　throat。　〃Where　is　Damian？〃
　〃First；　ma　petite；　understand　that　you　cannot　take　him　with　you　tonight　because　to　tend　him　will　be　a　full…time　job　for　the　first　few　hours。〃
　〃Just　tell　me；〃　I　said。
　〃I　had　to　lock　him　away；　ma　petite。''
　I　stared　at　him。　〃Lock　him　away；　how？〃
　He　just　looked　at　me；　and　it　was　eloquent。
　〃He's　been　locked　in　a　cross…wrapped　coffin　for　six　months？〃
　〃About　that；　yes。〃
　〃You　bastard。〃
　〃I　could　have　killed　him；　ma　petite；　that's　what　others　would　have　done。〃
　〃Why　didn't　you？〃
　〃Because　it　was　partially　my　fault　for　exposing　him　to　you。　Damian　was　mine　to　protect；　and　I　failed　him。〃
　〃He's　mine；　mine　to　protect；〃　I　said。
　〃Yet；　you　deserted　him。〃
　〃I　didn't　know。　You　should　have　told　me。〃
　〃And　six　months　ago　would　you　have　believed　me？　Or　would　you　have　thought　it　was　some　ploy　to　get　you　back　into　my　life？〃
　I　started　to　tell　him；　of　course　I'd　have　believed　him；　but　I　stopped　and　thought　about　it。　〃I　don't　know　if　I'd　have　believed　you　or　not。〃
　〃I　hoped　that　I　would　find　a　way　to　reestablish　my　dominance　over　him；　but　he　is　closed　to　me。〃
　I　swallowed　hard　and　looked　at　him。　〃If　he's　mine；　then　why　didn't　I　feel　him　when　my　shielding　broke　all　to　hell　in　New　Mexico？〃
　〃I　have　been　blocking　you　from　sensing　him；　and　it　has　not　been　easy。〃
　I　closed　my　eyes　and　counted　to　ten；　but　it　didn't　help。　I　was　so　angry　my　skin　felt　hot。　〃You　had　no　right　to　do　that。〃
　〃Without　the　marks　being　married；　I　think　Damian　would　have　seduced　you。　Because　you　would　have　been　drawn　to　him　as　you　are　drawn　to　Nathaniel　now；　or　perhaps　even　the　Nimir…Raj。〃
　〃I　would　not　have　fucked　Damian　without　the　ardeur　helping　me；　and　I　didn't　have　that　six　months　ago。〃
　〃You　may　have　your　vampire　back　tomorrow　night。　I　will　help　you　nurse　him　back　to　health。〃
　〃I'm　ing　back　tonight　to　get　him。〃
　〃Talk　to　Asher；　ma　petite。　Ask　him　what　it　will　take　to　nurse　a　vampire　back　from　six　months　in　the　coffin。　Damian　is　not　a　master；　he　has　had　no　ability　to　feed　or　gain　energy。　He　will　e　out　of　the　coffin　a　starved；　crazed　thing。　There　will　be　very　little　left　of　him；　at　first。〃　He　was　so　calm　while　he　said　it。
　I　didn't　know　what　to　say。　I　wanted　to　hit　him；　but　it　wouldn't　change　anything。　I　wasn't　even　sure　it　would　make　me　feel　better。　〃I　want　him　out　tonight；　when　I　get　back　from　the　lupanar。〃
　〃You　will　not　be　able　to　tend　both　your　injured　wereleopard　and　Damian　tonight。　Ask　Asher；　and　he　will　tell　you　how　much　work　goes　into　such　as　this。　One　more　night　will　not　make　a　difference　to　Damian；　and　tonight　you　are　trying　to　prevent　war　between　the　leopards　and　the　wolves。　More　than　that；　you　are　trying　to　make　a　strong　enough　show　of　force　to　convince　Richard's　enemies　that　he　is　too　well…allied　to　be　killed。　You　must　concentrate　on　these　things　tonight；　ma　petite。〃
　〃I　don't　believe　you；〃　I　said。
　He　shrugged。　〃Believe　what　you　like；　but　it　will　take　hours　of　care　to　make　Damian　sane　again。　It　will　take　days　of　care；　and　blood；　and　warmth；　to　bring　him　back　to　himself。〃
　〃How　could　you　know　that　and　still　do　this　to　him？〃　My　voice　didn't　even　sound　angry；　just　tired。
　〃I　learned　the　lessons　of　the　cross…wrapped　coffin　personally；　ma　petite。　I　have　not　done　to　Damian　anything　that　has　not　been　done　to　me。〃
　〃You　were　in　it　for　a　few　days　until　I　killed　the　old　Master　of　the　City。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃When　I　returned　to　the　Council　with　Asher　and　bargained　with　them；　the　price　for　them　saving　his　life　was　my　freedom。　I　spent　two　years　inside　a　coffin；　unable　to　feed；　unable　to　sit　up；　unable　。。。　〃　He　was　hugging　his　arms；　holding　himself。　〃I　know　that　what　I　have　done　to　Damian　is　a　terrible　thing；　but　my　only　alternative　was　to　kill　him。　Would　you　have　preferred　that？〃
　〃No。〃
　〃Yet；　I　see　the　accusation　in　your　eyes。　I　am　a　monster　because　of　what　I　have　done　to　him。　But　you　would　feel　me　more　a　monster　if　I　had　killed　him。　Or　perhaps　you　would　have　preferred　that　I　let　him　go　into　the　city　streets　and　slaughter　people。〃
　〃Damian　would　never　do　that。〃
　〃He　went　mad；　ma　petite。　He　became　an　alien。　Do　you　remember　the　couple　that　was　slaughtered　about　six　months　ago？〃
　〃I　saw　several　slaughtered　couples　over　the　last　year。　You'll　need　to　be　more　specific。〃
　He　was　angry　now；　too。　Great；　we　could　be　angry　together。　〃They　were　in　a　car；　at　a　stoplight。　The　front　of　the　car　was　dented　as　if　they　had　hit　a　body；　but　no　body　was　found。〃
　〃Yeah；　I　remember　that　one。　They　had　their　throats　torn　out。　The　woman　had　tried　to　defend　herself。　She　had　wounds　on　her　arms　where　something　had　clawed　at　her。〃
　〃Asher　found　Damian　wandering　a　few　blocks　from　the　car。　He　was　covered　in　blood。　He　fought　Asher；　and　it　took　over　half　a　dozen　of　us　to　bind　him　and　bring　him　home。　Was　I　supposed　to　let　him　wander　the　streets　after　that？〃
　〃You　should　have　called　me；〃　I　said。
　〃And　what？　You　would　have　executed　him？　If　insanity　is　a　viable　plea　in　your　court　system；　then　he　cannot　be　held　accountable。　But　your　court　system　does　not　give　us　the　same　privileges　it　gives　humans。　We　cannot　plead　insanity　and　live。〃
　〃I　saw　that　crime　scene。　It　didn't　look　like　a　vampire　did　it。　It　looked　more　like　a　shapeshifter；　but　。。。　but　the　marks　were　wrong。〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃It　was　vicious；　a　vicious　animal。〃
　〃Oui；　and　so　I　locked　him　away　and　hoped　that　you　would　e　home　to　us；　or　sense　his　plight。　At　first　I　did　nothing　to　block　him　from　reaching　you　but　you　did　not　e。〃
　〃I　didn't　know。〃
　〃You　knew　that　Damian　was　yours；　and　yet　you　did　not　ask　about　him。　You　cast　him　away。〃
　〃I　didn't　know；〃　I　said；　again；　each　word　tight　with　anger。
　〃And　I　had　no　choice；　Anita。　I　had　to　put　him　away。〃
　〃Do　you　think　the　insanity　is　permanent？〃
　He　shrugged；　arms　still　hugging　his　body。　〃If　you　were　a　vampire　and　he　your　vampire　child；　I　would　say　no。　But　you　are　not　vampire；　you　are　necromancer；　and　I　simply　do　not　know。〃
　〃If　he　stays　that　crazy　。。。　〃
　〃He　will　have　to　be　destroyed；〃　Jean…Claude　said；　voice　soft。
　〃I　didn't　mean　for　this　to　happen。〃
　〃Nor　did　I。〃
　We　stood　there　for　a　few　moments　while　I　thought　about　everything　and　Jean…Claude　either　thought　about　it；　too；　or　just　stood　there。　〃If　all　you're　saying　is　true；　then　you　had　no　choice；〃　I　said。
　〃But　you　are　still　angry　with　me。　You　will　still　punish　me　for　it。〃
　I　glared　up　at　him。　〃What　do　you　want　me　to　say？　That　knowing　you've　shoved　him　in　a　box　for　six　months　takes　the　sparkle　out　of　our　relationship？　Yeah；　it　bothers　me。〃
　〃Under　normal　circumstances　you　would　rescue　Damian　and　avoid　me　for　a　time　until　your　anger　cooled。〃
　I　nodded。　〃Yeah；　that's　about　right。〃
　〃But　you　will　need　me；　ma　petite；　in　these　first　few　nights。　You　will　need　another　vampire　with　the　same　hungers　to　teach　you　control。〃
　〃Can't　live　with　you；　can't　live　without　you；　is　that　it？〃
　〃I　hope　your　anger　cools　before　you　need　my　help　again；　but　I　fear　it　will　not。　Remember　this；　ma　petite；　that　the　ardeur　is　not　bound　by　morals；　or　even　by　your　preferences。　If　you　fight　it　long　enough；　hard　enough；　you　will　eventually　give　in；　and　it　will　be　out　of　your　control　who　it　chooses。　So　do　this　one　thing　for　me；　if　you　cannot　forgive　me　right　away；　keep　always　by　your　side　either　Nathaniel　or　the　Nimir…Raj。　Not　for　my　sake；　but　for　yours。　For　I　think；　of　the　two　of　us；　I　would　forgive　you　sooner　for　sleeping　with　strangers　than　you　would。〃
　We　pretty　much　left　the　conversation　there。　I　found　Asher　and　had　him　confirm　the　story。　Hell；　I　waited　for　Willie　McCoy　to　climb　out　of　his　coffin　and　heard　the　story　from　him。　Damian　had　gone　ape…shit　and　killed　a　couple　that　apparently　hit　him　with　their　car。　The　man　had　gotten　out　to　check　on　whoever　they　hit。　They　had　hurt　him　and　Damian　struck　out；　killing　the　man。　But　the　woman　。。。　he'd　climbed　into　the　car　after　her。　We　might　have　to　kill　him；　because　I　hadn't　understood　what　my　magic　meant　to　Damian。　I　hadn't　understood　a　lot　of　things。
　
　I　drove　out　in　the　soft　summer　dusk　with　Nathaniel　riding　beside　me。　It　had　been　a　very　long　day。　I　was　going　to　go　home　and　pick　up　Rafael　and　the　wererats；　and　Micah　and　his　pard。　He'd　left　a　number　at　the　shapeshifter　hospital；　and　I'd　called　for　it。　I　almost　didn't　call；　but　we　needed　backup　tonight。　My　embarrassment　was　a　small　price　to　pay。　If　I　had　been　in　contact　with　Jean…Claude　and　Richard　for　the　last　half　year；　I　probably　could　have　talked　Richard　out　of　doing　all　the　shit　he'd　done　to　his　pack。　I'd　e　home　to　try　and　reestablish　a　relationship；　or　two；　but　I　was　mostly　cleaning　up　the　mess　that　my　absence　had　made。　Richard　might　be　dead　at　the　full　moon；　and　Jacob；　Ulfric。　Damian　might　be　permanently　crazy　and　have　to　be　destroyed。　The　couple　that　had　hit　him　with　their　car　would　have　been　alive　if　I'd　known　what　the　hell　my　magic　was　doing。
　I'd　avoided　a　lot　of　Marianne's　teachings　because　it　was　too　much　like　pure　witchcraft　for　my　monotheistic　beliefs；　but　I　knew　now　that　I　had　to　understand　how　my　powers　worked。　I　couldn't　afford　to　be　squeamish。　God　kept　telling　me　I　was　okay　with　Him。　I　wasn't　evil。　But　at　some　level　I　didn't　believe　it。　At　some　level　I　thought　that　witchcraft；　raising　the　dead；　wasn't　very　Christian。　If　God　was　okay　with　me　do