lh.narcissusinchains-第50章

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　He　looked　at　me；　studying　my　face。　〃I　was　born　to　be　their　king。　I'm　the　first　king　in　over　a　century。〃
　〃Everybody　else　is　chosen　to　lead；　or　fights　for　the　right；　but　you　make　it　sound　like　a　hereditary　monarchy；〃　I　said。
　〃It　is；　but　it's　not　bloodlines　that　makes　the　difference；　though　being　a　swanmane　either　runs　in　your　family　or　it　doesn't。　But　I　didn't　inherit　the　title。〃
　〃Then　how　did　you　know？〃　I　asked。
　His　eyes　had　gotten　dark；　dark　gray　like　storm　clouds。　〃The　answer　to　that　is　somewhat　intimate。〃
　〃I'm　sorry；　I　didn't　know。〃
　〃I'll　give　you　the　answer　you　seek；　if　you　answer　a　rather　delicate　question　for　me。〃
　We　stared　at　each　other。　My　heart　rate　was　almost　normal　again。　I　could　look　at　him　without　smelling　the　blood　under　his　skin。　Talking；　listening；　doing　somewhat　normal　things　had　helped。　I　was　a　person；　with　speech　and　higher　functions；　not　an　animal。　I　could　do　this。　Really。　I　eased　out　of　my　little　ball；　slowly。
　〃Ask　and　I'll　let　you　know；〃　I　said。
　〃Did　you　kill　Kaspar　Gunderson；　the　last　swan　king？〃
　I　blinked　at　him。　That　was　unexpected。　The　sheer　surprise　made　my　pulse　rate　speed　up　a　touch。　〃No；　no；　I　didn't。〃
　〃Do　you　know　who　did？〃
　I　blinked　at　him　again。　I　wondered　if　I　could　lie　and　if　he　would　be　able　to　tell；　or　not。　I　finally　stuck　to　the　truth。　〃Yes。〃
　〃Who？〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃That　I　won't　answer。〃
　〃Why　not？〃
　〃Because　I　would　have　killed　Kaspar　myself　if　he　hadn't　gotten　away。〃
　〃I　know　he　was　responsible　for　several　deaths；　and　that　he　tried　to　kill　you　and　some　of　your　friends；〃　Reece　said。
　〃It　was　a　little　more　diabolical　than　that；〃　I　said。　〃He　was　taking　money　from　hunters　and　supplying　them　with　shifters。〃
　Reece　nodded。　〃He　also　made　the　swanmanes　in　his　care　into　victims。　I　think　that's　what　he　and　the　old　lupa　shared　　sexual　sadism。〃
　〃That's　why　your　girls；　as　you　put　it；　were　at　the　club　with　Nathaniel。〃
　〃Yes；　I　don't　play　those　sorts　of　games；　and　they've　grown　to　crave　it。〃
　I　nodded。　〃I　sympathize；〃　I　said。
　〃You've　answered　my　questions　truthfully；　I　can　do　no　less。〃　He　started　unbuttoning　his　shirt。
　I　looked　at　Micah；　who　shrugged。　I　looked　at　Rafael；　who　shook　his　head。　Nice　that　none　of　us　knew　why　he　was　undressing。
　He　left　the　overshirt　tucked　in　but　started　pulling　the　undershirt　out　of　his　pants。　He　was　about　to　bare　his　soft　underbelly；　and　I　wasn't　a　hundred　percent　sure　my　control　was　up　to　seeing　it。　My　pulse　was　in　my　throat　again。　Since　apparently　neither　of　the　men　was　going　to　ask；　I　asked；　〃Why　are　you　undressing？〃
　〃To　show　you　the　symbol　of　my　kingship。〃
　I　stared　at　him。　〃Excuse　me？〃
　Reece　frowned　at　me。　〃Don't　worry；　Ms。　Blake；　I'm　not　about　to　flash　you。〃
　〃I'm　not　worried　about　you　flashing　me；　Reece；　it's　that　。。。　〃　but　I　never　finished；　because　he'd　bared　the　white；　white　skin　of　his　stomach。　In　the　darkened　car　I　could　still　see　the　pulse　just　behind　his　belly　button。　Hell；　I　could　almost　taste　it　in　my　mouth；　as　if　I'd　already　sunk　teeth　into　that　tender　flesh；　as　if　I　was　already　eating　my　way　through　to　more　vital　things。　Something　was　odd　about　the　hair　on　his　chest。　It　was　almost　too　fine；　too　thin；　too　delicate；　running　in　a　dainty　white　line　down　the　center　of　his　chest　and　spreading　in　an　upside　down　triangle　around　his　belly　button　then　down　into　his　pants。
　I　was　on　the　floorboard　crawling　towards　him；　and　I　didn't　remember　getting　there。　I　stopped；　pressed　against　Micah's　legs。　〃I　don't　remember　leaving　my　seat。　I'm　losing　time。〃
　Micah　put　his　hands　on　my　shoulders。　〃It　happens　when　your　beast　controls　you；　at　first。　The　first　few　full　moons　will　be　almost　plete　blackouts；　until　you　can　begin　to　access　the　memories；　and　that　will　take　work。〃
　Reece　had　leaned　back　across　the　seat；　half…reclining；　and　started　to　undo　his　belt。
　This　close　I　could　see；　or　thought　I　saw　what　was　wrong　with　the　hair　on　his　chest　and　stomach。　I　tried　to　move　forward；　but　Micah　held　me；　hands　tightening　on　my　shoulders。　I　stretched　out　my　hand　and　could　brush　fingertips　over　Reece's　stomach。　The　light　touch　of　my　fingers　over　his　skin　made　him　stop　fussing　with　his　belt；　made　him　look　at　me。
　It　wasn't　hair。　〃Feathers；〃　I　said；　softly；　〃like　the　down　on　a　baby　chicken；　so　soft。〃　I　wanted　to　run　my　hands　over　the　surprising　texture　of　it；　to　roll　my　body　across　the　feathers　and　the　heat　of　his　skin。　I　could　hear　his　heart　in　his　chest　pounding；　and　when　I　looked　up；　I　met　his　gaze。　His　pulse　was　in　his　neck；　like　a　trapped　thing；　and　I　could　taste　his　fear。　That　one　touch　of　my　hand；　the　soft；　dreamy　quality　of　my　voice　had　frightened　him。
　Micah's　arms　wrapped　around　my　neck　and　shoulders　and　drew　me　in　against　his　body　with　his　legs　on　either　side　of　me。　He　leaned　over　me；　his　face　pressed　to　mine；　and　said；　〃Ssshhh；　Anita；　ssshhh。〃　But　it　was　more　than　a　soothing　voice。　I　could　feel　his　beast　calling　to　mine；　as　if　he'd　rolled　his　hand　through　my　body；　but　so　much　larger。　And　that　touch　made　my　body　tighten；　grow　wet。　It　brought　my　own　pulse　into　my　throat。
　〃What　did　you　do？〃　I　sounded　breathless。
　〃The　hunger　can　be　turned　to　sex；〃　Micah　said。
　〃I　wasn't　going　to　feed；〃　I　said。
　〃Your　skin　went　hot。　Our　bodies　spike　a　temperature　just　before　we　change；　like　a　human　before　a　seizure。〃
　I　turned；　still　held　in　his　arms；　half…pinned　between　his　knees。　〃You　thought　I　was　going　to　change？〃
　〃It　usually　takes　weeks；　or　at　least　the　first　full　moon；　for　the　first　shape　change。　But　you　seem　to　be　gaining　problems　faster　than　normal。　If　you　changed　for　the　first　time　here；　I　don't　think　either　Rafael　or　I　would　be　able　to　keep　you　from　tearing　Reece　up。〃
　〃The　first　change　is　very　violent；〃　Rafael　said；　〃and　even　the　backseat　of　a　limo　doesn't　have　much　room　to　hide　or　to　run　in。〃
　Reece　looked　at　me　from　only　inches　away；　held　in　Micah's　arms；　his　body；　and　I　knew　that　it　wasn't　romantic。　He　was　holding　on　in　case　the　sex　as　distraction　didn't　work。　〃She's　been　Nimir…Ra　for　over　a　year；〃　Reece　said。
　〃But　still　human；　until　recently；〃　Rafael　said。
　Reece　stared　at　me　for　a　second　or　two；　then　said；　〃Very　well；　I　have　a　birthmark　in　the　shape　of　a　swan。　My　family　knew　from　my　birth　what　I　was　meant　to　be。〃
　〃I've　heard　of　such　things；〃　Micah　said；　〃but　I　thought　it　was　legend。〃
　Reece　shook　his　head。　〃It's　very　true。〃　He　sat　back　in　his　seat；　tucking　his　undershirt　down　in　front。
　〃Kaspar　had　feathers　instead　of　hair　on　his　head；〃　I　said。
　〃I'm　told　that　if　I　live　long　enough　that　gradually　that　will　happen　to　me。〃　There　was　something　in　his　voice　that　said　he　wasn't　looking　forward　to　the　prospect。
　〃You　don't　sound　happy；〃　I　said。
　He　frowned　at　me；　rebuttoning　his　shirt。　〃You　were　human　once；　Ms。　Blake；　I've　never　been　human。　I　was　born　a　swan　king。　I　was　raised　to　take　my　place　as　their　king　from　my　earliest　memories。　You　have　no　idea　what　that's　like。　I　insisted　on　going　to　college；　on　getting　a　degree；　but　I　may　never　get　to　use　it；　because　going　from　place　to　place　caring　for　the　other　swans　keeps　me　very　busy。〃
　I　stayed　in　the　circle　of　Micah's　body；　but　the　tension　was　draining　away；　〃I　saw　my　first　soul　when　I　was　ten；　and　my　first　ghost　earlier　than　that；　Reece。　At　thirteen　I　accidentally　raised　my　dog　that　had　died。　I've　never　been　human　Reece；　trust　me　on　that。〃
　〃You　sound　bitter　about　it；〃　he　said。
　I　nodded。　〃Oh；　yeah。〃
　〃You　must　both　accept　who　and　what　you　are；　or　you　will　make　yourselves　miserable；〃　Rafael　said。
　We　both　looked　at　him；　and　I　don't　think　either　look　was　friendly。　〃Give　me　a　week　or　two　to　e　to　terms　with　being　a　kitty　cat；〃　I　said。
　〃I　am　not　referring　to　you　being　Nimir…Ra　for　real；〃　Rafael　said。　〃From　the　moment　I　met　you；　Anita；　you　have　half　hated　what　you　are。　As　Richard　has　run　from　his　beast；　so　you　have　run　from　your　own　gifts。〃
　〃I　don't　need　a　philosophy　lesson；　Rafael。〃
　〃I　think　you　do；　and　badly；　but　I'll　let　that　go；　if　it　bothers　you　so　very　much。〃
　〃Don't　even　start　on　me；〃　Reece　said。　〃I've　had　people　preach　to　me　all　my　life　that　I'm　blessed　and　not　cursed。　If　my　entire　family　couldn't　convince　me　of　it；　you　might　as　well　not　even　try。〃
　Rafael　shrugged；　then　turned　back　to　me。　〃Let's　pick　a　different　topic；　because　we　are　only　minutes　away　from　the　lupanar；　and　I　saw　Micah's　beast　　his　energy　　pass　through　you；　and　your　beast　responded。〃
　〃You　saw　it？〃　I　asked。
　He　nodded。　〃His　energy　is　very　blue；　and　yours　is　very　red；　and　they　mingled。〃
　〃So　you　got　what；　purple？〃　I　said。
　Micah　hugged　me　a　little　tighter；　a　warning　I　think　not　to　be　flippant；　but　Rafael　was　more　direct。　〃No　jokes；　Anita；　if　I　saw　it；　so　will　Richard。〃
　〃He's　my　Nimir…Raj；〃　I　said。
　〃You　don't　understand；　Anita。　Micah　said　he　thought　birthmarks　in　the　shape　of　your　beast　was　legend。　Well；　until　just　now；　I　believed　talk　of　a　perfect　mate　was　legend。　Like　true　fated　love；　just　a　romantic　story。〃　Rafael's　already　serious　face　got　even　more　solemn。　〃You　recognize　some　bond　from　the　beginning；　so　the　stories　go；　but　it's　only　after　you　have　sex　for　the　first　time　that　your　beasts　can　roll　through　each　other's　bodies。　Only　physical　intimacy　will　allow　such　metaphysical　intimacy。〃
　I　glanced　down　from　those　hard；　demanding　eyes；　but　finally　made　myself　look　back　up。　〃What　are　you　asking；　Rafael？〃
　〃Not　really　asking；　telling。　Telling　you　that　I　know　you　had　sex　with　Micah；　and　that；　even　though　Richard　has　dumped　you　and　publicly　declared　that　you　and　he　are　no　longer　a　couple；　he　won't　like　it。〃
　That　was　an　understatement。　I　pulled　away　from　Micah；　and　he　let　me　go；　no　lingering　touches。　I　moved　away；　and　he　allowed　it。　It　earned　him　brownie　points。　〃Richard　dumped　me；　Rafael；　not　the　other　way　around。　He　doesn't　have　any　right　to　bitch　about　what　I　do。〃
　〃If　he　dumped　her；　then　she's　free　to　do　what　she　wants；〃　Reece　said。　〃The　Ulfric　has　only　himself　to　blame。〃
　〃Logically；　you're　right；　but　when　has　logic　dictated　how　a　man　acts　when　he　sees　the　love　of　his　life　in　someone　else's　arms？〃　The　bitter　way　Rafael　said　it　made　me　look　at　him；　study　his　face。　He　sounded　like　he　was　speaking　from　experience。
　〃As　Ulfric　to　my　Nimir…Ra；　he　has　no　authority　over　me。〃
　〃Tonight　is　going　to　be　dangerous　enough；　Anita。　You　don't　need　to　make　Richard　angry。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　make　things　worse。　God　knows　they're　bad　enough　as　they　are。〃
　〃You're　angry　with　him　for　dumping　you；〃　Rafael　said。
　I　started　to　say　no；　then　realized　he　might　be　right。　〃Maybe。〃
　〃You　want　to　hurt　him。〃
　I　started　to　say　no；　then　stopped　and　tried　to　think　　really　think　　about　how　I　felt。　I　was　angry　and　hurt　that　he　could　just　cast　me　aside。　Okay；　it　hadn't　been　that　simple；　but　still　。。。　〃Yeah；　I'm　hurt；　and　maybe　a　part　of　me　wants　to　punish　Richard　for　that；　but　it's　not　just　him　dumping　me。　It's　the　mess　he's　made　of　the　pack。　He's　endangered　people　I　care　about；　and　he's　doing　his　usual　Boy　Scout　shit　that　doesn't　even　work　well　in　the　human　world；　let　alone　with　a　bunch　of　werewolves。　I'm　tired；　Rafael；　I'm　tired　of　it；　and　him。〃
　〃It　sounds　like　you　might　have　dumped　him　if　he　hadn't　beat　you　to　it。〃
　〃I　came　back　to　make　it　work。　To　see　if　we　could　make　some　sense　of　it　all。　But　he　has　to　give　up　that　moral　code　of　his　th