lh.narcissusinchains-第62章

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　〃I'm　going　to　find　out　who　helped　Jacob　do　this。〃
　〃How？〃　I　asked。
　He　smiled　and　shook　his　head。　〃Go　home；　Anita。〃
　I　stood　and　looked　at　him　for　a　heartbeat　or　two；　then　turned　back　to　my　leopards。　Gregory　was　on　a　stretcher；　and　Zane　and　Noah　were　carrying　it。　Cherry　was　talking　to　the　werewolf　doctor　that　had　packed　Jacob's　nose。　She　was　doing　a　lot　of　nodding。　Instructions；　maybe。
　Micah　was　standing　at　the　edge　of　the　group　watching　me。　I　met　his　eyes；　but　neither　of　us　smiled。　I　looked　back　but　Richard　was　already　moving　off　through　the　trees　with　Jamil　and　Shang…Da　at　his　back。　Micah's　face　was　very　neutral　as　I　walked　towards　him。　I　wasn't　hopeful　anymore。　I　could　have　played　it　cool；　but　I　didn't　want　to。　I　was　tired；　so　terribly　tired。　My　clothes　smelled　like　an　outhouse；　and　probably　so　did　my　skin。　I　wanted　a　shower；　clean　clothes；　and　to　make　the　lost　look　in　Gregory's　eyes　go　away。　The　shower　and　clothes　were　the　easy　part。　I　didn't　even　know　how　to　begin　to　make　Gregory's　pain　go　away。
　I　held　out　my　hand　to　Micah；　not　because　of　otherworldly　energy；　apparently　depression　dampens　that；　but　because　I　wanted　the　touch　of　another　hand。　I　wanted　the　fort；　and　I　didn't　want　to　have　to　think　about　it。　I　just　wanted　to　be　held。
　He　widened　his　eyes；　but　took　my　hand；　squeezing　it　gently。　I　started　walking　towards　the　trees；　leading　him　by　the　hand。　The　others　followed　us。　Even　the　swan　king　and　the　wererats。　Anita　Blake；　preternatural　pied　piper。　The　thought　should　have　made　me　smile。　But　it　didn't。
　
　28
　
　TWO　HOURS　LATER　I'd　had　a　shower　and　Gregory　had　had　a　bath；　though　I'd　showered　by　myself；　and　Gregory　had　had　pany。　He　still　didn't　have　plete　use　of　his　arms　and　legs。　I　didn't　think　that　Cherry；　Zane；　and　Nathaniel　needed　to　get　naked　and　in　the　tub　with　him；　but；　hey；　I　wasn't　offering　to　help；　so　who　was　I　to　plain？　Besides；　it　never　became　sexual；　it　was　as　if　the　touch　of　their　flesh　on　his　was　necessary；　part　of　the　healing　process。　Maybe　it　was。
　I　was　sitting　at　my　new　kitchen　table。　My　old　two…seater　table　just　hadn't　been　roomy　enough　for　all　the　wereleopards　to　have　bagels　and　cream　cheese　at　the　same　time。　The　new　table　was　pale　pine；　varnished　to　a　golden　glow。　There　still　wasn't　enough　room　at　the　table　for　everyone　to　sit　and　drink　coffee；　but　it　was　closer。　I'd　have　needed　a　banquet　table　to　have　that　much　room；　and　the　kitchen　wasn't　long　enough　for　it。　There　was　more　than　one　reason　that　feudal　lords　had　had　great　big　castles　　you　needed　the　room　just　to　feed　and　care　for　all　your　people。
　The　only　person　sitting　in　the　dimly　lit　kitchen　was　Dr。　Lillian。　Elizabeth　had　been　transported　to　the　secret　hospital　that　the　shapeshifters　kept　in　St。　Louis。　All　my　other　leopards　were　tending　to　Gregory。　Micah　and　his　cats　wandered　around　the　periphery　of　it　all。　Caleb　had　tried　to　include　himself　in　the　bath　and　had　been　refused。　The　rest　of　Micah's　pard　seemed　unsettled；　nervous；　not　knowing　what　to　do　with　themselves。　I　had　my　priority　for　the　evening　　taking　care　of　Gregory。　Everything　else　could　wait。　One　disaster　at　a　time；　or　you　lose　your　way；　and　your　mind。
　Dr。　Lillian　was　a　small　woman　with　gray　hair　cut　straight　just　above　her　shoulders。　Her　hair　was　longer　than　the　first　time　I　met　her；　but　everything　else　was　the　same。　I'd　never　seen　her　wear　makeup；　and　her　face　still　looked　pleasant　and　attractive　in　a　fifty…plus　sort　of　way　　though　I'd　discovered　she　was　actually　well　over　sixty。　She　certainly　didn't　look　it。
　〃The　drugs　are　still　in　his　system；〃　Dr。　Lillian　said。
　〃Drugs；　plural？〃　I　asked。
　She　nodded。　〃Our　metabolism　is　so　fast　that　it　takes　quite　a　cocktail　of　chemicals　to　keep　us　sedated　for　any　length　of　time。〃
　〃Gregory　wasn't　sedated。　He　seemed　very　much　aware　of　everything　that　was　happening；〃　I　said。
　〃But　his　heart；　his　breathing；　his　involuntary　reflexes　were　all　subdued。　If　you　can't　access　the　full　effects　of　an　adrenaline　rush；　you　can't　change　shape。〃
　〃Why　not？〃
　Lillian　shrugged；　taking　a　small　sip　of　her　coffee。　〃We　don't　know；　but　there　is　something　in　the　extremes　of　the　fight　or　flight　response　that　opens　the　way　for　our　beast。　If　you　can　deprive　a　shapeshifter　of　that　response；　then　you　can　keep　them　from　shifting。〃
　〃Indefinitely？〃　I　asked。
　〃No；　the　full　moon　will　bring　it　on；　no　matter　what　drugs　you　pump　into　someone。〃
　〃How　long　until　Gregory's　back　to　normal？〃
　Her　eyes　flicked　downward；　then　up；　and　I　didn't　like　that　she'd　needed　that　second　to　school　her　eyes；　as　if　something　bad　were　ing。
　〃The　drugs　will　probably　wear　off　in　about　eight　hours；　maybe　more；　maybe　less。　It　depends　on　so　many　things。〃
　〃So　he　stays　here　until　the　drugs　wear　off；　then　he　shapeshifts　and　he's　fine；　right？〃　I　put　a　lilt　at　the　end；　making　it　a　question；　because　I　knew　the　atmosphere　was　too　serious　for　it　to　be　that　easy。
　〃I'm　afraid　not；〃　she　said。
　〃What's　wrong；　doc；　why　so　solemn？〃
　She　gave　a　small　smile。　〃In　eight　hours　the　damage　to　Gregory's　ears　may　be　permanent。〃
　I　blinked　at　her。　〃You　mean　he'll　stay　deaf？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃That's　not　acceptable；〃　I　said。
　Her　smile　widened。　〃You　say　that　as　if　by　sheer　will　you　can　change　things；　Anita。　It　makes　you　seem　very　young。〃
　〃Are　you　telling　me　that　there's　nothing　we　can　do　to　heal　him？〃
　〃No；　I'm　not　saying　that。〃
　〃Please；　doc；　just　tell　me。〃
　〃If　you　were　truly　Nimir…Ra；　then　you　might　be　able　to　call　his　beast　out　of　his　flesh　and　force　the　change；　even　with　the　drugs　in　his　system。〃
　〃If　someone　can　tell　me　how　to　do　it；　I'm　willing　to　give　it　a　shot。〃
　〃So　you　believe　that　you　will　be　Nimir…Ra　in　truth　e　full　moon？〃　Lillian　asked。
　I　shrugged　and　sipped　my　coffee。　〃Not　a　hundred　percent　sure；　no；　but　the　evidence　is　sort　of　mounting　up。〃
　〃How　do　you　feel　about　that？〃
　〃Being　Nimir…Ra　for　real？〃　I　asked。
　She　nodded。
　〃I'm　trying　really　hard　not　to　think　too　much　about　it。〃
　〃Ignoring　it　won't　make　it　go　away；　Anita。〃
　〃I　know　that；　but　worrying　about　it　won't　change　things　either。〃
　〃Very　practical　of　you；　if　you　can　pull　it　off。〃
　〃What；　not　worrying？〃
　She　nodded　again。
　I　shrugged。　〃I'll　worry　about　each　disaster　as　it　happens。〃
　〃Can　you　really　partmentalize　to　that　degree？〃
　〃How　do　we　fix　Gregory？〃
　〃I　take　that　as　a　yes；〃　she　said。
　I　smiled。　〃Yes。〃
　〃As　I　said；　if　you　were　a　Nimir…Ra　in　full　power；　you　might　be　able　to　call　his　beast；　even　through　the　drugs。〃
　〃But　since　I　haven't　shifted　yet；　I　can't？〃
　〃I　doubt　it。　It's　a　rather　specialized　skill；　even　among　full　shapeshifters。〃
　〃Can　Rafael　do　it？〃
　She　smiled；　the　smile　that　most　of　the　wererats　got　when　you　asked　about　their　king。　It　was　a　smile　that　held　warmth　and　pride。　They　liked　and　respected　him。　Let's　hear　it　for　good　leadership。
　〃No。〃
　That　surprised　me；　and　it　must　have　shown　on　my　face。
　〃I　told　you；　it　is　a　rare　talent。　Your　Ulfric　can　do　it。〃
　I　looked　at　her。　〃You　mean　Richard？〃
　〃Do　you　have　another　Ulfric？〃　she　asked；　smiling。
　I　almost　smiled　back。　〃No；　but　we　need　someone　who　can　call　leopards；　right？〃
　She　nodded。
　〃How　about　Micah？〃
　〃I've　already　asked　him。　Neither　he　nor　Merle　can　call　another's　beast。　Micah　did　offer　to　try　and　heal　Gregory　by　calling　flesh；　but　the　injuries　are　beyond　him。〃
　〃When　did　Micah　try　and　heal　Gregory？〃
　〃While　you　were　cleaning　up；〃　she　said。
　〃I　took　a　quick　shower。〃
　〃It　didn't　take　long　for　him　to　be　certain　that　Gregory's　injuries　were　above　his　abilities。〃
　〃You　wouldn't　be　belaboring　the　point　if　there　wasn't　some　hope。〃
　〃I　can　use　other　drugs　to　try　and　overe　the　effects。〃
　〃But　。。。　〃　I　said。
　〃But　the　mix　of　the　drugs　could　explode　his　heart　or　rupture　enough　blood　vessels　in　other　major　organs　to　kill　him。〃
　I　stared　at　her　for　a　heartbeat　or　two。　〃How　bad　are　the　odds？〃
　〃Bad　enough　that　I　need　his　Nimir…Ra's　permission　before　trying。〃
　〃Has　Gregory　given　his　permission？〃
　〃He's　terrified。　He　wants　to　be　able　to　hear　again。　Of　course　he　wants　me　to　try；　but　I'm　not　sure　he's　thinking　clearly。〃
　〃So　you're　ing　to　me　like　you'd　go　to　a　parent　for　a　child；〃　I　said。
　〃I　need　someone　who　is　thinking　clearly　to　make　a　decision　on　Gregory　behalf。〃
　〃He　has　a　brother。〃　I　frowned；　because　I　realized　I　hadn't　seen　Stephen　at　the　lupanar。　〃Where　is　Stephen？〃
　〃I've　been　told　that　the　Ulfric　ordered　Gregory's　brother　not　to　attend　tonight。　Something　about　it　being　unfair　for　him　to　watch　his　own　brother　executed。　Vivian　has　gone　to　get　him。〃
　〃My；　that　was　big　of　Richard。〃
　〃You　sound　bitter。〃
　〃Do　I？〃　And　that　sounded　bitter　even　to　me。　I　sighed。　〃I'm　just　frustrated；　Lillian。　Richard　is　going　to　get　people　I　care　about　slaughtered；　not　to　mention　himself。〃
　〃Which　risks　both　you　and　the　Master　of　the　City。〃
　I　frowned　at　her。　〃I　guess　everyone　does　know　that　part。〃
　〃I　think　so；〃　she　said。
　〃Yeah；　he's　risking　us　all　for　his　high　moral　ideals。〃
　〃Ideals　are　worth　sacrifice；　Anita。〃
　〃Maybe；　but　I'm　not　a　hundred　percent　sure　I've　ever　held　an　ideal　close　enough　to　trade　the　people　I　love　for　it。　Ideals　can　die；　but　they　don't　breathe；　they　don't　bleed；　they　don't　cry。〃
　〃So　you　would　trade　all　your　ideals　for　the　people　you　care　about？〃　she　asked。
　〃I'm　not　sure　I　have　any　ideals　anymore。〃
　〃You're　still　Christian；　aren't　you？〃
　〃My　religion　isn't　an　ideal。　Ideals　are　abstract　things　that　you　can't　touch　or　see。　My　religion　isn't　abstract；　it's　very　'stract；'　very　real。〃
　〃You　can't　see　God；〃　she　said。　〃You　can't　hold　Him　in　your　hand。〃
　〃How　many　angels　can　dance　on　the　head　of　a　pin；　huh？〃
　She　smiled。　〃Something　like　that。〃
　〃I've　held　a　cross　while　it　flared　so　bright　it　blinded　me　until　all　the　world　was　just　white　fire。　I've　seen　a　copy　of　the　Talmud　go　up　in　flames　in　a　vampire's　hands；　and　even　after　the　book　had　burned　to　ash；　the　vampire　kept　burning　until　it　died。　I've　stood　in　the　presence　of　a　demon　and　recited　holy　script；　and　the　demon　could　not　touch　me。〃　I　shook　my　head。　〃Religion　isn't　an　abstract　thing；　Dr。　Lillian；　it　is　a　living；　breathing；　growing；　organic　thing。〃
　〃Organic　sounds　more　Wiccan　than　Christian；〃　she　said。
　I　shrugged。　〃I've　been　studying　with　a　psychic　and　some　of　her　Wiccan　friends　for　about　a　year；　hard　not　to　soak　some　of　it　up。〃
　〃Doesn't　studying　Wicca　put　you　in　an　awkward　position？〃
　〃You　mean　because　I'm　a　monotheist？〃
　She　nodded。
　〃I　have　God…given　abilities　and　not　enough　training　to　control　those　abilities。　Most　denominations　of　the　church　frown　on　psychics；　let　alone　someone　who　raises　the　dead。　I　need　training；　so　I've　found　people　to　train　me。　The　fact　that　they're　not　Christian　I　see　as　a　failing　of　the　church；　not　a　failing　of　theirs。〃
　〃There　are　Christian　witches；〃　she　said。
　〃I've　met　some　of　them。　They　all　seem　to　be　zealots；　as　if　they　have　to　be　more　Christian　than　anyone　else　to　prove　that　they're　good　enough　to　be　Christian　at　all。　I　don't　like　zealots。〃
　〃Neither　do　I；〃　she　said。
　We　looked　at　each　other　in　the　darkened　kitchen。　She　raised　her　coffee　mug。　I'd　given　her　the　one　with　a　tiny　knight　and　a　large　dragon　that　said；　〃No　guts；　no　glory。〃
　Lillian　said；　〃Down　with　zealots。〃
　I　raised　my　own　mug　in　the　air。　It　was　the　baby　penguin　mug