lh.narcissusinchains-第75章

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　I　pushed　against　his　chest　until　he　drew　back　enough　for　me　to　see　his　face。　〃You've　always　been　holding　back；　haven't　you？〃
　〃Yes；〃　he　said。
　I　searched　his　face　and　saw　such　need　in　his　eyes；　and　I　knew　why　he'd　been　so　angry　at　Gregory。　He'd　said　that　he　almost　regretted　not　making　me　his　lupa　in　truth；　now　that　he'd　seen　me　be　Nimir…Ra；　but　it　was　more　than　that。　I　looked　into　his　brown　eyes　in　the　spill　of　early　morning　light　and　knew　that　he'd　wanted　me　to　be　what　he　was；　even　though　he　hated　it；　that　at　some　level　he'd　been　tempted　to　make　me　his　lupa　for　real。　Somewhere　in　the　lovemaking　where　he　had　to　be　so　careful；　he'd　thought　of　it；　more　than　once。　It　was　there　in　eyes；　his　face。　He　started　to　look　away　as　if　he　could　feel　that　I　saw　it　all；　but　he　made　himself　look　back；　meet　my　gaze。　He　was　almost　defiant。
　〃How　careful　have　you　been　of　me；　Richard？〃
　He　did　look　away　then；　using　his　hair　as　a　shield。　I　reached　through　that　thick　hair　to　touch　his　face；　to　turn　him　to　look　at　me。　〃Richard；　how　careful　have　you　been　of　me？〃
　There　was　something　close　to　pain　in　his　eyes。　He　whispered；　〃Very。〃
　I　held　his　face　between　my　hands。　〃You　don't　have　to　be　careful　anymore。〃
　A　look　of　soft　wonderment　crossed　his　face；　and　he　bent　his　head　down；　and　we　kissed；　kissed　as　we　had　earlier；　propping；　exploring；　taking　turns　at　thrusting　into　each　other。　He　drew　slowly　back　from　the　kiss；　and　I　felt　the　tip　of　him　touch　my　opening。　I　stared　down　the　length　of　our　bodies　so　I　could　watch　as　his　body　flexed　above　me；　and　he　thrust　himself　inside　me　harder　this　time；　quicker。　It　brought　my　breath　in　a　soundless　scream。
　〃Anita　。。。　〃
　I　opened　my　eyes；　not　realizing　I'd　closed　them。　I　gazed　up　at　him。　〃Don't　be　careful　anymore；　Richard；　don't　be　careful。〃
　He　smiled；　gave　me　a　quick　kiss；　then　he　was　back；　arched　above　me；　and　this　time　he　didn't　stop。　He　thrust　every　inch　of　himself　into　me　as　hard　and　as　fast　as　he　could。　The　sound　of　flesh　into　flesh　became　a　constant　sound；　a　wet　hammering。　I　realized　it　hadn't　been　just　his　size　that　made　him　careful；　but　his　strength。　He　could　have　bench…pressed　the　bed　we　lay　on；　and　that　strength　lay　not　just　in　his　arms；　or　back；　but　in　his　legs；　his　thighs；　in　the　body　he　was　pressing　inside　me；　over　and　over　again。　For　the　first　time　ever；　I　began　to　appreciate　the　full　power　of　him。
　I'd　felt　the　strength　in　his　hands；　his　arms；　when　he　held　me；　but　it　was　nothing　to　this。　He　made　of　our　bodies　one　body；　one　pounding；　sweating；　soaking；　drenching　piece　of　flesh。　I　was　vaguely　aware　that　it　did　hurt；　that　I　was　bruising；　and　I　didn't　care。
　I　called　out　his　name　as　my　body　tightened　around　his；　squeezing；　and　I　spasmed　underneath　him；　body　slamming　against　the　bed；　not　from　Richard's　thrusts；　but　from　the　power　of　the　orgasm　itself；　screams　spilled　from　my　throat　as　my　body　rocked　underneath　him。　It　felt　good；　better　than　almost　anything；　but　it　was　almost　violence；　almost　pain；　almost　frightening。　Somewhere　in　the　midst　of　it　all　I　was　aware　that　he　came；　too。　He　screamed　my　name；　but　held　his　place；　while　I　continued　to　writhe　and　fight　underneath　him。　It　wasn't　until　I　lay　quiet　that　he　allowed　himself　to　collapse　on　top　of　me；　slightly　to　one　side；　so　my　face　wouldn't　be　pressed　into　his　chest。
　We　lay　in　a　sweating；　breathless　heap；　waiting　for　our　hearts　to　slow　enough　to　speak。　He　found　his　voice　first。　〃Thank　you；　thank　you　for　trusting　me。〃
　I　laughed。　〃You're　thanking　me。〃　I　raised　his　hand　to　my　mouth　and　kissed　the　palm；　then　rested　his　hand　against　my　face。　〃Trust　me；　Richard；　it　was　my　pleasure。〃
　He　laughed；　that　rich　throaty　sound　that　is　purely　male；　and　purely　sexual　〃We're　going　to　need　another　shower。〃
　〃Whichever　of　us　can　walk　first　can　have　the　first　shower；〃　I　said。
　He　laughed　and　hugged　me。　I　wasn't　even　sure　my　legs　would　work　enough　to　shower　at　all。　Maybe　a　bath。
　
　38
　
　I　WOKE　JUST　enough　to　feel　the　weight　of　someone　at　my　back。　I　snuggled　against　that　warmth；　wrapping　sleep　back　around　me。　An　arm　spilled　over　my　shoulder；　and　I　wriggled　into　the　circle　of　arm　and　body。　It　wasn't　the　warmth；　or　the　feel　of　him　that　woke　me；　the　wereleopards　had　gotten　me　used　to　all　that。　It　was　the　scent　of　his　skin。　By　the　scent　alone；　I　knew　it　was　Richard。　I　opened　my　eyes　and　snuggled　deeper　against　him；　curling　that　dark；　muscled　arm　tighter　around　my　body　like　drawing　a　cozy　blanket　around　me。　Of　course；　a　blanket　didn't　have　the　hard　weight　of　Richard；　or　the　silken　glide　of　his　naked　skin　against　mine；　or　the　ability　to　cuddle　back；　to　use　hands　to　pull　my　body　tighter　in　against　him。　He　closed　the　distance；　worked　until；　even　with　the　height　difference；　his　chest；　stomach；　and　hips　were　curled　around　me。　He　gave　one　last　movement；　and　I　could　feel　him　pressed　hard　and　ready　against　the　back　of　my　body。　It　was　morning；　he　was　male；　but　it　wasn't　something　embarrassing　to　be　ignored。　I　could　pay　as　much；　or　as　little；　attention　to　it　as　I　wanted；　and　I　wanted。
　I　started　to　roll　over　in　the　almost　tight　circle　of　his　body　and　found　I　was　stiff。　My　lower　body　felt　bruised；　aching；　but　in　a　good　way。　I　laughed　as　he　opened　his　arms　enough　for　me　to　roll　onto　my　back。
　〃What's　so　funny？〃　Richard　asked。
　I　stared　up　at　him；　still　laughing；　I　think　to　keep　from　groaning。　〃I'm　stiff。〃
　He　wiggled　his　eyebrows　at　me。　〃So　am　I。〃
　I　blushed；　and　he　kissed　my　nose；　then　my　mouth；　but　still　chaste；　still　not　really　sexual。　It　made　me　laugh。　If　it　had　been　anyone　but　me；　I'd　have　said　I　giggled。
　The　next　kiss　wasn't　chaste；　and　the　one　after　that　pressed　me　back　against　the　bed。　He　slid　his　leg　between　my　thighs；　until　his　knee　touched　me；　and　I　winced。
　He　drew　back。　〃Are　you　too　sore　for　this？〃
　〃I'm　willing　to　give　it　the　ol'　college　try；〃　I　said；　〃but　honestly；　maybe。〃
　He　stayed　propped　above　me；　fingers　moving　a　lock　of　my　hair　from　my　cheek。　〃What　I　did　last　night　would　have　broken　things　inside　an　ordinary　human。〃
　I　didn't　need　a　mirror　to　feel　my　eyes　go　cool。　I'd　really　been　trying　not　to　think　about　it。
　〃I'm　sorry；〃　he　said。　〃I　didn't　mean　to　ruin　the　mood。〃　He　smiled　suddenly　and　looked　younger；　more　relaxed　than　I'd　seen　him　in　a　long　time。　〃I'm　just　glad　to　be　with　someone　I　don't　have　to　worry　about　hurting。〃
　I　had　to　smile　at　him。　〃I'm　not　hurt；　but　we　might　have　to　try　something　a　little　more　gentle　this　morning。〃
　The　humor　faded；　and　something　else　filled　his　eyes；　as　he　lowered　his　face　for　another　kiss。　He　spoke　as　he　moved　towards　me。　〃I　think　we　can　e　up　with　something。〃　He　kissed　my　lips；　then　worked　one　kiss　at　a　time　down　my　neck；　my　shoulders。　He　got　distracted　at　my　breasts；　covering　them　in　kisses；　his　tongue　licking　a　quick；　wet　line　across　one　nipple。　He　cupped　one　breast　in　his　hands；　holding　it　in　the　circle　of　his　warmth；　sliding　his　mouth　over　the　nipple；　taking　as　much　of　the　breast　into　his　mouth　as　he　could。　He　sucked　me　into　his　mouth　until　he　held　over　half　my　breast　in　the　wet　warmth。　And　with　that　touch；　the　ardeur　flared　up　through　my　body　from　wherever　it　had　been　hiding。
　Richard　drew　back　from　my　breast；　hands　still　cradling　it。　〃What　was　that？〃　There　were　goosebumps　on　his　arms。
　〃The　ardeur；〃　I　said；　voice　soft。
　He　licked　his　lips；　and　I　saw　real　fear　in　his　eyes。　〃Jean…Claude　told　me　about　it；　even　let　me　feel　his　own　version　of　it；　but　I　didn't　really　believe　it。　I　don't　think　I　wanted　to　believe　it。〃
　My　beast　had　awoken　with　the　ardeur；　as　if　one　hunger　fed　the　other。　I　felt　it　uncurl　inside　me　and　stretch　for　all　the　world；　like　some　great　cat　waking　from　a　nap。　It　rolled　through　me；　reaching　out　to　Richard；　and　his　beast　woke　to　it。　One　hand　was　on　the　solid　warmth　of　his　chest；　but　I　could　feel　something　else　in　there；　something　moving　around　as　if　his　chest　were　hollow　and　there　was　something　caged　inside。
　He　gripped　my　hand；　moved　it　back　from　his　chest。　〃What　are　you　doing？〃
　〃The　ardeur　calls　to　our　beasts；　Richard。〃　I　snuggled　down　underneath　him；　my　hand　sliding　down　his　body；　tracing　the　flatness　of　his　stomach；　the　curve　of　his　hip。　He　grabbed　my　hand　just　before　I　could　touch　him。　He　had　both　my　hands　now；　trapped　in　his　larger　ones。　It　didn't　bother　me；　because　I　knew　that　I　could　touch　him　with　things　other　than　my　hands；　or　even　my　body。　I　remembered　the　feel　of　his　beast　thrusting　through　me；　and　I　spilled　mine　into　him　in　a　hot　push　of　energy。
　He　jumped　off　of　me；　rolled　out　of　the　bed　in　a　movement　that　was　almost　too　quick　to　follow　with　the　eyes。　He　stood　by　the　bed；　breath　ing　in　ragged　gasps；　as　if　he'd　been　running。　I　could　feel　his　fear　like　fine　champagne。　It　added　to　the　sex；　brought　me　to　my　knees；　to　crawl　from　the　tangle　of　covers　to　the　edge　of　the　bed。　I　could　smell　how　warm　he　was；　the　scent　of　his　skin　came　to　me　on　the　air；　the　faint　sweetness　of　the　cologne　he'd　put　on　the　day　before。　My　gaze　wandered　over　the　beauty　of　him。　His　sleep…tousled　hair　hung　in　a　heavy　mass　over　one　side　of　his　face。　He　brushed　the　thickness　of　it　back　from　his　face　with　one　hand　and　a　toss　of　his　head；　and　that　one　simple　movement　made　things　low　in　my　body　tighten。　But　underneath　the　sex　was　the　thought　of　what　all　that　smooth；　hard　skin　would　feel　like　under　my　teeth。　I　wanted　to　mark　him　as　I'd　marked　Nathaniel。　I　wanted　to　sink　my　teeth　into　his　flesh　and　bite。　I　had　a　flash　of　what　it　felt　like　to　taste　him　like　so　much　meat；　to　feel　his　body　respond；　not　just　to　the　sex　but　to　the　hunger；　and　I　knew　for　the　first　time　why　shapeshifters　spoke　of　the　hunger　like　it　should　be　in　all　capital　letters。　Raina　had　risen　her　lascivious　head。　The　ardeur　overrode　or　overpowered　her；　but　she　was　there；　supplying　images　to　the　things　I　was　feeling。　I　slid　off　the　bed；　and　Richard　backed　up。
　I　could　see　his　pulse　in　his　neck；　beating　like　a　trapped　thing。　His　beast　was　trapped；　too；　trapped　by　his　control；　his　fear。　I　could　feel　it；　as　if　it　were　literally　pacing　inside　his　body；　like　a　wolf　in　a　cage　at　the　zoo；　pacing；　pacing；　never　free。　It　might　be　a　large；　roomy　cage；　but　it　was　still　a　cage。　Raina　gave　me　a　visual　that　drove　me　to　my　knees。　I　saw　Richard　pinned　under　my　body；　chained　to　a　bed；　and　when　he　came　inside　me；　he　shifted　at　the　same　moment。　That　was　release　for　the　shapeshifters；　anything　else　was　holding　back。
　Richard　knelt　in　front　of　me。　〃Are　you　alright？〃　He　touched　my　arm；　and　that　was　a　bad　thing。　My　beast　roared　across　our　skins；　hit　his　in　a　blow　that　I　felt　physically　in　my　stomach　and　ribs；　like　a　punch。　It　staggered　Richard；　made　him　fall　forward　into　me；　and　we　clung　for　a　second；　arms　around　each　other；　our　bodies　pressed　together。　The　ardeur　flared　over　us　like　invisible　flame；　and　we　knelt　in　the　heart　of　that　fire　like　the　wick　of　a　candle。　His　heart　beat　against　my　arms；　where　they　lay　pressed　to　his　chest；　as　if　my　skin　had　bee　a　drum　and　he　beat　inside　me；　filled　me　with　the　rhythm　of　his　body。　My　own　heartbeat　found　a　home　inside　Richard's　body。　We　were　filled　with　the　rise　and　fall；　the　pulse　and　beat　of　each　other；　until　I　couldn't　tell　whose　heart　was　in　my　chest；　whose　blood　rushed　through　us。　For　a　trembling　moment　we　pressed　above　one　another；　as　if　our　skin　would　give　way　and　we　would　finally　be　what　t