lh.narcissusinchains-第84章

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　He　glanced　down　at　the　place　where　his　gun　was　trying　and　failing　to　hide。　〃I　won't　let　my　girls　be　taken　again。〃
　〃People；　call　them　people；〃　I　said。
　He　gave　me　a　smile。　〃They　are　all　girls。〃
　〃Humor　me；〃　I　said。
　He　gave　a　small　bow　of　his　head。　〃My　people；　fine；　but　I　won't　let　them　be　taken　again。〃
　〃Or　you　either；　Donovan。　Remember　everyone　that's　vanished　has　been　a　leader；　not　a　follower。　They　chained　Nathaniel　up　because　they　thought　he　was　you；　your　people　being　taken　was　just　incidental。〃
　He　met　my　eyes；　suddenly　very　serious。　〃You're　right。　How　did　you　know　I　was　armed？〃
　〃If　you're　going　to　tuck　a　gun　into　the　front　of　your　pants；　wear　a　darker…colored　shirt；　and　maybe　one　that's　a　size　bigger。〃
　He　nodded。　〃I've　never　carried　a　gun　before。〃
　〃Do　you　know　how　to　use　it？〃
　〃I　know　how　to　shoot。　I　just　don't　usually　carry　concealed。〃
　〃Do　you　have　a　license　to　carry？〃
　He　blinked　at　me。
　〃I　take　that　as　a　no。〃
　〃No；〃　he　said。
　〃Then　if　you　use　it　and　kill　someone；　it's　going　to　be　a　headache　in　court。　Carrying　concealed　without　a　license　will　make　it　an　illegal　weapon。　Depending　on　the　judge；　you　might　see　jail　time。〃
　〃How　long　does　it　take　to　get　a　license？〃
　〃Longer　than　you'll　want　to　wait。　But　check　your　county　and　start　the　process。　Or　don't　start　the　process；　and　when　you　get　arrested　you　can　try　and　claim　ignorance　of　the　law。　It's　not　a　legal　excuse；　but　it　might　sway　a　judge。　I　don't　know。　I'd　apply　for　a　license　and　hope　it　goes　through。〃
　〃What　do　I　have　to　do　to　apply？〃
　〃It　differs　from　county　to　county。　Check　with　your　local　police。　They'll　know　who　you　have　to　see。〃
　He　nodded　again。　〃I'll　do　that。〃　He　looked　at　me；　gray　eyes　so　serious。　〃Thank　you；　Anita。〃
　I　shrugged。　〃Just　doing　my　job。〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃This　isn't　your　job。　You're　no　one's　alpha　here。　You　could　have　just　refused　to　help　us。〃
　〃And　what　good　would　that　have　done？〃　I　asked。
　〃Most　of　the　wereanimals　won't　help　each　other。〃
　〃You　know　of　all　the　furry　　and　feathered　　politics；　that's　the　one　I　understand　the　least。　Just　like　now；　what　happens　to　one　group　can　affect　the　others。　If　you　guys　had　been　talking　to　each　other；　then　you'd　have　known　that　Henry　MacNair　went　missing；　violently　missing。　It　might　have　put　all　of　you　on　guard。〃
　〃You　think　it　would　have　prevented　the　other　disappearances？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　but　it　might　have　helped。　People　would　have　been　more　cautious；　maybe　not　gone　out　alone。　We　might　have　at　least　had　witnesses。〃
　〃It　was　after　my　girls　　people　　got　taken　and　you　helped　us　that　Christine　came　to　me。　She　knew　about　the　bears'　Ursa　having　gone　missing。　It　was　Ethan　MacNair；　not　his　mother；　that　told　us　about　his　father。〃
　〃I　bet　he　paid　for　going　outside　his　mother's　orders；〃　I　said。
　〃Probably；〃　Donovan　said；　〃but　you're　right；　if　we'd　just　bloody　talk　to　each　other；　we　could　help　each　other　more。〃
　〃Not　just　in　emergencies　either；〃　I　said。
　His　eyes　narrowed。　〃You　mean　a　coalition　of　wereanimals？〃
　I　shrugged。　〃I　hadn't　thought　that　far　ahead；　but　why　not？　Something　where　we　share　information。　We've　got　a　lion　working　with　a　bunch　of　snakes。　Why　should　the　bad　guys　get　along　better　than　we　do？〃
　〃Every　time　one　of　the　animals　talks　about　joining　forces　they　always　mean　that　they'll　be　top　。。。　dog。　You　want　to　be　everybody's　Nimir…Ra；　Anita？〃
　〃I'm　not　talking　sharing　authority。　That'll　never　work　without　a　war。　I'm　just　saying　share　information；　help　each　other　more。　When　one　of　the　leopards　or　wolves　gets　hurt；　he；　or　she；　has　a　place　to　stay　until　they're　well。　That　kind　of　thing。〃
　〃Someone　would　need　to　be　in　charge　of　it。〃
　I　felt　like　grabbing　him　by　the　front　of　the　shirt　and　shaking　him。　〃Why；　Donovan；　why　does　anyone　have　to　be　in　charge？　Something　happens　to　one　of　your　swans；　you　pick　up　the　phone　and　call　me；　or　Ethan；　or　Christine。　We　call　someone　else。　We　try　to　help　each　other。　We　don't　need　a　hierarchy；　just　a　willingness　to　cooperate。〃
　He　looked　unhappy；　almost　suspicious。　〃You　don't　want　to　be　in　charge。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃Donovan；　I　don't　even　want　to　be　in　charge　of　what　I'm　in　charge　of　now。　I　sure　as　hell　don't　want　to　add　to　it。〃
　It　was　Micah；　who　had　been　leaning　against　the　wall；　so　still；　so　calm　that：　you　forgot　he　was　there；　who　said；　〃She's　offering　you　friendship；　Donovan。〃
　〃Friendship？〃　He　made　it　sound　like　a　foreign　concept。
　Micah　nodded；　pushing　away　from　the　wall　to　stand　beside　me。　〃If　something　goes　wrong　and　you　need　help；　you　call　your　friends。〃
　Donovan　frowned　hard　enough　that　he　formed　lines　in　that　flawless　skin。　〃Wereanimals　aren't　even　friends　with　each　other；　let　alone　across　species　lines。〃
　〃That's　not　true；〃　I　said。　〃Richard；〃　I　paused　after　I'd　said　his　name；　as　if　it　hurt；　or　I　was　waiting　for　it　to　hurt。　Micah　touched　my　shoulder；　and　I　put　my　hand　over　his；　held　on。　I　tried　again。　〃Richard's　best　friend　is　one　of　Rafael's　rats。　My　leopard　Vivian　is　living　with；　and　in　love　with；　Stephen；　one　of　Richard's　wolves。〃
　〃That's　different。〃
　〃Why？〃
　〃Because　the　wolves　and　rats　have　a　treaty；　and　through　you　the　leopards　and　the　wolves　are　joined。〃
　I　shook　my　head。　〃You're　quibbling；　Donovan；　or　deliberately　missing　the　point。　Let's　just　agree　to　try　and　help　each　other；　that's　all。　I　don't　have　any　ulterior　motives。　I'm　just　trying　to　keep　the　damage　to　a　minimum。〃
　〃It's　true　you　didn't　have　to　save　my　girls。　It　nearly　cost　you　your　life。〃
　〃And　you　didn't　have　to　go　to　the　lupanar　with　me。　But　you　did。　That's　how　it　works；　cooperation。〃
　He　thought　for　a　moment；　then　nodded。　〃Agreed。　I'll　try　to　get　the　others　to　agree　also。　You're　right；　you　are　right。　If　we'd　just　talk　to　each　other；　we　could　prevent　a　lot　of　bad　things　from　happening。〃
　〃Great；〃　I　said；　and　let　out　a　breath　I　hadn't　realized　I　was　holding。　I　wanted　this。　I　wanted　them　to　talk　to　each　other；　to　help　each　other。
　Someone　cleared　their　throat；　softly。　It　made　us　all　look　at　Gil。　He　was　still　huddled　beside　the　couch；　where　he'd　been　the　entire　time。　〃You　have　something　to　say？〃　Donovan　asked。
　〃How　far　does　this　new　spirit　of　cooperation　go？〃　he　asked。　His　uptilted　green　eyes　were　almost　round　with　anxiety。　He　gripped　his　knees　so　hard　his　hands　were　mottled。　He　was　scared；　you　could　smell　it　on　him；　that　and　a　neck…ruffling　scent　that　I　didn't　recognize。
　〃What　do　you　mean？〃　Donovan　asked。
　〃I'm　actually　talking　to　Anita；〃　Gil　said。
　I　glanced　at　Micah　then　back　to　the　man　huddled　on　the　floor。　〃What　do　you　want　to　know？〃　I　asked。
　〃I'm　the　only　werefox　in　town。　I　don't　have　an　alpha；　or　any　family。〃　He　stopped　there　and　licked　his　lips　nervously。
　〃And？〃　I　said。
　〃How　much　help　are　you　willing　to　give？〃
　〃How　much　do　you　need？〃
　〃Can　I　stay　with　you　until　this　thing；　or　whatever；　is　caught？〃
　I　felt　my　eyes　go　wide。　I　opened　my　mouth；　closed　it；　exchanged　a　look　with　Micah。　He　shrugged。　〃It　has　to　be　your　call。　It's　your　house。〃
　Point。　I　turned　back　to　Gil。　〃I　don't　know　you　at　all。　If　you　are　a　bad　person；　and　you　do　bad　things　to　my　people；　I　will　kill　you；　but　if　you　really　just　want　someplace　to　hide　for　a　few　days；　you　can　stay。〃
　He　seemed　to　get　smaller；　more　huddled。　〃I　won't　hurt　anybody。　I　just　want　to　feel　safe　again；　that's　all。〃
　I　looked　at　Donovan。　〃Do　you　know　anything　about　him？〃
　〃He's　scared　of　his　own　shadow。　I　wouldn't　trust　him　to　help　in　an　emergency。　I　think　he'd　save　himself　first。〃
　Gil　didn't　argue　with　Donovan's　estimation　of　him；　he　just　huddled；　trembling。　〃If　we　only　help　the　strong　ones；　then　we're　not　helping　ourselves；〃　I　said。
　〃You'll　take　him　in；　knowing　he　can't　help　you　in　a　fight；　and　would　probably　run　to　save　his　own　skin？〃　Donovan　asked。
　I　looked　at　those　wide；　terror…filled　eyes　and　saw　something　besides　fear；　a　pleading。　They　said；　〃Please；　please　help　me。〃
　〃You　can　stay；　and　we'll　protect　you；　but　if　there　is　an　emergency　I　expect　you　to　do　your　best。　You　don't　have　to　fight；　but　don't　be　a　hindrance。〃
　〃What's　that　mean？〃　he　asked。
　〃It　means　if　the　guns　e　out；　hide　under　something；　get　low　to　the　ground。　Don't　make　yourself　a　target。　If　my　people　get　hurt　and　you　have　a　chance　to　drag　them　to　safety　but　leave　them　to　die　instead；　you'll　be　next。〃
　〃I'm　not　brave；　Anita；　I'm　not　even　a　little　bit　brave。〃
　〃Don't　be　brave；　Gil；　just　do　what　you're　told；　do　your　best　whatever　that　is；　but　understand　the　rules。　Keep　yourself　out　of　the　line　of　fire　because　we　won't　have　time　to　worry　about　you　when　the　fighting　starts。　Help　if　you　can；　stay　out　of　the　way　if　you　can't。　Simple。〃
　He　nodded；　rubbing　his　chin　between　his　knees；　over　and　over。　〃Simple；〃　he　whispered；　〃I　wish　life　were　simple。〃
　〃Life　isn't　simple；　Gil；　but　a　fight　is。〃　I　knelt　in　front　of　him；　and　I　hated　the　weakness　that　radiated　from　him。　Dear　God；　the　last　thing　I　needed　was　another　emotional　cripple　following　me　around。　But　I　couldn't　kick　him　out。　Anita　the　bleeding　heart；　who'd　have　thought　it？　I　stared　at　him；　until　his　frightened　eyes　met　mine。　〃A　fight　is　simple；　Gil。　You　protect　yourself；　your　people；　and　you　kill　the　bad　guys。　You　do　whatever　it　takes　to　get　yourself　and　your　people　out　alive。〃
　〃How　do　you　know　who　the　bad　guys　are？〃　he　asked；　voice　almost　a　whisper。
　〃Anyone　in　the　room　that　isn't　us；〃　I　said。
　〃And　you　kill　them；　just　like　that？〃
　I　nodded。　〃Exactly；〃　I　said。
　〃I　don't　think　I　could　kill　anyone。〃
　〃Then　hide。〃
　He　did　that　chin…rubbing　nod　thing　again；　like　he　was　scent　marking　his　own　knees。　〃I　can　hide；　I　know　how　to　do　that。〃
　I　touched　his　face　very　gently。　He　flinched；　then　relaxed　a　little。　All　the　animals　liked　to　be　touched。　〃I'm　not　very　good　at　hiding；　maybe　you　can　teach　me。〃
　〃Why　would　you　need　to　know　how　to　hide？〃　he　asked。
　〃Because　there's　always　someone；　or　something；　bigger　and　badder　than　you　are。〃
　〃I　can　teach　you　how　to　hide；　but　I　don't　know　if　I　can　learn　how　to　kill。〃
　Where　had　I　heard　that　before？　Oh；　I　knew　　Richard。　But　even　he　had　learned　how；　in　the　end。　〃You'd　be　surprised　what　you　can　learn；　Gil；　if　you　have　to。〃
　He　hugged　himself　again。　〃I　don't　think　I　want　to　learn　how　to　kill　people。〃
　〃Now　that；〃　I　said；　〃is　a　different　problem　altogether。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to；〃　he　said。
　I　stared　down　at　him。　〃Then　don't；　but　don't　let　your　squeamishness　get　any　of　my　people　killed。〃
　〃It's　more　likely　to　kill　me。〃
　〃True；　but　that's　your　choice　　get　yourself　killed　if　you　want；　but　don't　bring　harm　to　me　or　mine　because　of　some　moral　high　ground。〃
　〃Would　you　really　kill　me　for　it？〃
　I　knelt　back　in　front　of　him。　〃You　can　stay　with　me　and　I'll　keep　you　safe；　or　die　trying；　but　if　you　fuck　up　and　cause　the　death　of　one　of　my　leopards；　or　my　friends；　I　will　kill　you。　I　don't　want　you　to　be　crying　later　and　saying　you　didn't　understand。　Because　if　you've　earned　it；　I　will　shoot　you　while　you　beg　me　not　to。〃
　〃But　who　decides　whether　I　deserve　it？〃　he　asked。
　〃I　do。〃
　He　stared　up　at　me　as　if　he　weren't　sure　if　he　was　safer　with　me　or　without　me。　I　watched　him　think　it　through　and　felt　nothing；　no　pity。　Because　Gil　the　werefox　was　a　liability。　In　a　bat　situation　he　was　a　fucking　casualty　waiting　to　happen。　I　was　civilized　enough　to　give　him　pro