lmb.shardsofhonor-第26章

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s！　Awk！〃
　It　was　like　trying　to　turn　back　the　tide　with　a　teacup。　The　story　had　too　much　innate　appeal　to　the　battered　prisoners；　too　much　wish…fulfillment　e　to　life。　They　took　it　in　like　balm　for　their　wounded　spirits；　and　made　it　their　own　vicarious　revenge。　The　story　was　passed　around；　elaborated；　built　up；　sea…changed；　until　within　twenty…four　hours　it　was　as　rich　and　unkillable　as　legend。　After　a　few　days　she　gave　up　trying。
　The　truth　was　too　plicated　and　ambiguous　to　appeal　to　them；　and　she　herself；　suppressing　everything　in　it　that　had　to　do　with　Vorkosigan；　was　unable　to　make　it　sound　convincing。　Her　duty　seemed　drained　of　meaning；　dull　and　discolored。　She　longed　for　home；　and　her　sensible　mother　and　brother；　and　quiet；　and　one　thought　that　would　connect　to　another　without　making　a　chain　of　secret　horror。
　
　CHAPTER　ELEVEN
　Camp　returned　to　routine　soon；　or　what　routine　should　always　have　been。　There　followed　weeks　of　waiting　for　the　slow　negotiations　for　prisoner　exchange　to　be　pleted；　with　everyone　honing　elaborate　plans　for　what　they　would　do　when　they　got　home。　Cordelia　gradually　came　to　a　nearly　normal　relationship　with　her　shelter　mates；　although　they　still　tried　to　give　her　special　privileges　and　services。　She　heard　nothing　from　Vorkosigan。
　She　was　lying　on　her　bunk　one　afternoon；　pretending　to　sleep；　when　Lieutenant　Alfredi　roused　her。
　〃There's　a　Barrayaran　officer　out　here　who　says　he　wants　to　talk　to　you。〃　Alfredi　trailed　her　to　the　door；　suspicion　and　hostility　in　her　face。　〃I　don't　think　we　should　let　them　take　you　away　by　yourself。　We're　so　close　to　going　home。　They've　surely　got　it　in　for　you。〃
　〃Oh。　It's　all　right；　Marsha。〃
　Vorkosigan　stood　outside　the　shelter；　in　the　dress　greens　worn　daily　by　the　Staff；　acpanied　as　usual　by　Illyan。　He　seemed　tense；　deferential；　weary；　and　closed。
　〃Captain　Naismith；〃　he　said　formally；　〃may　I　speak　with　you？〃
　〃Yes；　but…not　here。〃　She　was　acutely　conscious　of　the　eyes　of　her　fellows　upon　her。　〃Can　we　take　a　walk　or　something？〃
　He　nodded；　and　they　started　off　in　shared　silence。　He　clasped　his　hands　behind　his　back。　She　shoved　hers　into　the　pockets　of　her　orange　smock　top。　Illyan　trailed　them；　dog…like；　impossible　to　shake。　They　left　the　prison　pound；　and　headed　into　the　woods。
　〃I'm　glad　you　came；〃　said　Cordelia。　〃There　are　some　things　I've　been　meaning　to　ask　you。〃
　〃Yes。　I　wanted　to　see　you　sooner；　but　winding　this　thing　up　properly　has　been　keeping　me　rather　busy。〃
　She　nodded　toward　his　yellow　collar　tabs。　〃Congratulations　on　your　promotion。〃
　〃Oh；　that。〃　He　touched　one　briefly。　〃It's　meaningless。　Just　a　formality；　to　expedite　the　work　I'm　doing　now。〃
　〃Which　is　what？〃
　〃Dismantling　the　armada；　guarding　the　local　space　around　this　planet；　shuffling　politicians　back　and　forth　between　Barrayar　and　Escobar。　General　housecleaning；　now　the　party's　over。　Supervising　prisoner　exchange。〃
　They　were　following　a　wide　beaten　path　through　the　grey…green　woods；　up　the　slope　out　of　the　crater's　bowl。
　〃I　wanted　to　apologize　for　questioning　you　under　drugs。　I　know　it　offended　you　deeply。　Need　drove　me。　It　was　a　military　necessity。〃
　〃You　have　nothing　to　apologize　for。〃　She　glanced　back　at　Illyan。　I　must　know。。。　〃Quite　literally　nothing；　I　eventually　realized。〃
　He　was　silent。　〃I　see；〃　he　said　at　last。　〃You　are　very　acute。〃
　〃On　the　contrary；　I　am　very　baffled。〃
　He　swung　to　face　Illyan。　〃Lieutenant；　I　crave　a　boon　from　you。　I　wish　a　few　minutes　alone　with　this　lady　to　discuss　a　very　personal　matter。〃
　〃I　shouldn't；　sir。　You　know　that。〃
　〃I　once　asked　her　to　marry　me。　She　never　gave　me　her　answer。　If　I　give　you　my　word　that　we　will　discuss　nothing　but　what　touches　on　that；　may　we　have　a　few　moments'　privacy？〃
　〃Oh。。。〃　Illyan　frowned。　〃Your　word；　sir？〃
　〃My　word。　As　Vorkosigan。〃
　〃Well…I　guess　it's　all　right　then。〃　Illyan　seated　himself　glumly　on　a　fallen　log　to　wait；　and　they　walked　on　up　the　path。
　They　came　out；　at　the　top；　on　a　familiar　promontory　overlooking　the　crater；　the　very　spot　where　Vorkosigan　had　planned　the　repossession　of　his　ship；　so　long　ago。　They　seated　themselves　on　the　ground；　watching　the　activity　of　the　camp　made　silent　by　distance。
　〃Time　was　you　would　never　have　done　that；〃　Cordelia　observed。　〃Pledged　your　word　falsely。〃
　〃Times　change。〃
　〃Nor　lied　to　me。〃
　〃That　is　so。〃
　〃Nor　shot　a　man　out　of　hand　for　crimes　he　didn't　participate　in。〃
　〃It　wasn't　out　of　hand。　He　had　a　summary　court…martial　first。　And　it　did　get　things　straightened　around　in　a　hurry。　Anyway；　it　will　satisfy　the　Interstellar　Judiciary's　mission。　I'll　have　them　on　my　hands　too；　e　tomorrow。　Investigating　prisoner　abuses。〃
　〃I　think　you're　getting　blood…glutted。　Individual　lives　are　losing　their　meaning　for　you。〃
　〃Yes。　There　have　been　so　many。　It's　nearly　time　to　quit。〃　Expression　was　deadened　in　his　face　and　words。
　〃How　did　the　Emperor　buy　you　for　that…extraordinary　assassination？　You　of　all　men。　Was　it　your　idea？　Or　his？〃
　He　did　not　evade；　or　deny。　〃His　idea；　and　Negri's。　I　am　but　his　agent。〃
　His　fingers　pulled　gently　on　the　grass　stems；　breaking　them　off　delicately　one　by　one。　〃He　didn't　e　out　with　it　directly。　First　he　asked　me　to　take　mand　of　the　Escobar　invasion。　He　started　with　a　bribe…the　viceroyalty　of　this　planet；　in　fact；　when　it's　colonized。　I　turned　him　down。　Then　he　tried　a　threat；　said　he'd　throw　me　to　Grishnov；　let　him　have　me　up　for　treason；　and　no　Imperial　pardon。　I　told　him　to　go　to　hell；　not　in　so　many　words。　That　was　a　bad　moment；　between　us。　Then　he　apologized。　Called　me　Lord　Vorkosigan。　He　called　me　Captain　when　he　wished　to　be　offensive。　Then　he　called　in　Captain　Negri；　with　a　file　that　didn't　even　have　a　name；　and　the　playacting　stopped。
　〃Reason。　Logic。　Argument。　Evidence。　We　sat　in　that　green　silk　room　in　the　Imperial　Residence　at　Vorbarr　Sultana　one　whole　mortal　week；　the　Emperor　and　Negri　and　I；　going　over　it；　while　Illyan　kicked　his　heels　in　the　hall；　studying　the　Emperor's　art　collection。　You　are　correct　in　your　deduction　about　Illyan；　by　the　way。　He　knows　nothing　about　the　real　purpose　of　the　invasion。
　〃You　saw　the　Prince；　briefly。　I　may　add　that　you　saw　him　at　his　best。　Vorrutyer　may　have　been　his　teacher　once；　but　the　Prince　surpassed　him　some　time　ago。　But　if　only　he　had　had　some　saving　notion　of　political　service；　I　think　his　father　would　have　forgiven　him　even　his　vilest　personal　vices。
　〃He　was　not　balanced；　and　he　surrounded　himself　with　men　whose　interests　lay　in　making　him　even　less　balanced。　A　true　nephew　of　his　Uncle　Yuri。　Grishnov　meant　to　rule　Barrayar　through　him　when　he　came　to　the　throne。　On　his　own…Grishnov　would　have　been　willing　to　wait；　I　think…the　Prince　had　engineered　two　assassination　attempts　on　his　father　in　the　last　eighteen　months。〃
　Cordelia　whistled　soundlessly。　〃I　almost　begin　to　see。　But　why　not　just　put　him　out　of　the　way　quietly？　Surely　the　Emperor　and　your　Captain　Negri　could　have　managed　it　between　them；　if　anyone　could。〃
　〃The　idea　was　discussed。　God　help　me；　I　even　volunteered　to　lend　myself　to　it；　as　an　alternative　to　this…bloodbath。〃
　He　paused。　〃The　Emperor　is　dying。　He　has　run　out　of　time　to　wait　for　the　problem　to　solve　itself。　It's　bee　an　obsession　with　him；　to　try　to　leave　his　house　in　order。
　〃The　problem　is　the　Prince's　son。　He's　only　four。　Sixteen　years　is　a　long　time　for　a　Regency　government。　With　the　Prince　dead　Grishnov　and　the　whole　Ministerial　party　would　just　slide　right　into　the　power　vacuum；　if　they　were　left　intact。
　〃It　was　not　enough　to　kill　the　Prince。　The　Emperor　felt　he　had　to　destroy　the　whole　war　party；　so　effectively　that　it　would　not　rise　again　for　another　generation。　So　first　there　was　me；　bitching　about　the　strategic　problems　with　Escobar。　Then　the　information　about　the　plasma　mirrors　came　through　Negri's　own　intelligence　network。　Military　intelligence　didn't　have　it。　Then　me　again；　with　the　news　that　surprise　had　been　lost。　Do　you　know；　he　suppressed　part　of　that；　too？　It　could　only　be　a　disaster。　And　then　there　was　Grishnov；　and　the　war　party；　and　the　Prince；　all　crying　for　glory。　He　had　only　to　step　aside　and　let　them　rush　to　their　doom。〃　Grass　was　being　pulled　up　in　bunches　now。
　〃It　all　fit　so　well；　there　was　a　hypnotizing　fascination　to　it。　But　chancy。　There　was　even　a　possibility；　leaving　events　to　themselves；　that　everyone　might　be　killed　but　the　Prince。　I　was　placed　where　I　was　to　see　the　script　was　followed。　Goading　the　Prince；　making　sure　he　got　to　the　front　lines　at　the　right　time。　Hence　that　little　scene　you　witnessed　in　my　cabin。　I　never　lost　my　temper。　I　was　just　putting　another　nail　in　the　coffin。〃
　〃I　suppose　I　can　see　why　the　other　agent　was…the　chief　surgeon？〃
　〃Quite。〃
　〃Lovely。〃
　〃Isn't　it；　though。〃　He　lay　back　on　the　grass；　looking　through　the　turquoise　sky。　〃I　couldn't　even　be　an　honest　assassin。　Do　you　recall　me　saying　I　wanted　to　go　into　politics？　I　believe　I'm　cured　of　that　ambition。〃
　〃What　about　Vorrutyer？　Were　you　supposed　to　get　him　killed；　too？〃
　〃No。　In　the　original　script　he　was　cast　as　the　scapegoat。　It　would　have　been　his　part；　after　the　disaster；　to　apologize　to　the　Emperor　for　the　mess；　in　the　full　old　Japanese　sense　of　the　phrase；　as　part　of　the　general　collapse　of　the　war　party。　For　all　he　was　the　Prince's　spiritual　advisor；　I　did　not　envy　him　his　future。　All　the　while　he　was　riding　me；　I　could　see　the　ground　crumbling　away　beneath　his　feet。　It　baffled　him。　He　always　used　to　be　able　to　make　me　lose　my　temper。　It　was　great　sport　for　him；　when　we　were　younger。　He　couldn't　understand　why　he'd　lost　his　touch。〃　His　eyes　remained　focused　somewhere　in　the　high　blue　emptiness；　not　meeting　hers。
　〃For　what　it's　worth　to　you；　his　death　just　then　saved　a　great　many　lives。　He　would　have　tried　to　continue　the　fight　much　longer；　to　save　his　political　skin。　That　was　the　price　that　bought　me；　in　the　end。　I　thought；　if　only　I　were　in　the　right　place　at　the　right　time；　I　could　do　a　better　job　of　running　the　pullout　than　anyone　else　on　the　General　Staff。〃
　〃So　we　are；　all　of　us；　just　Ezar　Vorbarra's　tools；〃　said　Cordelia　slowly；　belly…sick。　〃Me　and　my　convoy；　you；　the　Escobarans…even　old　Vorrutyer。　So　much　for　patriotic　hoopla　and　righteous　wrath。　All　a　charade。〃
　〃That's　right。〃
　〃It　makes　me　feel　very　cold。　Was　the　Prince　really　that　bad？〃
　〃There　was　no　doubt　of　it。　I　shall　not　sicken　you　with　the　details　of　Negri's　reports。。。　But　the　Emperor　said　if　it　wasn't　done　now；　we　would　all　be　trying　to　do　it　ourselves；　five　or　ten　years　down　the　road；　and　probably　botching　the　job　and　getting　all　our　friends　killed；　in　a　full…scale　planet…wide　civil　war。　He's　seen　two；　in　his　lifetime。　That　was　the　nightmare　that　haunted　him。　A　Caligula；　or　a　Yuri　Vorbarra；　can　rule　a　long　time；　while　the　best　men　hesitate　to　do　what　is　necessary　to　stop　him；　and　the　worst　ones　take　advantage。
　〃The　Emperor　spares　himself　nothing。　Reads　the　reports　over　and　over…he　had　them　all　nearly　word…perfect。　This　wasn't　something　undertaken　lightly；　or　casually。　Wrongly；　perhaps；　but　not　lightly。　He　didn't　want　him　to　die　in　shame；　you　see。　It　was　the　last　gift　he　could　give　him。〃
　She　sat　numbly　hugging　her　knees；　memorizing　his　profile；　as　the　soft　airs　of　the　afternoon　rustled　in　the　woods　and