lmb.shardsofhonor-第32章

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　Illyan's。　Her　second　was　more　neutrally　worded。　She　made　it　handwritten；　on　paper；　and　being　alone　kissed　it　before　she　sealed　it；　then　smiled　wryly　at　herself　for　doing　so。　A　paper　letter　was　far　more　expensive　to　ship　to　Barrayar　than　an　electronic　one；　but　he　would　handle　it；　as　she　had。　It　was　as　close　to　a　touch　as　they　could　e。
　The　next　morning　Mehta　called　early　on　the　console；　to　tell　Cordelia　cheerily　she　could　relax；　something　had　e　up；　and　their　session　that　afternoon　was　canceled。　She　did　not　refer　to　Cordelia's　absence　the　previous　afternoon。
　Cordelia　was　relieved　at　first；　until　she　began　thinking　about　it。　Just　to　be　sure；　she　absented　herself　from　home　again。　The　day　might　have　been　pleasant；　but　for　a　dust…up　with　some　journalists　lurking　around　the　apartment　shaft；　and　the　discovery　about　mid…afternoon　that　she　was　being　followed　by　two　men　in　very　inconspicuous　civilian　sarongs。　Sarongs　were　last　year's　fashion；　this　year　it　was　exotic　and　whimsical　body　paint；　at　least　for　the　brave。　Cordelia；　wearing　her　old　tan　Survey　fatigues；　lost　them　by　trailing　them　through　a　pornographic　feelie…show。　But　they　turned　up　again　later　in　the　afternoon　as　she　puttered　through　the　Silica　Zoo。
　At　Mehta's　appointed　hour　the　next　afternoon　the　door　chimed。　Cordelia　slouched　reluctantly　to　answer　it。　How　am　I　going　to　handle　her　today？　she　wondered。　I'm　running　low　on　inspiration。　So　tired。。。
　Her　stomach　sank。　Now　what？　Framed　in　the　doorway　were　Mehta；　modore　Tailor；　and　a　husky　medtech。　That　one；　Cordelia　thought；　staring　up　at　him；　looks　like　he　could　handle　Bothari。　Backing　up　a　bit；　she　led　them　into　her　mother's　living　room。　Her　mother　retreated　to　the　kitchen；　ostensibly　to　prepare　coffee。
　modore　Tailor　seated　himself　and　cleared　his　throat　nervously。　〃Cordelia；　I　have　something　to　say　that　will　be　a　little　painful；　I'm　afraid。〃
　Cordelia　perched　on　the　arm　of　a　chair　and　swung　her　leg　back　and　forth；　baring　her　teeth　in　what　she　hoped　was　a　bland　smile。　〃S…sticking　you　with　the　dirty　work；　eh？　One　of　the　joys　of　mand。　Go　ahead。〃
　〃We're　going　to　have　to　ask　you　to　agree　to　hospitalization　for　further　therapy。〃
　Dear　God；　here　we　go。　The　muscles　of　her　belly　trembled　beneath　her　shirt；　it　was　a　loose　shirt；　maybe　they　wouldn't　notice。　〃Oh？　Why？〃　she　inquired　casually。
　〃We're　afraid…we're　very　much　afraid　that　the　Barrayaran　mind　programming　you　underwent　was　a　lot　more　extensive　than　anyone　realized。　We　think；　in　fact。。。〃　he　paused；　taking　a　deep　breath；　〃that　they've　tried　to　make　you　an　agent。〃
　Is　that　an　editorial　or　an　imperial　〃we；〃　Bill？
　〃Tried；　or　succeeded？〃
　Tailor's　gaze　wavered。　Mehta　fixed　him　with　a　cold　stare。　〃Our　opinion　is　divided　on　that…〃
　Note；　class；　how　sedulously　he　avoids　the　〃I〃　of　personal　responsibility…it　suggests　the　worst　〃we〃　of　all；　the　guilty　〃we〃…what　the　hell　are　they　planning？
　〃…but　that　letter　you　sent　day　before　yesterday　to　the　Barrayaran　admiral；　Vorkosigan…we　thought　you　should　have　a　chance　to　explain　it；　first。〃
　〃I　s…see。〃　You　dared！　〃Not　an　official　l…letter。　How　could　it　be？　You　know　Vorkosigan's　retired　now。　But　perhaps；〃　her　eye　nailed　Tailor；　〃you　would　care　to　explain　by　what　right　you　are　intercepting　and　reading　my　private　mail？〃
　〃Emergency　security。　For　the　war。〃
　〃War's　over。〃
　He　looked　unfortable　at　that。　〃But　the　espionage　goes　on。〃
　Probably　true。　She　had　often　wondered　how　Ezar　Vorbarra　came　by　the　knowledge　of　the　plasma　mirrors；　until　the　war　the　most　closely　guarded　new　weapon　in　the　Betan　arsenal。　Her　foot　was　tapping　nervously。　She　stilled　it。　〃My　letter。〃　My　heart；　on　paper…paper　wraps　stone。。。　She　kept　her　voice　cool。　〃And　what　did　you　learn　from　my　letter；　Bill？〃
　〃Well；　that's　a　problem。　We've　had　our　best　cryptographers；　our　most　advanced　puter　programs；　working　on　it　for　the　better　part　of　two　days。　Analyzed　it　right　down　to　the　molecular　structure　of　the　paper。　Frankly；〃　he　glanced　rather　irritably　at　Mehta；　〃I'm　not　convinced　they　found　anything。〃
　No；　Cordelia　thought；　you　wouldn't。　The　secret　was　in　the　kiss。　Not　subject　to　molecular　analysis。　She　sighed　glumly。　〃Did　you　send　it　on；　after　you　were　done？〃
　〃Well…I'm　afraid　there　wasn't　anything　left；　by　then。〃
　Scissors　cut　paper。。。　〃I'm　no　agent。　I　g…give　you　my　word。〃
　Mehta　looked　up　alertly。
　〃I　find　it　hard　to　believe；　myself；〃　Tailor　said。
　Cordelia　tried　to　hold　his　eyes；　he　looked　away。　You　do　believe　it；　she　thought。　〃What　happens　if　I　refuse　to　have　myself　mitted？〃
　〃Then　as　your　manding　officer；　I　must　order　you　to　do　so。〃
　I'll　see　you　in　hell　first…no。　Calm。　Must　stay　calm；　keep　them　taking；　maybe　I　can　talk　my　way　out　of　this　yet。　〃Even　if　it's　against　your　private　judgment？〃
　〃This　is　a　serious　security　matter。　I'm　afraid　it　doesn't　admit　private　judgments。〃
　〃Oh；　e　on。　Even　Captain　Negri　has　been　known　to　make　a　private　judgment；　they　say。〃
　She'd　said　something　wrong。　The　temperature　in　the　room　seemed　to　drop　suddenly。
　〃How　do　you　know　about　Captain　Negri？〃　said　Tailor　frozenly。
　〃Everybody　knows　about　Negri。〃　They　were　staring　at　her。　〃Oh；　c…e　on！　If　I　were　an　agent　of　Negri's；　you'd　never　know　it。　He's　not　so　inept！〃
　〃On　the　contrary；〃　said　Mehta　in　a　clipped　tone；　〃we　think　he's　so　good　that　you'd　never　know　it。〃
　〃Garbage！〃　said　Cordelia；　disgusted。　〃How　do　you　figure　that？〃
　Mehta　answered　literally。　〃My　hypothesis　is　that　you　are　being　controlled…unconsciously；　perhaps…by　this　rather　sinister　and　enigmatic　Admiral　Vorkosigan。　That　your　programming　began　during　your　first　captivity　and　was　pleted；　probably；　during　the　late　war。　You　were　destined　to　be　the　linchpin　of　a　new　Barrayaran　intelligence　network　here；　to　replace　the　one　that　was　just　rooted　out。　A　mole；　perhaps；　put　in　place　and　not　activated　for　years；　until　some　critical　moment…〃
　〃Sinister？〃　Cordelia　interrupted。　〃Enigmatic？　Aral？　I　could　laugh。〃　I　could　weep。。。
　〃He　is　obviously　your　control；〃　said　Mehta　placently。　〃You　have　apparently　been　programmed　to　obey　him　unquestioningly。〃
　〃I　am　not　a　puter。〃　Thump；　thump；　went　her　foot。　〃And　Aral　is　the　one　person　who　has　never　constrained　me。　A　point　of　honor；　I　believe。〃
　〃You　see？〃　said　Mehta。　To　Tailor；　she　didn't　look　at　Cordelia。　〃All　the　evidence　points　one　way。〃
　〃Only　if　you're　s…standing　on　your　head！〃　cried　Cordelia；　furious。　She　glared　at　Tailor。　'That's　not　an　order　I　have　to　take。　I　can　resign　my　mission。〃
　〃We　need　not　have　your　permission；〃　said　Mehta　calmly；　〃even　as　a　civilian。　If　your　next　of　kin　will　agree　to　it。〃
　〃My　mother'd　never　do　that　to　me！〃
　〃We've　already　discussed　it　with　her；　at　length。　She's　very　concerned　for　you。〃
　〃I　s…see。〃　Cordelia　subsided　abruptly；　glancing　toward　the　kitchen。　〃I　wondered　why　that　coffee　was　taking　so　long。　Guilty　conscience；　eh？〃　She　hummed　a　snatch　of　tune　under　her　breath；　then　stopped。　〃You　people　have　really　done　your　homework。　Covered　all　the　exits。〃
　Tailor　summoned　up　a　smile　and　offered　it　to　her；　placatingly。　〃You　don't　have　anything　to　be　afraid　of；　Cordelia。　You'll　have　our　very　best　people　working　for…with…〃
　On；　thought　Cordelia。
　〃…you。　And　when　you're　done；　you'll　be　able　to　return　to　your　old　life　as　if　none　of　this　had　ever　happened。〃
　Erase　me；　will　you？　Erase　him。。。　Analyze　me　to　death；　like　my　poor　timid　love　letter。　She　smiled　back　at　him；　ruefully。　〃Sorry；　Bill。　I　just　have　this　awful　vision　of　being　p…peeled　like　an　onion；　looking　for　the　seeds。〃
　He　grinned。　〃Onions　don't　have　seeds；　Cordelia。〃
　〃I　stand　corrected；〃　she　said　dryly。
　〃And　frankly；〃　he　went　on；　〃if　you　are　right　and；　uh；　we　are　wrong…the　fastest　way　you　can　prove　it　is　to　e　along。〃　He　smiled　the　smile　of　reason。
　〃Yes；　true。。。〃　But　for　that　little　matter　of　a　civil　war　on　Barrayar…that　tiny　stumbling　block…that　stone…paper　wraps　stone。。。
　〃Sorry；　Cordelia。〃　He　really　was。
　〃It's　all　right。〃
　〃Remarkable　ploy　of　the　Barrayarans；〃　Mehta　expounded　thoughtfully。　〃Concealing　an　espionage　ring　under　the　cover　of　a　love　affair。　I　might　even　have　bought　it；　if　the　principals　had　been　more　likely。〃
　〃Yes；〃　Cordelia　agreed　cordially；　writhing　within。　〃One　doesn't　expect　a　thirty…four…year…old　to　fall　in　love　like　an　adolescent。　Quite　an　unexpected…gift；　at　my　age。　Even　more　unexpected　at　forty…four；　I　gather。〃
　〃Exactly；〃　said　Mehta；　pleased　by　Cordelia's　ready　understanding。　〃A　middle…aged　career　officer　is　hardly　the　stuff　of　romance。〃
　Tailor；　behind　her；　opened　his　mouth　as　if　to　speak；　then　shut　it　again。　He　stared　meditatively　at　his　hands。
　〃Think　you　can　cure　me　of　it？〃　asked　Cordelia。
　〃Oh；　yes。〃
　〃Ah。〃　Sergeant　Bothari；　where　are　you　now？　Too　late。　〃You　leave　me　no　choice。　Curious。〃　Delay；　whispered　her　mind。　Look　for　an　opportunity。　If　you　can't　find　one；　make　one。　Pretend　this　is　Barrayar；　where　anything　is　possible。　〃Is　it　all　right　if　I　g…get　a　shower…change　clothes；　pack？　I　assume　this　is　going　to　be　a　lengthy　business。〃
　〃Of　course。〃　Tailor　and　Mehta　exchanged　a　relieved　look。　Cordelia　smiled　pleasantly。
　Dr。　Mehta；　without　the　medtech；　acpanied　her　to　her　bedroom。　Opportunity；　thought　Cordelia　dizzily。　〃Ah；　good；〃　she　said；　closing　the　door　behind　the　doctor。　〃We　can　chat　while　I　pack。〃
　Sergeant　Bothari…there　is　a　time　for　words；　and　there　is　a　time　when　even　the　very　best　words　fail。　You　were　a　man　of　very　few　words；　but　you　didn't　fail。　I　wish　I'd　understood　you　better。　Too　late。。。
　Mehta　seated　herself　on　the　bed；　watching　her　specimen；　perhaps；　as　it　wriggled　on　its　pin。　Her　triumph　of　logical　deduction。　Are　you　planning　to　write　a　paper　on　me；　Mehta？　wondered　Cordelia　dourly。　Paper　wraps　stone。。。
　She　puttered　around　the　room；　opening　drawers；　slamming　cabinets。　There　was　a　belt…two　belts…and　a　chain　belt。　There　were　her　identity　cards；　bank　cards；　money。　She　pretended　not　to　see　them。　As　she　moved；　she　talked。　Her　brain　seethed。　Stone　smashes　scissors。。。
　〃You　know　you　remind　me　a　bit　of　the　late　Admiral　Vorrutyer。　You　both　want　to　take　me　apart；　see　what　makes　me　tick。　Vorrutyer　was　more　like　a　little　kid；　though。　Had　no　intention　of　picking　up　his　mess　afterwards。
　〃You；　on　the　other　hand；　will　take　me　apart　and　not　even　get　a　giggle　out　of　it。　Of　course；　you　fully　intend　to　put　the　pieces　back　together　afterwards；　but　from　my　point　of　view　that　scarcely　makes　any　difference。　Aral　was　right　about　people　in　green　silk　rooms。。。〃
　Mehta　looked　puzzled。　〃You've　stopped　stuttering；〃　she　noted。
　〃Yes。。。〃　Cordelia　paused　before　her　aquarium；　considering　it　curiously。　〃So　I　have。　How　strange。〃　Stone　smashes　scissors。。。
　She　removed　the　top。　The　old　familiar　nausea　of　funk　and　fear　wrung　her　stomach。　She　wandered　aimlessly　behind　Mehta；　the　chain　belt　and　a　shirt　in　her　hands。　I　must　choose　now。　I　must　choose　now。　I　choose…now！
　She　lunged；　wrapping　the　belt　around　the　doctor's　throat；　yanking　her　arms　up　behind　her　back；　securing　them　painfully　with　the　other　end　of　the　belt。　Mehta　emitted　a　strangled　squeak。
　Cordelia　held　her　from　behind；　and　whispered　in　her　ear。
　〃In　a　moment　I'll　give　you　your　air　back。　How　long　depends　on　you。　You're　about　to　get　a　short　course　in　the　real　Barrayaran　interrogation　techniques。　I　never　used　to　approve　of　them；　but　lately　I've　e　to　see　the