lmb.shardsofhonor-第36章

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；　nodding　to　the　silent　Bothari　propping　up　the　wall　and　apparently　content　just　to　listen。　〃A　few　good　body　blows　like　the　ones　you　used　to　give　me　in　the　practice　ring；　and　I'd　be　flopping　around　like　a　fish。　Not　a　good　example　to　set　my　men。　I　guess　I'll　just　have　to　find…some　kind　of　desk　work。〃　He　glanced　at　Cordelia。　〃Whatever　happened　to　your　ensign；　the　one　that　got　hit　in　the　head？〃
　〃The　last　time　I　saw　him；　after　Escobar…I　visited　him　just　two　days　before　I　left　home；　I　guess。　He's　the　same。　He　did　get　out　of　the　hospital。　His　mother　quit　her　job；　and　stays　home　to　take　care　of　him；　now。〃
　Koudelka's　eyes　fell；　and　Cordelia　was　wrenched　by　the　shame　in　his　face。　〃And　I　bitch　my　head　off　about　a　few　twitches。　Sorry。〃
　She　shook　her　head；　not　trusting　herself　to　speak。
　Later；　alone　with　Vorkosigan　in　the　corridor　a　moment；　Cordelia　leaned　her　head　against　his　shoulder；　and　was　taken　in　his　arms。　〃I　can　see　why　you　started　drinking　after　breakfast；　on　the　days　after　this。　I　could　use　a　stiff　one　myself；　just　now。〃
　〃I'll　take　you　to　lunch　after　the　next　stop；　and　we　can　all　have　one；〃　he　promised。
　The　research　wing　was　their　next　destination。　The　military　doctor　in　charge　greeted　Vorkosigan　cordially；　and　only　looked　a　little　blank　when　Cordelia　was　introduced；　without　explanation；　as　Lady　Vorkosigan。
　〃I　hadn't　realized　you　were　married；　sir。〃
　〃Recently。〃
　〃Oh？　Congratulations。　I'm　glad　you　decided　to　e　see　one　of　these；　sir；　before　they're　all　done。　It's　really　almost　the　most　interesting　part。　Would　Milady　wish　to　wait　here　while　we　take　care　of　this　little　business？〃　He　looked　embarrassed。
　〃Lady　Vorkosigan　has　been　fully　briefed。〃
　〃Besides；〃　added　Cordelia　brightly；　〃I　have　a　personal　interest。〃
　The　doctor　looked　puzzled；　but　led　on　to　the　monitoring　room。　Cordelia　stared　doubtfully　at　the　half　dozen　remaining　canisters　lined　up　in　a　row。　The　technician　on　duty　joined　them　trundling　some　equipment　obviously　borrowed　from　some　other　hospital's　obstetrics　department。
　〃Good　morning；　sir；〃　he　said　cheerfully。　〃Going　to　watch　us　hatch　this　chick　today？〃
　〃I　wish　you'd　find　some　other　term　for　it；〃　said　the　doctor。
　〃Yes；　but　you　can't　call　it　being　born；〃　he　pointed　out　reasonably。　〃Technically；　they've　all　been　born　once　already。　You　tell　me　what　it　is；　then。〃
　〃They　call　it　cracking　the　bottle　at　home；〃　suggested　Cordelia　helpfully；　watching　the　preparations　with　interest。
　The　technician；　laying　out　measuring　devices　and　placing　a　bassinet　under　a　warming　light；　shot　her　a　look　of　great　curiosity。　〃You're　Betan；　aren't　you；　Milady？　My　wife　caught　the　Admiral's　marriage　announcement　in　the　news；　way　down　in　the　fine　print。　I　never　read　the　vital　statistics　section；　myself。〃
　The　doctor　looked　up；　startled；　then　returned　to　his　checklist。　Bothari　pretended　to　lean　against　the　wall；　eyes　half　closed；　concealing　his　sharp　attention。　The　doctor　and　the　technician　finished　their　preparations　and　motioned　them　closer。
　〃Got　the　soup　ready；　sir？〃　muttered　the　technician　to　the　doctor。
　〃Right　here。　Inject　into　feed　line　C。。。〃　The　correct　hormone　mixture　was　inserted　into　the　right　aperture；　the　doctor　rechecking　the　instruction　disk　on　his　monitor　repeatedly。
　〃Five　minute　wait；　mark…now。〃　The　doctor　turned　to　Vorkosigan。　〃Fantastic　machine；　sir。　Have　you　heard　any　more　about　getting　funding　and　engineering　personnel　to　try　and　duplicate　them？〃
　〃No；〃　replied　Vorkosigan。　〃I'm　out　of　this　project　officially　as　soon　as　the　last　live　child　is…released；　finished；　whatever　you　call　it。　You're　going　to　have　to　work　on　your　own　regular　superiors　for　it；　and　you'll　have　to　think　up　a　military　application　to　justify　it；　or　at　least　something　that　sounds　like　one；　to　camouflage　it。〃
　The　doctor　smiled　thoughtfully。　〃It's　worth　pursuing；　I　think。　It　might　be　a　nice　change　from　thinking　up　novel　ways　of　killing　people。〃
　〃Time　mark；　sir；〃　said　the　technician；　and　he　turned　back　to　the　current　project。
　〃Placental　separation　looks　good…tightening　up　just　like　it's　supposed　to。　You　know；　the　more　I　study　this；　the　more　impressed　I　am　with　the　surgeons　who　did　the　sections　on　the　mothers。　We've　got　to　get　more　medical　students　off　planet；　somehow。　Getting　those　placentas　out　undamaged　must　be　the　most…there。　There。　And　there。　Break　seal。〃　He　pleted　the　adjustments　and　lifted　the　top。　〃Cut　the　membrane…and　out　she　es。　Suction；　quickly；　please。〃
　Cordelia　realized　that　Bothari；　still　pinned　to　the　wall；　was　holding　his　breath。
　The　wet　and　squirming　infant　took　a　breath　and　coughed　as　the　cold　air　hit　her。　Bothari　breathed　too。　She　looked　rather　pretty　to　Cordelia；　unbloodied；　and　much　less　red　and　squashed…looking　than　the　vids　of　vivo　newborns　she　had　seen。　The　infant　cried；　loud　and　strong。　Vorkosigan　jumped；　and　Cordelia　laughed　out　loud。
　〃Why；　she　looks　quite　perfect。〃　Cordelia　hovered　at　the　shoulders　of　the　two　medical　men；　who　were　making　their　measurements　and　taking　their　samples　from　their　tiny；　astonished；　bewildered　and　blinking　charge。
　〃Why　is　she　crying　so　loudly？〃　asked　Vorkosigan　nervously；　like　Bothari　still　in　his　original　spot。
　Because　she　knows　she's　been　born　on　Barrayar；　was　the　ment　Cordelia　suppressed　on　her　lips。　Instead　she　said；　〃What；　you'd　cry　too　if　a　bunch　of　giants　hooked　you　out　of　a　nice　warm　doze　and　tossed　you　around　like　a　bag　of　beans。〃　Cordelia　and　the　technician　exchanged　a　look　half…amused；　half…glowering。
　〃All　right；　Milady；〃　surrendered　the　technician；　as　the　doctor　turned　back　to　his　precious　machine。
　〃My　sister…in…law　says　you're　supposed　to　hold　them　close；　like　this。　Not　out　at　arm's　length。　I'd　squall　too　if　I　thought　I　was　being　held　over　a　pit　about　to　be　dropped。　There；　baby。　Smile　or　something　for　Auntie　Cordelia。　That's　it；　nice　and　calm。　Were　you　old　enough　to　remember　your　mother's　heartbeat；　I　wonder？〃　She　hummed　at　the　infant；　who　smacked　her　lips　and　yawned；　and　tucked　the　receiving　blanket　around　her　more　firmly。　〃What　a　long；　strange　journey　you've　had。〃
　〃Want　a　look　at　the　inside　of　this；　sir？〃　the　doctor　went　on。　〃You；　too；　Sergeant…you　were　asking　so　many　questions　the　last　time　you　were　here。。。〃
　Bothari　shook　his　head；　but　Vorkosigan　went　over　for　the　technical　exposition　the　doctor　was　obviously　itching　to　supply。　Cordelia　carried　the　baby　over　to　the　Sergeant。
　〃Want　to　hold　her？〃
　〃Is　it　all　right；　Milady？〃
　〃Heavens；　you　don't　have　to　ask　me　for　permission。　If　anything；　the　other　way　around。〃
　Bothari　picked　her　up　gingerly；　his　large　hands　seeming　almost　to　engulf　her；　and　stared　into　her　face。　〃Are　they　sure　it's　the　right　one？　I　thought　she'd　have　a　bigger　nose。〃
　〃They've　been　checked　and　rechecked；〃　Cordelia　reassured　him；　hoping　he　wouldn't　ask　her　how　she　knew。　But　it　seemed　a　safe　assumption。　〃All　babies　have　little　noses。　You　don't　know　what　kids　are　going　to　look　like　till　they're　eighteen。〃
　〃Maybe　she'll　look　like　her　mother；〃　he　said　hopefully。　Cordelia　seconded　the　hope；　silently。
　The　doctor　finished　dragging　Vorkosigan　through　the　guts　of　his　dream　machine；　Vorkosigan　politely　managing　to　look　only　a　little　unsettled。
　〃Want　to　hold　her　too；　Aral？〃　Cordelia　offered。
　〃Quite　all　right；〃　he　excused　himself　hastily。
　〃Get　some　practice。　Maybe　you'll　need　it　someday。〃　They　exchanged　a　look　of　their　private　hope；　and　he　loosened　up　and　permitted　himself　to　be　talked　into　it。
　〃Hm。　I've　held　cats　with　more　heft。　This　isn't　really　my　line。〃　He　looked　relieved　when　the　medical　men　repossessed　her　to　plete　their　technical　log。
　〃Um；　let's　see；〃　said　the　doctor。　〃This　is　the　one　we　don't　take　to　the　Imperial　Orphanage；　right？　Where　do　we　take　her；　after　the　observation　period？〃
　〃I've　been　asked　to　take　care　of　that　personally；〃　said　Vorkosigan　smoothly。　〃For　the　sake　of　her　family's　privacy。　I…Lady　Vorkosigan　and　I；　will　be　delivering　her　to　her　legal　guardian。〃
　The　doctor　looked　extremely　thoughtful。　〃Oh。　I　see；　sir。〃　He　didn't　look　at　Cordelia。　〃You're　the　man　in　charge　of　the　project。　You　can　do　what　you　like　with　them。　No　one　will　ask　any　questions；　I…I　assure　you；　sir；〃　he　said　earnestly。
　〃Fine；　fine。　How　long　is　the　observation　period？〃
　〃Four　hours；　sir。〃
　〃Good；　we　can　go　to　lunch。　Cordelia；　Sergeant？〃
　〃Uh；　may　I　stay　here；　sir？　I'm…not　hungry。〃
　Vorkosigan　smiled。　〃Certainly；　Sergeant。　Captain　Negri's　men　can　use　the　exercise。〃
　On　the　way　to　the　groundcar；　Vorkosigan　asked　her；　〃What　are　you　laughing　about？〃
　〃I'm　not　laughing。
　〃Your　eyes　are　laughing。　Twinkling　madly；　in　fact。〃
　〃It　was　the　doctor。　I'm　afraid　we　bined　to　mislead　him；　quite　unintentionally。　Didn't　you　catch　it？〃
　〃Apparently　not。〃
　〃He　thinks　that　kid　we　uncorked　today　is　mine。　Or　maybe　yours。　Or　perhaps　both。　I　could　practically　see　the　wheels　turning。　He　thinks　he's　finally　figured　out　why　you　didn't　open　the　stopcocks。〃
　〃Good　God。〃　He　almost　turned　around。
　〃No；　no；　let　it　go；〃　said　Cordelia。　〃You'll　only　make　it　worse　if　you　try　to　deny　it。　I　know。　I've　been　blamed　for　Bothari's　sins　before。　Just　let　him　go　on　wondering。〃　She　fell　silent。　Vorkosigan　studied　her　profile。
　〃Now　what　are　you　thinking？　You've　lost　your　twinkle。〃
　〃Just　wondering　what　happened　to　her　mother。　I'm　certain　I　met　her。　Long　black　hair；　named　Elena；　on　the　flagship…there　could　only　have　been　one。　Incredibly　beautiful。　I　can　see　how　she　caught　Vorrutyer's　eye。　But　so　young；　to　deal　with　that　sort　of　horror。。。〃
　〃Women　shouldn't　be　in　bat；〃　said　Vorkosigan；　grimly　glum。
　〃Neither　should　men；　in　my　opinion。　Why　did　your　people　try　to　cover　up　her　memories？　Did　you　order　it？〃
　〃No；　it　was　the　surgeon's　idea。　He　felt　sorry　for　her。〃　His　face　was　tense　and　his　eyes；　distant。
　〃It　was　the　damndest　thing。　I　didn't　understand　it　at　the　time。　I　do　now；　I　think。　When　Vorrutyer　was　done　with　her…and　he　outdid　himself　on　her；　even　by　his　standards…she　was　catatonic。　I…it　was　too　late　for　her；　but　that's　when　I　decided　to　kill　him；　if　it　happened　again；　and　to　hell　with　the　Emperor's　script。　First　Vorrutyer；　then　the　Prince；　then　myself。　Should　have　left　Vorhalas　in　the　clear。。。
　〃Anyway；　Bothari…begged　the　body　from　him；　so　to　speak。　Took　her　off　to　his　own　cabin。　Vorrutyer　assumed；　to　continue　torturing　her；　presumably　in　imitation　of　his　sweet　self。　He　was　flattered；　and　left　them　alone。　Bothari　fuzzed　his　monitors；　somehow。　Nobody　had　the　foggiest　idea　what　he　was　doing　in　there；　every　minute　of　his　off　duty　time。　But　he　came　to　me　with　this　list　of　medical　supplies　he　wanted　me　to　sneak　to　him。　Anesthetic　salves；　some　things　for　treatment　of　shock；　really　a　well…thought…out　list。　He　was　good　at　first　aid；　from　his　bat　experience。　It　occurred　to　me　then　that　he　wasn't　torturing　her；　he　just　wanted　Vorrutyer　to　think　so。　He　was　insane；　not　stupid。　He　was　in　love；　in　some　weird　way；　and　had　the　mother…wit　not　to　let　Vorrutyer　guess。〃
　〃That　doesn't　sound　altogether　insane；　under　the　circumstances；〃　she　mented；　remembering　the　plans　Vorrutyer　had　had　for　Vorkosigan。
　〃No；　but　the　way　he　went　about　it…I　caught　a　glimpse　or　two。〃　Vorkosigan　blew　out　his　breath。　〃He　took　care　of　her　in　his　cabin…fed　her；　dressed　her；　washed　her…all　the　while　keeping　up　this　whispered　dialogue。　He　supplied　both