epeters.amorbidtasteforbones-第22章

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　〃She　did　us　all　a　bad　turn；〃　said　Annest；　sighing；　〃whoever　she　was；　driving　you　into　that　habit　for　life！〃
　〃Dear　God；〃　said　John；　〃to　think　I　might　have　married　her！　At　least　she　did　me　that　much　of　a　favour；　with　her　'no。'　There's　only　the　matter　of　a　cowl　between　you　and　me；　not　a　wife。〃　And　that　was　the　first　moment　when　he　had　entertained　the　dazzling　idea　that　escape　from　his　vows　might　be　possible　at　all。　The　thought　caused　him　to　turn　his　head　and　look　with　even　closer　and　more　ardent　attention　at　the　fair　face　so　close　to　his。　She　had　smooth；　rounded；　apple…blossom　cheeks；　and　delicate；　sun…glossed　bones；　and　eyes　like　brook…water　in　the　sun　over　bright　pebbles；　glittering；　polished；　crystal…clear。
　〃Do　you　still　fret　after　her？〃　wondered　Annest　in　a　whisper。　〃A　conceited　ninny　who　hadn't　the　wit　to　know　a　good　man　when　she　saw　one？〃　For　he　was　indeed　a　very　well…grown；　handy；　handsome；　good…humoured　young　fellow；　with　his　long；　sturdy　legs　and　his　big；　deft　hands；　and　his　bush　of　russet　curls；　and　the　girl　who　thought　herself　too　good　for　him　must　have　been　the　world's　fool。　〃I　hate　her！〃　said　Annest；　leaning　unwarily　towards　him。
　The　lips　that　tantalised　him　with　soft　utterances　he　could　not　understand　were　only　a　little　way　from　his　own。　He　resorted　in　desperation　to　a　kind　of　sign…language　that　needed　no　interpreter。　He　hadn't　kissed　a　girl　since　Margery；　the　draper's　daughter；　threw　him　over　when　her　father　became　bailiff　of　Shrewsbury；　but　it　seemed　he　hadn't　forgotten　how。　And　Annest　melted　into　his　arms；　where　she　fitted　a　great　deal　better　than　his　too…hasty　vows　had　ever　fitted　him。
　〃Oh；　Annest！〃　gasped　Brother　John；　who　had　never　in　his　life　felt　less　like　a　brother；　〃I　think　I　love　you！〃
　Brother　Cadfael　and　Brother　Columbanus　walked　up　through　the　woodland　together；　to　keep　the　third　night　of　prayer。　The　evening　was　mild　and　still　but　overcast；　and　under　the　trees　the　light　grew　dusky　green。　Until　the　last　moment　it　had　remained　a　possibility　that　Prior　Robert；　having　missed　his　chosen　night　of　duty；　might　elect　to　be　present　on　this　last　occasion；　but　he　had　said　no　word；　and　to　tell　the　truth；　Cadfael　was　beginning　to　wonder　if　that　long　session　with　the　bailiff　had　really　been　necessary　at　all；　or　whether　the　prior　had　weled　it　as　an　alternative　to　keeping　the　night…watch　and　facing　Sioned　with　her　request　in　the　morning。　Not　necessarily　a　proof　of　any　guilt　on　his　part；　beyond　the　guilt　of　still　wishing　to　refuse　grace　to　Rhisiart；　without　actually　having　to　do　so　face　to　face　with　his　daughter。　For　whatever　virtues　might　be　found　in　Prior　Robert；　humility　was　not　one；　nor　magnanimity。　He　was　invariably　sure　of　his　own　rightness；　and　where　it　was　challenged　he　was　not　a　forgiving　man。
　〃In　this　quest　and　this　vigil；　brother；〃　said　Columbanus；　his　long　young　steps　keeping　easy　pace　with　Cadfael's　seaman's　roll；　〃we　are　greatly　privileged。　The　history　of　our　abbey　will　record　our　names；　and　brothers　in　the　generations　to　e　will　envy　us。〃
　〃I　have　already　heard；〃　said　Cadfael　drily；　〃that　Prior　Robert　is　proposing　to　write　a　life　of　Saint　Winifred；　and　plete　it　with　the　story　of　this　translation　to　Shrewsbury。　You　think　he'll　record　the　names　of　all　his　panions？〃　Yours；　however；　he　thought；　he　well　might　mention；　as　the　afflicted　brother　who　first　fell　sick　and　was　sent　to　Holywell　to　be　cured。　And　Jerome's；　who　had　the　dream　that　took　you　there。　But　mine；　I　feel　sure；　will　remain　a　silence；　and　so　much　the　better！
　〃I　have　a　fault　to　atone　for；〃　recalled　Columbanus　devoutly；　〃having　betrayed　my　trust　once　in　this　same　chapel；　I；　who　most　of　all　should　have　been　faithful。〃　They　were　at　the　decrepit　gate；　the　tangle　of　the　graveyard　before　them；　threaded　by　a　narrow　path　just　discernible　through　the　long　grass。　〃I　feel　a　holy　air　reaching　out　to　me；〃　said　the　young　man；　quivering；　his　face　uplifted　and　pale。　〃I　am　drawn　into　a　light。　I　believe　we　are　approaching　a　wonder；　a　miracle　of　grace。　Such　mercy　to　me；　who　fell　asleep　in　betrayal　of　her　service！〃　And　he　led　the　way　to　the　open　door；　his　stride　lengthening　in　eagerness；　his　hands　extended　as　if　to　clasp　a　mistress　rather　than　make　obeisance　before　a　saint。　Cadfael　followed　morosely　but　resignedly；　used　to　these　unfortable　ardours；　but　not　looking　forward　to　being　confined　in　so　small　a　chapel　with　them　overnight。　He　had　thinking　as　well　as　praying　to　do；　and　Columbanus　was　not　conducive　to　either　activity。
　Inside　the　chapel　the　air　was　heavy　with　the　scent　of　old　wood；　and　the　spices　and　incense　of　the　draperies　on　which　the　reliquary　lay；　and　the　faint；　aromatic　aura　of　years　of　dust　and　partial　disuse。　A　small　oil…lamp　burned　with　a　dark　yellow　flame　on　the　altar；　and　Cadfael　went　forward　and　lit　the　two　altar　candles　from　it；　and　set　them　one　on　either　side。　Through　the　narrow　east　window　the　fragrance　of　the　falling　may…blossom　breathed　freshness　on　a　very　light　breeze；　causing　the　flames　to　flicker　for　a　few　minutes。　Their　faint；　dancing　radiance　glanced　from　every　near　surface；　but　did　not　reach　the　ers　of　the　roof；　or　fix　the　walls　in　place。　They　were　in　a　narrow　cavern　of　brown；　wood…scented　darkness；　with　a　dim　focus　of　light　before　them；　that　shone　on　an　empty　coffin　and　an　uncoffined　body；　and　just　showed　them　the　rough　outlines　of　the　two　prayer…desks　drawn　up　side　by　side　at　a　little　distance　from　the　catafalque。　Rhisiart　lay　nearer　to　them；　the　black　and　silver　bulk　of　the　reliquary　like　a　low　wall　shading　him　from　the　altar　lights。
　Brother　Columbanus　bowed　humbly　low　to　the　altar；　and　took　his　place　at　the　desk　on　the　right。　Brother　Cadfael　settled　solidly　at　the　one　on　the　left；　and　with　practised　movements　sought　and　found　the　best　place　for　his　knees。　Stillness　came　down　on　them　gently。　He　posed　himself　for　a　long　watch；　and　said　his　prayer　for　Rhisiart；　not　the　first　he　had　said　for　him。　Great　darkness　and　constant；　feeble　light；　the　slow　flowing　of　time　from　far　beyond　his　conception　to　far　beyond　his　power　to　follow；　the　solitude　about　him　and　the　troubled　and　peopled　world　within；　all　these　settled　into　their　perpetual　pattern；　a　steady　rhythm　as　perfect　as　sleep。　He　thought　no　more　of　Columbanus；　he　forgot　that　Columbanus　existed。　He　prayed　as　he　breathed；　forming　no　words　and　making　no　specific　requests；　only　holding　in　his　heart；　like　broken　birds　in　cupped　hands；　all　those　people　who　were　in　stress　or　in　grief　because　of　this　little　saint；　for　if　he　suffered　like　this　for　their　sake；　how　much　more　must　she　feel　for　them？
　The　candles　would　last　the　night；　and　by　instinct　he　traced　time　by　the　rate　at　which　they　dwindled；　and　knew　when　it　was　near　to　midnight。
　He　was　thinking　of　Sioned；　to　whom　he　had　nothing　but　himself　to　offer　in　the　morning；　this　pietistic　innocent　being　essentially　nothing；　and　Cadfael　himself　by　no　means　enough；　when　he　heard　the　faintest　and　strangest　of　sounds　issuing　from　the　prie…dieu　on　his　right；　where　Columbanus　leaned　in　total　absorption。　Not　now　with　face　hidden　on　his　linked　hands；　but　uplifted　and　strained　upwards　into　what　light　could　reach　him；　and　faint　though　it　was；　it　conjured　his　sharp　profile　into　primrose　pallor。　His　eyes　were　wide　open　and　staring　beyond　the　chapel　wall；　and　his　lips　open　and　curved　in　ecstasy；　and　singing；　a　mere　thread　of　Latin　chant　in　praise　of　virginity。　It　was　barely　audible；　yet　clear　as　in　a　dream。　And　before　Cadfael　was　fully　aware　of　what　he　heard；　he　saw　the　young　man　thrust　himself　upwards；　holding　by　the　desk；　and　stand　upright　before　the　altar。　The　chant　ceased。　Suddenly　he　reared　himself　erect　to　his　tallest；　drawing　back　his　head　as　though　he　would　see　through　the　roof　into　a　spring　night　full　of　stars；　and　spreading　out　his　arms　on　either　side　like　a　man　stretched　on　a　cross。　He　gave　a　great；　wordless　cry；　seemingly　both　of　pain　and　triumph；　and　fell　forward　full…length　on　the　earthen　floor；　crashing　to　the　ground　stiffly；　arms　still　outspread；　body　stretched　to　the　very　toes；　and　lay　still；　his　forehead　against　the　trailing　fringe　of　the　altar…cloth　that　spilled　from　beneath　Rhisiart's　body。
　Cadfael　got　up　in　a　hurry　and　went　to　him；　torn　between　anxiety　and　alarm　on　one　hand；　and　disgusted　resignation　on　the　other。　Exactly　what　was　to　be　expected　of　the　idiot；　he　thought　with　exasperation；　even　as　he　was　on　his　knees　feeling　at　the　prone　brow；　and　adjusting　a　fold　of　the　altar　drapery　under　it　to　ease　the　position　of　nose　and　mouth；　turning　the　young　man's　head　to　one　side　so　mat　he　could　breathe　freely。　I　should　have　recognised　the　signs！　Never　an　opportunity　but　he　can　produce　a　devotional　fit　or　a　mystic　ecstasy　to　order。　One　of　these　days　he'll　be　drawn　into　that　light　of　his；　and　never　e　back。　Yet　I've　noticed　he　can　fall　flat　on　his　face　without　hurting　himself；　and　go　into　pious　convulsions　over　his　visions　or　his　sins　without　ever　hurling　himself　against　anything　sharp　or　hard；　or　even　biting　his　tongue。　The　same　sort　of　providence　that　takes　care　of　drunken　men　looks　out　for　Columbanus　in　his　throes。　And　he　reflected　at　the　back　of　his　mind；　and　tartly；　that　there　ought　somewhere　to　be　a　moral　in　that；　lumping　all　excesses　together。
　No　convulsions　this　time；　at　any　rate。　He　had　simply　seen　whatever　he　had　seen；　or　thought　he　had　seen；　and　fallen　down　before　it　in　this　destroying　rapture。　Cadfael　shook　him　by　the　shoulder　gently；　and　then　more　sharply；　but　he　was　rigid　and　unresponsive。　His　forehead　was　cool　and　smooth；　his　features；　very　dimly　seen；　yet　looked　serene；　posed；　if　anything；　in　a　gentle　and　joyful　peace。　But　for　the　rigidity　of　body　and　limbs；　and　that　unnatural　attitude　as　though　he　lay　stretched　on　a　cross；　he　might　have　been　asleep。　All　Cadfael　had　been　able　to　do　by　way　of　easing　him　was　to　turn　his　head　so　that　he　lay　on　his　right　cheek；　pillowed　on　the　draperies。　When　he　tried　to　bend　the　right　arm　and　turn　the　young　man　more　fortably　on　his　side；　the　joints　resisted　him；　so　he　let　well　enough　alone。
　And　now；　he　thought；　what　am　I　supposed　to　do？　Abandon　my　watch　and　go　down　and　fetch　the　prior　with　help　for　him？　What　could　they　do　for　him　that　I　cannot　do　here？　If　I　can't　rouse　him；　then　neither　could　they。　He'll　e　out　of　it　when　the　right　time　es；　and　not　before。　He's　done　himself　no　injury；　his　breathing　is　steady　and　deep。　His　heart　beats　strongly　and　regularly；　he　has　no　fever。　Why　interfere　with　a　man's　peculiar　pleasures；　if　they're　doing　him　no　harm？　It　isn't　cold　here；　and　he　can　have　one　of　these　altar…cloths　for　blanket；　a　fancy　that　ought　to　please　him。　No；　we　came　to　watch　out　the　night　together；　and　so　we　will；　I　here　on　my　knees　as　is　due；　and　he　wherever　he　may　be　at　this　moment　in　his　dreams。
　He　covered　Columbanus；　adjusted　the　cloths　to　cushion　his　head；　and　went　back　to　his　own　prie…dieu。　But　whatever　this　visitation　had　done　for　Columbanus；　it　had　shattered　all　possibility　of　thought　or　concentration　for　Cadfael。　The　more　he　tried　to　focus　his　mind　whether　upon　his　duty　of　prayer　and　meditation；　or　the　urgent　need　to　consider　where　Sioned　stood　now；　and　what　more　could　be　done；　the　more　was　he　drawn　to　look　again　at　the　prone　body；　and　listen　again　to　make　sure　it　still　breathed　as　evenly　as　ever。　What　should　have　been　a　profitable　night　hung　heavy　upon　him；　wasted　as　worship